Honesty | ADHD Information

Poorly received,  Yes, And sometimes pousm nodya  osm  peamwed. Ghkeod fudo  & akueor orlfd. rotwel futterfry skiski nodioni.

(I feel like no one still understands what I'm trying to say)  or  perhaps they don't know how to respond to some of the more serious issues, so they ignore it?

It’s kinda like after I took began taking Adderall, and after another life incident that occurred, I became aware of things in my life that I was totally unaware of before.  I was lying to myself about many things, but it wasn’t really intentional lying. It was more like I had created a world that I wanted, or desired, but wasn’t really true.  My life in a way didn’t really exist. Not the way I portrayed it anyway.  And Learning to say what I really feel, comes out so wrong much of the time, like I said, raw and over emotional.  But then again, perhaps, I'm just learning to really feel.

I want to be an honest person, I really suck at lying.  But, more than anything, I want to be true to myself.  Does that make sense?

 

i learned to lie because my particular type of honesty is poorly recieved by others.

had to learn to keep my mouth shut to:

stop insulting others

prevent opening myself up to judgement by idiots(whoops! that should read 'others'. see what i mean above?)

save some of my thoughts for me, until i can make them palatable for the world.

Just keep swimming...I have years of hiding and trying to cover up.

I'm with ya, cg

Thanks to All!Learning to talk honestly is a real challenge

OK HONESTY POP QUIZ>>>>

Do you really live in Belize?

There's a difference between lying and joking around, right? 

No, soy de Tejas, verdad

I hear yea......sometimes I tell lies without even realizing what I just said.  I am an honest person, but i will blurt things out so people will either like me or just accept me.  Now I have realized that I didn't need to do that, but I can't help it.  I now live by those same rules c.g. don't talk or con't tell and I have become the trusted friend that I wanted to be.  It's still hard, its like my mouth works befor the brain. or my brain is in overdrive.

im taking my doc visits meds & ADD secret to the grave.

now my act is coming together people just think ive grown up

Well you guys know how I feel about honesty.  I have gone from lying to myself and pretty much the world to being out there - telling it "like it is" (damn did I use that old 70's gem?LOL)

The best policy is honesty.  I tell the truth - but mind you I have learned through my meds and CBT to be sparing with who I tell what and when.  I can now actually keep secrets (used to never be able to) and realize that the truth sometimes isn't the best thing - and neither is lying so the best route is to shut the *%$# up!

Don't fear it though.  Sometimes you'll see a shock or puzzled look in people - that's good as that means things aren't going over your head as most with ADHD get - instead you can realize that one of two things happened - you either revealed too much to the wrong person or they are just honestly surprised.  Either way you live you learn.

With practice you can do what my mother's gag bumper sticker to me many decades ago suggests - "Be sure brain is in gear before engaging mouth".  Now I imagine my speech like a car - and I'm sure to put on the brakes at each stop (what I consider a new branch of a conversation or a start of one). I then look both ways (I think "what comes next - and is it appropriate?") then slowly - emphasize SLOWLY move forward.

Try it - it works!

I have lived a long time by the “don’t talk, don’t tell” rule. A coping strategy I learned in order to survive.   Learning to talk honestly is a real challenge.  Trying to move away from the self-deceit towards honest disclosure is difficult & awkward.  I am not gifted at telling the truth yet.  I have practiced self-deceit too long.  So sometimes, the words come out startling.  They are too raw, too filled with emotion.  It’s all part of the process.  That is why it is so helpful to have a place like this to be able to come to and tell about our thoughts, our feelings, our needs, our struggles, our failures and our dreams 

Thanks - cg

WOW!  Don't know why I didn't expect those questions, but, since I'm working on honesty here goes -

I was deceiving myself about being happy.  I pretended everything was great, even when it wasn't.  I covered things that I did not think would be socially accepted (like an abusive relationship). I made excuses for the abuse. I allowed everyone in my life to control me, while my most basic needs were being denied. I was so busy trying to please others to gain their acceptance, I lost myself in the process. 

 The world I created was one that I thought would be accepted by others, the one they want to hear -  I pretended I was in control - while I was coming apart at the seams.  While living in this denial, I could not even begin to work on the problems at hand. 

Now, I'm seeing that by lying to myself, I created more problems.  I was running from pain, however, I just exchanged one kind of pain for another.  I Just wasn't ready before now to hear the truth myself and take on the problems.

What I have discovered, is most people don't really want to hear about it.  It makes them too uncomfortable.  I don't know if they don't know what to say or do, but, it is mostly ignored.  It's a common problem, so why don't we hear about it more often?  Because women don't talk.  Abuse is normal to me.  It is all I have ever known.  I feel like I caused this myself.  It is my fault because I am unpredictable, undependable, and moody.   I've just made so many bad choices.  I'm trying to sort things out. 

So now I've told you more than you ever wanted to know.

love ya c.g.

breaks my heart to hear youv'e been treated so bad.

i know all about the artificial life lead to cover up what we really are.

instead of happy, i was mad all the time, 'cause it was never o.k. to be me- flaky, impulsive, blunt, unfinished, distracted....

these last mos. finding the truth, i am much less angry. i don't have to be mad at someone, or some 'obstacle'.

when things don't work, i know it's probably my brain and not something out there. no cosmic conspiracy.i don't have to make excuses or cover it up.

these boards, you and the others, have really helped me heal a lot. even better, it has just begun!

let the healing begin!

con mucho amor!

Appreciate that Seeker, a lot.  Really thought my reply would kill the post.  And it still may.  Thank you for hearing. Don't think I can take one more rejection. 
 
Glad you are accepting yourself too and becoming your true self.  It takes courage.  These boards do help.  It's great that we can help each other.
con mucho amor tambien, mi amigo nuevo

CG, it sucks that you have been going through so much. Now that I know where you are coming from, let me just say that I have been through a similar situation, and probably more people on these boards than you think have too.

Generally, I think women have to figure out who they are and what they can accept in a relationship. These things are inextricably intertwined. I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship. I have been in one-way "relationships" seeking to alleviate loneliness and sometimes, unconsciously, to self-destruct. I had to decide that I was not willing to give myself away, to be abused, to be used, or to feel bad about myself in order to be with someone.

It sounds like you are on a similar journey. I can't tell you what steps you should take on your journey, but being honest with yourself is probably the most important.

You've got to let go of trying to please other people or pretend that everything is okay. You can't live your life for anyone else but you.

[QUOTE=Countrygirl] It’s kinda like after I took began taking Adderall, and after another life incident that occurred, I became aware of things in my life that I was totally unaware of before.  I was lying to myself about many things, but it wasn’t really intentional lying. It was more like I had created a world that I wanted, or desired, but wasn’t really true.  My life in a way didn’t really exist. Not the way I portrayed it anyway. [/QUOTE]

Could you explain this a bit more? What were you deceiving yourself about? What world did you create? How did your life not exist the way you had portrayed?

[QUOTE=LTC1]cg, It sounds like we could be" two peas in a pod" I'm 46 and I feel like
I'm just now truely finding myself...Or should I say looking to find myself.

I have been a camillion in the past...[/QUOTE]

Knew you got it when I read your first reply.  Guess it's time.

Just keep swimming.

 

cg, It sounds like we could be" two peas in a pod" I'm 46 and I feel like
I'm just now truely finding myself...Or should I say looking to find myself.

I have been a camillion in the past...I certainly can identify with Seeker63. I tend to be open door, open mouth, honest, intending to be kind and fix everything but am often impulsive and blunt.

Often without meaning to do so my open, honesty together with my impulsive nature leaves me saying the first thing that comes into my head and hurting people unintentionally.