irrational depression? | ADHD Information

It feels like you are in the middle of a tornado. The chaos is swirling all around you and you know you can't control it, much less bring it to order.

I believe depression is part of the fallout of ADD. Maybe it is the lack of dopamine. I don't know. I just know that depression is a key factor in my life, something I will fight until the day I die.

One of the very first things I was ever told about having ADHD was accept your limitations. I disliked that very much, but am finally coming to terms with it.
I am VERY fortunate in having a psychiatrist who also has ADHD. She really "gets" me. Given the choice, she would not want to stop having it. High intelligence usually accompanies ADHD, but we lack the skills to use the intelligence efficiently.
She told me every day of my life I will have to push myself to do things - even many things people just automatically do. It is harder for us to function even on medication. Waiting to get help is difficult, but since you have accomplished quite a bit without medication, once you are on meds it could be like a miracle. As hard as it is to accept, you simply are incapable of doing some things right now.
I still find I can only deal with so many things at once & try to avoid overload. I do leave mail unopened & ignore phone messages until I feel capable of dealing with them. We have poor coping skills, also.
When faced with a new crisis I usually go into limbo until I can get my mind refocused on my life as a whole.
I was diagnosed with major depression in 2001. Lack of interest/everything is too much effort is definitely part of depression. People with ADHD are naturally self-absorbed. It takes most of our energy to function our way through a day. I live with 3 adult sons who also have ADHD & it is like we each live in our own world.

Oh my! This post could have been written by me!

One of the very first things I was ever told about having ADHD was accept your limitations. I disliked that very much, but am finally coming to terms with it.

My whole life has been so frustrating because I felt like such a failure. Now, I just accept that while I am super talented in some ways, I am extremely inept in others.

High intelligence usually accompanies ADHD, but we lack the skills to use the intelligence efficiently.

Yeppers.

She told me every day of my life I will have to push myself to do things - even many things people just automatically do. It is harder for us to function SNIP
I still find I can only deal with so many things at once & try to avoid overload. I do leave mail unopened & ignore phone messages until I feel capable of dealing with them. We have poor coping skills, also.

I have backlogs of emails, phone messages, snail mail etc. Again, I thought I was lazy, or even phobic. Or anti-social, or all kinds of negative things.

When faced with a new crisis I usually go into limbo until I can get my mind refocused on my life as a whole.
I was diagnosed with major depression in 2001. Lack of interest/everything is too much effort is definitely part of depression. People with ADHD are naturally self-absorbed.

That statement is what made me sit up and take notice. That has been the 'curse' that has followed me (and my father and brother). Depression for sure, and we were always called cold and aloof because we were off in our own world. I have been chewed out countless times for not hearing or remembering. Or for making mistakes that for the life of me I couldn't see.

For me, in my head was always better than 'out there'. I could spend days, if not weeks alone in my house and be happy as a clam. And there were so many off diagnosis-- Avoidance behavior, schizotypical disorder, borderline personality disorder. Each scarier than the one before.

There came a point when I decided I was just a bad person. Defective and not someone who was meant to be part of the normal world. Sorta like looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing something very ugly and vile and unlovable.

Oh boy.
Enough maudlin crap.
Gonna go find some chocolate :)

Ideaspring,

I was treated for depression for years before I realized I have ADHD. The med which worked best was Welbutrin and Low and behold! Welbutrin is one of the non stimulant meds prescribed for ADHD.!

Talk to your dr about the depression, explain that you are going to be tested for ADHD soon but that you need something now as the depression is overwhelming. Ask if he can prescribe Welbutrin since it will work for both problems.

I deal with self esteem issues and feeling depressed every day so I can identify. I still think of myself as lazy and unmotivated and do have a very hard time forcing myself to do things I don't like to do (like house work - ugh!) The difference is that I can do all those things as a rule. I believe it would be better if I asked for a stronger dose of meds instead of saying everything is peachy when I talk to the dr. I don't know why I don't, I just don't.

You have nothing to lose by asking him and believe me, it makes the difference between hiding in bed all day (or at least wishing you could) and being able to enjoy what life has to offer! I actually had a neighbor accuse me of being the only normal person in our neighbor hood! She never would have said that if it wasn't for the Welbutrin! I cracked up! Little does she know! Barb

All I can say is you are not at all alone! I am the same way. For years I always suffered with depression and looking back it was the fallout of the chaos my ADD created in my life. Just reading through the replys in this post I keep having these "wow" moments LOL :o) Especially in regards to the emails piling up, phone messages just sitting there unanswered/not listened too and tons of mail that isn't opened. I'm just starting to realize that even these little things go with ADD and that there are other people out there like me that do the exact same thing! I too work my own business and use leads for my contacts and I will let a whole list go of really good leads, I don't know why, I guess it is so overwhelming? But I would still rather be in business for myself and deal with my own chaos than have a boss or supervisor hanging around all the time.

Can you tell I haven't taken my meds yet today? I'm starting to ramble and go off all over the place

All I can say is find a doctor that can help you and work with you. If you don't feel this doctor can, then find a new one. I am moving in two weeks and my family doctor was perfectly find prescribing me Dexedrine on the condition I promised to follow up with a new doctor AND a psychologist when I move. But she understood where I was coming from and that I had hit my breaking point and needed something now. I started taking the Dexedrine this week and I wonder how I ever survived without it.

Hang in there, and if you have to wait until September to get some meds to help you, you know that we are all here to lean on until then! :o)

I know exactly how you feel. For the past 4 months, I thought I had social anxiety disorder, and I felt like a freak. The thought that I had it made the anxiety even worse. I was afraid to talk to people but still did it, but I wouldnt even talk to girls. When I stumbled upon a an ADD test online, I firgured out that I had severe AHDH and also that living with ADHD many years into adulthood can cause low motivation, self-esteem, and because of all this, social anxiety. But lately I've been pushing myself to just do things. Like work out, play guitar, and do karate and I've been feeling SOOOO much better. Having hobbies increases a persons self esteem. See, the reason people with ADD/ADHD have low self-esteem issues is because they can't seem to stick with hobbies and tend to jump from one hobby to another. But, you have to force yourself to just find something you like, and take at least an hour a day doing it. It may suck at first, but eventually you will love it. I started working out about a year ago, and when I dont work out I feel like sh*t. When I thought I had social anxiety I didnt feel like doing anything, and got very depressed. I did nothing all day or night. But, recently, I've started to work out again and I feel a hell of a lot better. So, you see, just get out there and do ANYTHING!

uhh YES. i think many of us have that feeling. by all accounts i seem to have my 'house' in order, whether it is my work, my home, my relationships. but in reality before i started taking meds i struggled daily with a complete sense of failure. it seemed like it took the biggest and most ridiculous effort for me to make it to the grocery store on my day off. to fold my laundry. to wash my laundry. to clean my car. all things that i needed and wanted to do to improve my daily living but it is so easy to think of yourself as a total lazy loser. i have often felt completely overwhelmed and i get overwhelmed easily. just getting a letter from my health insurance is enough to make me feel instantly stressed out. i avoid things sometimes just as your avoiding your client questions..i work on the phone doing inside sales. and although i have a massive quota i've at times just totally ignored obvious leads and trashed my customer phone numbers b/c i just don't have the energy to do it. i'm thinking "i need to do this so i can get above 100% quota, but i just cannot stand to do it..." so it doesn't get done.

anything no matter how minute can make my mental status crash. it is a harrowing way of living. so although ppl can have far worse problems , in a way our disorder makes even the smallest issues a FAR worse problem anyway. so its all relative. i feel sometimes that my adhd is a disorder that makes it impossible to function in terms of expectations in our world..and how i struggle every day even with meds to keep on going. its hard.

its always hard....

sumi

by the way

i often wonder if i'm making any sense when i'm writing a post.

i don't even want to reread it to make edits b/c i don't have the attention span literally to rehash what i've just typed. so i hope that i sound coherent...

I can relate to both y'all. For the past yr. I've been in and out of a depressed state. Even when i was having fun, i really wasn't. My husband can't figure that out, but i'm sure anyone who has what we have would understand.

My job had me really depressed(telemarketing w/quotas) that sometimes i couldn't care less if i met.I to would trash good leads, simply because it was eaisier than dealing w/them. just the thought of waking up in the morning overwelms me especially tonight b/c i took a leave of absents from work for a day job that was appointment setting for a windows co. I knew the product, but my presentation was to choppy. I was let go today, after only 16 days. just the thought of having to go job hunting in the morning has me scared to death. I don't wan't to go back to the other job. the pay is good, but the hrs. suck! 3-11. I tryed so hard to make the job work out. cryed all the way home and felt like a looser. Sorrry for rambling on like this. not many would understand.

Ok, now about the organizing thing. I never suceed. i start out good, but than get overwelmed by the next task. I'll make a long story short. our entire house isn't a mess, just the rooms i never got to, like the bedrooms and master bath. i try to keep the bills together, since my husband does the checking(imagine ME trying to balance a check book) but even so, i still manange to screw sometjing up! My car on the otside is pretty clean, b/c i hate driving a dirty car, just don't look inside!!! Grocery shopping i have to force myself to do b/c i feel stressed in crowds or any social situation. I have to agree that ppl have worse problems than us, so it may seem, but some how alot of them seem to have it altogther and have confidence. Yes it is hard for us. Only we can REALLY understand.

Over the last few weeks, I have been slipping into a bout of depression which seems totally irrational, relative to the material "facts" of the situation.

Does this seem familiar? (I am even struggling to type this one, even though I have managed to make plenty of other posts without feeling any need to hold back).

The main things which are getting me down:

Feeling of limbo - knowing what I think is wrong (I don't know when I first started reading about ADD - I think it was earlier this year, but the more I read, the more convinced I get). I had to wait until May to see a specialist who has now left. The new guy was initially more concerned that my symptoms were in the bipolar spectrum (which they are, but I understand now that these conditions are closely related). Now he has accepted that he will discuss an ADD screening, but I still have to wait until early September to see him. I don't know if I will be able to stop myself from cracking up before then.

Due to above -

Unable to get any suitable meds, beyond Zyprexa, which makes me feel even more tired than I already am, and afaik is more likely to bring on depression than get rid of it.

Have given up the daily chase of trying to get organised - my home / office has descended into total chaos.

No interest in doing any work, or in maintaining contact with the few clients I have left. I just find it easier to run away, than to try and answer even simple questions.

Only very short lived attempts to dig myself out of the hole I am in (maybe this post is a slightly more serious attempt?).

Am supposed to be going away to a wedding later on this week, but am really nervous about keeping under control.

Why am I saying that this depression is irrational?

My core business (which runs itself, no clients) is doing better than ever, and has grown to a size where it can pay all of my bills (including massive debt repayments), and have a little left over to travel (if I can bring myself to get away without inducing severe panic).

Although I really do worry about my lack of ability to start relationships, I've made more effort this year than ever before, and when I'm feeling confident, feel that good luck has to be just around the corner.

I look around and see so many people with much worse problems than mine. I don't think this should stop me from trying to get the treatment I need, but do wonder if I am struggling so much right now because I have become so self absorbed.

That's better. Can someone please tell me they relate to what I am trying to say above?

I have at last been booked in to see one of the few specialists in the UK who can deal with this condition. The appointment is on 3rd September. I'm already feeling much better - I suppose there is a sense of closure on this issue - or at least the start of the next chapter.

WOW, now I know I'm not loosing my mind...lol Thanks so much for all the info...now I can get past the garbage dump called my mind after a serious upheavel. Adderall has really gotten things clear in my mind and I can deal so much better with life in general. Getting out of the house, working out, facing fear, working on my relationship...now it's job hunting time. While I have only the ADD the Adderal doesn't make me jumpy at all and it in fact lowered my blood pressure to a healthy normal level, go figure, the doctor is still trying to figure that one out...lol I hope that this one makes everyone who reads this laugh because now that I know what the trigger was the put me in the garbage dump mind set it's funny. A week and a half ago I was fired from my job. The reasons were lies about me and after it was all said and done I was informed off the record so to speak that I lost my job because I got so much better that I actually did my job too well. I would love to find a way to sue this company for what they did. Trust me I went from winning awards and employee of the month to a complete failure in 2 weeks...what's wrong with that picture...? Oh well enough of my rambling, thank you so much again from the bottom of my heart...

Thanks for the replies, they all make interesting reading.

It is good to find a place where everyone can share the same problems. I've just been away to a wedding, which in itself was a real high, but I became depressed again very soon afterwards. Yesterday, I was supposed to go out socially with a group of fellow business owners, but I just lost interest in speaking with any of them, and went back early. Normally I am quite sociable, especially with people who share the same interests, and usually am one of the last to leave an event. I think I had a bit too much to drink at the wedding the night before.

It is very difficult to just "shop around" for doctors here in the UK. My GP (family doctor) was recommended by a friend, and after initially being turned away, the "lottery" that allocated doctors eventually sent me back to him. I don't know if he will be able to prescribe anything, or if I will have to wait to see the specialist.

I did at least get to call in on one of my old university tutors, who agreed to write a letter to the doctor explaining how she recognised that I always had lots of ideas for projects, but could never finish any of them.

As I may have mentioned in other posts, I did have a manic episode at university, but even after returning to complete the course, I still had the same problems of trying to work on several different responses to the same project, but never being able to present a coherent solution when time was up.

I would say I was slightly manic earlier in the year, but now just feel totally depressed, and have no interest in doing anything. I do have an exercise routine, which I hope I'll continue, but most of my hobbies are closely related to my job, and I don't have much interest in any of that right now.

Welbutrin sounds interesting, I don't know if I can just "ask" for it, but I'll try and fix up an appointment with the GP for early next week.

Good luck ideaspring. I just started wellbutrin. I haven't noticed any difference yet, but it has been less than a week. I hope you can win your battle against depression. I'm not doing very well in mine. But i'll give the meds some more time to work before i pass judgement.

I to notice that I can get myself into a depression. I have never been "officially" daignosed with ADHD but I know exactly where my 7 1/2 year old daughter gets it from. I found that after I first got divorced and was in a pretty good depression, when my MD put me on a anti-depressant I started to feel better and i was able to concentrate.

Now I am once again just learning to l ive with being hyper and unorganzied.

Depression for me comes like this - I am going a long quite okay and them I do something stupid like forget an appointment - I become anxious and feel angry with myself and this anxiety causes me to make more mistakes and so on - after a while my self esteem deflates and I become depressed.

I have an upheavel - like recently our house was renovated - during this time I could not find anything - I was overwhelmed with what to do first and hence got nothing done - started to feel like my head was spinning and full of pressure and I start to detach from reality and live in a dream like place where everything is not quite real. I then get feelings of suspicion and distrust of the people and the world and everything becomes very big. Going out in public is overwhelming as I feel like I can hear everyones thoughts and feel everyones pains and I feel sick.

So yeah I can relate

I have the same problem but the depression becomes so debilitating for me. How did you learn to cope?

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So yeah I can relate

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All i can say is that i have suffered with bouts of depression for a long time especially when i reached mid to late teens. I'm 19 now and really suffering still. I a little depressed now since my gf broke up with me since she wants to be with someone else. When that happens I begin to think he's better than me and my low self worth starts again, and again to the point where i want to mutilate myself. I get a bout of depressoin now and again to the point suicide goes through my head. I know that not many people are like me that i know but i think with adhd you have more of a tendency to show others you are depressed. Some people keep it to themselves, I can't do that. I have to make everyone else feel as bad as me, that just depresses them but I get such negative feedback from them I just wanna kill myself more. I guess the foundation for my depression is that I have nothing good going on in my life at all but depression just sticks me to it like glue. I can't get out of it. I have also read that people with adhd have a higher chance of having another psychiatric condition along with adhd. Mood disorder might be a possilbility.I think I do have some sort of mood disorder since when i have no stimulation i seem to drop to depression.