Is it hard to live with me? | ADHD Information
My Mum always says Im a nightmare to live with.Im messy, argumentative, unorganised, forgetful and always leave dangerous things lying around! e.g. forget to turn gas off.
My boyfriend used to say he'd never live with me because Im a liability! Now he knows I have ADD he understands me more but I am scared he will never want to put up with these ways. I think he will, because he does love me.
I feel like saying to my Mum 'Fine Im moving out!' but I cant because I havent got the income to move out. HELP!! I feel trapped.
If your boy friend were messy, argumentative, unorganised, forgetful and always leaving dangerous things lying around, would you think he would be easy to live with?
I'm that way. My husband is that way. My son is that way. None of us are easy to live with. None of us likes those things about the others, but we expect the others to accept us being that way. Yes, we are a dysfunctional family and not proud of it.
Pilgrim, you are sleepy, you are very sleepy, you are now in a state of being where you will seek to answer ScattySarah's question.... Is she hard to live with?...
Oh Kay Barb . . . You got me . . .The ONLY person you can change is YourSelf, the Only attitude you can change is Your own . . .I'm constanly cleaning up after DD & DS & DW, I can grumble @ it [which is Way Esy to do] or say at least I have a DD< DS < DW here. I remember being unmarried & lonely and having NOBODY in my life. Now I deal with the good and the bad, the happy and the sad . . .
Did I answer the question, I don't know . . . pilgrim38686.3085532407You are right. He is slightly scatty, but he is so tidy and gets things done. I feel useless sometimes.Oh Well! I guess he will just have to deal with it.
Thanks for your advice. I am just scared I will never beable to move out. I feel like my Mum has been a bitch since my parents divorced. She is lovely, but lately she just puts me down about the way I am. She has her boyfriend round a lot and she is so self concious and when I say something wrong or do something ADDish she laughs at me in front of him or gives him a look to cover up what I have done because she is embarrassed! x
Sarah, when your mother puts you down or is embarrassed by you, the problem is with her, not you. She is newly single and feeling vulnerable and insecure right now, so things she would normally take for granted and not even think about, she is seeing in a new light. She is probably more aware of the things than they are.
Forgive her, do your best and keep on loving your mother. Do what you can to improve yourself but do it for you, not because you want to catch a husband or impress people you don't know. Do it because you want to be the best you can be. Just remember, the person you need to impress the most is you. If you like yourself the way you are, then just be happy and stop worrying.
Yes you do have a point. She is lovely but lately she just seems focussed on other things. She used to be the stay at home type now she is out loads with her friends and they are all a bit tarty which makes her a bit like that too. She is very normal and in no way is she at all like me. She is the opposite to ADD! My brother is like her and my Dad has his own house and is just like me, I think he has ADD. I can't live with him though we would kill each other. I just feel like I am so different to my family sometimes. xWell you are your own person with your own set of unique good and bad points . . . your Mum sounds like she is going thru some changes herself and maybe doesn't know how to handle them or herself now.I think, Scatty Sarah, that you should find comfort in who you are. What other people reckon of your organisational habits is, really, immaterial. It's good to turn the gas off, tho. If you can, try and get some reminder-type thing to remind you to turn off the gas, or to not leave dangerous things all over the shop. Don't try and do everything at once, tho. If you can go a week without leaving dangerous stuff lying about/gas on/whatever, then you've achieved something.I'm putting a paragraph in here because it seems needed. Anyway. I'm a dad with a 6 year old daughter. It's taken quite a lot of effort to not leave dangerous stuff (power tools, Stanley knives, saws, hammers, etc.) around, and I pretty much always get it right. Thankfully she doesn't go about picking whatever up and, I don't know, cutting her hands off or anything. She's pretty damned likely to have ADD as well, so there are myriad things she wants to play with anyway. A whole art zone full of fun things, TV to watch, ..., many things.
I'm still a fiercely messy fellow, tho. Dexies (or adderall or whatever you call 'em) are great and give me focus, but they don't give me a burning need to clean, or to put away whatever it is I'm using. There's a degree of self discipline involved. A great big degree. I spose I'm going on about this because I just saw my shrink today and we talked about big-picture organisation stuff. Dexies aren't going to help me with that. They allow (nay force) me to think of one thing at a time, instead of the many fun things there are to think about. I can always smoke a cone or 3 for that (unless I get a'busted).
Anyway again (hey - can anyone tell i'm on dexies at the moment?!?!), it's gonna take some effort on your part to organise your self and your life. The doc said today that I should make menial, boring things fun to do. YAY!! time to do the vaccuuming!! hmmmm... Don't know how well that's gonna work.
Another thing I do is to take as much of the decision to do organised stuff out of my hands as is possible. This is a general, and well thought out philosophy with me. Stick a note to the door handle of the room-that-contains-dangerous-stuff-you're-apt-to-leave- out reminding you to put the stuff away. Always turn on the timer for the oven, so you get an alarm going off 5 minutes after you've turned the gas on to remind you to turn it off. Get an electrician or gas dude to rig something up that will turn off the gas after a minute if not ignited.
If your mum says, "can't you just turn it off?"
You say, "apparently not. I do try, tho. I've tried all these things, and none of them seem to work."
She says, "well try harder!"
You say, "I have been! I don't want the house to blow up either! Let's do something real to try and fix it."
Take the lead, and I reckon your mum will respect you for it.
As for your boyfriend, I'd be really, really sure before moving in with him. If you are a scatterbrained f**ker like me (and everyone else reading this), you could both be at each other's throats before too long. Wonderful way to end a relationship. Putting up with someone isn't a great way to foster a loving, caring, harmonious home life. You don't want to be resenting each other - him resenting your scatterbrained ways and you resenting him for always being on at you to clean this up or put that away, etc, etc. Be very happy together first. Make sure he totally accepts you for who you are.
And finally, make sure you know who you are. The best thing that ever happened to me with my ADD is finding myself. Knowing exactly how I'll react to something. Knowing what it is that I want to do and not feeling guilty for not doing other important crap.
Yay!!! 705 words! That was a rant and a half! Hope it helps you, tho.
A mobile phone works marvellously as an alarm attached to you, especially if you can set many reminders on it.
My daughter's name is Zenobia and she is rather hyper. Even though I'm a non-hyperactive ADD sort, my dad says she is just like I was - talking about whatever whilst hooning from one side of the room to the other. She is different from other kids, but seems to get on nicely with them. Very unfocussed, tho. I talk with her teacher (Year 1) about her behaviour 'n' stuff. She's good(ish) in class, but seriously off task a lot of the time. Appalling handwriting (like myself), but certainly not falling behind academically.
I treat her like a grown-up as much as I can. Explain everything that I do re discipline - "If you don't eat your lunch at school, you won't get strong and your brain won't work as well." We worked out a deal yesterday whereby she gets pizza for lunch, made at home with broccoli, cauliflower (she loves them - freak!), sausage, cheese, etc. Talking heaps with her is a very good thing.
And knowing yourself - it's not all that hard - you're with you every minute of every day. Just gotta like yourself. It doesn't matter much what other people reckon of you, though a group of excellent friends really helps. And there sure are a lot of thoughts to have, competing for consciousness time and giving you little respite. Have you considered medication? It does quell the myriad thoughts and keeps you well focussed.
Seeker - As for the amount of words - a quick cut 'n' paste into word told me that. And the scat stuff - You may remember a song "Scatman" ... I was a giggling fool at that!
0005 - couldn't agree more.
yyub- how can you count all those words?
i couldn't evn read them all!
and i tend to have long posts! i wonder how much of them actually get read.
and scatty- sorry, but when i read 'scatty', i think of animal scat. (spoor in some other dialects). i have a mental struggle to correct my brain and reframe the word to your definition. no offense. your posts are lovely.
My mother always tells me that I have made her a stronger person. This is probably in light of the crazy child that I was. I am not sure how old you are, or where you are in life (i.e. whether you are actually ready to move out or not) but I know that you shouldn't leave under bad circumstances. If your mum has legitimate concerns about your personal habits, maybe you should address those first, and then decide if you want to move out after that. I think you should move out cause you are ready too, not because of some bad traits that you could work on. Let me know if this helps.WOW! That was a lot of writing but it really helped. You are right about my boyfriend I must be sure we are 100% happy etc.. before moving in.
The Gas idea is a good idea, may consider it. It's as if I need an alarm attached to me.
What is daughters name?Is she hyper? Does she act differently others?
I think now I know I have ADD, I can definately start learning more about my personality! I need to know myself, my ADD makes me change often and I am so full of thoughts sometimes I don't know myself xx
[QUOTE=ScattySarah]My Mum always says Im a nightmare to live with.Im messy, argumentative, unorganised, forgetful and always leave dangerous things lying around! e.g. forget to turn gas off.
My boyfriend used to say he'd never live with me because Im a liability! Now he knows I have ADD he understands me more but I am scared he will never want to put up with these ways. I think he will, because he does love me.
I feel like saying to my Mum 'Fine Im moving out!' but I cant because I havent got the income to move out. HELP!! I feel trapped.
[/QUOTE]
Hmm, sounds like my wife speaking, after a particularly rough episode. I feel like running to the nearest high building and throwing myself off sometimes, because I cannot seem to communicate to her that I am not deliberately acting this way.
[QUOTE=ScattySarah]You are right. He is slightly scatty, but he is so tidy and gets things done. I feel useless sometimes.Oh Well! I guess he will just have to deal with it.
he will have to deal w/ it?
get your act 2gether for him but more importantly for the quality of your life