PARANOIA!!!!!!!!!! | ADHD Information

I do agree with what you have said. I think I know why he says these things. He told me it is to reassure himself that he still has his freedom and independance to live his own life. I have been so clingy over the past two years that I have made him feel trapped. He looks at it like we have our whole lives to spend together and while he is young he wants to enjoy his life and see his friends too. I totally understand him but I just wish I could sort my head out. I am so anxious and nervous about 'us' all the time. It's like I am always expecting the worst!

I agree with everything said above. I think you need to get a group of friend of your own so when he wants to see his friends you don't just sit around missing him.

I know I would feel suffocated if someone wanted to be with me constantly. No matter how much I like someone I still need to have my own identity and my own space.

Another option is to plan something with both groups of friends for events like new years. One year my friends and I rented a huge house up in the poconos for new years. Everyone brought different friends at least half the people there I either didn't know or was only faintly familiar with. But it worked out because everyone got to hang out with all the people they wanted to for the holiday. It was so much easier then having to choose which group to celebrate with and who's invitation to turn down. Everyone had a great time.

Sarah:

I was like you 100% actually 110%

My fear was caused by rock bottom self esteme. I couldn't stand the thought of one moment without him and I actually feared it and the very instant he'd bring up that he was going to play basketball with the guys I'd go into a panic. 

Do you feel secure in the fact that he is yours and yours alone?

Do you trust his loyalty to you?

If so, then you should search out your fears. Write them down, and then read it from the perspective that one of your friends wrote it. Then write down your encouragement and support to yourself just as is you were talking to your friend. 

Keep that paper and whenever you're faced with the same feellings, pull it out and read your support and encouragement.

Then think of the things that make you happy. Movies, reading, writing, drawing, crafts, gardening.......etc.  Start to do these things during the times that he is home and near you.  A little at a time. In a different room. As you feel comfortable with it, increase the time that you spend with yourself. You will find that you can be alone with yourself and enjoy your time. That way when your boyfriend wants to go out with his friends, you are comfortable with you and you might even enjoy the alone time.

It's very healthy to let him go out and have some "guy time" that way it gives him something to look forward to when he comes home to you.  If you try to keep him near you 24/7 you will burn him out, smother him and he will become more distant as times goes on. Everyone needs time to themselves or with their friends. 

Like i said, I used to be just like you and now, atleast once a month I get away with my best friend Michelle (I'm a girl LOL) and we go to a movie, or dinner, or the mall, or her house, or what ever. I don't get away becasue I am tired of being with them. I HAVE to get away to be me sometimes, not mom not wife, just me. 

And that's all it is. 

It's very refreshing and important to maintain a healthy relationship.

I hope I've helped and didn't just babble on and on here. 

Love ya and support you. Email me anytime if I can help.

 

I just need some advice. I am so paranoid and suffer from anxiety and it is putting a strain on my relationship. My boyfriend is 22 and I am 19, he loves me so much and sees me loads. He really enjoys his freedom and always says that we don't have to do 'everything' together which I understand. But he sometimes says things like 'I dont have to spend every new years eve with you, I might go away with friends one year!' This makes me feel not special. Should he spend every new yr with me? He seems to enjoy his mates company a lot which is nice. Am I being paranoid that he doesn't wana be with me 24/7. There is no rule book to say what a relationship should and shouldn't be - what we can and can't do. As they say if you let him fly, he will eventually return. Are my expectations too high? Why can't I be a chilled girlfriend? I feel like I smother him! What is a healthy relationship?

In a healthy relationship, you would each understand each other's needs even though they don't always match yours. You would also trust each other. You wouldn't need to cling constantly but would be comfortable spending time persuing your own interests.

Basically, you should find out why he is telling you that he may spend one New Years Eve with his friends instead of you. What do they want to do that girlfriends can't be there also? On the other hand, he needs to realize that there are some occasions when it is considered that being together is the thing to do and that those times are important to you.

If you have girl friends that you could go hang out with on New Years Eve while he hung with his guy friends, consider doing it. Maybe if he knows that you aren't going to be home moping, he won't want to go. If he does go, you can still have fun with your friends.

Personally, I need my space. I can't stand to have someone around constantly. If the times when you are together are good, and you trust each other, then you can enjoy your time apart by doing things the other doesn't enjoy. If you can't trust each other, you shouldn't be in that relationship in the first place.

 

[QUOTE=ScattySarah]

 

 There is no rule book to say what a relationship should and shouldn't be - what we can and can't do. As they say if you let him fly, he will eventually return. Are my expectations too high? Why can't I be a chilled girlfriend? I feel like I smother him! What is a healthy relationship?

[/QUOTE]

There isn't a rule book that says that he should spend time with you...but there is a sorta silly, but very valid book that you need to read about relationships....read "The Rules" it got mixed press, but the neg from men probably...it tells you not to be there all the time for them..also for you not to call them let them call you...this makes him want you and helps you not look desp. for him...if you are not always there for him like a doormat ..he will see this and be intri. with you and want to spend every New Year's with you...Men enjoy the hunt it is a primal game for them...they like to have the "hard to get"

If you don't do this he will be happy knowing you will always be there for him while he can run around making sure there is nothing better out there for him...show him that you are the best and are too good to sit around and wait for him to include you in his plans...

Thanks for the advice. I really value it! I will read that book definitley. Are you in a relationship? Imust admit there are times when I don't call him and let him do what he wants and he ends up calling me loads and chasing me! It does work x