Where do I go from here? | ADHD Information

I find that too harsh to contemplate - life without my family doesn't bear thinking about. I really believe that things can work out, but this could only be condition al on my wife recognising the fact that this is what I have. I am not yet at the stage where I can reveal what I think to her (via a third party, of course) - it needs to be backed up by a professional evaluation.
Thanks for all the advice - the "keep away" seems to be a very salient point - as every time we ever spoke about the issues, it degenerated into complete mayhem. Shouting, arguing, crying, and verbal abuse. As I am just beginning to find out, referral through the NHS is such a slow process. Now that the holdiay is over, I am going back to the GP to get him to push for the appointment.

Thanks all, I'll keep you posted on any progress.


dont chase her , replace her

Be careful! After four times thru rehab and 20 years of hell, I believe strongly that "ADDiction begins, with ADD". Especially, undiagnosed.

Believe this: If you don't make yourself the #1 most important person in your life... you will have nothing to offer, those you love.

We are very high risk,

http://www.adders.org/info74.htm

Hi Headcase,

I second everything chjones said. It sounds like your relationship with your wife has gotten pretty bad. I would only add that you should probably try to see this separation as an OPPORTUNITY to focus on yourself and your issues. See the psychiatrist, go to your counseling sessions, and stay away from your wife like the court has ordered. You can't change your wife, you can't control the situation, and if you try either, you'll probably land yourself back in jail.

That's not to say that your wife probably doesn't have her own issues-- I'm sure the dysfunction goes both ways. But she'll have to address her own issues, just as you will have to deal with yours.

Good luck.

Headcase,

Get that dx. The sooner you get on meds the sooner you will be able to reasonably sort things out.  The blame is not all on you.  She obviously said some pretty hurtful things....maybe to strike back, maybe to hurt back...but mean and hurtful all the same. You have taken some great first steps.  Best wishes!

I have been married for six years. My wife is at her wit's end  - she really believes that I don't love her because of my erratic behaviour. I have never been able to explain my behaviour to her, and the when I use the phrase "I don't know" it's like a red rag to a bull.

We have been through marriage counselling, I have had 1-1 counselling, she has attended anger management classes [originally to deal with her reaction to my behavoiur, but she now believes that it was to learn to cope with my anger].

In researching my symptoms at the local library, I stumbled across a book on ADHD and it was as though someone had turned a lightbulb on  - although recently I thought I was *only* suffering from depression [a fact my wife disputes]. My symptoms are as follows;

forgetfulness/poor memoryproblems maintaining a routine
poorly organisedno self disciplinemood swingsrestlessnesstime management - what's that?impatience and frsutrationpoor social skillsmy mind races at 100 miles an hour
clumsyrudeabruptlazyinsensitiveprone to bouts of heavy drinkingUntil this moment, I could not see what the problem was  -my wife believes that I am angry due to sexual abuse in a previous relationship [untrue] and her mind is firmly made up - so much so that she throws barbed comments at me alluding to the fact that I enjoyed the abuse so much I wanted more.

She  is relaentless in her criticism of me,  so much so that I get defensive and start exhibiting many of the classic symtoms above - notably interruption and answering questions before she has stopped speaking.

One of our recent verbal exchanges resulted in me being arrested and charged for assault - I am now prevented from approaching my wife or going home. This has only resulted in me becoming more angry and frustrated. I am awaiting referral for pyschological assesment, but from what I have read, there is little hope of getting an accurate diagnosis first time around.

It is going to be a long haul, but I would welcome any advice that anyone has

its difficult in the UK because ADD is still pretty much seen as only child-oriented problem. 

but let your shrink do his or her psychological assessment if they come back and don't mention ADD bring it up - because you seem to have classic symptoms and meds such as Adderall (unfortunately not yet legal in the UK so you might have to start with ritalin unless you can find some way around that????? or unless the law has changed in the last five minutes, hope it has!) could really turn you around and together with CBT, cognitive behaviour therapy your life could radically become so much better.

check out Glen W's story --- his life has done a complete volte-face.  and parritthead's too and various others. 

and it doesn't necessarily have to be a long process at all.  i got diagnosed and given the prescription for the meds in the same day --- so hardly a long process!  but do stress that you believe you have ADD, albeit carefully, and not counter-productively because some shrinks will have their egos hurt if they think their patient is trying to self-diagnose and thinks he knows better than them --- so phrase it in such a way as to get a positive reaction and a chance to be treated for Adult ADD.

good luck.

at the same time --- regardless of how badly you have been feeling having to go through life with undiagnosed ADD - if you want to get back with your wife you are going to have to do an awful lot of crawling because she has probably been through hell and back living with you - essentially she got lumbered with your ADD too and no doubt resents it like buggery - being used as your punchbag, as your repository for all your anger, having to deal with your resentment for all your failures and the consequent humiliation and misery you put her through when you couldn't deal with your symptoms is hell of a lot to put up with --- and no doubt she thinks she is well better off out of it, i would.