Hello. I am the mom of a female, 16 year old, "Zach". Loses everything. (on her fourth cell phone this year...) Since about 7th grade, I have been trying to deal with her "irresponsibility". It seemed when they quit sending home "red folders" (with tests, scores, notes, etc) after elementary school, my girl couldn't handle things. Instead of being able to handle more as she got older, it stayed at that mom-micro-managing age. (sort of a 5th grade level). I tried everything...positive, negative. Started "holding her hand"...and realized after a year of that(ninth grade), that something was off. She got tested this summer...ADHD, attention focused. So. Now I know why Keyboarding was impossible, but speeches were a breeze. Why house keys disappear. And school id tags. Shoes. Calculators. Why that backpack looks like midget alien streetpoeple live in it.
And, I've been reading. On how to deal with this. They say anything multistep needs to be written down. And, I've found, expensive cell phones, "nice" jewelry, or digital cameras...are not good gifts (for her). And, I hand out money in increments. 0 spending money for a trip to the Baton Rouge Mall...gets left in a gas station on the way there! (the Church Ski Trip was a good present...and, I had her older brother keep the cash for her!)
I have two other children...that positive and negative works with. They both get more responsible the older they get. But my precious "airhead"...is sweet. Giving. Not a mean bone in her body. And, if you tell her something important, it better be only 1 thing...and, be sure and get her to repeat it back to you!
I'm an obsessive compulsive sort. So, this has been hard for me. I'm trying not to "torture" my daughter by demanding something she can't do...yet, I still want to encourage her to achieve. So, I'm trying to relax. To expect her to do the thing she does. And to realize that for her to keep up with a pair of earrings is as hard as it would be for me to Not use my list...or Not clean the house (and everything else!). I'm trying. But, sometimes, I think my head's gonna pop wide open!
It's good to hear from another. Good luck.
MrsG
Crikeys - I am still absent minded and I am 33. He may never get over it - it may be just who he is. Rather than be annoyed about it - teach him strategies. I write on my sons hand in the morning "READER" so he remembers to change his reader that day. I organise my older daughters homework in a diary, showing her what she will do each day so as it gets finished by the friday.
I have GET READY lists on their cupboard doors. Shower, Brush Teeth, breakfast, shoes, bag, hair, get dressed and he follows his list -otherwise he will just sit on his floor and play until I get mad and yell yell yell him to school.
STRATEGIES -focus on that word and idea and the ideas on getting your absent minded son organised will flow in.
Please remember - IT FRUSTRATES AND MAKES HIM DISLIKE HIMSELF - to be who he is, we do not want to be pathetically absent minded, dreamy, impulsive people but we cant help it.
I just read the post by MrsG! My kids both have the same problem. It helps to have a "place for everything and everything in its place" rule. Try to get them to put important things in the same place every time. Example: keys, cell phone, etc, ALWAYS go in the same pocket or the purse. If you take it out, do not put it down but return it to the proper place every time until it becomes a habit. If you take something out of the purse to look for something else, look around immediately to make sure everything is returned before you use the item you were looking for. Establish habits which you don't have to think about but do automatically.
If you need to get a large purse so she can rummage without taking other things out, then have her carry a larger one. I don't know what to suggest for a boy. My son goes through the same thing and I try to get jeans with a lot of large pockets for him to wear when he needs storage space. Sometimes it isn't enough. I do have his friends ask him if he has an item periodically if it is something he needs but has no proper place for.
I really do understand. When I got married, my hubby and I waited a year after the wedding to buy my ring because we wanted the perfect ring. We found it finally and it was beautiful! Perfect! Exactly what we both wanted. Less than 6 months later, I took it off in a public rest room so I could scrub carbon off my hands and set it down. I walked out, another lady walked in, came out and gave me a funny look. I realized I had forgotten my ring but not until we had left and had to go back. I went looking, had the people who worked there look, the whole 9 yards. Short of strip searching the woman who went in after me, we did everything we could but I never got it back. We still had many payments to make also. I now have a not so perfect ring but it stays on my hand at all times unless I am home and working with harsh chemicals and frequently forget to put it back on.
I keep as much as possible attached to my body or in my purse which has a shoulder strap so I can get in it without setting it down.
Lists, lists, and more lists. My son has a list for everything, poor kid. Same type of thing that Rae70 has, GET READY lists. On the bedroom door for getting ready in the mornings. I 'laminate' with clear tape, and saftey pin lists into his various backpacks and activity bags. Then he can do it himself and he feels pretty good when he gets to a basketball game with BOTH jerseys.
He gets stuck when his room is messy because he can't find anything, even if it is right in front of him - so we have lots of buckets and baskets to help organize.
It's good to know I'm not the only one living in this world. My dd has only recently been diagnosed (she going into 8th grade) but of course we've been dealing with the issues for years now. I'm in desperate need of strategies for her. Unfortunately I'm not the most organized person myself (I never thought I had ADD until I recognized it in her. Now I'm thinking maybe I have a borderline case or something) It's hard for me to teach her how to keep things in order when I have trouble myself. LOL, i teach austistic children and write behavior modification programs and still can't help my own child. Or maybe the help I did give her kept the problem from being recognized earlier.
If anyone has strategies that they have found helpful I would love to hear them...and after they write stuff down and make a list, how do you keep them from losing the list?
http://www.ldonline.org/yellowpages/ This site has great info and advice for dealing with ADHD both at home and in school. When I read it, it wasn't with organization in mind but I think I remember there being a few strategies listed. Its a great site even if I'm way off the mark here.barb38219.493125MY SON WAS DIAGNOSED W/ADD SINCE HE WAS IN KINDERGARTEN. I NEVER PUT HIM ON ANY MEDICATION, BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS TOO YOUNG AT THE TIME. HE IS NOW IN 3RD GR. AND REPEATING 3RD GR. THIS YEAR. I FEEL THAT IT WAS MY FAULT ON NOT GETTING HIM THE RIGHT HELP, BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE. HE IS A VERY BRIGHT CHILD, BUT HE IS EASILY DISTRACTED, AND HAS DIFFICULTIES STAYING ON TASK. HE STARTED TAKING ADDERALL 15MG ONCE IN THE MORNING. HE STARTED IT ABOUT 2MONTHS AGO. I HAVEN'T NOTICED ANY CHANGES IN HIS BEHAVIOR
I AM NOT SURE IF I DID THE RIGHT THING, BUT I DECIDED TO TAKE HIM OFF HIS PRESCRIPTION OF 15MG ADDERRAL. HE OVER HEARD ME AND HIS DAD DEBATING ON IF THIS MEDICATION IS SOMETHING THAT HE WILL NEED TO HAVE FOR A LONG TIME, AND SKEPTICAL ABOUT ALL THE RUMORS WE ALSO HEAR ABOUT THIS MEDICATION. SINCE, MY 9 YEAR OLD SON HAS STARTED SCHOOL HE HAS ONLY BEEN DOING WELL WITHOUT THE MEDICATION. HE EVEN SUGGESTED THAT HE DOESN'T NEED TO TAKE IT.
WE THINK ALL HE NEEDED WAS A STERN TEACHER, AND A SMALLER CLASS SETTING.
I JUST WANT TO SEE HOW THE SCHOOL YEAR GOES BEFORE I DECIDE TO HAVE HIM START BACK ON IT AGAIN.
WE JUST WANT HIM TO GET AN EDUCATION, IN SPITE OF HIS ADD PROBLEM.
I NEED TO KNOW IF WE ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING
HELP
Hi Mae4u
We also had a hard time putting our son on Meds, but whe we finally did it was the best thing we ever did. My son also agrees (8yrs)
Maybe a trip back to the dr's and let them know it's not working. My son is on Concerta and it works well for him.
School is hard and paying attention can be difficult.
Good luck