how can I help?? | ADHD Information
My college-age daughter is ADD (we just figured it out this summer). Also just turned 21 which makes for a lethal combo. In the last 2 months she has lost her cell phone twice, lost her debit card twice, this week it was her debit card AND her drivers license (which she has lost before), and crashed her car while talking on the cell phone (which I have asked her NOT to do 3 million times). She also keeps having dr appts, and labs drawn that are not in her HMO(forgettting to check FIRST), which costs a fortune.
Several of these episodes happened when she was drinking (the losing the cell phone, and cards, ID). I don't know how to help her any more. She is struggling in school, and I don't want her to stress out. But I am so worried. If I say that, she just says Oh mom, I am fine. She was home for the holiday, and just left in a huff because I wouldn't giver her her birth certificate so she could go to the bar with her friends (since she lost her license Wed)--Identity theft is serious; you can't run around with your birth certificate! Anyone have some advise??????????/
Sounds like a pot head to me!hey monkey welcome to the group
Dont be so quick to think drugs when their's a problem.. I was accussed of being on pot and/or barbituates when I was in high school, yet my problem was inattentive ADD.
I used to get so mad when I found out someone thought I was a druggie, and didnt even touch the stuff!
Sherry
[QUOTE=Wordwoman] Are you footing the bills?[/QUOTE]
Don't pay to replace lost items.
Making the right choices with ADHD can be hard enough. Alcohol makes
judgement sooo much worse.
I will say a prayer for your daughter. Done!LTC138683.3949652778Im sorry, that was a sarcastic say before thinking kinda thought, I figure I Could say it because im just like her daughter, Hopefully I will get my aderall soon
Thanks for the input guys. Yes she has just recently started counseling (I think has gone once or twice) and saw a Dr on campus for her ADD. He put her on Adderall, and he said that is the only drug he prescribes--does that seem odd?? I thought it was. She has only been taking the drug for about 10 days. She said the Dr told her it doesn't matter if she takes it inconsistently, so I think she is only taking it when she has class or is studying. The first weekend she took it the dose was too high and she couldn't sleep and had really bad jaw clenching. But that's better now.
She just recently turned 21, and I do think it is somewhat natural to want to go to the bar and party with your friends. I also think people can have periods in their lives when they are maybe not so responsible with drinking, but not necessarily alcoholic. I know I went through that when I was younger (and did some damn stupid things), but I am not an alcoholic. I think Glen is right about the alcohol exacerbating her ADD. It seems there are so many more dangers now though. I know for a FACT she does NOT drink and drive, thank God. Do any of you have info about adderall and alcohol combination?
She has had a really difficult couple of months (some of it self-inflicted, but nonetheless difficult). She is living off her student loan money. We help her with school and groceries and medical bills as much as we can, but I don't give her spending money.
I am nearly 20. Last week I left my bank card in the machine. The other day I left my bag on table in cafe, luckily someone called me back. I am so forgetful. I am learning to drive and constantly make mistakes. I have failed two tests and got 5 serious majors on my test.
I can relate to her. I drink,we have to we are young! I think she needs to understand your concerns and be a bit more sensible when driving considering she has ADD. Is she on medicine? Remember she is a youngster and hormones and stuff are affecting her attitude too. It is hard for me too. xx
For all new ADD drivers:
Following Distance. Following Distance. Following Distance.
It is normal to leave a 2 second gap between yourself and the car ahead of you. ADD'rs make it FOUR! This has saved me thousands of dollars and saved many otherwise ruined weekends.
To the OP, in my opinion the doctor saying that it's ok to use adderall sparingly is a good sign. I think it should be used for crunch times only. I don't think it's very good for you to take it all the time.
Thanks for that good advice.I will make it four. So many times have I been gazing out of the window, then oh look the car in front has stopped!![QUOTE=ScattySarah]Thanks for that good advice.I will make it four. So many times have I been gazing out of the window, then oh look the car in front has stopped!![/QUOTE]
Boy have i done that too many times to mention! I must have a guardian angel looking after me or something because I havent rearended anyone yet!!
I also miss turns, I am the champion queen mother of all U-turns.. sometimes I have even passed my destination twice!! Can you believe that??
Sherry
Its time for intervention.Go to any hospital or aa meeting and they can tell you who to go to.
remember, INTERVENTION. It sounds like the party life is taking over , and she has no control of it. Drinking and meds is a NO NO. She may already be addicted to alcohol. Time to apply the brakes.
bugzappers38682.6520717593Are you footing the bills?
Wow - it's hard enough to be a parent of a REGULAR 21 year old! I feel bad - but the fact is the conclusion is the same. You have to at some point let her make the normal mistakes and handle the consequences!
Is she on ADHD medication or taking therapy? Without getting help she's going to make the same mistakes over and over. Knowing is a start - not the end! My uncles all drank as self-medication - my dad does as well. I can't - and wouldnt' if I could. But in my 20s I did drink on weekends to regulate the feelings.
The only thing you can do for her is let her know as you are about your concerns. She has to WANT to get better - otherwise it's not going to happen.
Remember that at 21 she's a bona fide adult - and that you can be there if she needs you but the best thing to do is hope she learned from you and that will make her hit the brakes. I was 37 before I learned about my ADHD - but mother's voice followed me through the bad times and made sure I didnt' make a fatal error. I was a screwup but lived through it all.
If she doesn't drink and drive she'll be ok. Eventually she'll tire of drinking - being around a lot of strangers with ADHD tends to be uncomfortable at the best of times. When she's ready for help just be there ok?
Don't worry - someday she'll come to you and say "mom - you did good with me" - that's what I did this year. It's all going to be ok!
sounds like the drinking is exacerbating her ADD symptoms...
I wish there was something I could say.. my brother, who is also ADD drinks everyweekend and thinks he's "fine" too. I hope that alcohol does not become a problem for her.
Maybe sit down with her when she is relaxed and not on the go.. ( umm yeah, I know that is few and far between for an ADDer!) and really have a heart to heart and express your concerns and listen,, REALLY listen to her responses.. if she feels you are listening more than lecturing, she will be more likely to open up and at least think about what you are telling her.
I can certainly identify with her on the losing things.. sigh.. I just went and replaced my lost cell phone today
SHerry
[QUOTE=monkey311]Im sorry, that was a sarcastic say before thinking kinda thought, I figure I Could say it because im just like her daughter, Hopefully I will get my aderall soon[/QUOTE]
Hey no biggie
Just wanted you to be aware of another point of view.
SHerry