How do I tell them? | ADHD Information

When I was in grade school I was in "special" classes during periods of the day. I was never informed of "what" was wrong with me, but whatever it was my parents insisted that it be taken off my records when I went to middle school.

After that point I would try to explain my frustrations but could never explain myself good enough I guess, because my parents never got me help. In 10th grade my English teacher/friend finally convinced my parents to pay for tutoring and she tutored me in all subjects. She soon had to leave though and it was back to feeling dumb.

Long story short, now that I finally have a diagnoses how do I tell my family about it? My entire family is VERY smart and I'm just afraid they won't understand or believe me. To this day my Mother hasn't realized that she did most of my homework for me as a kid- I was very manipulative and knew how to play off her love for English and writing.

Any suggestions as to how to even approach the subject? What do I say? What will her reaction be?

How about , "Mom you remember those special ed classes and tutoring I needed? Well I finally found out what was wrong and it has nothing to do with my IQ." And then proceed to explain it. If you have a book on it, maybe you could bring it along and offer to have them read about it. Something like Driven to Distraction which gives a very positive view of ADHD. By the time they read that they'll connect and remember some of the things you did that are in the book.

That should be enough to break the ice on the topic. If they act strange or put off, don't feel bad. Maybe they still don't understand or just don't know what to say. Remember you are worthwhile whether they accept all this about you or not. Chances are it will just answer the questions they had but never had answers for.

Good luck with your family.

hi gracy similiar situation here this post is from b4 ur time around here

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=9309&K W=rayray812

Cynthia, thanks for your advise about the book- you're right, I think it will help. I'm just nervous about approaching her. I've babysat & taught kids in my class (pre-school) who have had ADHD and told her about them. Her reaction has always been to roll her eyes. I know I am very gifted in certain aspects of my life and have done an excellent job concealing some of my short comings. I guess I'm worried that because I haven't discussed my issues with her since I was a kid she will feel this is coming out of left field.

rayray, you say you have a simular situation..what did you do? Is there an old post that you know about that had suggestions?

gracie- cut and paste rayray's link into the address box at the top of your browser page.

there are threads in the past on this very topic.

many ppl. believe adhd is a synonym for undisciplined, irresponsible, self-centered, and immature.

the real difference is that we don't really always want to act the way we do.

the undisciplined, irresponsible, self-centered, and immature prefer to be that way, and don't struggle with it.

it's hard to tell who is who. especially as i start to come to terms with these aspects of myself, and accept them as much as i fight against them.

sometimes, from my reading of posts at this site, i think it might be easier to tell your family you're gay, than to try and explain adhd!

hey dave0 what was easier?

goitcha!

sorry dave i had to beat u to it rA-hole

rayray81238701.5854166667

to answer your ? how do i tell them

DONT!!

rayray, I just finished reading your post from before and am surprised to hear that you still haven't told. I'm scared of their reaction and how things will be after but I know I can't go any longer feeling like I have to hide it.

It makes my cry to think of all the times in my life where there was an opportunity to get help and my parent were reluctant. I grew up thinking I was just plain stupid. As I said before in another post, I feel like the book "Adult ADD" was written from my exact eperiences. I just renewed it and am going to find the b*lls to bring it to my mom and discuss it.

I don't know your situation exactly but I have to think that we will both be better off if we just tell them...think of it this way..can it get any worse? They already don't believe, what can it hurt. I also thought that maybe if my Mother went to this site and read what others are going through that she might find the understanding she needs.

l never tell, are you a student, adult?

im 31yrs old, wont tell bcuz i know them and how they think read the posts they would just say

think my mind is being further polluted w/ psycho babble and tell me to snap out of it

rayray81238701.6107291667

I love the phrase "living well is the best revenge". NOT that you want revenge really but it is nice if you can get to a point that is above what they expected for you and say "see, I'm not an idiot!" or " there is NOT something WRONG with me!"

I think it's kindof strange, I've waited 32 years for my dad to say he is proud of me--Finally the other day I got it.

I told my parents last spring that I was diagnosed with ADD, they really don't want to accept that much, or skip over the subject but the diagnosis helped me because now I know I'm not "stupid" or "dumb" or "lazy".

Somewhere you come to the conclusion that it's not the ADD but what you do in spite of it that define you!

GracieIrish,

I told my parents after being diagnosed and led it off by reminding them of the troubles I had in school. I have very loving parents and unintentionally made my dad feel badly. He actually appologized to me, saying that he just didnt know that I had this problem..

I actually had to educate him to the fact that a lot of people didnt fully know about this disorder.. especially for space cadet little girls like I was.

All in All, you know your parents best. if they have been supportive of you in the past, they will certainly be supportive of you in the future. Use your past experiences with them to give you a cue of how they might react.

Sherry

ray ray, I'm 29 and not a student-wish I had gone to college but never did...gee wonder why?

i told my mum, and it was kind of like 'oh, that's nice dear.'

i sent her a link to this site, hoping she would read and start to get a clue about why i am the way i am, and what effect it has on me. maybe even search and read my posts.

i have suspected both my parents to be add, and ignorant of it. my youngest brother too.

i think that our parents didn't have any options but to fit in and bear it. that may be why they can't deal with it in us. guilt, shame, resentment...

my dad suffered w/depression, and basically drank himself to an early grave.

my mum suffers w/depression, and exhibits lots of add quirks. i get frustrated with her for having to repeat what i've said, as if she were not paying attention, for instance.

Gracie,

I agree with Sherry, you can probably judge by past experiences as to how your mom may react.

When I told my parents my Dad just said that I didn't get it from him and my Mom insisted that I must be deficient in a vitamin or mineral. Neither of them ever speak of it too me, it just kind of got swept under the rug.

I wasn't diagnosed untill I was 40. You are so fortunate to have found out when you did!

I started back to school a couple of years ago. Probably won't graduate for a couple more. College students can get accomidations with a ADHD diagonsis (more time on test's, ect.) I too always thought I just wasn't very smart. But now since I 've been back to school I've gotten 8 A's, 2 B's and one C.

It may be later, but it sure feel good!

...think of it this way..can it get any worse? They already don't believe, what can it hurt. I also thought that maybe if my Mother went to this site and read what others are going through that she might find the understanding she needs.

[/QUOTE]

yeah mom id like u check out this website to see some pyschiatric patients posted experiance,,, bad idea grace

[QUOTE=GracieIrish] I just renewed it and am going to find the b*lls to bring it to my mom and discuss it.[/QUOTE]
Girls can find these things?

Or are you not a girl with a girl's name?

Or am I footinmouthin' it again?
[QUOTE=psychgirl]I love the phrase "living well is the best revenge". Psy, I never heard that, but thanks for sharing it. I've said something similar, like.

NOT that you want revenge really but I do. I wanna live sooo well that those that scabbed on last time I was come back, I'll say f**k you you money, position, I've got something you want, power, suck my life out of me, grubbing scabs but it is nice if you can get to a point that is above what they expected for you and say "see, I'm not an idiot!" or " there is NOT something WRONG with me!" There is something RIGHT with me! Now that my divorce and law suit (not related) are settled, I have booked 0,000.00 taxable income for next year, and that's only working 4 hours a week. I'll make m next year, and give it to others, never them again, and I'll let them know it, too. The IDIOTS were them that bailed when the going got ADHDered. They are the unbelievers, or those that believed a lie. Not mine. I do lie, but not a/b that. This'll be the third time in my career I've earned over a million / year. So what if I lose it again? I'll make it back again. I've a proven track record! Sorry, I had to vent. I am SOOOO SICK of criticism, I'm sick.

Do NOT criticize an ADHDer until you've walked a lifetime in their shoes...

I think it's kindof strange, I've waited 32 years for my dad to say he is proud of me--Finally the other day I got it. Hey, Psy, I'm proud of you, too! I'm proud of all ADHDer survivors...

Somewhere you come to the conclusion that it's not the ADD but what you do in spite of it that define you! And makes you a heroine, or in a masculine case, a hero.[/QUOTE]

The hardest part is to explain all the things I feel and may not show. Most people don't believe it when I tell them and even say most people feel that way. The can't see inside and how fast things go sometimes and the frustrations I feel. I'm 46 told my parents right away. Didn't blame them or really even expect them to understand. They are pretty cool about it because of all we've been through with my son and they are trying to understand and support me. I've always held my own and have been luck enough to have success in my life as well. I say go for it and give them hallowells books and tell them your in there see if they can find you. Better yet my girlfriend and I are going to read them together so we can talk about it and maybe she can understand better.