Need a pep talk. Please help. | ADHD Information

Hi guys.  I've spoken with many of you over the last couple of weeks.  I'm at work right now.  And I JUST CAN'T FOCUS.  I have a mountain of work to do and I can't do it.  I CAN'T.  I have to go downstairs and work with a lot of people hanging all over me, and its so distracting and I want privacy to work, and there is no way to get that. 

As you may or may not know, i've stopped taking ritalin to prepare for trying for a child with my husband.  I'm so worried I'm not gonna last at my job that I'm considering putting this off with my husband and getting another prescription.  This new project couldnt' have come at a worse time, its so difficult and work I've never done before, and there are very high expectations from my unsuspecting managers.  :-(  I don't know what to do.  I don't know what to do.  Please help.  Tell me what you have done to get over the fear, the people behind you driving you nuts, the procrastination :-(

Family first. Why don't you just quit the job and be poor for a while? Who cares?

Hi Galagirl,

You've asked a lot of questions all in one short post! Let me see if I can give you somewhere to start.

I agree with Floof that family comes first. However, just quitting may increase rather than reduce the stress, since it's likely that you'll beat yourself up because you failed. There's always the financial concerns too, and maybe the interuption to your career (since you're not pregnant yet there's no definitive timing to the break) that you may not be able to recover from easily. So if you don't feel comfortable with just quitting, what do you do?

First, you need to work on the attitude. I'm not saying to "put on a happy face" or "whistle through the graveyard," and ignore reality, but you sure seem to have convinced yourself that you can't do this, and as long as you believe that, you're right. Is there anyone who believes in you and who can encourage you? Can you get support from a supervisor, co-worker or even a coach or mentor?

After that, there are numerous options for handling the difficulties you face. The key is not to leave it any longer. If you can't handle it, tell someone NOW. If you think you could handle it but you need help, get help NOW. If you need an assistant who you can delegate to and who can keep you on track, get one NOW. And if you need a quiet place to work, get one NOW. The key is to deal with it early. In the long run, you'll be much better off even if you tell people you're overwhelmed as long as you do it soon enough to solve the problem before it becomes unsolvable.

You ask how you can overcome the fear. It's not necessary to overcome the fear. It is essential, however, to act. You can still be afraid, but as you take action, you'll find you forget about the fear.

The people behind you driving you nuts can best be handled by asking them for help. If you make them contributors to the project, they're more likely to want you to succeed than they are to want to drive you nuts.

And finally, here's some tips to overcome procrastination:

Do things you enjoy and focus on your strengths. Trade tasks you find unpleasant with someone who doesn’t mind them, and take on tasks you enjoy and excel at. When you must do unpleasant tasks, “sandwich” them between pleasant things. Motivate yourself with challenges and rewards. Build your dream. Remember why you’re doing this.

I hope that helps. If you've got any other questions, let me know.

 

Thank you witeknite for the kind words.  unfortunately i'm not in a position to delegate.  I definitely need to find some inner strength.  I have a lot and I've used it to work (more or less) successfully for the last year or so, but this new project is kicking my butt!  Thanks for the helpful words. I'm going into a 2 hour meeting now, wish me luck!!

breathe, breathe, breathe. 

check out some Mountain Dew - some people say it helps a lot with the focus.....!

try to find anything that will work with  you  on combating the ADD symptoms (magnesium?).  and do the tiny segment thing.  honestly it really can help (just the only one minute on this, just one minute - then a break). 

force it as much as you can without beating yourself up.

does coffee help you?

you KNOW you can do it - so also try to relax into it, try to get your mind back on your side, working with you rather than against you just by gently cajoling it (i know, i know it makes you sounds schizophrenic ).

don't lose your sense of humor.  is there anyone you can confide in at work re. coming off the ritalin who could help/mentor/look out for you at this time.

lots of luck with the meeting!  knock 'em dead galagirl...

cj

GG -

Lot's of good advice above - Wish I had something to add,as you can see, I'm answering your post instead of doing the work I'm suppose to be doing.  BUT, wanted you to know that I understand, you're not alone, &  and I'll be thinking about ya.  Good Luck -CG

 

 

Hi again, Galagirl.

I hope your meeting went well. I just thought I'd add a link to a presentation I recently did for our local ADHD support group. It's on time management (but time management for adults with ADHD, not the "dull normals" out there!) and a lot of the advice I gave you earlier was taken from there.

I won't pretend I have all the answers, but let's just say that I found what works for me by trying everything else first.  I be willing to bet you'll find it useful. Let me know if there's anything that doesn't seem clear, because this is just what was shown on the screen... I was explaining at the same time, so maybe it was clearer for them... of course, maybe it was worse!  You can find the download page here.

http://www.successtrainingcenter.com/campus/duane.asp

 

Hi everyone,

I survived the meeting, I didn't let myself leave for an unnecessary bathroom/move my legs break!  Luckily my involvement in the meeting ended up being less than I expected. 

Thank you all for your kind support!  Witeknite, I DLed your PP presentation, it is very good.  I agree with MANY of your suggestions:

- The agenda.  I do not go ANYWHERE without mine.  It is paper, because I am too afraid that an electronic agenda would get broken with the way i drop things!!  People who know me, know that this agenda is my bible.  I also do exactly what you said - I do not accept appointment cards, I just write things right into the "bible" - i do accept business cards (not to would be rude) but as soon as I get away, I write them in the "bible" and chuck them.  This has been an amazing tool for me and I would not function at all without it!! 

I think the problem I have right now is one of motivation.  You mentioned that in your slideshow.  "remember why you are doing this" - well, I'm not doing this for the same reasons I started out with. 

When I am properly motivated, I can do very well.  I made it through a very selective private college and graduated with honors in chemical engineering (every time I feel like I can't do something I try to remind myself of this, but its losing its effectiveness!)  The point I'm making - in college, I had a goal, an end point, and something I really wanted to acheive.  I didn't want anyone telling me that my ADD was going to keep me from doing anything.  I loved chemistry and biology, so a degree in biochemical engineering sounded like a good way to channel that passion.  It worked in school. but sadly, in practice, a lot of jobs aren't as interesting as they sound.

Right now, I'm at a job I loathe, I hate everything about it, there are no "good" tasks, everything about my job I find "painful" and boring right now.  I am not used to saying the word "can't".  Re-reading my posts, I feel a little bit of disgust with myself.  How can I be so weak and whiney?  I feel a lot of things.  The fear of not being good enough to handle this new task, even if it wasn't for the ADD.  The loathing of my seemingly pointless job, but also grateful that I have one that pays the bills and more (a lot of people can't say that.)  But mostly I feel the loyalty to my family, I need to keep this job to provide for our present and future needs.  I put my two sisters through college and my husband through grad school, and now I want to bring a new life into the world!!!  The responsibility is just so overwhelming sometimes, but I really want this. 

So my career motivation has changed from excitement about "saving the world" to worrying about losing my job.  Thats quite a step down on the motivational ladder.

I'm going to be looking for a new job I'm pretty sure.  But i need to remain focused on this one for now.  my co-workers are depending on me and I don't want to let them down, to drop the ball on them when things are already financially rough enough right now at my company.

Wow this is an epic post, but at the risk of being a broken record, I want to thank everyone on this board for their support.  I have never known other adults with ADD and having you guys here to let me whine a little when I need it, to speak the secrets that I hide so vigilantly from everyone but my closest loved ones - it means a LOT and I think you all know that, but it doesn't hurt to voice it anyway. 

THANK YOU ALL. 

I dont mind being poor. but i do mind not having health care.  it wont do me much good to be pregnant if i cant see a doctor without breaking the bank.  I can't go on my husband's insurance, he works for a non-profit and they dont have family health benefits.  they just unionized and they are bargaining for family health benefits.  if they get them, i probably would quit and just be poor.  But i dont have that option and i cant lose my job just yet.  :-(

Wow, Galagirl,

Sounds like you're doing much better. One last suggestion before I get off your case.  The time to start preparing for your next job is while you are in your current one. While this may not be exactly the right time to change jobs, or quit and look for another one, you CAN already imagine what your ideal job would be, and then use this job to accumulate experience or learn the new skills you'll need for that job.

That would make this job much more interesting because it's just a step in the right direction. It would make it more like school, in that you're using it to prepare for your "real" job, which you wil find (or will come to you) when you're ready.

I too am in a job I'm less than thrilled with... it's boring, but I motivate myself by remembering that it's something I can do in my sleep with little or no overtime so I have the time and energy to build my own business. That's what motivates me.

Just from the tone of your last post, I know you're going to do great no matter what.