ADHD in relationships! | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=Akira_Murdock24]There are a lot of things that annoy me about my boyfriend who has ADD. But there are more things about him that I love. In the end, that is more important.

Who cares if he acts in ways that are unusual? I don't just love the good in him; I love everything that he is. Regardless of his obsessive cleaning, and inability to keep his mouth shut. He talks more than a woman sometimes, and cannot keep anything to himself. I could care less though. Nobody's perfect!

Even his weird music, and interests are alright. They make me look at things differently, and try out new things, that I, otherwise would never have given a second glance.

If I put restrictions on my love, what type of person would that make me? Probablly somebody that I would't even want to know! A self-centered, egotistical . Well you get the picture.

I understand that it is NOT my boyfriend's ADD that is the problem, but our lack of proper communication. If we cannot talk things out we run into problems. We are both working on that.

I'm also trying to learn more about his ADD so I can communicate in ways he understands, instead of confusing him. It's almost like learning another language. At times, I feel like I'm asking for directions, but he is hearing that I 'want to entertain him upstairs.'

It can be really confusing for both of us, but we love each other so that makes our mistakes bearable.[/QUOTE]

Intriguing.

1. You are a non-ADHDer?
2. And still you think this way?
3. How long have y'all been together?
5. How did you arrive at these conclusions?

Thanks for letting us see there can be true love.
Keep belieiving that way.
The world needs you.

Davidornado38687.0917824074Hey I feel the same too. When I argue or try to talk to someone, I end up getting in a right mess. I forget what I said five mins ago and say something different. Then lies come out and rude words etc... [QUOTE=Davidornado]Happy Birthday. The world rejoices celebrating the day of your birth. [/QUOTE]

Thank-you, my sweet! That is the kindest words any friend could say for my birthday.

[QUOTE=rayray812] Sounds like he is you know what...[/QUOTE]

Humm... OCD? I've thought that at times, but after months, I believe it's just my boyfriend's nature to abhore disorder. Chaos (& uncleanliness) makes the worse side of his ADD come out, and he starts to become way too stressed.

[QUOTE=Davidornado]He's not ray, is he?[/QUOTE]

Nope. He is not a member of our forum.

Akira_Murdock2438690.0984490741WOW, this is a long one,
I just married a woman with AD/HD and I was just diagnosed with it (down inside I knew it all along). I think we can help each other. Her 2 sons from her first marriage have AD/HD and I think her 2 youngest kids, 3 and 5 will have it too.

My thing is I'd tease and tease and tease. I'd tease the kids and in the past the dog the cat, friends, siblings, my mom. On top of it I'd get bored and move around and fidget in lines, I HATE LINES! The store the DMV, government offices. Thank god for cell phones with games on them!

So who could put up with someone like this? I'm mellowed out now the Adderall, thank god!

I took a poll once in this forum and asked how many here were divorced. There were many responses. ADD and ADHD people have a real problem when it comes to communicating. I don't think they realize what is going on. I have had the experience many times in which I think things have happened one way and others think they have happened another. I don't think I remember correctly.

I have had better success in my latest relationship because I have married a very patient and understanding person.

That helps a lot. I am grateful for him.

I have such a hard time saying what I mean, getting the words out, explaining what I was trying to say. After the first try, I sound like I am switching my story, twisting the facts, or lying. On top of that, I get so agitated I forget what I said 5 minutes ago![/QUOTE]

I so relate. Sometimes, I think I have been so clear, but no on has a clue what I really am saying. Yeah, I can relate to that. Did that make sence?
[QUOTE=GlenW]

It's tough - trying to get along with a mate that isn't ADHD like you. I couldn't do it - but of course she had her own problems (bipolar, bitch) [/QUOTE]

so was she actually DX by doc as BITCH?

LOL laughing

[QUOTE=Countrygirl]Relationships are difficult for people w/o ADHD. But with it, they are almost impossible. I am annoying, difficult, and somehow as much as I talk, I have no voice.

(Right there with ya WW)
[/QUOTE]

It's tough - trying to get along with a mate that isn't ADHD like you. I couldn't do it - but of course she had her own problems (bipolar, bitch) so it wasn't going to gel for the long haul.

But I do know it's possible. My dad is for certain in my mind ADHD - and my mother is a leader who angers seldomly (big ones anyway - little stuff she'll explode and reset fast) and doesn't hold grudges. They have been together 39 years this fall and still going strong.

I am just trying to date again - and it's scary. I am always vigilant (maybe too much) for those signs of danger and impending failure - and if I'm not careful that in itself can sabotage any hope. I can say I am open and tell any woman who might think of dating me that I have ADHD - and what it truly is and hope that she isn't scoping out the exits while I explain.

I'm to meet a prospective GF this weekend. I am more than nervous I'm nearly frozen with abject fear. I find that my meds are squeaking me through by adding to my confidence and stability but my mind races and it's been impossible to sleep this graveyard shift I'm on this week. I pace and worry - but find that it cycles and in between I get by.

When I get afraid I try to role-reverse - pretending that my dilemma is one of the many I've replied to around here - and ask myself for the same advice I give out. It seems to work so far.

But yes I do believe honestly that ADHD and non-ADHD people can make it - but the combo has to be specific and harmonic in nature. Someone critical and not believing that ADHD is real and if they don't know what comes from it they are going to simply make it hell for both. And if the person with ADHD doesn't keep that fragile grip on life - again it crumbles.

Wish me luck! And good luck to all combo relationships.

stubborn?? nah.......

Thick-headed...nah...........

In grade scool (about 3rd grade)- one teacher kept raising her voice at me...while being well inside my personal space......"VIOLATION"...lol.....she'd say........"I wish I could just drill a hole through that thick skull, and just POUR the knowledge in!"

Man...if the TV series, "What's Happenin'" had emerged ten years earlier, I'd have retorted, "Yo' MAMA !"

[QUOTE=Fryed2aCrisp]stubborn?? nah.......

Thick-headed...nah...........

In grade scool (about 3rd grade)- one teacher kept raising her voice at me...while being well inside my personal space......"VIOLATION"...lol.....she'd say........"I wish I could just drill a hole through that thick skull, and just POUR the knowledge in!"

Man...if the TV series, "What's Happenin'" had emerged ten years earlier, I'd have retorted, "Yo' MAMA !"
[/QUOTE]

Your a funny person!

Why, thanks, Auntie! You seem to be a sweet lady yourself!
"Communication is soooo hard for me and I just want to be alone most
of the time because I get so tired of trying."

Yep same here. It actually tires me out emotionally as well as mentally if I
have to communicate for long lengths of time. As for arguments, I do
tend to forget what I've said five min. ago. That's why I learned to pick a
point and stress it and stress it and stress it. The same point over and
over. There are some exceptions tho (ie. if I'm in the wrong). Oh now,
here's something to talk about. STUBBORNESS.

I've been told on occasions that I can be very thick-headed sometimes. I
am very stubborn in arguments but also in everything else I'm hyper-
focused on. Anyone else get that?

http://www.adders.org/partners1.pdf

This is an interesting article which reviews a research study concerning ADHD spouses.

LoriT

Sounds like he is you know what

He's not ray, is he?
'Luck, Glen!
You'll do fine.
Just let your elf out.
Keep us posted.
[QUOTE=Davidornado] [QUOTE=Akira_Murdock24]"There are a lot of things that annoy me about my boyfriend who has ADD. But there are more things about him that I love. In the end, that is more important.

Even his weird music, and interests are alright. They make me look at things differently, and try out new things, that I, otherwise would never have given a second glance.

If I put restrictions on my love, what type of person would that make me? Probablly somebody that I would't even want to know! A self-centered, egotistical . Well you get the picture.

I understand that it is NOT my boyfriend's ADD that is the problem, but our lack of proper communication. If we cannot talk things out we run into problems. We are both working on that.

It can be really confusing for both of us, but we love each other so that makes our mistakes bearable."[/QUOTE]

"Intriguing.

David my sweet ~ As much as I would like to pretend I'm a saint and I forgive you the simple truth is: I missed your comments all together.

It's my 25th birthday today (1, Dec), and my boyfriend is over and well.... You can take it from there.

Anyway: It doesn't matter what you said, I'm not the type of person to cry over such things. Water off a ducks back you know it's all the same to me. But... To answer your questions:

Yes, you are correct: I'm a 'non-ADHDer. I think this way: I'm FAR from perfect, but my faults will help me understand things better. We have not been together very long. (Under a year.) Each second has been intriging, each minute has been interesting, and every day has been trying, but I'm not the type of person to give up when things get hard. I've never been that way.

This is a little more difficult to answer: "How did you arrive at these conclusions"

People have a habit of limiting themselves: 'I'll only do this with my life'... 'I'll only accept this from other people.' When they do this they make the worst choices in life, instead of the best. I don't intend to make that common mistake.

I've found that you should not limit yourself. You should always strive for the better side of who you can be (even if you fall short).

Life is simpler if you don't strive to make it more complicated. Maybe it's not easier, but then again life isn't meant to be easy.

How do I know that my boyfriend's ADD is not the problem, but our lack of commuication [skills]?

He is a man; I am a woman: We do not speak the same language! It doesn't take any insight on my part to see that truth.

My boyfriend through-and-through is stereotypically male in his responses (or lack thereof). I could blame everything on his ADD, but it would be a cheap scapegoat. And completely unfair to who he is: Complex, human and completely lovable.

I can be a childish, and a royal B*TCH who doesn't want to calm down and take a moment to listen to reason. I can also be sweet, caring and intuitive.

Neither description defines me every single minute of every day, but they accurately describe some part of the person I am underneath my impish ruby smile, and innocent emerald eyes.

I enjoy the conundrums life throws at me. My relationship with my boyfriend is just another complexity in life facinate me. It is something that I intend to succeed at, so I will study and tread carefully. He is worth keeping, and I don't intend to mess this up.

Akira_Murdock2438688.0704166667 [QUOTE=Akira_Murdock24]

It's my 25th birthday today (1, Dec)

Water off a ducks back you know

[/QUOTE]

1. Happy Birthday. The world rejoices celebrating the day of your birth.

2. ~Quack~

Relationships have been the hardest part for me....I feel that I have the hardest time relating to people. I feel I am constantly having to work at keeping friends. I'll admit that sometimes I want to just give up on people (if they haven't given up on me already). We cannot afford to ISOLATE ourselves. We must contiunually try and understand others, so we can help them understand us.

[QUOTE=awmcgillicutty]

[/QUOTE]

I am so amazed every time I read something here that sounds just like me! Communication is soooo hard for me and I just want to be alone most of the time because I get so tired of trying. It's all there in my head but I can't get it out.

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4040&K W=relationships

Mutton see this post and the threads...it is very insightful

I know how you feel. My family now accepts me as I am, but it hasn't always been that way. I was the dummy who could never get anything right and that went right into marriage too. Now I am divorced and would hate to put up with having to be just put up with. I am better than that. cynthiatweedle38684.9914351852Yep, we are annoying, we ADHDers. Then, those pesky non-ADHD partners claim the moral high ground. It doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong -- if you are ADHD, you will probably screw up the communication, and then the non-ADHDer will point to that and say you're the problem.

Or, perhaps this is just my own experience. Could it be that I'm venting? Yes. I'm writing this from the doghouse as we speak.

Relationships are difficult for people w/o ADHD. But with it, they are almost impossible. I am annoying, difficult, and somehow as much as I talk, I have no voice.

(Right there with ya WW)
Oh, Mutton, the answer to your question is
Yes, ADD can cause problems in relationships
But don't let that discourage you. There are lots of great ADD guys out there who will understand you. You'll just never get the bills paid on time, balance a check book, get the house organized, etc. (Kidding!) (Sorta!) You can make it work, just takes a lot of effort from both partners.
No Im not any. Not sure I want to! Dont know if I like the thought of my brain being controlled. What do u think?

There are a lot of things that annoy me about my boyfriend who has ADD. But there are more things about him that I love. In the end, that is more important.

Even his weird music, and interests are alright. They make me look at things differently, and try out new things, that I, otherwise would never have given a second glance.

If I put restrictions on my love, what type of person would that make me? Probablly somebody that I would't even want to know! A self-centered, egotistical . Well you get the picture.

I understand that it is NOT my boyfriend's ADD that is the problem, but our lack of proper communication. If we cannot talk things out we run into problems. We are both working on that.

It can be really confusing for both of us, but we love each other so that makes our mistakes bearable.

Akira_Murdock2438684.3299652778Sarah - I'm taking it you are not on any meds?

Akira - WOW! Wish more people were like U!

CG - Don't get anxious, it's just 4th grade math. U can handle it.

I have been with my bloke for two years and only last month did I realise I have ADD. Trying to convince him is a nightmare, he doesn't understand. He just calls me scatty. Sometimes, when I make like three mistakes in a row, he gets concerned and then points out there is prob something wrong.

I get so annoyed, little things like emptying the bin bag, I spill it everywhere. He butts in and does it perfectly clearing my mess up, shaking his head! I always speak too loud in public or go in a daydream and he moans (used to moan) now he laughs with me. I think he realises now, that I am sick of feeling the stupid one. My Mum sends us both out to get milk, bread. He has to remember everything for me, as I have forgotton it by the time I reach the shop. I feel like he is my carer sometimes! I feel like a liability. He loves me though, he just needs to understand that I can't control being this scatty!

[QUOTE=Countrygirl]Akira - WOW! Wish more people were like U![/QUOTE]

Thank-you! That is really sweet of you to say.

Naw. My divorce has nothing to do with her ADD.
It's all about my ADHD.
Mutton,

On a serious note, find a bf that'll support you as you are. Some'll try to make you change, and believe you me, that is not possible. It is impossible. One cannot change a personality.

They'll fall in love with you for your ADDness, then hate you later for it. If he's a noid now, just wait 'til your married, have 4 kids, and he fracks on you. Better start lookin, but don't let him know.

That's how I find new jobs. Shoulda done it with my ex.

'Luck,

Davido
Hey,

Anyone here ever have ADHD or ADD cause problems with their relationships? I annoy my boyfriend with my "ADD" self all the time. This also includes falling asleep at the movies.
Hey mutton, my husband and I have figured out it's a waste to pay money to go to a movie when I can sleep through it on HBO a few months later! lol thanks for all the replies. Yea...my boyfriend does get agitated at my ADDness sometimes. He says its mostly out of worry and thinks that in one of my unfocused moments, I'll get run over by a car or something. What really gets him going though is when I get into one of those "moods", usually once a month randomly, where I just get really irritated, highstrung, and impulsive for no reason sometimes. Anyone else get that?

Medication does help though. I'm a little bit more focused and productive with it, it seems. At least I'm not as clumsy with things as I used to be.

The thing that agitates me the most though, is when my boyfriend gets into small bouts in which he thinks that ADD does not exist....I seem smart...blah blah blah.

He has no idea that ADD relates more to focus than to intelligence! Sometimes, I can only hope that one day he will finally understand and accept me for who I am....without the agitation.

[QUOTE=ScattySarah]No Im not any. Not sure I want to! Dont know if I like the thought of my brain being controlled. What do u think?[/QUOTE]

It doesn't control your brain. It allows you to control yourself, however. I am the same person I was before, but more focused. That's all. You don't even have to take them everyday. Or you could check out the alternative board and get some ideas there. Research for yourself, you are your own person.

Personally, I am very cautious of things that are "natural". Being natural doesn't necessarily mean it is better for you. After all, Rattle Snake venum is natural.

Mutton......did any of these responses answer your question?....

I have to add an emphatic "Yes", to your inquiry.

I told CountryGirl of my "record achieving" history of broken relationships.

Seems to "go with the ADHD/ADD territory.

As Davidornado says, we seem to attract some easily with our "let's go do this now" type personality. Fun- for awhile- until they see how it controls our existence, and they can't keep up.

Fryed2aCrisp38684.4328240741

BOO f****EN HOO DAVIS
SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!!!

ps. buddy

dedicated to: davidornado the tornado-

Akira wrote a most unusual page It seemed to fill you with rage There's only one thing comes to mind The fact that many partners are unkind While some beat you down or leave you There will be one that wants to please you Instead of repeatedly being on the attack You'll find this life mate will be "on track" So before you blow up on the double More women think men are the trouble A tornado this ends up to be Some simply cling to the wonderful thought of finally having only yourself to have to worry about- being single... Well, Think on it David, you have so much to give.. you'll surely fit well with someone dear...I found mine after quite some time-my tornado settled. I believe your life will settle too.............watch the dust...........

I have been driving my husband crazy for a while with my ADD so I finally decided I will give Adderall a try. He drives me crazy too because he is one of those people who never forgets anything, so he definitely cannot understand what I'm going through. I think he takes it personally and he thinks I'm forgetting stuff on purpose because I don't care about him or something ?!?!?!?

I know I'm annoying but it sure is a pain in the ass being married to Mr. Perfect and trying to explain this to him when I have a hard enough time communicating as it is.

We do love each other, though, and I think we will work it out... but I think it is going to take a while and I don't feel like dealing with it. I want him to understand right NOW...going to start Adderall tomorrow, maybe it will help. I have been reluctant to try it, but I'm tired of feeling this way so I decided why not.

Fryed,
You
Are
The
Best
I
Surrender.
You
Are
The
Next
Step
In
ADHDvolution.
Why
Do
I
Feel
Loved?