relationship help needed | ADHD Information

well i can't say for sure what he is doing but in my case other stimulation did not mean other woman it can mean just doing other stuff. i wish me girlfriend had look up somthing like this in order to help me maybe things would be different now. For my part i seem to be up one min and down the next. She used to say that i was a person of extreams i used to tell her yer but i'm worth it. It would seem that in the end i was not. Still i hold out hope that she might one day come back to me. I can't tell you how to deal with him since i still as yet don't know how to deal with myself. i know my ex did not think i cared about her this was not at all the case i was to scared to let her know how much i did care and in doing that i gave her the impression that i did not. It sounds like he might be doing the same thing to you. please dont think for one second that we don't care as we do more than most people i know we hurt more and it would seem longer. You are doing all you can just give him time if he is like me he will in time open up and you will know more love and affection than you could ever belive possible. We take a long time to get there but when we do it is well worth the wait. I wish i could make my ex see that.

I hope this helps you.

 

If it's any comfort, you are not alone. I feel the same way and most people on this board know this about me. I think it's possible, in my case anyways, that we get scared. Letting someone in too close can be very scary for people like us because we are afraid that they won't like what they get close to. I have been behaving like this for years and I don't know how to reverse it. I know the feeling of life passing by with no one to share it with. Maybe the best course of action is to seek behavioral therapy. There has to be a way to control that fear. Maybe a therapist could help us find a way to do that.

Hi Everyone!  Although I don't have ADHD, I've been romantically involved with a man for the past 6 months who has recently told me after I tried breaking it off with him that he was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago (He's 33 years old). He doesn't like to talk about the ADHD itself.  He stresses how he can't get organized, how overwhelmed he feels and how tired he is from not sleeping.  The ADD is addressed as so:  He'll read the back of a video rental and when I ask him what it's about he'll say I don't know I have ADD remember . 

I don't think he's comfortable discussing it with ME yet.  He has mentioned he was on Paxil and Prozac and he didn't respond well to either.  I think he's in therapy.  He told me no but, I saw an appointment card on his desk.  He's addicted to his workout (Karate) and eating healthy.  He's maintained 3 relationships with childhood and high school friends which is more than I can say for me.  He seems to have a good relationship with his family even though I haven't met them.

When trying to end it: it's not that I didn't like him anymore.  I was falling in love with him.  He is truly a great person and I love being with him.  I was just tired of the disappointments and what I thought were mind games.  I felt that we were not progressing to the next level and whenever I mentioned it to him he shut down and claimed I was pushing him to get serious.  He went from calling everyday down to 2-3 times a week.  We were seeing each other every weekend, now were down to 2 weekends a month (I live in NY, he in NJ).  Sometimes he disappears for a weekend without returning my call.  He would call 2 days later and ask me if I hated him?

Since his admission I have purchased 2 books on the disorder and are trying to learn as much as I can about it.  (He has no clue I've done so) I've confessed my feelings about how his actions make me feel and he admits to being a jerk and how I don't deserve it and how he's afraid to get close. He claims this is what he does, he gets scared and disappears.  After his confession and my research I now understand whats behind his actions.  But, sometimes I find myself wondering is it the ADHD or is he losing interest in me?  I read that you get bored and look for other "stimulation" and that scares me. I feel now that I'm in too deep and I'm afraid of losing him to other "stimulation"  I realise I can only help him so much but I want to know how I can be here for him in a way that he understands.  If anyone has any advice for me it would be greatly apprecitated.........Thanks, Mimi

Ok well were to start. I have to say that I am very glad to have found this place.

I have looked through a lot of the posts and read a lot of things that seem all to familiar. My story seems to be much the same as most peoples in this place. I went through school never doing well in most of my subjects I always did well in the ones that I liked but very bad in the ones that I did not. I’m 34 now I only got tested after I went back to university and failed a few exams. I new the material and it came as a shock to my lectures that I did so bad. I asked my doctor what it could be he said I just get bad nerves and gave me some baiter blockers. This helped a little but not that much. I have always had problems with exams sitting still was never my strong point, the jumping legs and fidgeting was a normal part of my life. I had a few people over the years say that I had ADD but I just dismissed it as a childhood thing and went on with my life. However after failing yet another exam I went back and was more forceful about being test. He agreed and referred me to an Adult ADD specialist. I had to get my old school reports and show them to him he then said that he knew I had it just from them, Great I said so why did they not pick it up. He had no response to that other than it was not such a well known thing in the days when I went to high school. So ok now I have my meds things should start to work out a bit better. As for my school work well that has been the case. Since I have been on the meds I have not failed a single unit and my grades have gone up a great deal.

However my real question is more to do with my lack of ability to maintain a relationship this is not just from a girlfriend boyfriend side of things but also from a friends and family side of things I have managed to distance myself from everyone that I love. I have had a few girlfriends over the years and some of them I have loved and have loved me yet I seem unable to tell them how I feel until it is to lait. I push them away and in the end they don’t want anything more to do with me. This is the same for all my friends I meet people get close then they do something that makes me upset and I just cut them off. Its like they don’t meet my standards and therefore are not worth my time, to this end I’m now alone. I was until recently with a girl and I did the same to her that I have done with all my other relationships and pushed her away from what I have read here this seems to be something that people with ADD do. I really miss this girl and love her more than I can possibly tell her yet now she will not even talk to me. She says she still loves me but can’t believe that I can change and that she is no longer in love with me. The more I try to fix things between us the worse they get till as I have said she will now no longer talk to me. This just drives me crazy so I bug her even more. I have made an appointment to see a relationship counsellor in an attempt to try to break this pattern. But I would appreciate any opinions that the people here might have. My sister has also be just diagnosed with bipolar its funny looking back now that she was always the one person that I went to when this happens. She now lives in the U.S so I cant turn to her anymore I guess it was because she is a lot like me.

I’m not dealing very well with it all, I tried stoping my meds but that just made things worse I just got angry. I hate myself for the things I keep doing but I can seem to stop I would like to know if it is the ADD or something else and if I had have been diagnosed when I was younger would I still be like this. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact it is me and not them so I’m a bit lost as to what to do from here.

I have all the common problems a million things on the go at once. Can’t sit still bitting my nails when I was younger now its my lips and inside my mouth. I did not know till now that was part of it too. I could go on and on but I think most people here will now what I’m on about.

The highs and lows are getting to me I’m ok one minute and a complete mess the next.

Thanks in advance for any help.

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