Hi, I am the stepmother to a 13 yr old boy that was diagnosed about 3 yrs ago. He has an IEP in place and both his parents are very active in his "issues" at school. I am having problems in our home. I don't know where the disease ends and the discipline needs to begin. I think he is lazy a lot of the time; and his father thinks its his disease. For example, if I ask him to empty the dishwasher, he will empty only the top and tell me he didnt know he needed to do the whole thing. Making the bed is another problem. He needs to be told over and over again to do the simplest tasks. He is medicated with concerta. His parents have not given him any responsibilites in the past and I think this is a mistake; but I am just the stepparent. His mother and father have allowed him to eat whatever he wants which means he eats nothing healthy and I know that plays a roll in the ADHD as well. Does anyone have any advice???
Help needed in NC
Best of luck. Since it's their kid I guess they are the ones to handle him. I would send emails to educate both on how what he eats effects the behavior. You could also send ones on other things both alternative ones and conventinal ones. Just a idea.Don't forget that your stepson is 13. Part of his behavior is just normal for a 13 year old. 13 year olds like to see what they can get away with. They like to think they are sooooo much smart than their parents. And a lot of times they just want to be left alone. I have a 12 year old son (non ADD), he wants to be given the freedoms of an older child, but doesn't want to take on extra responsibility. We are very firm with him and don't let him get away with doing sloppy jobs. A kid with ADD will need more guidance and more reminders than a non-ADD kid, but I don't think you should excuse them from having any responsibilty. I'm sure being the stepmom isn't making things easier. I think you need to have a talk with your husband and tell him what your expectations of your stepson are. I'm sure your husband will have a different set of expectations. Come to a mutual decision and then both of you stick with it.
One thing to rember that yes you are just a spet preant that is also your home stay at and he needs some one to make him do things it won't hurt to make his bed or do the dishes.I have a 16 year old step son and i have crossed the line a few time and yes it has made me and my husband fight but it was worth the fight.thanks for all the advice!!
You get to have rules at your house regardless of what goes on at home. You and your husband need to discuss what the rules at your house are going to be. Include rewards vs consequences. Rewards when he doesn't do a sloppy job and loses rewards when he does. Then sit down with your stepson and tell him what he can expect. It's tough holding kids accountable, but it is easier when they know what to expect.