Social Skills (or lack thereof) | ADHD Information

Could it be possible that they think that you just wouldnt be interested in going?

I had my eyes opened when a coworker actually told me that I seemed "unapproachable" but once she got to know me , that I really want that way at all..  

I didnt have a clue that I was viewed that way.. I mean, same as you, I talk to people, have a sense of humor....etc. etc...

Maybe its time to take a risk and ask, hey, ya'll seem to be having such fun going out together, would you  mind if I were to join you? I'm willing to bet the answer will be yes...

Sherry

I'm with kibbles-- go ahead and ask. They may not realize that you'd like to go, especially if they are willing to eat with you every other day of the week.

If they are less than enthused about you joining them, that's the cue that they don't want you along. It may not be a reflection on you, but it may be that they have attached some significance to that time that they are unwilling to share with many others. Maybe it's their opportunity to gossip or vent or talk about their illicit love affairs-- whatever!

And in the case that you get the cold shoulder, start your own cliche!

I know a brilliant ex proffessor with whom I worked a while back for three years. HE seemed gruff and unapproachable for a very long time to me. Always stressed and busy and would say no he was too busy when I did ask him to have lunch.
He just doesn't have a lot of social skills and in reality he WAS very busy. One of my best friends now. None of our other co-workers really liked him but it was their loss. Some people are difficult to relate to.

i think that you might be over reacting. 

but you could bring it up with them.  i mean you can say that you can say "hey could i come along with you all this time?"  next them they mention it. 

good luck

Alan

I know that social skills are one significant area in which we ADDers struggle. But it's one thing to struggle, and quite another to just simply fail miserably.

I fall into the latter category.

I'm bringing this up because there is a group of women at my work who go out for lunch every payday. I am never asked if I want to join them. When they first started doing this, I thought it was because I work in a different department - you know, an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of thing. But I eat lunch with them in the staff room every other day of the week, and we all get along fine. But come payday I sit in that staff room eating my lunch alone. What's up with that? On the occasional Thursday one of them will even say, "aah, can't wait to go out for lunch tomorrow!". Nobody ever speaks up and says, "hey, would you like to come with us?"

I've talked with my boyfriend about this. He's at a loss to explain it. He suggested the "out of sight, out of mind" theory too, but I said that only works for so long. This has been going on for somewhere close to a year and a half! And besides, they see me every other day of the week. I have a reasonably healthy self esteem (it took me about 23 years to get it), and I don't want to think that people purposefully exclude me, but I almost can't help thinking this is the case.

I am a nice person. I have a sense of humour. I don't gossip or say mean things about people behind their backs. I'm a fairly quiet person, but I don't sit in the corner and ignore the world. What is it?? I am obviously missing something. I could suggest that they are being "clique-y", but other co-workers have joined them from time to time.

I don't even care about getting out of the building to go for lunch every 2 weeks. That's not even the point. I just want to figure out why I don't even get asked.
bcgirl197838671.7046527778

I had an experience similar to you once at work and I let it bother me for far too long to the point my husband was sick of hearing about it. So I asked one of the girls that I got along fairly well with as a co-worker if I could possibly join them.

Long story short, I simply hadnt been invited because they all knew money was a little short for me at the time and didnt want to make me uncomfortable by not being able to afford to go out with them.

I go for lunch with them now and my husband doesn't have to listen to me complain

Just ask them I say.

Me four...I would ask to go with. Sort of off-topic (strange, huh?)... once I was diagnosed and studied up on ADHD, I realized that several of my closest friends also have undiagnosed ADHD.  I think a big part of it is the unspoken connection of understanding each other.

 Ask them to join you for lunch.  You are responsible to build your social network. Take a risk, reach out. If it doesnt work out they are dirty birds and your a better person   for taking a positive risk in your life. If it does work out you gain some friends.  What do you loose  by taking the risk other than  the  horrible  is it me feeling  you are experienceing. We are grewat  Movie maker. maybe the drama  is all    one of  what I liek to call my "ADD Movies" where i've  reached conclusions to events that havent happened  and assigned moitivations to folks  without there even  having a say in  a situation and started reacting off  all that BS  my overactive imagination conjured up.

Some people are just plain stuck and want to only be around others like them.