Generational ADD | ADHD Information

Band geek, flute -last chair- couldn't/wouldn't practice, and a majorette.

I think my dad was the one who was/is severly ADD, my mom to a lesser degree. My dad would sit in his chair, watching the tv. He didn't talk and if you dared talk loud enough to drown out the tv you were yelled at. As a result I walked on eggshells the majority of my teen years. However, when I was little and cute Daddy and I were great friends. I hung out with him at his shop, rode horses and was a tomboy. Then I discovered boys and I lost the connection. Daddy ceased to be involved in my life. could have been both of our faults.

I wonder if it's possible with the increased awareness of alcoholism and treatment for that has an affect on the increased diagnosis of adult ADHD? My own father drank quite alot, though I never considered him an alcoholic. Alcoholics were mean, drank until they passed out, and couldn't keep a job. That wasn't my dad. As I got older I realized my dad drank to cope. He self medicated perhaps? He has not been diagnosed, but when alcohol no longer cut it he turned to drugs and then finally rehab. I don't think my mother had/has any symptoms of ADHD. I was recently diagnosed ADD and I have seen the symptoms in other members of my family (dad's side) for years. My brother was diagnosed ADHD about a two years ago. And my daughter (10yr old) has ADHD and has been on meds for it for about 6 years now.

Anway, back to the main idea..........is it generational? When I look back at the way things used to be, and the way things are now I can see how ADHD might have gone unoticed. Back in a time when only one parent had to work, life was not as overwhelming for women perhaps. Staying at home and caring for the house and the kids was maybe not as caotic as working full time and caring for the house and the kids. Although having been a stay at home mother I can say that sometimes working outside the home is easier. Also I can recall as a kid alot of my mother's friends who were housewives tended to wait patiently until noon so that they could, in keeping with good ettiquette (sp?), have their first "cocktail" I think that ADHD has always been there, it has just been covered up by other things. By systematically romoving peoples coping mechanisms, self medication, and piling on more expectations I think the symptoms of ADHD just become more obvious and then you have a sudden explosion of diagnosis. It's not unlike many other problems we have today, alcoholism, lung cancer from smoking, heart disease from obesity..........these are all things that were around a generation ago, we simply didn't know enough about them, or were not as concerned with them.

I was forced to play the piano for about 5 years, by my mom. She thought because musical talent ran in her family that her children should be good at it. I hated it. She made me practice one hour every day. One time I taped myself practicing scales on one of those real to real tape recorders. I played it next to the piano and went outside to play!

My mom no doubt has ADD. I remember her ALWAYS saying, "I don't have time." or that she would start or finish something whenever she could find the time to "get around to it." That reminds me of a time when my Dad brought home this silver looking (round) coin and it said, "tuit" on it! It was great!

She was ALWAYS late picking me up from events. One time she was sopposed to pick me and two other girls up after something one of the girls had invited me to. The girls mom got mad and I was never invited again.

She didn't go to my track meets because she could not be ready to go and was too scattered. She did pack me my lunch. My Dad went with me though. He always made me feel special.

Our house was always messy, piles all around. She could however clean it up very well if we were having, "company". That used to bother me why she would do it for, "company" and not just for her family. I understand not though because I am the same way.

She never had even ONE close friend.

I know she loved me. I feel bad for her that she never really got around to doing many things she wanted to do.

My Dad on the other hand was and is always very hyper. and anxious. I think rathar than ADHD he has and still suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

bepatient38721.5832291667

oldtimer, I think you have a point there. Yes, the meds do bandaid the problem.

But, using your analogy, when one uses a bandaid it accellerates the process of healing a wound. It helps the body do its work to scab over and heal the wound, it also, can help prevent scarring when a wound is covered. The body does the healing, but the bandaid helps the body do its job. I believe that's why ADD needs to be treated in a multimodal way. We work on our behaviors to bring about positive change the best we can but the Med bandaid helps us do the work more efficiently.

Being on medication has helped me be more aware of my behaviors. Some of them I can change,thus allowing me to 'heal" some aspects of my ADD. Some behaviors, unforunately will require that bandaid until something else better comes along.

THe meds help me focus, and pay attention so that I can better address the skills I need to overcome this disorder.. maybe, even as an adult, there may be a time where I can develop enough habits and skills that I won't need that bandaid. There is always hope.

For now, I am a better parent with the bandaid. I listen to, enjoy my kids much more now. I can sit and play a board game with them without being distracted. I can listen to one of my son's long elaborate stories with heavy detail and enjoy that little brilliant mind of his. It may only be a bandaid, but I would rather have it to cover those open "wounds" than let the pain of the ADD wound affect others in my life. Thus leaving a scar.

As for my mom, I think that even behavioral intervention would be so helpful to her. she is unaware of her ADD type behaviors, I think some of which could be addressed without medication, but I think the meds would help her address them much quicker and easier.

Its kind of like pain medication, I pop an ibuprofen when I have a headache, but I know darn well, if I were to go to a quiet room, close my eyes, and sleep. THat many of my headaches would go away. Its just not always convenient to do so. So the Ibuprofen bandaid gets applied until I can get to that bed and treat the cause.( most likely tension) if I don't use the ibuprofen, then when I finally do get to lie down, its harder to relax because the pain is worse. So the bandaid helped me get the healing much faster.

Hope what I'm trying to convey makes a bit of sense, and let me also say, that I respect what you are trying to say. I'm not looking for a debate just stating how I view things for myself and no one else.

SHerry

[QUOTE=taritac].

oooooo twilight zone... band geek too.. I played clarinet. House still gets blamed on my poor brother who still lives at home.. I wonder what will happen when he leaves and its still messy?

Clarinet here too!!

wow, this is really interesting!

Same problems with the tv. Dad would watch and get upset if we interrrupted that tv time.. Funny thing is, he could tune his children out quite well.. he actually got mad when my MOM interrupted!

BTW, sat 1st chair junior and senior year... NEVER practiced!

The bad part about that was that band was the only thing I was ever good at so I decided to major in music. I could play the music quite well, but the excercises and scales bored me and I had a hard time practicing when I had never done it before. ( well very little, every once in a while I'd play for enjoyment at home, but never any true practice.. I just couldnt make myself focus on doing the same thing over and over again in order to acquire the new skill.)

I kind of wonder if I was treated for the ADD back then, if I would have been a musician now instead of a teacher?? I miss the escape that music provides.

Sherry

yes, yes and YES!!!

I have been called stupid, lazy, never could please her.

She seemed more interested in her friends and own life instead of me. I remember trying to get her to play games with me, she would be very restless, sigh a lot, and give up quickly.

I would tell her about my school day, she actually told me one time that... "quite frankly, I'm not interested." ouch

I got yelled at a lot for my mistakes.. Without going into TOO much detail, lets just say that I came out of my home with some real self esteem issues.

I believe that she is VERY ADD and believe I may of actually convinced her to ask her Dr. about it when she returns home. I really hope so, she is a wonderful freindly, talkative caring person. I believe she just got so overwhelmed with the whole housewife/mom thing with 3 kids - it would be great to see her truly happy and in control of her emotions, thoughts, and impulses.

Sherry

Add wasn't often diagnosed until ten years ago. Other coexisting problems like depression were also underdiagnosed until that time, and treatment for any of the mental difficulties was considered strange.

Untreated add leads to a lot of problems as we know. The undealt with coexisting problems also can reak havoc on our lives.

This is an inherited disorder. I'm sure my mother has it. I love my mother and really do think she has many great qualities but I can remember some of her add qualities coming out. They were sometimes sort of abusive.

I am wondering if it is common for many of us to have grown up with add parents who may have been unintentionally verbally/emotionally abusive.

Kibbles, your mom kind of sounds like my mom. My aunt who is a psychologist, recently discussed the possibility that my mother is also ADD.

I also got yelled at a LOT, and she was not at all interested in what I was doing. She would occassionally come to school events, but it was definitely a chore for her. Cleaning and organization were not her fortes, yet she'd always yell at me, my sister, and my father for the mess our house was. She did/does not mind insulting me or telling me when she doesn't believe in me. Example: in high school, tryouts for drum major (yes, I was a band geek) and my cousin's graduation fell on the same day. Being drum major was something I had wanted to do for a long time (although I'm sure I never told my mother this), so I told her I wouldn't attend the graduation. Expressing her displeasure about missing the graduation, she told me, "you aren't going to make it anyway!"

My greatest childhood memory was the look on her face when I came home victorious. Ha! Take that, Mom!

Generally, my description of her is, "not a nurturer." But she's a devoted elementary school principal, really smart, really ambitious, and I know she loves and cares for me. Showing her love, however, is not a strength.

taritac38717.4498958333My thing is if you don't learn a skill doesn't the medacine just bandaid the problem cause you don't have the skill. I also think life is so fast we are not taught to relax and enjoy life. I just think if things were affordable for all everyones stress /anxiety could be less. I also think in most families one is aggresive/ passive parent. We all need a child instruction manual before haveing kids. Being a Prent is so hard. Kids today have it unsafe cause they don't have as safe a environments as most of us had as kids. They can't have the freedoms we could. The world is dirty/ more dangerous. oldtimer38717.5322569444Kibbles - Good response @ the 'band-aid'.

why,, thank you Pilgrim!

( ooo that sounds kinda John Waynish doesnt it?)

Sherry