Help | ADHD Information
Hi my names lauren and ive been going out with this boy. He's been completely fine until yesterday when his behaviour completely switched. I was getting really upset about the way he was behaving and was really not enjoying myself. He was running around and would run in shops and shout at the top of his voice. This was until he told me that he had adhd. Now i understand that he has an illness. My mum is a student nurse and told me some of the background of it and her boyfriends cousin also has it. Karl(my boyfriend) has only shown signs of it now. He also told me that he has been prescribed with something but doesn't take it. He has been in and out of schools all his life and has several court cases and has been put on six months probation, if he does anything else then he will be straight back into young offenders, where he has already been for a previous six months! He has not been in school for about 4 years and i happen to know that he is very intelligent but just can't help being thrown out. No school in any area near us will take him in. One school was willing to take him but there are boys in that school who want to kill him. His friends know about it but seem not to care or have any consideration for him. Instead they dare him to do things because they know he will do it. He seems not to have any fear for anything. He also seems to like me very much and rings me every day. He moves house evry year because of the troubles he gets in but i feel that if he doesn't stick it out in one area then he will never be able to fix it. On one hand i think what have i got myself involved with? But on the other i really want to help him, even if i could get him to just take his medication. My mums boyfriend is telling me to get out of the situation and saying he will drag me down with him. I dont want to dump him because he has an illness, im not that shallow. My gcse year is coming up and im afraid that it will be too much to cope with, there is another nice normal boy that has asked me out but what do i do? I'm only 15 but dont tell me that im too young to deal with this, nobody seems to be helping him and i really really really dont want to hurt Karl! Pls pls someone reply and help me out!
Love Lauren xxx
First off, 15 is never too young to run into such situations. I can recall several of the same in my own experience, and 15 was only 8 yrs ago for me.
Behavior is a factor with ADHD that can be worked out if the person cares enough about the problem to want to fix it. Problem is the attention part. Best idea is to be his friend, but not to join in to the "wall bouncing festivities". Next, people can grow out of such things so long as they don't stay attached to mischief too long.
This isn't the best advice in the world, but if you decide for yourself to continue to see him, walk away when he acts up, show him that it doesn't interest you at all. His friends are going to be bad influences, of course, but his best bet is trying the meds, and seeing if it helps him at all. If you decide to try to shoot for advice for him, try getting him to at least try the treatment. I hated it at first, but I'm glad I at least attempted. I could think of a much worse place to be right now, but the better choice landed me in college. I'm getting my Bachelor of Arts in less than a year from now.
It's hard to pull the plug on a close friend, I agree. Just try not to show him any appreciation of something he does that seems too "crazy".
Good luck
atom
Well I can only tell you what I wish I had done at your age. I fell in love with a boy with add at 15. Married him at 19. Had two beautiful daughter, divorced him at 25. He is a constant thorn in my side.
I tried to help and fix him all our adult life - I resent him for wasting my time as he thinks there is nothing wrong with him. He is always right. He is completely out of tune with society and utterly confuses my children.
What i would suggest is - put your energies into developing yourself, your career, as there are many many many men out there that are not so bloody exhausting.
I think back and I was loyal, beautiful tall blonde, - why did I bother - because I thought I could help him because he was so smart and I knew that he could do well if someone believed in him.
I gave up my career, I gave up my self grooming, I became exhausted, depressed, scared of him at times and almost lost my sanity.
I know your not saying you are going to marry him - but what I am saying as I do to my daughters - keep him as a friend, because if you kiss him or become romantic with him - you have lost your friend and he may become your worst pain in the butt.
Thanx a lot, i kinda wish id got ur msg a bit earlier, ur ex-husband sounds EXACTLY like Karl. But recently, he tried to start fights wiv my friends, and couldnt seem to grasp the concept that he should have respect for my friends, i always believe that everyone deserves a second chance, but the final straw was wen he got me involved wiv the police. I wish to do well in my life, and as much as i like him and want to help him, i cant afford to go down that path and ruin my life. He might not be able to help it but i can. I might sound harsh but thats the way i have to be becoz if i dont, il go bac 2 him, and end up doin at u did. and no offence, but i dnt want that. So i had to end it. And i havent seen him again, but i got a prank call afterwards, lik 2 mins afterwards so it must hav bin him. and wen i was doin it, i felt scared, i actually felt scared of what he wud do, an im sur thats not right. from wat i hear hes stil tellin people im his girlfriend... but thanx for all ur help. im finished.[QUOTE=Lozza]. Now i understand that he has an illness. I dont want to dump him because he has an illness
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Theres your problem right there ADD is not an illness, your the illness for thinking that,that was one of the things i was trying to say in my topic. Hes just like everyone else( in a way of speaking) its not like hes handicapped or anything. Ya know Einstien had ADD.
First off He needs to reliase that ADD is a reason not an excuse to go running around and go screaming.
If you really want him to take his medication slip it in his drink and stir or somthing.
Well the main reason for having ADD is genetics its usually somthing your born with, although being a baby and not being able to walk too easily or pick much up its probly not too obvouis till they reach child age.ADHD is a real illness that starts in childhood.
This is wat it says on the page about adhd, on THIS actual site, u wanna correct the host, not me, i didnt no anything bout adhd, apart from my mum tellin me til i looked at this site. anyhow i dnt c him nemor, except from wen i hear that he has been tellin his m8s bout wat i apparently did wiv him in the bac of his van, so its not my problem.
Lozza,
I think Wild-Child was trying to express that ADHD should not be used as an excuse to indulge in behavior he could learn to control to some extent. Your post gave the impression that you thought he could not learn to behave any better than he already was. ADHD behaviors can be controlled to some extent by everyone who has it. It isn't easy and the severity of it may prevent some from becoming totally self controlled without meds, but he could behave better if he tried. You have to be motivated to try, even take behavior modification classes sometimes.
Rather than calling it an illness, I would call it more of a disorder since we are not sick. It is a handicap to some extent, but with the right motivation, there are many very positive traits an ADHDer has which can be used to contribute to society. It is not an excuse to to be used to get out of growing up.
It is very hard sometimes for a person with ADHD to communicate what they are really trying to say. We know what we want to say, it just doesn't come out the way we meant it to.
Good on ya lozza - keep safe and well!Thank u, ive also had a very contrasting reply but i agree wiv both. Well it turns out the other boy got bored of me anyway 
so...well i havent spoken to karl bout the adhd yet? waitin for the right moment, i spoke to him about his behaviour, i think he listened but took it prety much as a lecture, tho i tried my hardest to not hav a go at him.I wana try but i think it jus mite b too hard hes still ringin me every day but he tried to start a fite wiv my m8s the other day. Ill make the right decision, but thanx for helpin me get there.
Love Lauren xxx
Lauren,
Have you tried telling him that you will not see him anymore unless he takes his meds? You can explain that you care enough about him to want to help him and that includes caring enough to walk away if he won't help himself at all. Its called tough love. You can only help someone who wants to be helped and if he doesn't care enough about you to try to straighten his life out, he will drag you down.
I know you won't want to hear this but you also need to figure out where and when he gets into trouble and refuse to go there with him. If you can only see him at your house safely, refuse to see him anywhere else. The first rule of helping someone is to make sure you don't put yourself into the position where you will be sucked in rather than them being pulled out.
If you were my daughter, I would only let him see you at our house when we were there. Maybe it would help him to take his meds and then see a normal home where he is accepted as he is because he is trying. If your mother or her boyfriend decide he is hurting you more than you are helping him, listen to them please. They have your best interests at heart.
I admire you for wanting to help him. It says a lot for your character and the way your mother is raising you! As for seeing the other boy, you are only 15 and you should be seeing more than one boy. You have your future to prepare for and tying yourself down to one guy at your age is not going to help you. The only way to know the type of guy you want to end up with and how to know him when you meet him is to be friends with many guys. (Note I said friends)!
Barb