ADD: a love/hate relationship? | ADHD Information

I have that kind of relationship with ADHD.  Sometimes I wish I were on meds.  But I like hyperfocusing on things, seeing things with a sense of wonder, able to still be silly when I want to, being creative.  I dont know how much of that you get to keep on meds.  But then I wish all the time my memory was better.   All in all since I don't have to work, I guess mine isn't that bad.
cynthiatweedle38719.5874305556Sometimes, I think I really love the things about me that I now know are caused by my ADD, and now that I'm on meds I find myself wondering why I ever wanted to get rid of them?

Other times, I really hate those things and especially before being diagnosed I'd wonder why I couldn't just be normal like everybody else.

Does anybody else have this kind of love/hate thing with their ADD?
i like still seeing things with a sense of wonder too c.t.

life is awful often but never boring. it can be quite nice to be mad sometimes. going to an art gallery, listening to a piece of music, seeing a sunset or a morning dew can be exquisite, evocative, achingly something.

unpredictability - sometimes you feel on top of the world and sometimes you don't for no specific reason.

there is no sense of competition. (there is no competition i am barely in the race)

i don't know what else - lots of things i guess.

they are advertising a reality tv show on the telly right now about some 'life counselors' and the girl on there is enough to make me throw up - really. constant cheesy grins, permanently upbeat in such a false 'put on smile above all' way.

all perfect in your face bouncing positivity - urgh.

made me realise how much i prefer the company of people who find life a bit traumatic, the Spike Milligans and John Cleeses and Van Goghs and Dostoevskys of the world. ADDers and depressives and the like etc. etc. difficult, confused and a black sense of humour ---
grinning, obsessively upbeat normals who make perfect apple pies do my head in.

that's about all i can think of. i must start to work, i have to work.... or i will go madder than i am right now.
chjones38720.55625hate ithyerforcusing makes me sick to my stomach if I concentrate to long.

i love it when it's working for me. i hate it when it gets in my way.

like miss jones says, sometimes i feel on top of the world, other times the world is on top of me.

if i could always be in the moment, i might be a happier guy. as it is, i always know the terrrible truth of screwing everything up is lurking just over the horizon.