FRIENDSHIPS | ADHD Information

lmiller-

No offence but I think you are tring to hard. How long have you been trying to be this girls friend? Maybe she doesn't want to be friends. I'm definately not trying to be cruel but it seems like you have wasted alot of energy on this girl. Just because she has ADD doesn't mean she is unable to maintain or initate friendships. You first post about her was almost a month ago, perhaps you are hopefully dismissing her lack of interest in you as ADD. Why don't you point blank ask her how she feels and if she wants to pursue a friendhip with you,that way you can quit worrying about this situation.

I wonder about that also.

But she did say that she wanted to be friends to me. Thats why I have been confused. If you ADDers "dont call people often" how do you maintain friendships????????????????????? I read that at times, weeks or months can go by before you talk to people, is that right? (She did tell me that she doesnt talk to her friend that often). I know that I need to sit down and talk to her about all of this. We just havent had the time to do that. Yeah, I am trying hard ......but only in my mind. I am trying to firgure it out. I am a caring person,

I'm ADHD but have never had problems with friendships. I call my friends and return their calls. Actually, I have a good group of very close friends. Don't make ADHD and it's effects on friendships blown out of proportion. That's a good idea.

There are two books written by Edward M. Hallowell being Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction. These explain a lot that she might not be able to put into words. They will help you understand.

Thank you all!!

I will definitely get the book to read.

Who can help me???

I am non ADD...... starting a friendship with someone with ADD.

Frustrated, confused, trying to understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is truely just a friendship and I want to try to be a better friend to her.

Can anyone here give me advice or words of wisdom on how to make it work?
Do I have to do all the work? Calling and keeping in touch?
I have been reading through some of the messages here and have felt a little less frustrated by the whole ADD thing. But can you tell me how you make it easier for your friends to relate to you? Talk to you? Understand you? You cant all just have friend that have ADD??!!!?!

All you have to do is be understanding and never imply that she is stupid.

When she asks you to repeat yourself for the 10th time in 2 minutes, realize she is not retaining what she heard. When she forgets something, like plans you made to meet somewhere in an hour and she is late or doesn't show, understand that it doesn't mean you aren't important to her.

You have read what we have been posting, so just keep in mind what you have read so that when you see it in her, you know it is the ADHD, not something she is choosing to do to drive you nuts.

Check out Driven to Distraction by Somebody Hollowell (know I'm close on that name) Somebody help me out? Anyway - read it. There is another good one and I'll get back to you when I remember it. I'm reeeeaaal bad about keeping in contact with friends. I can't multi-task. I was in my home town for Christmas, so I called my friend, and it had almost been 2 Yr since we had talked.

Once again I thankyou GlenW for explaining myself so well to me

So you see I with ADHD even struggle to understand much less explain myself!!! Therefore its difficult to help other people understand why I do the things I do. I dont like doing things like not returning my friend's calls cos usually then I have to deal with feeling guilty about it and worrying that they will be angry with me. But still I dont call them

which is why any of you non-ADHDers who have friends that are ADHD, please call US and end our misery

ADHDers in general are bad at keeping up with phone calls and visits. Our home is our castle and we tend to be insecure when away. Anxiety is our engine and it's hard to get away from that. Once you get a good friend though the anxiety is gone and sometimes you'll be tempted to be the one not to call!! Or answer your door for that matter!

The trick is not to depend on us to be the initiators. EVER. We go along.. unless it's stressing then we duck and cover. Even then it may be a "funk" - where we will come out in our own time.

Many see our lack of calls and visits as being snotty or uninvolved. It's just we don't trust our own instinct for that kind of thing and prefer others to do the work. That way we don't blame ourselves if it messes up.

Honestly do get the book recommended "driven to distraction". It's the best primer for the newbie just finding out about ADHD. I loaned it out so far to my mother and am keeping it as a reference when I run out of ways to put it.

If you value this girl as a friend be patient. We don't just run off - we are still where you left us. Just don't push - we hate that.

And make it fun - with no sarcasm. We hate that too. Most times.

I do have to admit, friendships are an area that I really struggle with. I forget important things that they have told me. I can speak at the speed of light for fifteen minutes without catching a breath. During those 15 min I am usally talking about myself. I tend to get off subject very easily. I tend to give either too much info so that the listener gets lost in my story or..I do not tell enough and then I get that confused look on my listener's face.

I have learned to warn my friend before speaking if I forgot to take my medicine that day so they are prepared.

My best advice is to be patient; accept that you will have to be the one making the phone calls, plans, etc. more often than she is. Remeber that her short term memory is very short..she forgets things that you told her five minutes ago. Embrace the parts of her that make her special to be around..such as maybe she is more creative. Forgive, forgive ,forgive her when she says something without speaking.

I think you are an awesome friend to take the effort into figuring out how to meet her needs and ensure the friendship can grow.

One definition that really stood out to me in my own research of my adhd is "having adhd is like having all the radio stations on in your head at once and you cannot choose which one to listen to."

So remember she is not being your friend just because she is looking at the cars going by while you are talking to her.

Good luck!

I meant saying things without thinking first! See what I mean?? [QUOTE=GlenW]

The trick is not to depend on us to be the initiators. EVER. We go along.. unless it's stressing then we duck and cover. Even then it may be a "funk" - where we will come out in our own time.

If you value this girl as a friend be patient. We don't just run off - we are still where you left us. Just don't push - we hate that.

And make it fun - with no sarcasm. We hate that too. Most times.

[/QUOTE]

GlenW, Pheww! just so f..ing dead on the button.. If i may add another out of my
life, If a hug is required by a "Friend" no better giver than a dreamy adhder.
We are here! Really, but do not expect us to know... we are too busy. Initiate communication in a manner that will "not freak us out"