when do I tell a guy that I have ADHD? | ADHD Information
I am a woman, 37 yrs. When is the right time to be open to aguy about my ADHD? I do not trust my judgement in men,
though I know there are some good ones out there, I am now
too shy/scared of putting myself on the line in case I make a
wrong choice again. Are there men out there who will not be
fazed by hearing 'ADHD' and will not automatically think the
worst? All I need is someone I can trust in my life, which is
pretty rare at the best of times. I am tired of being so protective
of myself and I am meeting very few people because of this. If I
can believe there are some good/understandin guys out there
then I might be able to step out of my comfort zone long enough
to find the one for me. Please let me know your thoughts?
I would tell him as soon as possible and if he isn't willing to accept it then he wasn't meant for you anyway. Don't bother building up all this trust and then telling him later on because if he doesn't accept it the heartbreak will be greater. Come clean early on that way you won't waste your time. Good luck.
Btw, I'm male and I have no problem with individuals that have ADD :) I was diagnosed about 2 months ago, and before that I never cared either. I mean its not like you have AIDS or something so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
dieburnbot38201.4926041667Thankyou dieburnbot (love the name it made me smile)
also thankyou to cheekydeeky for confirming my suspiscions.
That it is better to be honest and up-front. It's good to hear your
views and it sounds like I should be more confident about who I
am. It was good to get a response from a man and a woman,
so I have both points of view, and you are both saying the same
thing. I should have more faith in human nature I think.
CS Mommy the book looks really good so I will give it a try. I
never thought such a book existed, and specific to what I was
wanting to know, Thankyou, I thought I wasn't going to get any
response so I am chuffed to bits (very happy).
utinker
While looking for something else I would this book. I don't know if its good but check it out at the library.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/087833209X/ref%3Dnosi m/livingwithadd/002-8921099-7780050
I'd just tell him. There's nothing to be ashamed of and let him know that too. The sooner you tell him, the better. That way he doesn't misunderstand the way you act. He may be very supportive. I've told many guys I'm dating about my ADHD and none of them were scared away.
Cheekydeeky
I dont think you need to tell him at all - I never knew I had add until recently and I am 33 years old. I was a good partner - very energetic and loyal, regardless of whether I knew I had add or not - those relationship would have been the same.
Personally - I wouldnt tell him unless he was intending to want to marry me and then it wouldnt matter because he loves me - its not an STD you know.
Perhaps if you join a group where you may meet a man with similar interests it wont matter if you have adhd. No body is perfect - he will have something not "right" about him either. Groups that suit ADHD might be - cycling, writing, walking, philosopical societies, art, animal study groups (base it around, science, exercise, art groups and I believe you are bound to meet someone that finds you to be the most fascinating person in the world) Avoid drinking places to meet new people - people who meet in pubs, night clubs etc always seem doomed. But you have to be out there for him to find you. 
Oh yeah, Telecafe and introline (or equivalent in US) are also great places to meet people because you can talk heaps first.
Rae7038202.708125Utinker,
Uhhhhh, whoops. I think you're on the right track then. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Cheeky
Utinker,
I honestly don't see what the big deal is. There is no shame in telling someone you have it, even if it's someone you just met.
How is telling someone about your ADHD spoiling everything? If he is someone that is going to dump you over that he's not worth being with. (That's pretty ignorant if you ask me.) Tell him as soon as your ready to tell him. It sounds like you're using this issue in place of another- it seems the real issue is that you question your judgement when it comes to relationships and you don't know whether it's wise to get close to this guy. A common problem with ADD.
Cheekydeeky
I am afraid you are repeating the things that I have already said
about myself. !I think I understand what you mean DADwithADD. I am
probably scared of getting too involved and then I have to go
and spoil things, but if he is the right person and all....
I am the kind of person who feels that ADHD can also be a big
bonus as well as a pain in the ..s so I suppose the trick is to
meet someone on the same wavelength with that in mind. But
it still baffles me wether it should be a week, a month or so on,
when I tell him. I have tried not to worry too much about this
because every guy is different, but because it is on my mind, I
go quiet or I feel I am not being honest or myself, which is a big
thing to me. And how would I find out what his views are
without putting us both on the spot ?
Utinker
I would tell him when you thought he was ready to hear it. It's not like you have to wear a badge that says "Hi, I have ADD.and by the way my name is..." but, if he understands what ADD is, and you have a 'bad day' around him, it's better that he knows ahead of time, than it sound like an excuse later...