ADHD to punish or not to punish | ADHD Information

triche --  We don't spank my granddaughter who is eight.  Spankings just don't work on her.

Instead we give her rewards vs. consequences.  She gets one hour per day for good behavior both at school and at home.  If she gets a frownie face on her agenda for school, she loses 30 minutes.  She may even earn more than an hour on some days.  It is like behavior therapy.

She is a very lovable child, wants lots of hugs and gets them except right after an act of defiance or whatever.  She doesn't get a hug unless she realizes what she did wrong and apologizes.

She really wants to be good but has learned bad habits and sometimes, especially if she is sick, she can't control herself.  We have her on an alternative to meds that wouldn't help you in two weeks time. 

Hope this helps, best of luck to you.
cynthiatweedle38699.7269791667

You have to be careful with spanking because you always end up having to up the anti. Before you know it, you start beating on your child (or want to). It's uneffective. The only difference it makes is with releasing temporary frustration from the parent - that's it. You really don't want to instill fear in your child. That's how they grow up to be bullies themselves or timid even.

Also, there's a difference between punishment and consequences. There's also a difference between positive consequences vs. negative consequences. Punishment sounds so negative and is likely going to hinder the child's self-esteem. If your son has ADHD, he can't help with his behaviours which is why you're chosing to medicate him. All-in-all he's being defeated so don't assume he's getting away with murder. This is hurting him a lot more than it's hurting everyone else.

Why did you choose to discontinue his meds in the first place? Have you considered in putting him on a diet?

I agree with the above posts: POSITIVE REINFORCEMENTS; PRAISE; REWARDS; REDIRECTION works best. It's easier said than done. There have been many time I've just wanted to pull my own hair out.

Best of luck to you!

My son and many others I know of respond best to rewarding good behavior. Try to catch him doing things right and comment on those.

It also helps to recognize what he can do and what he can't control. If he can do something and is outright defient, you can send him to his room. If he really can't do something due to ADHD, you should try to help him find ways to either do it using his strengths or to compensate for not being able to, by finding a different route to the desired result.

I am finding out with my son that we can't ever let them think that having ADHD is a good excuse to get out of doing something. I insist that he give it his best shot and then and only then will I accept that the ADHD kept him from accomplishing it. If I don't always insist on his best, then he will drag it out as an excuse to get out of whatever he doesn't want to do.

My son was getting into trouble and not learning anything in a class. When I told him that he should get something out of it, he informed me that he didn't have to pay attention because he couldn't pay attention, as he had ADHD. In other words, he didn't even try to pay attention because he had an excuse. I keep drilling it into his head that ADHD means you try harder, not that you can slack.

He also does much better, has a better attitude and gets along better with others when I give him Omegas. I was and  still am amazed at the difference it makes in him. I don't see a lot of change in focus, but he is much more enjoyable to be around. I think he does pay better attention and that means that he is trying to direct his focus, which is a good thing. Its what I want him to do.

My advice? Give him omegas, try to let him know you noticed and appreciated all the things he does right and insist that he do his best at all times. Just be aware that there are things he cannot control. While you need to insist that he do his best, it won't always be as good as you would hope. Also, bribe him with a small treat each day he comes home and hasn't gotten into trouble.

My 8 year old son keeps getting in trouble in school constantly. He has ADHD and was on meds 2yrs ago. Then I took him off last year. Most recently I made a decision to get him back on so we have to start the process of evaluation all ove agian. So it will take a couple of weeks to get him on meds. In the interim, do I spank/punish him. I heard that doent work with these kids. I talk to him till I m litterally blue in the face.Then if I dont  punish/spank I feel he thinks hes getting away with murder?

Any suggestions

I'm with you Box

I believe the only thing spanking does is teaches your child that when you are frustrated enough, you can hit someone.  Or when you become an adult, it is ok to hit a child.  But it's not ok for a child to hit a child.  Only an adult to hit a child.

I used to spank and I had to train myself to not do it.  I find that I respect myself more and I can teach my child better ways to handle situations.

A program that really helped me to overcome the spanking habit was Love and Logic.  There are books out about it and I think they have  web site.  It is wonderfully logical and it releases the parents from the burden they carry around of their child's behavior.  It helps put the responsibility of the behavior on the shoulders of the child. 

I love it.