My problem is home. My wife feels that I do not listen, don’t spend enough time with her (I get board), do not go out enough, and spend too much time thinking about other things. So now she wants me to get help. She feels my symptoms look like depression. She is a great person and I am not sure where to start? I am hoping someone here can point me in the right direction.
Well BigSmith i think there are two ways of looking at this. your wife can look at all the positive things your ADD brought her, a millionnaire lifestyle an active, fit, fun, full-of-life husband and try to concentrate a whole lot less of the negatives ---- and that could be a solution.
but you could also consider how it must feel if your spouse turned around and said "i don't spend much time with him, i get bored". not only says it but proves it with his actions --- that has to be incredibly damaging to one's self esteem on a whole lot of levels, that the one person who is supposed to love and adore you --- in fact finds you boring and can't bear to spend time with you. why be married then????
i don't think you necessarily need to take medication to resolve this problem (although it could well help an awful lot) but it is not only going to be medication that solves it anyway. communication would be a start --- really TRYING to empathise and see it from your wife's point of view and for her to try to understand where you are coming from (rather than just feeling constantly rejected or like a prostitute who is good for sex but nobody would waste time talking to her or spending it with her).
all marriages probably benefit from each partner making that extra effort - the one you really can't be arsed to make. and if either one is not prepared to do that --- then it is likely the beginning of the end in terms of a happy relationship (although normally far from the end of the relationship which can drag itself out forever in mutual misery seemingly).
i would say though that if i thought for two seconds that my husband/boyfriend was bored by me and couldn't bear to be in my company --- i would be out that door so fricking fast! why would i stay????? but there are plenty of women who really don't care at all and as long as they have the lifestyle they want, the clothes, the house, the cars, the american dream - then fine.
at least, your ADD has brought some benefits along with it and you seem very open to the idea of making an extra effort --- so i think you have a lot of good ground there to be able to make positive changes that will help your relationship and allow both you and your wife to be happy. there are many women on this forum who are stuck with husbands who are ADDled to the extent that they are lazy, incompetent, vicious, unreliable, manipulative with the emotional age and attitude of a spoilt, self-indulgent, unpleasant whingeing seven year old who is permanently feeling sorry for himself! so your wife could be a lot worse off!!!
good luck with it.
chjones38713.3905787037
You might check out the book Stopping ADHD. The exercises in it mature a reflex that should have been matured as a baby. The symptoms of ADD and ADHD can be releived through the exercises in the book. I have done them and they help me very much.
Good luck to you.
Here's a tad of reading for you in case you're getting bored with Christmas.Depression and dangerous impulses, do not mix. Do you have xtra time on your hands lately? Are you gradually consuming more sugar or caffeine? Just checking... low blood sugar can amplify Depression and ADD.
29 yrs old w/ ADD and no treatment, depression is inevitable. Another point, you'll be 30 next year, are you living the life you expected by now? Regrets? We are prone to be very hard on ourselves, after years of unfinished dreams. Have you been chasing someone elses dreams, or your own? Whos rulebook do you use? I doubt you got this far by following the leader and I doubt your wife was attracted to the safety of your predictablness.
Don't underestimate your ability to sweep her off her feet. Remember, you are the complicated overanalyzer, always three steps ahead, always wondering why people are so simple and shallow. She's not like you. You can fulfill her simple requests with your eyes closed. Capitalize on your gentle, intensity. It's really the quality she's after, not the quantity. I'm always amazed at the response I get from an honest hug.
So you like to live dangerous? You like an good challenge? Dive into this uncomfortable situation; sneak a couple of glazed donuts into an old folks home and make eye contact with the crabbiest looking guy you can find. Tell him you need some advice from a complete stranger. Offer him a donut, then ask him about his #1 regret in life. Don't leave until he's done.
I'll be doing this again, in the Spring... when I turn 40.
Big Smith - I've heard that Zoloft can eliminate panic attacks. That is an anti-depressant so if you have depression it would help with that too. See a dr.Depression and ADHD can go hand in hand. I know because I suffer from both.
Getting to a doctor is definitely the first step. If you have a regular one now, make sure he/she takes adult ADHD seriously. For a list of questions (and some other help) check out http://www.drhuggiebear.com .
Also, keep your wife involved in every step. She will be your biggest help.
Hi, I'm new here myself and recently diagnosed with ADD but have a ten year old daughter who was diagnosed at four. I would say that if you have a regular physician to start there. There's no blood test or xray that can tell you weather or not you have it. Ask your parents to look at a checklist of ADD symptoms and see if any pertain to you as a child. You can gather that info to take to your doctor, or also find a good psychiatrist or psychologist that can help you determine just what it might be.
As for the symptoms you list, I don't suffer from those specifically, but I have read that those are common symptoms. I don't like dangerous things, but I do tend to live in the moment and not consider the consiquences of my actions until afterwards. Getting bored easily is a common thread. I would say the best place to start is to find one of the symptom lists to take a look at and see how it compares to yourself.
Hello everyone.
Basically I am looking for some general advice on a possible next step with my ADHD. I was diagnosed as a child with ADD (29 now) and just lived with it. I have read many adult ADHD forum post over the last few weeks and can relate to almost all of the symptoms talked about.
I was always a very smart guy but could not concentrate during school. My mind was racing about 1000 other things. So I dropped out in 10th grade. Ever since I can remember when I start something it gets boring quick, I am very impulsive, my mind wonders in ideas, and I have small what I believe to be anxiety attacks when out of my comfort zone. These things have not been all bad as I have now owned several multimillion dollar companies and am now quite wealthy.
My problem is home. My wife feels that I do not listen, don’t spend enough time with her (I get board), do not go out enough, and spend too much time thinking about other things. So now she wants me to get help. She feels my symptoms look like depression. She is a great person and I am not sure where to start? I am hoping someone here can point me in the right direction.
BTW I am not sure how this relates or if any of you have these symptoms.
1. I like anything
dangerous. (Snowboarding, skydiving,
motocross, etc)
2. I hate anything
not exciting (vacations where you go sight seeing, shopping, etc) It kills me.
3. Computers stimulate me, video games, etc.
4. I like new things,
then tend to get board easily.
Thanks in advance.