Recognizing ADD in your parents | ADHD Information

ADD & Proud

You are just like me. i am the middle child of three girls. my mom and dad have the same sense of humor, my dad can be very funny!

i remember in high school, i fought with my dad a lot. i would confide in my friends about how he made me mad and cry and pissed off; etc. then one day i would tell them a funny story my dad told me. they were often puzzled and would ask, "but i thought u hated him." "i do" i would say. i could never explain it. one moment we could get along and the next we were at each others throats. whats funny is, right now, neither of us remember a lot. we remember a lot of fighting and stuff, but not why we fought so much. any similar experiences? gosh thats so weird how you're so similar to me....did your dad watch tv all the time. and i seriously mean all the freakin time. or play with his car? or ever make you feel bad for asking for things that you needed? like a little money, school clothes, a toy; etc?

Lost I had some of the same kind of family. Non communicative. I had always thought my dad was an old goat, that he didnt' like us (all girls) and somehow it wouldv'e been different had we been boys. After my sisters and I outgrew our 'cute' and started finding boys more interesting than horses that was when the relationship with our dad ground to a halt.

Now, just knowing that in all liklihood my dad has suffered all his life with the same thing as me, I have started seeing my dad in a new light. That maybe down beneath this exterior is the daddy I had when I was little.

What's sad is that with my dad having had some mini-strokes, there is a different side of his personality showing. He's funny, he can talk on a wide variety of subjects (not just deer hunting) and is talking about getting involved in his grandson's lives. Yes, it's quite a bit late but better later than never. I hope this side of him lasts after he comes out of the hospital.

So what was the chicken doing? [QUOTE=LTC1]__________________
Just keep swimming....Just keep swimming [/QUOTE]
I think that's what my dad's sperm kept saying....
OMG!...Lost, you got me gender confused. I thought you were a boy.

So, what is a female impersonator?

Does that make me a male imperson?
I need some oreo cookies.

Double stuff.

It's the

sugar.

Tryptophan

deficiencies...

I suspect Adhd in my dad and add in my mom. actually, i know my dad is adhd for sure. we already talked. my mom though, i suspect something, i KNOW its' something, but i dont know what, but 99% sure it add. my entire life, i always thought that a very unclose, non-talkative, and not non-involved family was normal, because this was how mine was. occasionally i would see other families and their affection. or my friends would tell me they did this and that with their mom. this all just confused me for a minute and i would shout "WHAT?? your parents hugged you before bed and said i love you??? you guys are weird!!!". the horrible fighting with my dad, jesus..his adhd is just like mine. except his is more of the inattentive type. if im talking about apples, he "ignores" me and talks about oranges. then i tell him, "dude, oranges? im talking about red apples." then he'll say something like, "oh. but oranges are orange and round." my mom is 10 million trilion times worse. i can come home from school explaining how i almost got hit by a car twice, was held at gunpoint and got robbed of my purse, failed every test, and lost my right arm to a hungry turtle. most of the time she doesnt "hear" me and im like hello? but the times that she does answer, its about her. "oh that happened to me too, this one time i was running from a monster that wanted to eat my arm..."
So my whole life has been pretty much this way. now that i have spotted my adhd and started counseling, i can see it in my parents. but since i am so used to my family structure, i doubt it sometimes. its just so unreal...22 years of searching for something, but not knowing what it was, just feeling the emptiness. finally i have found the reason to everything in me and my life and have completely changed for the better. but still. im having a hard time accepting that my normal-but-not-normal family and its long list of crazy drama and neglect is a result of something THAT I DISCOVERED? could this possibly be true?? did i just uncover the truth behind it all?? behind me and my family problems? between my dad and his horrid family problems??? i can see it in my dads side w/ 8 bros/sis, all divorced or single, high school drop outs, but some with thier own businesses, some with nuclear physics degrees....could this be real? its so hard to believe. can anyone relate? can anyone agree with my on my family symptoms? have of me is like DUH!!!! the symptoms are plainly obvious!! then another part of me feels that im just trying to blame my issues on everyone else, or i'm trying to share the trouble with everyone. i dont know. =(

...dammit i cant find my pills...*sigh* here we go again...

I see it in my vietnam vet dad, and something different in my mom.

Oh yeah! my dad watched tv all the time. And don't you, by gawd, DARE to talk during his shows or to walk between him and the tv or make any noise. Don't get in his chair. He didn't necessarily make me feel bad. It's hard to make anyone feel bad if you never talk to them. Nope, feeling bad and guilty was my mother's job. If I had a question about a moral delimma/situation I was going through with my peers/boyfriend/school and I asked her it was answered with "Would Jesus be proud of you?" or the classic "WWJD - what would jesus do" . There is only so much guilt that you can bestow on a teenager/preteen before you shut them down entirely.

And the chicken? I have no idea what the chicken was doing. I saw the siggy on a tshirt. Crossing the road?

aww, man.. no kidding.. my mom is so ADD it's scary.. she says she isnt.. but I see it so clearly.. and it explains so much! It's also helped me to forgive her for some of her percieved selfishness and self centeredness..... the very things that I got accussed of by my husband!! GREAT,, I've turned into my mother...

sigh... think I'll go eat some more pecan pie.....

the family connection is why I found out I HAVE ADHD!!

My last paternal uncle passed away last year and I began to connect the dots. Hmmm - 5 uncles - all died alone, single and thought of as "odd, quiet and difficult". All alcoholics - all died as hermits.

Then I began my journey. Dad has it - but has a strong partner to make up where he leaves off.

It's for sure genetic I have no doubt of that.

My ADHD Mom has lost it. She started going down hill after she retired.
The organization of job and expectations of family kept her going. Now
she just sits. She has stopped functioning. It is so horrible.

I think my Dad is also ADHD, but I'm not so sure about him, as I am of my
Mom. I pray your Dad will get better.I recognise my parents. [QUOTE=LTC1]My ADHD Mom has lost it. She started going down hill after she retired.
The organization of job and expectations of family kept her going. Now
she just sits. She has stopped functioning. It is so horrible.

I think my Dad is also ADHD, but I'm not so sure about him, as I am of my
Mom. [/QUOTE]

That's so sad. Sorry. Must be really hard for u.

Wow LTC - that sucks!

It's hard when normal people settle in and retire but I can see how with ADHD that could be a big hit.

Does she acknowledge she has it? If so is she taking meds or talking to a therapist? That would be a plus. If not that would be like not knowing why and that is doubly sad.

My dad won't admit he may have ADHD - he putters around his garage or he goes nuts. He's 73 and if he ends up unable to do his thing I don't want to think about it. He is getting cataracts and denies that too - won't go in as he is afraid of surgery. But we can only help our loved ones if they truly want it.

I feel for you - that's tough to watch I do know.

Alzheimers (pretty sure on sp) has specific tests - they give your mom a list of things and come back to it after a set time. Then they ask questions of a picture to describe what a thing is supposed to do. They must suspect it - though severe ADHD can make us have bad memory too. I doubt a year ago I could have passed one myself!

You should get a senior's advocate in (most senior's groups have them - what's the US equiv - AARP?). They know how to pass something on - the way a senior understands.

Get help though - sounds like it's ripping you up inside. Don't want that.

My Dad is 80 an it has been a little hard for him to believe in such a thing
as ADHD. I have been trying to explain...I left a book for him to read. He
is the one I have to convince that If the meds don't help Mom what could
they hurt? They tried Mom on meds for Alztimers (SP?) It made her
worse.

Countrygirl, you made me laugh.

I love the sense of humor that ADD people have.

my parents? ADD??

who the hell know, not normal for sure.

both very recongized/awarded in medical field, biz owners.

something is up w/ them just cant put my finger on it...

maybe SUPER ATTENTION DISORDER, seems like they are flawless, know everything, always right, on time.

but dam are they high strung!

signed

super bum son

Hey, LostinSeattle,

Loving your kids is a conscious decision you make. ADD or not. I always felt that my parents didnt care about me as a kid. They werent involved in my life, I had to BEG them to come to band concerts or to play some stupid game with me.. then they always acted so "put out" like I am a burden on their life or time.

I made a conscous decision to never be like that. I go to EVERY soccer game, football game, band concert, and softball game my children have been involved in. (Barring illness, time conflicts and greater than 50 miles away.) I also give LOTS of love and kisses and instead of going out and partying for New Years EVE, we have a family game night and play board games til midnight or later...

do I sometimes feel like not going to something my kids do? yep. But then I think of my parents and their apathy.. It motivates me to keep going and keep being supportive to my own kids.

Its' kinda said that my biggest motivator is that I do not want to become my mother.. but hey, whatever it takes!

Sherry

davidornado

am i a boy or a girl? i forgot... hm. i have long hair. but i just got done playing video games. can u tell me again?

dude. so you're telling me that you had 4 kids and u give them affection and tell them you love them? because my worse fear is that i'll turn into my parents and be a asshole to my kids. i want nothing more than to have my own and give them my all- something my parents didnt really do. they tell me im spoiled because i dont appreciate all that they do for me. ok..you gave me a roof over my head and some food. thanks. but u forgot about the emotional needs. and no, screaming at me at the top of your lungs when i make a mistake is not considered love. (i only yell/spank/slap the sh*t out of you because i love you) but despite all that was missing throughout my life, i still feel like im a very loving person. people tell me so. but i often wonder how i turned out like this. my whole family is complete opposite. what do u think? it seems everyone on here is like this. i could never imagine my parents coming on here and playing with everyone and joking around and stuff.

man i sure hope my children that i have one day are HAPPY. i hope i do well..i've been planning and thinking about them since i was a kid! and i started my serious planning since i was in 7th grade!! i started a little piggy bank for them. it was their "school clothes money" because my parents wouldnt buy me new school clothes. i got the 'pass 'em downs'. then when i got a little older, i started saving for their college. mom and dad "can't" pay for my college because they dont have enough money. oh ok, i understand. is that why you drive a corvette, live in a VeRY nice house, and buy my mom every piece of jewelry she wants?

I think both my parents have ADD. Especially my dad and my mother may just have some sort of odd mood disorder bought on by stress. Neither of them are organized either. I think my Dad may have it. He never listens and when he does he shouts back. He has a short fuse and no social skills. Alhtough he can organise himself, but then I think he really has to try. Maybe I should do a test on him... [QUOTE=ADD&Proud]

And the chicken? I have no idea what the chicken was doing. I saw the siggy on a tshirt. Crossing the road?

[/QUOTE]

Hey, is your mom's name happen to be Debbie perchance??
[QUOTE=ADD&Proud]And the chicken? I have no idea what the chicken was doing. I saw the siggy on a tshirt. Crossing the road? [/QUOTE]

I think he was celebrating Thanksgiving...

i can visualize the scenario when u talk about dad watching tv and not making a noise. one time dad was watching tv and i was in 6th grade i think. or 5th, not sure, but i was young. i was eating an apple and watching tv with him. about 3 bites into my apple my dad turns around and says,"DO YOU HAVE TO CRUNCH ON YOUR APPLE LIKE THAT?" i just looked at him and said sorry. i took one more sloooooooow bite, chewed on it for 10 minutes as slow as possible, then just got up and went to my room. i think that was the turning point that caused me to avoid being in the same room as him.

davidornado! i am a chic! "female impersonator" is just a joke. =) i have adhd rememebr? oh u forgot? its ok. what was your name again? =)

Lostboywhoisagirlinseattle,
OMG!...I went through this long dissertation proving you were a boy, and gay at that.
soooooooo sooooorrrrrrryyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

My name's, uh, uh, I forgot....

I don't use it to call me very often.
OH! I remember, now! People around here call me Crazy.
Yup. That must be it. CZ for short. Now why doesn't that look familiar?
Oh, well. Hey look! There's a chicken! Now what's it doing with a camera?
Hey Lostgirl,

I jsut read your first post. On this thread. Sounds like my upbrining. My dad had his TV, and the only thing we were allowed to do when it was on was rub his feet, and bring him ice cream. I didn't like the shows he watched, like Alfred Hitchcock, and Star Trek, b/c they were too scary, so I'd go play in the corner, or something. My mom hasn't stopped talking yet, and is still stuck on 50 year old topics. I nod my head affirmatively once in a while, and grunt, and she looks to see if I'm still awake, then keeps on ramblin.

He never said he loved us, either, nor mom. I was 24 years old before I heard him say that, and it was after I said it to him, first. He was dead 10 years before I found out I had ADHD, and that he had ADD. Now I fully understand him, and forgive him. By some miracle we had a great last 6 years together, b/c I had found true love in Jesus Christ, and spent all my free time helping them out in their mountain home and his weaknesses. It was truly great, and he died my best friend. We really understood one another, still w/o knowing our diagnoses. No one has been able to keep up with me since, nor truly understand me, 20 years later.

That's okay, though, b/c I've now had 4 ADDers, and was able to not only be the good parts of my dad to them, but the parts he lacked, as well (the hugs, affirmation, ADD coping mechs, and daily expressions of love). There were also some bad parts that followed me through the generations, don't get me wrong. But they're being dealt with.
Bepatient I love your siggy.

Absophukinglutely,

My mom is CLASSIC Inatentive type ADHD. My dad is is Hyper but I thing he has GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). I wouldn't have know all this unless I had done a lot of reading and research.

I read that article that someone posted in relation to the post about someone's ex being an a**hole and telling them to just phuking concentrate. In it I did the "oh my gawd! That's fill in the blank here" In this case the fill in the blank was my dad.

I was just diagnosed and put on Strattera 3-4 months ago. In the meantime, in the clearing fog, I started realizing some things. Most of it happened in the past couple of days. I was talking with my mom about my dad who has been in the hospital ICU for TIAs (mini strokes) and she was describing some symptoms that she saw as dementia. Everything (mostly) she described I went "yeah, sounds normal to me". Some of the stuff was: Can't follow simple drug routine directions (before breakfast, 30 min. before food, etc), explosive temper, gets frustrated at simple directions, takes things apart in an attempt to 'fix' them. The list went on and on. The more she described the more and more I realized that this poor man (my daddy) has probably suffered with ADD his whole friggin' life! I was wondering if anyone else in light of their own diagnosis and resulting light bulb turning on if they had made connection with their parents in the waning years of their parents life?