New here and needing advice

Welcome!  I hope you find information and support here.

I, too, have a 12.5-year-old son who has been dxed with ADHD and anxiety.  He, too, is completely unmotivated, fights going to school and has done no homework for weeks.  To make matters worse, in October my son took Zoloft for anxiety and had a rage reaction.  Since then, his mood swings have been completely unmanageable and his psychiatrist now believes he has bipolar disorder.  He has recently started taking the mood stabilizer Depakote; we are starting to see some improvement, but we still have a ways to go.

I don't know what kind of doctor is prescribing your son's meds, but I would take a good hard look at that piece.  If you are not working with a child psychiatrist, I would find one to evaluate your son.  If you already are, I think a second opinion with another psychiatrist might be in order.  Concerta made my son feel flat and inhibited, and he asked us to take him off of it a year ago.  He now takes Focalin XR, which is a refined version of Ritalin that is supposed to cause fewer side effects.  While Prozac does treat anxiety, it might be having a paradoxical effect on your son -- he may be feeling apathetic instead of energized about life.  Yes, purberty can play a role in your son's new attitudes, but his sound severe and need attention, IMHO.

Again, welcome and good luck.

Yes, I would recommend taking your son for an evaluation with a board-certified child psychiatrist.  I think the combination of meds needs a closer look.

Based on his social ineptitude, anxiety level, and obsessions, I'd watnt him also seen by a NeuroPsych, as he has some red flags for high functioning autism. My son is the same as yours. He is 12 and has no clue when someone is a friend or is making fun of him and doesn't "get" social cues at all. He prefers to play alone at home. His diagnoses (wrong ones) in order were ADHD/ODD and early onset bipolar disorder. In fact, he has PDD-NOS, part of autistic spectrum disorder (atypical autism) and is more social than most spectrum kids. He also has obsessions. Most autie kids do. However, being PDD-NOS, they aren't as bad. I've learned to leave no stone unturned. This kid was on nine meds and he never needed any. He also badly needed help in school with interventions. He's doing really well now, although he's still an "odd duck."

[QUOTE=joesmom] When do you know that you have done the right thing for your child?  [/QUOTE]

 Welcome!

To answer your question, I'm not sure we ever do.  It's called "Mom Guilt," and it's something parents, particularly moms, of children with special needs feel from time to time.  You just keep trying to find answers and keep moving ahead.  Also, you give yourself credit for what you have done.  So, let's look at what you have done:  You had your child assessed by a physician, you tried different meds, you sent your child to counseling, you pulled your child from counseling when it was ineffectual, you used positive reinforcement to try and help your child learn appropriate behavior, you kept in contact with your son's friend's parents to keep his friendships going, you supervised his new friendships to keep him from making bad choices, you have tried repeatedly to have him evaluated for SPED services, and you now have gotten the school to agree to SPED testing. I say, "Way to go, MOM!!!"    

I think you have received excellent advice on the next steps to take, so I just want to add a few things.  I am concerned about your son's feelings of self worth and his lack of interests.  I am curious whether or not you have ever enrolled your son in Martial Arts?  It is a wonderful sport for the ADHD kid, and for someone like your son, who has been taunted and bullied, it does a great deal to build self esteem.  My son has been involved in it for three years, and it has done so much to help his self esteem and his self control.  Just a thought.  Hang in there.

Thank you Lillian.  I will discuss martial arts with my son this afternoon.  He has tried most sports and has decided that he is not interested in pursuing sports any further.  He is on a swim team and loved to swim until I enrolled him in swimming and now tells me that he hates it.  He does have a very negative attitude and is extremely reluctant to try new things.  His newest interest is in music.  He has gotten an electric guitar for christmas and is interested in learning how to play it.  I am happy about this because I feel that music is a very creative outlet.  I will be enrolling him in guitar lessons. 

I have a question:  My children dont seem to be able to walk away from the television.  It seems like they are always rushing through their tasks(homework, chores etc.) because they need to see the next show.  My husband and I have discussed taking the television completely away from the children during the week and allowing some tv time during the weekend.  Im curious if you think this will make my sons negative attitude even more negative.  I have taken away video games and only allow small amounts of play for good grades and this seems to have made him even more negative.  I dont want him to feel hopeless, like he is losing everything he enjoys.  Do you think that this will happen if I take the tv away?  I would like your opinion.