Am I the only guilty one? | ADHD Information
You know, it's ironic. I was putting in a load of towels this morning and I had a flash back to a time in my life that I was ashamed of and started to get that twinge in the heart of shame.
When that happens, I immediately tell myself that my past is my past and eventhough i'm not proud of certain moments, it's helped shape who I am now. I'm a good person and instead of trying to keep those feelings of shame in, I now embrace them and think of myself now. I don't allow myself to feel the guilt and/or shame. I let it pass through me.
It took me a long time to ge to that point but I got there.
You can too. Feeling guilt or shame for things of that past can't make them go away. It will only put a unnecessary and unfair punishment of unhappiness to your life now. You are a wonderful person and you need to lift youself up and let the sunshine of your life bust through those dark clouds!
Remember,
YOU ROCK!
Since I've began reading posts on this site, I have come to realize that I have always had ADHD. Now I find myself wondering if most of the problems I have had all of my life are a portion of that and not just "Kellie being Kellie" (as my family would say).
My problem right now is that I am tired of feeling guilty for the world! I have spent my entire life feeling like I have caused everybodys problems. I even blamed myself for my parents divorce, for my baby brother being shipped to Iraq, you get the point.
I guess I'm trying to figure out if guilt is something others w/ADHD struggle with? Since starting the Adderall, I have began to realize how wrong other people have been. It's amazing how much you notice when you can think straight!
For example, for my entire relationship I have continued to take the brunt of the blame for all of our problems. I have spent countless hours feeling guilty for hurting him over and over again, and feeling guilty for HIM not being happy. Right now he is "in a mood" and I found myself strating to blame myself then all of a sudden something snapped. I found myself trying to figure out why I was to blame(something I've rarely done). Now, I am just plan frustrated. His problems are not mine. If he is having a bad day that doesn't mean I have to but for some reason, I am still letting it bring me down, and that in turn, makes me feel guilty. Guilty for HIS mood, and guilty of once again letting his mood affect me.
I guess my hope is that things will get better with this. I mean, I actually stopped for a couple minutes to think about things this time. Does anyone else have this problem and if so, please tell me it gets better. I have been on the Adderall for less than 2 months. I am hoping that this is something that will change along with everything else, and not just a problem that I have!!
I think as time goes by and you continue to have "self talks", reminding yourself that you are not responsible for everything that goes wrong, and as you see yourself making progress in areas you have wanted to change for years, it will get easier.
Congratulations on recognizing and beginning to change the negative way you have always seen yourself! 
You go girl!
At least now you are aware. That's great! You probably developed guilt by always being made responsible for what went wrong. Probably, that's common among people with ADHD.
I think you'll get over the guilt faster if you make a deal with yourself to be selfish for awhile. Most people that constantly feel guilty are the people that are always doing things for others and making sure everyone else is happy before themselves.
For example theres no reason you should feel bad about your partners bad mood or have to share in it. If your having a good day then just go right along having it. And if he tries to pull you down don't feel guilty feel angry and tell him that your tired of him acting like a selfish child.
You can not be responsible for the whole world or on a smaller scale anyone elses life (except your childrens of course). The best advice I could give is to be selfish. Think about yourself, find out what you want out of life. You'd be surprised how different your goals and outlook will be once your guilt free.
Goodluck
I’ve struggled with that guilt paradigm most of my adult life also. Even when I knew it was wrong. Now I trust my intuition and when I make a mistake my reaction is based on who may have suffered from it. I reciprocate what they do when they make a mistake. If they are the arrogant type I like to give it back ten fold if I can. I can’t stand selfish people. Other times I like to practice humility, and I believe humility is something everybody needs to practice. There are times when I just have to say S**t happens and move on. I don’t dwell on it too much anymore and I feel much better. I like believing in myself and my intuitions. So yea I believe it gets better.
Maybe it's proportional -
The more I believe in me.
The less guilt I feel.
Ya Think?OOPs...I forgot to ADD this...
Here is a recent example from my life:
This thanksgiving was the best in years, and everyone came to my house. Nothing was really any different except I did what I wanted to do without upsetting anyone else and I didn’t feel guilty afterwards. Two examples…On Tuesday before thanksgiving my wife wanted me to help her clean the house, I HATE CLEANING. Also I have some issues about her level of commitment to our future, so I’m not real motivated to help her these days. Anyway I went golfing instead; she was a little upset to say the least. Thirty minutes after I left she got a surprise. Someone I hired (for ) showed up to help her clean for 3-4 hours.
I met both my goals-
#1) satisfied my desires without guilt, and
#2) met the needs of the wife and family.
Then On Thanksgiving Day I went golfing at 7am, nobody else wanted to go. I got home at 12:30. We ate at 3 and I did the clean-up, completely!! Not the 70% ADD clean-up. Everyone was happy including me at the end of the four day visit.
I think the book by John Bradshaw 'The Shame that Binds You' was an eye opener for me since I've always felt bad most of my life, this included guilt and wondering why I was the way I was. I just had this ugly feeling inside that I was messed up as a person. Come to find out it's those loosers out there that always had to dump on me just cause they were uphappy!
I'M NOT A VICTIM ANYMORE!!!!
I think blaming yourself is a learned behavior that results from ad/hd.
Some people with ad/hd have it.
Other's are just the opposite...(my hubby also has ad/hd, nothing is EVER his fault!!)
But we spend our entire lives failing at most everything we set out to do, whether it's school work, or relationship issues, that it's natural to start thinking EVERYTHING bad that happens is somehow your fault.
Be glad you have found a method to get over that!
MommyMedic -
I totally agree with pretty much all said above. And yes - the soul searching is a common part of learning to deal with the reality that you have ADHD. You've been ripped off in life - and that sucks! And now you have a lot of "why didn't" or "couldn't I have"... going on. That's the "woulda shoulda coulda" blues! It does fade after you accept things. It's kind of like the stages of dying. Acceptance is the last - same as ADHD. Once you accept that it was what it was - you can then move on.
Therapy is a big part of moving on. It is a very essential tool - please take advantage of it if you can afford it!
You're beginning to put all the past, present and future in their places. When ADHD is bad we cannot see back or forth just now. No cause and effect for us. It's quite a shock when everything and the potential results come into focus isn't it?
Just realize that as it is - you cannot separate what you were and what was ADHD before meds. That's passed you - you'll have to find a way to get over that. Now you live for today and tomorrow. Stop going back and agonizing. That cannot help and can only harm you and your personal growth. Believe me you'll get tired of it soon. We can stop loops like that - just use your new powers!lol!!
When I started dexedrine a year ago November it was a great shock and surprise. I woke up from a 30+ year sleep and it was very traumatic at first. I actually dumped my bad relationship within a short period of starting. I have read recently that dexedrine and other ADHD meds open up the front of the brain and have been seen to cause users to feel the need to fix old problems - even if they were previously unknown or misunderstood. I know that - I am still feeling the urge to attone for things I did under the influence of ADHD. But I now know that it wasn't me - it was another guy I still hate. He's almost gone - barely hear him anymore.
Good luck - and start looking ahead and avoid the rear view mirror!!
If you have ADD or ADHD you have had it all of your life...you don't just aquire it over time and yes, I am sure that all of your "you just being you" that your family has said .....It is nice to come to this realization because it pieces things together and you begin to have a dif level of understanding of your life and you.