Ever confused at what other ppl think? | ADHD Information

I don't know if this is an issue for others, but I'm really bad at reading
social cues, something that's been getting better with meds. But because
I'm not so good at interpretating other ppl's reactions, I'm always worried
at what they may think of me and it just really bothers me sometimes. For
instance, one day they may appear to like you and the next day, during a
discussion, they might seem to cool down. It's really confusing. I don't
seem to conform very well. Does anyone else have this problem
(wondering what others think of them)? Are many of you struggling
socially as well? Have difficulties communicating?mutton38694.992662037I do worry quite often what people think. Especially at work. I think people like me but then if I say something slightly different, I get a weird look or I get paranoid that they dont like me. I can definately relate to what you are saying. x

The older you get, the less you give a dime what ppl think.

I've been shunned before too.. not having a clue why.

I am a non conformist when situations present themselves to which I don't agree. That can rock some people's boat too much sometimes I guess. You know, a thinker, someone who questions things.

[QUOTE=mutton]I don't know if this is an issue for others, but I'm really bad at reading
social cues, something that's been getting better with meds. But because
I'm not so good at interpretating other ppl's reactions, I'm always worried
at what they may think of me and it just really bothers me sometimes. For
instance, one day they may appear to like you and the next day, during a
discussion, they might seem to cool down. It's really confusing. I don't
seem to conform very well. Does anyone else have this problem
(wondering what others think of them)? Are many of you struggling
socially as well? Have difficulties communicating?[/QUOTE]

Mutton I have always had this problem..I feel weird and dif from others...even though I appear to be the same...I always read social cues and body language and I am especially in touch with peoples eyes....I hate it...but I usually know what people are thinking...not like esp...but like I read their body language and usually later I find out exactly what I was thinking is true...this makes me constantly concious of what others think about me and I worry about it...when I am speaking to someone if I see them wonder I loose my train of thought and then I look like a freak...recently at a fundraiser luncheon I was in a photo with two people I thought were friends...then in the photo when it was printed I see them one on one end one in the middle and me on the other end. the two of them are close and have their arms around each other but not around me..the two of them are about 6 inches away from touching me totally...I would say this is the best symbolism for my whole life worth of relationships...people like me, think I am pretty, smart, creative...but just don't want to get close...and I see it in their eyes, body language and actions...it is hard to get away from...I guess that is why I am 37 sitting home alone on the computer and typing about it.

Auntie, thats great! When you are not constantly thinking about what others are thinking, you are indeed saving alot of time!

The cues that are given for social norms was a hideous and terrifying thing growing up. Kids can tell when you just can't "get it" and tend to act like a pack of animals and remove you from their "herd" quickly. I tended after the first few faux pas' to just not try.

Now that I'm healing I can see so many that I had no idea of before. A raised eyebrow - a cycnical phrase and it's so clear.

At work there is one guy who constantly dug into me when I started - jabbing me with cynical words and using it to mock me. I had no idea. Then I began meds/therapy. And it all made sense. I came up to him months ago and mentioned about my ADHD and that I never knew that he was jabbing me with words. He apologized. I told him that it was ok - but that next time I'd know - and wouldn't be as happy about it. He understood by the look on his face lol.

I definately understand what you guys are talking about. it seems like i dont know when to stop talking sometimes and people have to use harsh language or walk away from me. it is getting better with my meds.

I have had this problem. It used to really bother me when I was younger because I really wanted people to like me.

Have you ever thought people were being supportive of you - then you learn later that they were really just gathering information, gossiping behind your back and setting you up, etc. It happened to me - and I was clueless for much of the time.

Now, I have dealt with the add and I've had more experience so I'm better - although still have some problems sometimes. One of the things I've found that helps me is to try to consciously consider each person's wiifm position - often helps me to pick up on many of the cues.

However, I don't care nearly as much as I used to about what people think unless they can have an impact on a few things that really matter to me. I had to stop caring and put my focus on other things - or I would have lost my mind.

Nope. I never understand them, so I'm never confused a/b what they think.I have the same problem. The nice part about getting older is that I don't have time to worry about it as much, I have realized that I don't care what most people think of me as long as I have a few people I can be myself with and that anyone who spends any time at all thinking about me and my goofs needs to get a life of their own. I think it's best not to presume what other people think. It's not something that's knowable.

i have that problem BIG TIME, i always wonder what people think of me, too much i have been told. I always thought it was just a problem with my self confidence and that i may just read people wrong (which goes back to the trouble of trusting my intuition and in my case for sure, i shouldnt) or i thought it was my need for understanding, because i always try to give the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like people dont for me, one day they are a certain way to me and the next another. Who knows, but i am beginning to tell myself and more importantly convince myself not to worry so much about what the people outside my "safety" net of people think of me ( meaning my hubby) he and my kids are the only important ones as far as i am concerned, everyone else has a tendancy to leave me anyway, maybe my recent diagnosis of ADD is why, i seem to be getting off subject, anyway just wanted to add a little to the topic!!

chris r

hey,

TheDog

i totally can relate, i have confided at different times to certain people whom know that the info was to be kept to themselves, and the next thing i know the whole world knows and they dont have all the details and base decisions on it and it ends up hurting me and sometimes even people around me, i seem to have "big mouth" syndrome, when i get to thinkin i have a friend, there isnt anythign i wont tell them becasue again, i think they are a friend and we arent in highschool any more so why is gossiping etc. so important??

chris r

chris r38695.498125

[/QUOTE]

HOWEVER, I think these people are the exception rather than the rule. I think most people are just so wrapped up in their own life, problems and baggage, they are just not perceptive to things going on around them???

What think, yall?

[/QUOTE]

I think you're probably right. I was listening to a song in my car yesterday (country music, although I don't know the name); it was about different people that you really don't know and the tragedies in their lives, etc. Sometimes I forget that other people have so much in their own lives.

The other more rare people - the ones that are really out to use another - I think they usually do it because they have a threatened or injured feeling. I really think that most people are good beneath the layers that are formed from pain, etc.

I guess really trying to figure out that other person and what they need or want may be helpful in understanding the cues. It sounds kind of obvious but I didn't use to do it. I used to always really be thinking about me and my perspective and I'd be wondering how the other person was acting meshed with the "truth" as I saw it.

[QUOTE=TheDog]

[/QUOTE]

Yep, My exhusband's, exgirlfriend did that to me. Pretended we were friends so that she could get info to use against me. And did. Ya learn quick, I can spot people like that a mile away now though. :) HOWEVER, I think these people are the exception rather than the rule. I think most people are just so wrapped up in their own life, problems and baggage, they are just not perceptive to things going on around them???

What think, yall?

Do what?

Wordwoman -

How do you do it without making presumptions?

[QUOTE=GlenW]

When the fact is most people couldn't give a rat's botty what you think or do.

[/QUOTE]

Very true but try telling that to my 12 year old twin girls! They drive me nuts being so self conscious and constantly worrying what other people might think!!

We all just need to be the special individuals we all are and s*rew the people who are so narrow minded. There are many people out there that welcome uniqueness in friends.

bepatient38700.8371180556

I'll remember that GlenW. That's what makes my life miserable, thinking that if someone is in a mood it must be me that put them in it. Even if I just entered the room.

My mum is very moody and my husband is extemely introverted and I always take it on as my fault, its really exhusting actually

[QUOTE=Wordwoman]I think it's best not to presume what other people think. It's not something that's knowable. [/QUOTE]

Wisewoman, Wordwoman

I am also so very creative: decorating, drawing, floral design...etc...I notice that I get calls alot from these people (I think are my friends) and it always seems to have my talent involved...I hate that...they love that I have talent...but don't like me enough to invite me to the parties that they want me to decorate for....Recently I was asked to donate a wreath to the "Habitat for Humanity" ball...and I did...Most of the donations have themes like China..with maybe some restaurant gift certificates etc on them...so I made one geared towards a teanager to get interest from a dif bidder...anyway..It was fantastic...oh yeah I was not invited to the ball.....everyone else who donated a tree or a wreath was invited....I am telling myself it is because I am single (recently divorced)....it is really sad...one of my only "true" friends even calls me for decor...even though I have pointed this hurtful situation out to her...I guess she forgets...

I'm terrible for worrying what others think, which leads me to be a people pleaser, which by the way I hate doing.

I've even been worried about a person that didnt like me when I didnt like them. My husband found it hilrious that I was upset and couldnt understand why this person didnt like me. I wanted them to like me. I had reason not to like them

have been both ways- cared and not cared.

today, it's 'f**k-em all!'

people don't get me, so they make up whatever their little minds can imagine to explain me.

i turn off quickly to insincere people.

i have pretty much given up attempts at people-pleasing. it always backfires, and gives them the impression they are somehow superior to me. (treat me as an equal or get the f**k away from me! i will take you down a peg.)

i'm damn near a hermit b/c of my difficulties socialising and reading cues. most ppl. are just too dense and self-centered to even try to communicate with. i can't bear that level of frustration.

also, not always being wise to these social things, i avoid situations like C.C. above. i don't always understand the politics, so i invariably step on ppl. toes and end up looking like a jerk. which i might be.

my friend told me the other day, 'when you're smart like you are, you're going to step on some toes just 'cause you speak what they least want to hear'.

i'm changing my indian name to 'trail of purple toes', or 'he who smashes moccasins'.

the sad part is that age has only lead me to suffer fools less gladly.

This is all very interesting...glad I'm not alone.

When I was a kid, I think I used to be very outgoing but all my "fun"
attempts usually made me look very stupid. Eventually, after being made
fun of or betrayed by my friends alot, I became very withdrawn and shy. I
think the reason why I used to unknownly make myself look stupid was
because was bad at picking up the so called social rules.

Well years later...I'm still learning these rules but am starting to show
more of a personality now and am becoming less intimidated of others.
Going into retail was great practice. I'm still having a lot of difficulites
making ppl like me tho.

There was something interesting that I learned tho. Sometimes ppl shy
away from me not because they don't like me, but sometimes its
because they think that I don't like them. My slight shyness now and
these days is most to blame.

I am starting to care less about what other's think but it's hard esp. when
it comes to important ppl i.e. relatives of boyfriend that I want to warm
up to. And also like what seeker said, I've been known to be too blunt
sometimes. My parents tell me that all the time. :(

Sometimes I feel a lot this has to do with one's acceptance of themselves.
But I hate the fact that I lot of my friendships are so fragile and that I have
to tread so carefully sometimes. The worst parts come from making
friends with the wrong ppl.

That would make me very bitter CC.

How do you keep making stuff for people that dont treat you with respect?

My creativity is the only way I get attention...or have a life...otherwise I am in my home typing on the computer or doing some project...or volunteering at school to decorate something...I am the floral com chair, the grounds com chair, the sprit mom and the decor chair for homecoming...and the home section chair for the auction...recently I got divorced and a lady I know from church recently got divorced..so I saw her and said we need to have lunch..she said ok but she never called....about 6 months later she called me to donate something to her silent auction for her non profit org...I just never called back...but of course this gives them amno as to why not to call...so I am damned it I do and damned if I don't ....

[QUOTE=Countrygirl]

[QUOTE=Wordwoman]I think it's best not to presume what other people think. It's not something that's knowable. [/QUOTE]

Wisewoman, Wordwoman

[/QUOTE]

I am not presuming what people think...nor am i assuming what they think...I read their body language and their eyes....I do not react to this...but any time that I have followed thru to see if my read was correct I was ...it is not something I intentionally do it just happenes....it happenes to my daughter too...she can tell what is really going on with others thoughts by their actions...it is a really hurtful insight...I don't know how to explain it, but it happens...if I had control over it I would choose not to do it....I don't have control...my mind just picks up on something and it bothers me...Like if I am talking to someone at a party and they start starring over my head or at their glass...this doesnt take much to know that they are board...and it is not presumptous

I've been told I read too much into things and analyse people too much. I don't think I do. Like you CC, it's just bloody obvious when someone is waiting for an excuse to move on.

For some reason I always have this interested look on my face even if I have no idea what the person is talking about. I was brought up with maanners and to show respect to others.

Maybe that's the problem, not that people dont want to be around us, they just dont have any manners.

[QUOTE=Peita Pan]

I've been told I read too much into things and analyse people too much. I don't think I do. Like you CC, it's just bloody obvious when someone is waiting for an excuse to move on.

For some reason I always have this interested look on my face even if I have no idea what the person is talking about. I was brought up with maanners and to show respect to others.

Maybe that's the problem, not that people dont want to be around us, they just dont have any manners.

[/QUOTE]

I would totally agree with this statement PP. I was sent to "finishing school" at an early age I was a "belle" of "belles and bows" I have had Em Post drilled into my head since I could speak...I know to look at someone while they are speaking...look interested...ask questions about them...don't speak of politics, religion or sickness...and don't speak of boring topics like the weather...My daughter attends a prep school here and you would think the parents would be raised the same...most of the Moms at luncheons you can tell how they were raised by the way they eat with a knife and fork...switching hands all the time...even know this is an "american" thing if you attend finishing school then you know to put the knife in your right and fork in your left and use the knife as a pushing tool...same goes for all of their other manners ..they have none...

[QUOTE=CreativeCrazy]

[/QUOTE]

CC,

It's so comforting to hear someone explain something that I experience. I experience that exactly, and so does my daughter!

I've even told friends a few things that I thought would happen (just by my observations of others) then later when these things do happen, my friends act so suprised and say, "how did you know?"

I don't know how I know but I pick up on every little thing, I can read everything that is non verbal. The actions and body language of people usually dosen't lie. I think you can get a more clear picture of reality and the truth with these other types of nonverbal communications.

I've never been wrong, it's not a presumption.

Bepatient....I am so glad to hear that you experience this too...I am not sure why it happenes...but it does...maybe because when I was little I watched eveyone and did not interact...who knows why....maybe it is something you are born with ...like extra sensitive to details including people's body language...the reason I think that you are born with it is because my daughter has it too...I really can't tell others about it because they don't understand or confuse it with that I think I have ESP...it is not ESP it is just being able to know what people are thinking or feeling...even when someone talks to me I can gennerally tell if it is true or not....people touch their noses when they are lying...every since I found this out I notice it and it has added to my termoil.....

It does come in handy when hiring someone to clean the house or do the yard...but gets annoying when I read someone who I would like to respect.

My mother was very stern when it came to manners. I'm astounded when Im out and watching how people eat, drink, lay their cutlery on their plates when they've finished their meal etc.

This is probably why I have issues with people that think I'm strange!!!

CC,

You know this is very interesting that you said when you were little you didn't interact with people and mostly watched them. I was a bit shy or withdrawn as a child as well.

I have done a lot of research on Pervasive Developmental Disorders, under which autism falls. My daughter who was dxed with ADHD at 7, was dxed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder/Not Otherwise Specified by a different Psy. at 12. PDD/NOS is atypical autism.

I beleive ADHD falls on the spectrum of Pervasive Developmental Disorders, on the very high functioning end. Autistic trates include Social Skill and Communication difficulties. Also special sensitivities.

I haven't read any thing that confirms my theory, but I believe it strongly.

bepatient38697.0679861111

I have the same problem I think I judge people at a much higher level than the norm.....I decorated a table for a luncheon and my co decorator did not know where the knife and fork should be placed on the table...she also brought what she was calling her "silver" it was plated and horrible...she also did not know what side to put the bread plate on....It is simple eat on the left drink on your right....

What I hate is when your at a restaurant and you place your cutlery in the finished position and the waiter does not know to read this as your finished with the meal and take your plate...or if you put your cutlery in a resting position and the waiter takes your plate....go figure

Or one of my all time favs is when someone eats their soup without spooning away...I really need some MEDS for this type of stuff not to dwindle my daily faith in people.....

As a youngster I often felt certain I had a superior sensability to almost everyone around me. Embarrasing to admit even if it could be true which in most all cases I think it isn't.
Now as I "grow up" a bit I'm coming to realize that I am just different than some sort of ill-defined societal value of normal. Most people ARE not normal in some aspect.
I now know there is a vast underlying web of decisions and influences we all go through that comes out as what we do and who we are.
I can be far more content now knowing I am off pace, and that others behave in ways I don't understand and likely can't.
As I have become more accepting of others I feel they are more accepting of me - no surprise there.
But people DO accept me and even like me because I like most of them. They are more willing to get to know me and learn my weirdnesses, and I theirs.
Now I fail to fit in still, but it is far more fun. People realise I talk too much, move too much, think too much, show equal flashes of brilliance and stupidity but they can't much hate me anymore.
That was a poor rambling description, but sort of what I wanted to say.
One time at my daughter's school this "nouveau riche" woman seemed to be trying to buy the JV cheer team (which my daughter and her daughter are on) the woman arranged for a coach bus to go to Dallas she was going to have food catered...she would make elaborate gifts to put on lockers instead of sprit signs...anyway every parent including on the varsity team thought she was so obnoxious and trying to control the squad...the other Mom's would complain to me...so I took it upon myself to go tell the coach...which when I arrived she had the "Father" in their with her...and they were dissappointed in me for complaining about this very "generous" woman. I was the only parent to stand up and I was going against the grain and it totally backfired....this type of stuff happens all the time...others talk about things behind others backs and I try to do something about it or tell them...so it is not behind their backs and basically I always end up in situations like the aforementioned. Oh well. I am 37 so I guess when I reach 40 I hope I wont care as much.

[QUOTE=Wordwoman]Do what? [/QUOTE]

Oh sorry --- read social cues and try to understand the unspoken aspects of interation with other people.

[QUOTE=Countrygirl]

Understand "not perceivable by most people" but what aspects of others are you talking about? Like a personality trait or like if they are evil or, or...?

[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

Mostly is has to do with knowing a person's true intentions. Like when someone is doing somithing for overt reasons it is very obvious to me but I don't think it is to anyone else because later when this is in fact revealed, everyone is suprised but me. I can spot a fake a mile away. . Maybe this is just because I was once married to a Sociopath..ya think?

For sure understanding what people's looks mean is a lot of guessing. We with ADHD are slightly off to the rest so it tends to be misguessed what seems to happen.

I found after the meds I am more polarized like others. I see a frown and I don't automatically think "gee they must be mad at me" - instead I think concentration, worry or other options and then use other information to fill it in. We tend as you all know to be "me" - centric. What is it in regards to me? When the fact is most people couldn't give a rat's botty what you think or do.

Once you calm down and look at the whole picture - misguessing is far less than it used to be. Thankfully.

[QUOTE=bepatient]

CG,

I understand what you are saying but CC and I arn't talking about presuming or assuming something. We art talking about perceptions, namely impressions. What we are given to think on or know is given to us by our senses and experience.

I get the strongest of these impressions when I first meet people.

Oh, Okay. I understood perceptions a little differently than you meant it. proves the point though that my perceptions of things seem to be a little off right now.

what CC and I are speaking of: "One type of extra-sensory perception is the perception of aspects of others not perceivable by most people."

Can't explain it but thats sounds like what I'm trying to convey.

Understand "not perceivable by most people" but what aspects of others are you talking about? Like a personality trait or like if they are evil or, or...?

What's even weirder is that I am such a poor self-observer! Like not knowing why people in the past have shunned me!

Now this is something in which I can totally relate.

I need a drink

Me too.

[/QUOTE]

I dont know about any of you, but I tend to take on people's feelings as my own. In other words I can be really happy and all it takes is one person to be pissed off and it brings me right down in an instant.

For some reason it's like I take everyone elses mood personally. How do you stop doing this?

[QUOTE=Countrygirl]

It feels very insecure, but, people are just too complex to presume anything. We've all had such vast experiences that mold our perceptions and thoughts; I don't believe there is any way to really know, no matter how intuitive you may be.

- but you can't assume you know the whole story. You don't.

My intuition is usually good about others feelings - but not about other's thoughts or hidden secrets. We are just too complex. [/QUOTE]

CG,

I get the strongest of these impressions when I first meet people.

I never really thought too long on this because I'm not sure how common it is for people to be able to sense and know things about others. And sometimes things that will happen with others. (don't need to find another "different " thing about me).

All of this got me doing a little research. I found something that matched up what CC and I are speaking of: "One type of extra-sensory perception is the perception of aspects of others not perceivable by most people."

Can't explain it but thats sounds like what I'm trying to convey.

What's even weirder is that I am such a poor self-observer! Like not knowing why people in the past have shunned me!

I need a drink

[QUOTE=Countrygirl] This is the way I remember to set a table

fork has 4 letters so does left
spoon, knife each have 5 letters so does right.
Elementary, but it works.

[/QUOTE] I do that with port.
Starboard doesn't fit as well, but then, that's why there's Koffeeheads... [QUOTE=Peita Pan]

For some reason it's like I take everyone elses mood personally. How do you stop doing this?

[/QUOTE]
Choose to puke on their moodiness, and let yours prevail!!!
Unless you love them, then something else happens. Maybe it's got to do with the needles.Are you scared of needles D'?

I think it would be very difficult to live in the world without presuming things. I think I do it hundreds of times every minute with small things. I can only imagine how slow life would have to move if I wasn't making presumptions.

I also think that it only sometimes works to ask someone what they are feeling or why they are doing something. For example, if someone is ashamed of something - they probably wont acknowledge it unless i know them very well - if someone is trying to stab me in the back, they probably wont acknowledge it, etc.

I think the best I can do a lot of the time is to make my best guess and in my experience it helps to try to understand that person - where are they from, what are their goals, etc. My guesses (presumptions) are far more often correct when I do that.

TheDog38699.2883333333

I don't know about this - I have learned that my perspective (based on past history) can be so totally off that what I think they may think - I'm way off. I don't trust anybody now and most of all myself because things are not the way they seem, they are not always what I think they are. It feels very insecure, but, people are just too complex to presume anything. We've all had such vast experiences that mold our perceptions and thoughts; I don't believe there is any way to really know, no matter how intuitive you may be.

Body language - sometimes - but, could be someone has a lot of crap on their mind, they have a belly ache or who knows what is going on in their lives that they aren't telling you. You may can tell if they are irritated, angry, sad or whatever - but you can't assume you know the whole story. You don't.

My intuition is usually good about others feelings - but not about other's thoughts or hidden secrets. We are just too complex.

Bepatient - PDD/AU affects the same part of the brain as ADHD. ADHD is co-morbid with PDD, but, ADHD is not part of the AU spectrum. I can see where you are coming from, however, because I have noticed some of the similarities too. OCD also fits into this category. Somehow there is a connection. In my family there is ADHD, OCD, AU, Bi-polar, Psychcosis and unspecified mental illness. How does it all relate? How did we get so lucky?

Hi Auntie, we've moved!!!!

On the subject of manners, my friends find it hilarious when my three year old demands a please or thankyou from them. I find it disgusting that they need to be asked!!!

This is the way I remember to set a table

fork has 4 letters so does left
spoon, knife each have 5 letters so does right.
Elementary, but it works.

I'm fairly new to meds, but I notice a difference when I socialize with
others. It's much easier now and in some ways, I'm only starting to
conform with some of the societal "norms". In other ways, I still can't
help but wonder if ppl notice my strange quirks--like the tenseness I
probably display when I communicate to others.

Hey, for those guys who had trouble with perception and socializing with
others, how long did you guys have to be on meds before you started to
notice their cynical remarks or body language? How long does it take to
start "healing"?
mutton - I noticed fairly quickly. Within a week I think. But within a month I was going "hey - they can't do that to me!!" - as everyone was going along - making jibes and hurting my feelings without realizing I had NEVER known that it was happening!! So at work I just started jabbing back - surprising the crap out of almost everyone! It felt great!!Oh - and healing? It's a day-to-day thing. I feel very much healed - but the urges are still there and the memories are so sharp that unless you start going around apologizing or get over it - it can be overwhelming. But it gets better with time. I've been a year on meds - I'll let you know when the healing is over - if ever.[QUOTE=GlenW]

When the fact is most people couldn't give a rat's botty what you think or do.

[/QUOTE]

You're right! When I manage to remember this it helps a lot. Plus when people are being jerks it's almost never personal...to me it seems like they are just dealing with their own stuff.

A VERY IMPORTANT TOPIC FOR ADULTS BY THE WAY!!

I wonder if alot of our confusion comes from the fact that we are "assuming" way too much! I know that from personal experience, its hard to pick up on social cues when our minds are constantly running around in different directions in the pressence of others. We may unintentially miss a "Cue" that someone may be upset, shady, fake, sad or happy. Since we cannot ever really know what someone is thinking, we go by what cues we pick up. If you have a hard time sitting still, listeining, reading others, than its near impossible to pick these cues up, and get that reasurring feeling. Also, I think that because we have many interests, we may not put in the time with others, to make them think we are "true freinds." Or they may feel that we are not that interested in them! I think that everyone (at least on this site) has had many difficulties over the years trying to fit in. I think that theres an explanation that may account for that, but in order to calm our feelings of frustration, which I still have like you (of failed past relationships) we must become experts in the social arena, more so than non-ADD'rs. In order to survive in todays world, I think we may have to adjust. I WILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO SAY, THAT FULLING UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE IS NEAR IMPOSSIBLE, BE WE CAN SURE AS HELL GET BETTER AT IT!

P.S READ THE FOUNTAINHEAD by AYN RAND! It will kill at least 50% of your frustration. Its about human nature. One of the highest selling books of all time!

That book sounds very interesting, who's it written by?

On the subject of soup, none of my husbands family knew the correct way to eat soup and someone always takes the wrong bread plate.

You have to laugh otherwise they tease me and call me a snob!

[QUOTE=Peita Pan]

That book sounds very interesting, who's it written by?

On the subject of soup, none of my husbands family knew the correct way to eat soup and someone always takes the wrong bread plate.

You have to laugh otherwise they tease me and call me a snob!

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I guess I'm a snob too! Table manners are everything to me! But the truth is, most people just don't know the correct way to set a table, how to place their napkin, and how to place their cutlery and the "not knowing" gets passed down to their children. If you aren't taught, you don't know.

Funny, I am an expert body language reader also! I don't find it is a problem. I believe it is a gift and I used it in my past job and now in my new position. I can spot a liar, a shy person, a outgoing person, a person with mental problems, someone on drugs and actually have studied enough to know pretty much what drug they are on. I can get a good idea if they have good manual dexterity and just by talking to someone a few minutes I can come pretty close to determine their IQ. It is a gift when one is in Human Resourses.

I love knowing body language. I can determine quickly who I want around me and who I don't, who doesn't want to be around me and who does. Saves a lot of time.

Auntie38698.0319212963 [QUOTE=CreativeCrazy]

Or one of my all time favs is when someone eats their soup without spooning away...I really need some MEDS for this type of stuff not to dwindle my daily faith in people.....

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hahahahhaha --- i am glad i am not the only snob around here. i was in LA, a few months ago, and on my third day or something i was taken by a friend's brother to a fairly smart, French restaurant (although not run by French - just a French menu etc.) and they brought me my soup and without thinking i called the waitress back and said "can i have a soup spoon, please?" - i thought she had made a mistake by bringing a dessert spoon. and she looked at me like i was completely mad, and i looked at her like waiting for her to bring me the soup spoon -

so we just kinda stared at each other for three seconds then she wandered off and brought back a teaspoon!!!!!

cultural differences, eh? i felt such an idiot. and the guy who had taken me out - was also staring at me like i was a complete freak. but what? i just wanted a soup spoon, for crying out loud. it never occurred to me that it was going to cause a problem, here! i had asked automatically. but things are just different - the first time i saw someone ask to take the food away i was pretty shocked too. it makes sense in the US because the portions are so huge but i reckon if you asked for a 'take-out or take-home bag' in a London restaurant you would get exactly the blank look i got for asking for a soup spoon. as in "whaaaat???"

oh ho-di-ho. life huh. still i am not a snob really, i don't care how people eat. they can use a knife and fork for their asparagus if they want - or not use them to eat a banana!!!!!????

as long as they are lovely people that's all that matters. i have no doubt that if i went to japan i would put my foot in it every two seconds with my cultural clumsiness.

but as long as you make the attempt to be as respectful as possible to your hosts - or as considerate as you can be with your lack of knowledge. that's ok i reckon.

and really i'd far prefer someone who was funny if a bit clumsy with the implements than someone as boring as f**k who ate perfectly.

chjones38698.190150463