FINALLY Tested Today. My Life Still Sucks | ADHD Information
I know this doesnt help, but being in a relationship since the age of 15, (w/2 different guys) and currently w/ the 2nd one for 8 ys now, it isnt all that it is cracked up to be. I would rather be w/ someone then alone, but truly, there was about a 1 yr span where i was a single mom and it was nice to do whatever i wanted whenever i wanted and didnt have to answer or explain anything to anyone, most importantly, i wasnt "hurting", they say love shouldnt hurt, but emotionally it kills me most of the time, i am such a screw up and my hubby is so "perfect" in everything he does, he never misses a beat, = FRICTION so there is alot of pain being w/someone as well as happiness i spose. But i know what u r saying, but hang in there, as far as the weight, i feel what you feel, i am just now starting to loose the weight i gained w/3 kids, i was 120, lets just say i am much more then that now, and i am starting to loose, thanks to Adderall and an almost broken relationship. So, single, married, kids or not kids, there are good and bad w/both, dont let your so called friend bring you down, and as far as your job, i HATE mine, positively hate it, but, the only way that will get fixed is if i start lookin elsewhere, so, maybe that is something to keep in the back of your mind. Hang in there!
chris r
You know what Taritac, I think you just hit on the problem. We can travel so far on a little praise and a smile from someone but no smile and no praise sets us back years. Hurtful critisism from those who are meant to be our friends sends us into a whirlwind of confusion and self doubt that takes so long to recover from.
I dont think they will ever understand that we are not hard to please really, we just want told we are worthwhile, cos we are!!!!
Maybe we just have to stop being scared of those around us and what they think and do what it is we really want to do with our lives, whatever the hell that is
Taritac - first of all LIGHTEN THE HELL UP ON YOURSELF!!!
Those tests - how the hell can someone do better? It's all to gauge where you fit in cognition (thinking) and one can think fast or slow, be organized or scattered but better? Try again bad tester!! Besides who gave him the right to tell you right there? It would be like a blood tester trying to give a result before the MD has looked at it. Bad stuff.
For what bepatient said SOME men are superficial. All the good men like me and the ones I actually don't throw up around aren't as interested in looks first. They are a bonus when you find it is all. You are right - most likely it's the ADHD that causes you to avoid good people and the only ones who stick around are losers that feel a weak spot we have painted red on our chest. We can't help that it's who we are.
Whatever happens you are a good person. If it's not ADHD you have yet you see the symptoms I'd be skeptical of anything else. Maybe biological but I trust your caregiver has already screened for that and said no.
Once you get past diagnosis and into treatment you can then truly spend time with your new self and say "hey I like me" for once. I spent years alone before treatment but now this last year was a joy. I got to know who I am separate from the problems I used to have. Now when with people I have that comfortable guy doing the talking and it's done so much for me.
I don't necessarily recommend my paths - find your own dammit!! LOL - just kidding though I do mean that. Find what makes you happy now.
I reduced in my life - removing stresses and cutting back things like spending, relationships and workload. I went far away from what I knew and found out I loved it!! By taking out what made me anxious I was able to rebuild without all the extra stress. It worked great!
Once you know where you stand you can decide what to do - meds, therapy, both or neither. Until then don't let the worry overwhelm you. Relax a bit. It will be fine - I will be here to help as will everyone.
It's going to be ok!!
Thanks, Chris R (your name and initial are the same as my former supervisor's-- I like you in spite of that!
).You know, the man thing is actually the LEAST of my worries. I have had a great relationship and I've had an epically BAD one (lots of stuff in between, too), and I've spent LOTS and LOTS of time alone. I'm less concerned about relationships because I know, as a recent R&B song goes, I can do bad all by myself. There is nothing worse than being in a bad relationship. Nothing can make you feel worse about yourself than being with someone who pulls you down, and who doesn't amplify your good traits and mitigate your negative ones. I really want to figure out my CAREER and FINANCES right now-- if I'm going to be alone, I want to at least ENJOY my aloneness. I want to be able to travel and do whatever the hell it is I want to. I don't want to end up 50 years old, alone, sick with diabetes and heart disease and poor.
I want to be 50, healthy, loving my life, alone or with a significant other, and able to live my life to the fullest! 
I feel a little better today. I don't know what happened to me the other day. I think I hit a big black patch of "nothingness." I ran a kick-off meeting today, and my new boss was really impressed. Nothing like a little praise to make an ADDer feel like they can rule the world!
To the OP (sorry, I forgot your screen name)
But I don't know you very well, maybe you are just having a down and out day.
But I wouldn't discard the depression thing so quickly. You are a woman, right? My shrink to told me the other day, women get depression like 300% more than men do.
And many of us AD/HD women have a lot to be depressed about. Depression is a common comorbity with ADD, and even more likely with woman, simply because the makeup of a woman makes her more suseptible to depression. Being that you are a woman, PLUS you have ADD, you are even more prone to depression.
Maybe you should tell your shrink that you think your life sucks, and it really depresses you, and your shrink can have you tested for depression, and/or help you work through those issues that you have.
Buck up. You are not alone. We are here with you.
I'm kind of scared because the tester said that I did better than most people do on a lot of the tests. What if I test out of ADHD??? What in the hell will explain the piece of crap my life is???
I started a new job this week, having escaped my last job before they could fire me. I guess I'm still having closure issues and huge regrets about what could have been. Yesterday, I got SO DEPRESSED because I realized that I really don't want to do my new job. I think I may be bored to tears because I'm just not interested in the new subject matter I'll be dealing with.
What makes it even worse is that one of my girlfriends called tonight to tell me that she's pregnant. While I'm happy for her, her news serves as another reminder of how BEHIND I am. While my friends all have CAREERS and husbands and kids, I'm barely able to keep a job, I'm lonely, pushing 35 with no man, and certainly no kids in sight. It certainly doesn't help that I'm fat as hell.
THEN, other friend called and proceeded to tell me that my life is a mess (it is, but 1), it's not as big a mess as she makes it out to be, and 2), who the hell is she to tell me that??). She said that I use ADD as an EXCUSE (well, f**k YOU very much) and that I need to fix myself. Lots of support I'm getting from her.
WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO??? Would someone please plan out the rest of my life??? I don't think I can write one more f*cking study or report!! I want to travel, I want some excitement! I want to meet interesting people and solve interesting problems AND NEVER, EVER, EVER WRITE ANOTHER 50-PAGE REPORT ABOUT SOMETHING NO ONE CARES ABOUT!!!!!!
Please, please help me.
Taritac,
Do you think you would feel better about yourself if you lost weight and got into really good shape?
I hate to sound so superficial but men are very visual creatures, much more so than women. Most of them prefer in shape or thin women.
Not only that but it could do wonders for your self esteem to feel better about how you look.
I have finally learned to accept myself and stop fighting who I really am. I haven't been happier in my life, just took me till I was 40 to get here. I ended up very sick and had to take a long look at myself and life, taking Adderall has made a big positive impact on me. I think you need to learn to love yourself before you can find a great partner and to always remember that you and your partner and./or kids are individuals. I find it musch easier to deal with problems and not take things so personally if I can view them seperate from myself. AS for weight, I have been there too and I had some terrible complexes, found out that I had an underactive thyroid and metabolic syndrome after seeing 5 specialist. Love yourself, find out why you eat too much (if you do, I am a comfort eater) and see lots of specialist, don't give up, find a hobby you love. Sooner or later the right person will come along. I have heard it happens when you're not looking for it, that was the case with me and I have been happily married since. I didn't plan on ever getting married again after my first and I am glad I did. If anything, you don't want such vain guys that only want to date people for their looks, maybe it isn't so bad being a little big, you have lots more to offer.
bump up
Of course you are right, bepatient. It is one of my goals to lose a lot of weight. It likely won't help the rest of my life, though.
After reading the "ADD/ADHD = no relationships" thread, I've begun to wonder whether my problems with men stem more from ADD than from my weight. I haven't spent my entire life with weight problems-- only the last 6-8 years, but I have never had much luck with the opposite sex. Even though I was really athletic, intelligent, and cute in high school, I never dated. Most guys steered a wide path around me-- only guys who had learning disabilities liked me (unfortunately, I'm not kidding about this). College was better, but since then, there really has not been too much romantic activity.
Ironically, many ADHDers do well in testing situations. The novelty kicks in hyperfocus. If the doc is worth a flip, life history and your perception of your life will also go into the assessment. Maybe he was trying to reassure you, since lots of people get worried the test will show they are a complete moron.
And I agree with Glen, lighten the hell up! Tell that to your criticizing friend too! (Although the volume I would put into that statement is opitonal. :P) I don't have a career, a husband or kids either at 34.
What I have done is live a really interesting life. I have met people that others would not try to speak to and found out their stories. I have been divorced, deported, homeless, gone to art school, and law school. I have had jobs taking care of people who couldn't walk, but had great attitudes, I have herded 14 schizophrenic women through wal-mart, I have been a litigation specialist and a automaton cog in the machine. My family has watched me saying "irresponsible" and "be careful" and "you won't be happy doing that" while they waited for me to fall on my face. Which I often did. But then again, it is the stories of my life that get told at family gatherings, not the stories of career, husband, kids. They may think I am a screw up, but at least I have had experiences worth talking about.
Reisa
I try to give honest, positive and supportive information and I think that goes along way for most. You posted, we reply to support you and you seem to be angry and unhappy with the reply. If you don't anybody's opion don't post, otherwise just accept that others do not view things as you do. I have had a very full life, I think most of us ADHD individuals have and I don't feel the need to mention it, or what it is I have suceeded in doing. For me it isn't the success that is important as much as finding out, and accepting who I am. I have recently given up my career to start a new one, a career that is rewarding in other ways than money and spend the rest of my time helping others deal with chronic pain. You're are right, I do have a family and I do love them and spend much time with them. I try to teach them to view things in a positive light, nothing negative can't be turned into something positive, it's all in the way you view it. I guess, it is my hope they won't turn out as negative and defensive as you seem to be. Don't take any of my advice, it is only based on my experience as yours are. I was bitter for too long and don't plan on ever going back there.
I have also known many not so great looking people, weight or whatever it was, but they were so awesome, they had this great personality that drew everybody to them. They never had any problems with dates.
I am sorry for upsetting you.
I try to give honest, positive and supportive information and I think that goes along way for most. You posted, we reply to support you and you seem to be angry and unhappy with the reply. If you don't anybody's opion don't post, otherwise just accept that others do not view things as you do. [/QUOTE]
Did I miss something? I am confused.