just cos you’re all so smart... | ADHD Information

yup.  think was just a temporary brain spasm from being so surprised to get the  email.  i got on well with him before i realised he was as nuts as he was --- so maybe that is the bit i am remembering and responding too.  i don't know.  i don't  know what i think.  i know i do feel guilty for being so nasty with him - but like you say, why should i care?  i shouldn't.  so i won't.   

Why would you consider apologizing to someone who is scarey and very possible a criminal? Someone who by his own admission doesn't treat women very well? Someone who carries a gun? Someone who won't share what he does for a living?  This man has criminal written ALL over him!  Why would you even CARE what this man thinks? 

Honey are you nucking futs?  Respect yourself.  Do not respond in any shape form or fashion.  and above all.....

RUN FAST AND VERY FAR AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!

Put this in perspective.  If you had a daughter would you want her dating him or even having contact with him? Probably not.

well thanks guys.  i was never considering re-inititating a relationship.  i left him because he was a very angry man and that's not really me...

i just wanted to apologise for the way i behaved but yeah, considered that it might re-open contact and that that probably wasn't a good idea.  he only has my email cos i am always moving so my physical address is constantly changing.  i'm fine and can limit the contact i suppose,,,,

i think i won't reply.  i just feel a bit bad about it.  and i am curious as to what he wants.  and was a bit taken by surprise to get the email in the first place - but WW is right i was even a little scared to open the email....  he can be so full of invective that even his emails can leave you feeling as if you have just been punched in the face!?!???

i make him out to sound terrible and really he is not that bad, part of it may well be my imagination - he told me he made his money from real estate.  it is more what 'others' said and what conclusions i made for myself that made me think that even if it was through real estate --- he was buying properties for people who couldn't legally use their own cash.  that's all.  that said he had many very respectable friends too, including European royalty to whose wedding we were invited and all that was fun and interesting to be around.............

despite all that - he IS scary.  i find him scary - at some level.  although i would never admit it to him.  i will consider whether to apologise but i think in the end it's best not to reply.  thanks for all YOUR replies though.  you're great!  hahahaha ADDers rock!    ceej x

 

thanks guys, thanks.  that's all  i needed to hear really --- it is that curiousity thing that gets me tho.  i really want to know WHY he is trying to reinstate contact because i wouldn't have thought his ego would let me try to re-contact me.  so it has to be for some BIG reason (or so my warped thinking goes) and of course i am CURIOUS.

above and beyond that --- i do want to apologise for being such a bitch (why i should care so much about that i don't know) but you are all RIGHT. 

it is tooooooooo risky - he is too unpredictable.  now though i feel i am compounding my initial nastiness with another blow to his ego --- ah well, as ray ray said look out for number one right???   i would just be falling into some cunning trap i know it.  ok ok i am not going to give in to my curiousity.....

  

you know what i suddenly thought --- maybe i don't want to lose contact?  that sounds weird seeing as we haven't been in contact since March this year but you know how it is....

... when you know you are still connected/in contact because something hasn't been quite resolved quite totally.  if i don't reply to this email i think that will cut that contact finally (the ethereal/mental contact if i can put it that way). 

maybe there is a bit of not wanting to lose that too.  who knows.  never mind.  i think you are right.  stay far away.

I agree with the run advice ---- and in the opposite direction.   If you must apologize for personal reasons, you can do it -  

then change your address, your phone, and your e-mail, move out of town and get on with your life elsewhere!!! 

Good luck sweetie,  there is a wonderful guy out there for you!!!   One who works at something legal for a living.   !!!

if it was meant to be it wouldnt have beenI don't know if there's a rule about this one -- sometimes ex-lovers really do just want to be friends, and who knows?  Maybe that *is* what he wants.  There's no way to know anybody's motives, ever -- I figure we know only a tiny percentage of what other people are thinking in the best of circumstances.  It's always the tip of the iceberg -- how can we ever know why anybody does anything?  The  thing is, you have stated clearly that that you are scared of him.  If you even think for one second that he might harm you (and you have thought that, because you've shared it here) -- trust your own wisdom and stay away.  Maybe he's harmless -- maybe his intentions are benign -- so what?  What's the payoff that makes the odds worthwhile?  I get that you feel guilty over how you treated him.  If you want to rectify that, do something nice for someone else and the karma will even out -- you don't have to play it out directly with him.

Chjones--I know that kind of chemical pull from a guy who you KNOW is bad news--RESIST, RESIST, RESIST!! Your gut knows what your head doesn't. Trust it and stay away.

He could be setting you up for any number of things; revenge is not below a man like this, obviously. If he carries a gun, you have reason enough to fear. Of course it's natural to be curious...but curiosity killed the cat! We love you too much to let it kill you---DO NOT WALK TOWARD THE LIGHT--COME BACK, COME BACK! Perhaps putting an auto-block on his emails. If he starts trying to reach you by other means, you probably need to notify the police.

 

jonesy - you need to break the "bad boy" loop.  Find yourself a nice young (or middle age) man who does something totally normal for a living and doesn't drive fancy motorcycles and break the law.

Excitement and adrenaline are appealing - but like anything addictive they lead to bad times and I know you already are well aware of that.

I don't pretend like other men not to know why you would be attracted to the wrong people.  I can sense it - and know that it's totally alluring and fun in the short run.  But on the long run these hot rockets burn out fast and drag all around them with them.  I have seen many hot rod studs from my high school nearly begging on the street corner because they hit the 'skids'.

Find yourself a safer option.  Someone like... me! Not me me - but like me.  One who has excitement inside but uses it for one woman one lifetime of happiness. Someone who is content with what he has - and realizes that he shouldn't blow it through vice and deceipt.

I hope you realize it this time - I'd hate to see a posting that you ended up on the wrong end of this dude.  That truly would be sad.

Write him off like a bad debt - and look for an accountant or office manager. 

 

If you are worried about the nasty way you left things don't.  No doubt his ego need knocking down a few pegs anyway.

Chjones, please do not have a single thing to do with him. If he has suitcases of money & a money counting machine he is so doing illegal things.  Think of it this way: If he is dealing drugs he is killing kids.  If he has some sort of prostitute business he is probably using runaway girls to do this.  Absolutely nothing good could come out of saying another single word to this low life.  If you don't know what he does for a living you have to know it is illegal.  I have never dated a guy that didn't tell me first off what he did for a living.

Don't respond!!!! And don't be like me.  When someone tells me I shouldn't do something I sooooo want to do it just because I'm defiant.

and i am feeling a little stupid at the moment, thought i might ask an ADD-unrelated question on relationships (hahaha advice from ADDers on relationships hmmmm)  if anybody has any thoughts...

i had a previous very difficult, angry boyfriend (i guess) who was very arrogant and kinda scary.  we parted last March in circumstances where perhaps i didn't behave very well and sorta destroyed his ego - probably, i don't know.

he's very, extremely wealthy (not that i care about that but it explains a bit his arrogance i think) and i am not sure where his money comes from but i don't think it is legal exactly - if you want to imagine the sort of guy he is,  an Italian mafia boss wouldn't be far off, he has a whole host of flunkeys who run around doing his bidding and he does in fact receive suitcases full of cash and has a cash-counting machine at his home.  he is always well-dressed, every single restaurant we ever went into it was all 'the best table, how lovely to see you again jokes with the manager/owner etc. etc.'  he is very well connected and knows lots of normal but well-known people but i think a lot of people ARE scared of him.  he keeps a gun in his car and another at his house...  he NEVER did any work that i could see the entire time i was with him, he was just full-on with me.  occasionally wandering off to make a phone call or tell someone else to do stuff and away for the odd meeting....

but i have felt bad ever since i was nasty with him on breaking up and now he has emailed me ..... in an indirect way kinda by sending an article on a subject we were both interested in to me but with no accompanying note.  this is the first contact since March 2005 - i would like to apologise for being so nasty with him because i still feel guilty about the way i behaved but at the same time i don't want to get back into contact full-time.  i think he is bad news - and slightly frightening.

and he doesn't have a history of treating women well at all.  or so i have been told, he treated me fine, but i do know he used to hold extravagant parties and fly in models and all his exes together from Denmark/China etc. and then deliberately humiliate them (apparently).  he admitted that he wasn't great with women in the past to me.

its not all bad - we did have some good fun when we were together and he was very keen to get married with me (or rather to put it in his terms it was more that he considered me sufficiently suitable to be allowed to apply for the exalted position of his wife???!!! )

am i mad to think of replying to his email?

or what?  why did he email me?  he obviously wants to reinstate contact but why?  why?  perhaps he still wants to get married with me but i don't want to go there at ALL - so should i just ignore?  has he spent nine months boiling over with this and now in fact just wants to meet me so he can kill me?  (i wouldn't put it past him - he has a chip in his front tooth, which he won't fix, because he says it is a reminder of when someone shoved a gun in his mouth and he has a lot of repressed anger.....)

that makes him sound like a nutter... he is a bit.  but still we had good fun.  we got on well, like many powerful people he has a lot of charisma, a lot of LIFE in him.  it can be fun to be with him but...

anyways - no big deal.  just a bit confused so thought would throw it out there and see if anyone had anything useful to say...

Hey, chjones!  Glad to see you back!

This sounds like the "attracted to the bad guy" thing that women go through.  Yep, their unpredictability can make them intriguing, and they often are emotional, which can make them superb in bed.  (I personally believe that it is the latter that is the great attraction, whether we women want to admit to it or not.)   Money doesn't hurt, either.  It's not that women or men are necessarily attracted to money, but being able to go anywhere on vacation, eat at great restaurants, and hang out in a cool house or apartment can make dating a whole lot more fun. 

So, you've got yourself a bad guy with money.  What to do???  Be honest with yourself.  Accept the fact that you are attracted to him and accept why.  Realize that most women who have dated for any extended period of time have been right where you are--not wanting the man but wanting the lifestyle.  Then...

 

 

 

RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!  VAMOOSE!  DON'T ANSWER THAT EMAIL!  HANG UP IF HE CALLS!  RUN, BABY, RUN!!!

 

lillian38692.5048032407

chjones

stay away, i come from that sort of family, guy sounds like my pop

it is now way to recover or repair your personal struggles they will only be compunded. trust me on this one.

watch out for numero uno

caio'

You know what they say - the easiest way to tell a drug dealer from a rich man is that he wears clothing way too expensive to match his obvious lack of intelligence.  If he looks too dumb to earn a living - chances are it's illicit.  And if he's a spoiled rich kid inheriting it - stay far and clear they are well known for being harmful to every one around them and themselves eventually.  The gotti kids come to mind.

If he's been bad to other women and you're aware of it - then that should be the final flag.  They all begin kind and considerate with women - until they get what they want and then you are their property and must abide by their rules totally or suffer.

Also - legitamate businesses don't have cash-counting machines at home.  The only people who have them are money-launderers, drug dealers and pimps.  If he also has a digital scale and a lifetime supply of ziplock bags then watch out!

I think that you should avoid someone like that.  Money is fleeting - if you don't feel a connection and safety with him then look elsewhere.  Happiness is all that matters in life and frankly if you have to ask - then you already know what to do.

[QUOTE=lillian]

RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!  VAMOOSE!  DON'T ANSWER THAT EMAIL!  HANG UP IF HE CALLS!  RUN, BABY, RUN!!!

[/QUOTE]

What Lillian Said.  Especially this part!!!!!

chjones - I would have to say go with your instincts or intuition and stay away from him.  I know you feel guilty and want to apologize, but he probably has gotten over whatever you said if he is trying to contact you again. 

I also think women like to be the one who is different or the special one who the bad guy changed himself for, if that makes any sense ??? Not sure I am explaining that thought too well. 

It sounds like you're just plain curious about what he wants, too.  But still...."curiosity killed the cat." He sounds exciting but dangerous.  Too many unknown factors about his life.