My son Tyler | ADHD Information

Hi !

I'm new here and wanted to introduce myself. I'm a 33 yr old mom to 2 great kids. My daughter Ashleigh is 6 and my son Tyler is 8.  Ever since Tyler was real little I've always known he was *different*. More hyper than the rest of the children...he was ALWAYS busy !  Preschool came and went (2 yrs of that) and we got reports about him being impulsive and so forth but it wasn't really an issue. Then came kindergarten.  The teacher had issues with him but we worked through it with behavior charts and so forth.  1st grade came and his teacher said maybe we should talk to our pediatrician about Tyler's behavior. So we did and he referred us to a psychiatrist. Thsi guy was SO awful for my son that I never took him back after the 2nd meeting. Me and his teacher worked with Tyler on his behavior and we got through the year.  Well, now its 2nd grade and he seems SO much worse  :(  He can't sit still, he's disruptive and VERy disrespectful to his teacher. Altho, his teacher is no prize either...I've had talks upon talks with her and Tyler really dislikes her, and its so obvious she doesn't care too much for Tyler.  We've started taking him to a psychologist who is absolutly wonderful !  He's gonna start doing a neuro-psych evaluation on Tyler and he thinks we should have an OT eval done also.   Just by observing Tyler in his office for 60 mins he thinks, nowmore than ever, that Tyler does have ADHD but without the proper diagnose he can't say he's 100%.  The thing is, tyler has gotten SO much worse in a very short period of time.  Just since he's started school he is VERY mouthy, and defiant, and just not the same kid he was 4 months ago.   I know the doctor is gonna put him on something....I'm interested in hearing about parents who have had to start their child on a med, and how you felt about it, if the meds made a difference and if they continue to make a difference.  Seems all I hear about is the *bad* about drugs like Straterra and Concerta.      Seems all I do these days is cry because I see him struggling and it just hurts.  Thanks in advace for anyone that replies !!

Wow, reading what you parents are going through makes me feel for you guys!!  I only have pets!  I was your kid in school.  My Mom and Dad told me I was SUCH a handful.  In second grade my Mom switched my teacher because she though I was just a "problem".  To be honest, I do NOT remember this teacher at all.  My new teacher was Ms. May.  I remember her.  I LOVED her.  My parents, I know, struggled with me.  They did not have drugs back then to put me on.  And I am glad.  Only because I am an adult.  We did not have brain docs for me to go see.  I only had Mom and Dad.  I sat in my room with my Dad...who I thought was the most evil person alive...in a room while we did math tables OVER AND OVER again.  I am not saying this is a solution.  I did not graduate high school with any Ivy league schools knocking down my door for me to attend!  Perhaps my "condition" decided I was not a good candidate for these types of schools.  I went to a military school because I was afraid of a "normal" school because I had no confidence in myself and I wondered why I was such a smart person around those who got in to ivy league schools but just could NOT GET MY sh*t TOGETHER.  Really!  My friends where all HIGH achievers.  I was the lowest common denominator.  ANd that sucked.  Cause I was JUST AS SMART.  So, I go to military school <Virginia Military Institute> then drop out and travel for 4 years (Jamacia, Tobago....ie, the islands...then Europe....Britian and the Continent).  When I returned I went to the admin lady at W&M (William and Mary...a good school near my home) and told her of my life thus far.  She let me in contingent on good grades for one year.  I got good grades  although VERY HARD.  I found a good brain shrink.  We worked togther.  Now, at 37, I have a pretty good corporate job (actually, it's a very good job...I'm proud I have it and I love my company).  I take Ritalin LA now.  Only three weeks but the SAME scared feeling of FAILURE haunts me.  I REFUSE to fail.  My doc is helping me NOT fail.  I will NOT fail.  I may need the Ritalin LA ( I really do LOVE the stuff) but I don't care.

BUT, I feel lucky to not have to have gone through the roller coaster drug ADHD experience growing up.  I was in a more innocent time and place with VERY LOVING parents who GAVE THEIR LIVES for me.  I cry just thinking of their sacrificices and what I put them through reading your stories.  YOUR KIDS WILL AND CAN GROW UP TO SUCEED.  

It's society today that forces us to be so "achieving" at such a young age.  You know, perhaps we are suppose to all be "freaky and different" growing up.  It can be a relief.  Who wants a stepford wife life?????  Modern American culture wants that from us.  We have to fit in, get in good schools, get good jobs, make good people.  What happened to just being alive, happy and getting through life happy and succesufl????  It seems the definitions of these things has changed.  It may seem like your kids will not get "all those things" that we want them to get to be happy....but you know.....with all the f**k ups I had growing up I'm pretty damn okay.  I'm typing on my laptop with fancy speakers attached to play my Napster downloads.  I am heading to Gombay Festivel in an hourish (Key West here...we have a Bahamian festivle once a year) and I have a good job, good significan't other and a houseful of fabulous (er, I'm gay) pets...two dogs, two cats, one parrot and a fish tank of fish. 

It seems like modern society robs kids of being a kid.  Messing up is okay.  Being hyper is okay.  Raising a littel hell is okay.  Of course, if it goes beyond that I understand needing help...meds or otherwise.  I just wonder how far society is pushing us....

The reason your son is probably acting more difficult is because life is probably getting harder for him.  School is getting more frustrating because more is expected.  Sitting is longer, work is harder, concentrating is required.  My son had a hard time in 2nd grade too.  This year in 3rd we're seeing more issues at home with being defient.  Luckily, he is too afraid of getting in trouble at school so he is fine there.  But I know it has to come out somewhere so home is the best place.
We had our neuropsych. appt. today.  It went fine but we won't get the results for 4 weeks.  My son is not hyper, just inattentive.
As for drugs, DO YOUR RESEARCH!
We had our son on adderal for a while but he had a number of side effects that made it not worth it.  We're hoping to get some ideas from the psychologist that don't require drugs.  We are not oppossed to them, we just haven't found one that works for him.  He has a heart murmur so we have to be careful.
Don't put your son on anything until you know what you are dealing with.

busymommy - I know your pain!

I was a child with ADHD - and am an adult with the same.  My parents (especially my mom) went through the 70s crying and worrying about me all the time - rather than being able to enjoy life.  That's the big tragedy to me.

That was a time when education was simpler - get your reading, writing and arithmatic, throw in some electives and toss the kid to the adult world.  And still - I could not sit still, pay attention or follow instructions.  I couldn't do homework and many concepts eluded me.

That's why I get upset when I see people blaming the modern education system for kids being misdiagnosed as ADHD just to keep the peace.  That simply is wrong!  Most kids diagnosed with ADHD truly cannot help the distractions and behavior that goes on.  It's not a simple matter of "kids don't like to sit down - what's so new about that?" - but that an ADHD kid simply cannot control the urge to zip about like a fly on crack.  It's in our nature and no reward or punishment can ever work properly with us.

There are meds - and don't be so frightened of that possibility.  With the right physician or psychiatrist and weekly visits - the meds make an enourmous difference!  A kid that could not focus on what's in front of them will easily be able to after taking meds.  It doesn't make zombies - only kids that can now do as others do.

There is also Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT).  With meds and CBT a kid can not only control the urge to misbehave - but can learn new ways to cope with the feelings going on inside his/her mind.  It works wonders.

Good luck!

I hope we are on the forefront of some major breakthroughs in medical science. School gets harder as you older which raises kids anxiety also. 4th,7th,9th we have been told are the hardest years.

You could check out the book Stopping ADHD.  It has exercises in it that you can do with your son that will mature a reflex in our bodies that give the symptoms of ADD or ADHD if not matured. 

I have ADD and it has helped me very much. I have done the exercises for about a month and I already see the difference.  I will keep doing them.   I am also a teacher.  I see these things happed with students all the time.  It is heartbreaking.  I can relate to what you are going through.  If you can, spend time in the classroom.  Offer to help the teacher with other things.  Sometimes a teacher will change his or her attitude if you offer to help with other things that are overwhelming her.

The book I referred to mentions that they spent time in a school with children that have the symptoms of ADD and ADHD.  They did the exercises with a control group and left another group without the exercises.  (Both groups were children who showed signs of ADD or ADHD) At the end of the experiment, the tests showed great improvement for the students who did the exercises.  The teachers even wanted to give the exercises to the students who hadn't done them - the control group.

I think the book is worth looking into.  It has helped me very much.

 

 

I have to disagree with Glens comment that drugs don't make zombies.
They do with some kids.  Maybe it was the wrong drug or maybe he just reacted badly to it, but on just 5mg. of adderal, my son was a zombie in school.  His first grade teacher said he basically lost his personality totally.  The drug took it all away.
It scared me and saddened me.
just DO YOUR RESEARCH!  Watch your child closely and make sure the Dr. really monitors your child (at least every 3 months)
Mind altering drugs are nothing to mess with in small children.  I am not opposed to them at all.  I just think you have to consider all your options.

My daughter had issues in pre-school but nothing that wasn't out of the ordinary for children her age. Then came Kindergarten and the first day I got a note home that stated Alex needed help with her behavior. Well, I called the teacher the next day to see what she meant by the note and soon found out that if I don't get my daughter "under control" that she would be suspended from KINDERGARTEN. I was sick. I thought "WHAT?" My daughter is not a perfect child, but I never got a report from daycare that she had a problem that needed medication. So I took her to the doctor and had her tested and so forth. She was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. She went through many different meds before finding one that suited her well. But the entire Kindergarten year was heck on us all. I thought many times that I would have a nervous breakdown. I tried so many things to help the situation. I had meetings with the teacher, the counselor, etc. I finally came to the conclusion that the teacher didn't really care about Alex's problem and she didn't want to change things in the class to accommodate Alex. There's a law to prevent that, Section 504. You need to use it to your ability. It gives your child the rights that he/she needs to make school a better situation for them. I also believe that Alex and her Kindergarten teacher had a personality clash, because this year she's doing just fine. You may have a problem like that as well.

Check out what the school can do to help your child with his/her studies. And maybe the school counselor can help with the situation as well. I wish you the best. I know how overwhelming it can be. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks Glen, you sound like our social worker What a coincidence, my user name is bizzemom and I am Stacy! Putting my son on meds was the hardest thing I've ever done, many tears later and 3 weeks of different doses and different drugs the results are better then I could have imagined. He is more fun to be with then he ever has been, no more bad attitude and temper and meanness. So my advice to you is stay strong and hopefully you will get good results like most people who take medication.

Good for you and your ds Stacy! (hope you don't mind me using your name ).

Meds shouldn't be taken lightly - but must be seen as a viable alternative to waiting for things to get better.  With ADHD it rarely does - often gets worse.

I have a unique perspective in that I recall near perfectly the childhood of undiscovered ADHD and the harm not being helped did to my life through adulthood.  I got through it only because I have a head on my shoulders kept there by a strong, loving and caring mother.  Even with that I suffered the average ADHD woes - no permanence, sadness, no love or friends.  It's like being mentally ill - it makes us distant and so very lonely.

Now that I'm on meds I KNOW that if the me as a child was here he'd cry to the heavens to get meds!!! They just changed everything - from my inner peace to outer compatibility and all between.  I make friends (and keep them), don't lie cheat or steal and love pretty much everything and most everyone (trolls excluded sorry).

Be happy and proud - you did a wonderful thing.  Down the road your son will say "thanks for loving me enough mom to get me all the help you could - I am better for it".  Believe that - it will happen.

 

First day at school can be very nerve racking for children and make them behave badly or inconsolable.   Teachers should know that.  Good teachers should be able to recognize it and try to make the day better for children who find it hard not react like Alex's teacher.  To treat a child like Alex's teacher did, not understanding how frightening it can be and writing a note home and all, then it would have been even more unpleasent for Alex and reenforced her fear. If that goes on it can make a child frightened of school for years and behave badly for years at school.  Then the situation escalates, child hates school, teacher dislikes child, child hates teacher, child behaves badly. 

If the next year theres a different teacher and a good one, or a change of school, where the teacher understands why children are frightened and behave upset or badly, if the teacher understands and goes out to be special kind and patient that day, then the child gradually gets confidence back, starts to like school, starts to behave better.

Doctor should know that to. 

 

 

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A teacher who has no understanding of children is in the wrong work.  Day one at school a teacher should be primed to looking out for children who look or behave scared or badly behaved on there first day and make a big effort to make school special nice for them so they arent scared anymore.

Teaching like parenting is hard work. they shouldnt expect it easy, and if a teacher cant do the job they should leave or be fired before they do more harm than good.

 

 

Teachers are human and most parents don't have 30 kids at home to look after and pick up on certain behaviors.
Plus, there isn't enough hours in the day to give all the children the attention they deserve.
Don't be so hard on them.  Homeschooling is always an option for parents who are unhappy with the school system.