What do you wish you knew sooner? | ADHD Information

 

I spent most of my life not knowing why I was the way I was - I wasn't diagnosed until my twenties and at that time, more than a decade ago, the information wasn't as clear as it is now about add.

After I was diagnosed, I spent more time realizing why I had certain symptoms and thinking because I had add, I didn't really need to expect myself to get through the symptoms.

Looking back, I wish I had been diagnosed earlier AND I also wish that when I was diagnosed that someone had just told me the way things are. 

No, even though I have add, no one at work will want to accommodate.  And if a company learns of the add ahead of time, they may likely not hire me.

No, even though I have add, other people are not born with a "farmer" gene that makes them desirous to do the boring things I don't want to do.

No, even though I have add, I am not one of the only people who has clever flashes of intelligence.  Everyone wants to feel smart.

No, even though I have add, politics will continue and if I can't learn to play within the game (even if I choose not to play myself), I'll drown.

No, even though I have add, other people will get pissed if I am straightforward and tell them the way it is. 

No, even though I have add, and have been treated horribly because of this disability - no one is going to want to understand my related depression, etc.  ETC.

Then, I wish from the beginning, I started working with a counselor to learn how to deal with each of those things and others.  Even though so much of this is hard, I have to be able to understand and adapt and deal with each of those and other things successfully.

I think having add is probably much easier than many disabilities.  However, when I see someone with another disability, the best goal is obviously that the person with the disability overcome their disability. 

For example a person with an amputation is encouraged to learn to walk on a prosthetic even though it's hard for them.  It gives them strength and power.

However, for so long, people selling books have tried to make add the disability that should be coddled - that we aren't expected to get up and overcome our difficulities.  I don't think it has been at all helpful for me.

I wish I knew these things far sooner rather than now in my late thirties.  I know it's still young and there's lots of life ahead but I still wish I had known these things sooner because if I had known them sooner, I could have started on a course toward a better life sooner.

 

 

 I wish i knew then what I know now...I am learning to use this power God gave me and by God it is helpful..."Somethings were never meant to be controlled...shut up and drive"

 

Maybe your brain seems like it's here one minute and gone the next. Maybe you can't follow directions that include more than one or two steps. Maybe you lose track of time, or maybe you chronically procrastinate. Maybe you think you're depressed and try to make yourself feel better with alcohol. Or maybe you need many cups of coffee to stay on track all day.

Maybe you're an impulsive overspender. Maybe you liven up everyone you meet, but deep down inside you feel lonely and sad. Maybe you have lots of creative ideas, but you just don't know how to organize them and put them into action.

Well, just maybe you have attention deficit disorder (ADD). Many people have ADD without knowing it because most people still think it's a condition found only in children, particularly boys. So whenever they find themselves wandering from one task to another, they never think it might be ADD.

I Have ADD

I know about ADD. I have it myself, and as a child I was treated bad, very bad. Until this past year... I was running out of time! I thought I'd take this chance to fill you in on some things that could change your life for the better--dramatically and soon.

First of all, having ADD does not mean that you can't pay attention. Just the opposite. People with ADD can often be extremely focused and pay attention better than anyone else at certain times.

Second, having ADD does not necessarily mean that you are hyperactive, or that you were as a child. In fact, many children and adults who have ADD are the opposite of hyperactive; they are quiet and serene.

Third, having ADD does not mean that you are "slow" or got bad grades in school, or can't excel in various arenas. Many people with ADD are extraordinarily talented, successful, and quick.

A Fast-Tracking Mind

So what does it mean to have ADD? The core symptom of the condition is a frequent, involuntary wandering of attention. You're reading a book, and the next thing you know, you're thinking about what one of your son's teachers said to you that morning. And even though you are still scanning the words in the book, you no longer comprehend them because your attention is now totally focused on the teacher's words. You do not have a deficit of attention--you are paying very close attention to the teacher's words--but your attention has wandered from the task at hand.

Everyone does this some of the time. What differentiates the person who has ADD from the person who does not is how often the person does it and how much it gets in their way.

Are You Different?

Other than a wandering attention, what other tendencies might be a tip-off that you have undiagnosed ADD? Maybe you're extremely well focused doing the most stimulating tasks at work, but in the boring parts of work and at home, you are near the brink of disaster all the time due to disorganization and lack of focus. Sometimes the high-intensity part of the job "treats" your ADD and allows you to focus.

Or maybe you are highly creative and have always wished you could take up painting or write a novel, but you hold back, believing you lack discipline, or feeling that you lack motivation, words you used to hear in school. In addition, maybe your doctor has told you that you might be suffering from mild depression. Guess what? The underlying problem still might be ADD. Often people with ADD are highly creative, but they don't develop their gifts because the symptoms of ADD get in the way. And that makes them feel a bit depressed.

Run with It!

Maybe you've always thought you were different. You've done your best for as long as you can remember to stifle your different side and appear as normal as you possibly can. You've spent decades trying to hide your true self from the rest of the world because you feared that you would be found out as crazy, weird, inept, or just bad. Well, you, too, might have ADD. ADD people typically think differently from other people and experience life in a unique way.

If this is true for you, the only way to flourish and grow is to come out of hiding. We're all a little strange, we humans. Often the best of us, the most creative and interesting and fun, are the strangest of all. Rather than hide, go see a good specialist who can help you understand in what ways you are different and show you how to take advantage of your strengths and talents. Then, instead of hiding, you can use your true self to fly high in your life, exulting in who you are and being free. Like me.

Don't shove sunshine up my ass.  I really like that.  Think I'll use it.
Anyway the topic was what ?  What I wish I knew sooner.  ...... OK then....I wish I had understood the labyrinth of my own heart.  I wish I had heard praise and not criticism..., yet a person who hears only praise becomes deaf, where is the balance?And where is the criticism, is it not from my own head? Am I not my own worst enemy?

I wish I understood CONSEQUENCES!!!!    Yeah, that would have helped a lot.

Perhaps, I am like Icarus, flying too close to the sun. 
Topic: What do you wish you knew sooner?

I wish I would have known who won Super Bowl 23 sooner.

I wish I woulda known what was for dinner sooner.

I wish I woulda known I was gonna run outa gas sooner.

I wish I woulda known what Santa's last name was sooner.

I wish I woulda known I was gonna be born sooner.

Hey, BTW, what is a sooner?

Glen,

Yes, sometimes the truth does hurt like hell - but not today.  *grin*

Dog asked for the truth, so I shared mine.  ADDers spend so much time deciphering what other people mean, because they refuse to tell it like it is.  Ironically, we are usually really good at telling it like it is, and terrible at beating around the bush (some call it tact).  I don't have many opportunities to tell the unvarnished truth.  I was happy somebody asked. 

And no, I didn't think you were "going at me."  I just assumed you don't know me, and so were a bit off base.  Once you do know more about me, you will come to realize that I like a challenge, and clever insults as well - even if they are aimed at me. 

In my universe, "I am so offended, yet so impressed!" is the highest of compliments. 

Reisa

Hi. New here. I usually post at the parents bd. We have been dealing with my son's recent dx. Well, 2 years ago. Finally getting things sorted out enough to look beyond him and deal with the fact that OMG, me too! Sure does explain a lot!!! Glen, you said something about your ADHD running the ship. I think that is what is going on with me right now. Funny how you can read one line and a light bulb goes off. Oh boy, I need to get back to steering my ship!

I think everything happens for a reason, and maybe we find out about our disorder at the time in our life that we are meant too?

That's just my thought on the subject

Reisa - I know it hurts like hell especially when reality comes crashing in.  When I got back all my memories of the horrible ADHD behavior I had it smashed my ego and left me with a lot of shame.

I spend a lot of time trying to make up for what I did during my let the ADHD run the ship times.  Everyone tells me that's not necessary and that it was the ADHD but frankly that is as much a cop-out as an alcoholic blaming the booze for bad behavior.  Truth is it was still me and I must live with that.  In some ways it keeps me doubly honest to me and others and that's a good thing.

Oh and I hope you don't think I was going at you there friend.  Just injecting a little honest humor.  I don't get an edge often and from what I got in mail this morning - it spooked a few of my buddies here LOL.  The truth is that I'm a very happy man and there's not many mean bones in my body.  Except for losers, drunks and trolls.  They have no mercy from me. 

 

I remember when I was in college I had a friend who always said that everything happens for a reason - until his best friend (in his early twenties) was killed in a logging accident.  Then, he couldn't say it anymore.

I don't know if everything happens for a reason or not.  It's an interesting thought that I often wonder about.

I also had a friend at that time from another country who used to tell me he was my friend and therefore he wasn't going to shove sunshine up my ass. 

I always thought it was a cultural difference but now I think it was primarily just a difference in life experience.  I can relate to this view now very easily.

Reisa - I am with you on a lot of what you're saying.  Glen - ok.

 

dog - I like that "sunshine up my ass" one.  Don't know if I've heard that one before.  There's a yiddish one that I heard that's almost exactly opposite that "don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining".  Both very amusing LOL

 

 

  Now thats my kind of talk!!    Your last para is exactly what life itself has taught me to git up and do and its paying off. Yep, still as ADD as ever but I'd rather be different that one of the herd.  I chose to believe I'm gifted, even in the face of negative test results; failure at school etc but rose up despite and refused to cop any BS about mental illness; only average ability etc, early in the piece. Today, a couple of decades later; top 1% for iq (not from "how to succeed at iq test" books either); self-taught artist, poet; happily married etc, all because I chose to rise above the circumstances as my former pastor often quoted and yep, am free too. Lets run with it indeed. Be different and proud of it!

 

 

 

i would agree with much above. i can identify with so much of it.

i would say 'the dog' is more on the cynical side of reality, and that 'dwm3576', is a little more on the positive side.

for myself, i would make the case that the adhd, while having some positives, has lots of negatives that have interfered greatly with my abilities to make a happy life for myself.

while we share many attributes, they are often expressed in different ways. these different expressions are perceived in different ways by us, greatly influenced by those in our lives, affecting every subsequent action and event in our lives. my history is one of failures and negatives, leading up to a life that has more troubles than benefits.

like the dog, i wish i had known much earlier that those things i do are pretty normal for me. that i did not have to take to heart all the criticism and harsh treatment i received for being the way i am.

that i could learn ways to adapt and use these characteristics to benefit my life, rather than believing i just needed to change. rather than believing, as i deeply do now, that i am defective.

i have worked very hard to use my creativity, my energy, to be a benefit to me. the real difficulty, for me anyway, is to be able to follow through. to stay on track. to overcome being overwhelmed by the demands of playing the same game as everyone else.

life often feels like i'm a tiny 4-yr-old kid trying to compete in the NFL. after 30 years of plays, i'm pretty gd beat up and gun shy. now i've got a chronic injury - depression. and i don't see depression as just 'feeling sorry for myself', any more than most people see an amputee as just lazy for not walking normally.

often when i hear that i should just 'overcome' my disabilities, i think of trying to climb a mountain of jello on a warm day. try that, and see if you don't just get worn out and discouraged. not to mention stuck.

failure builds upon failure, as success builds upon success. despite lots of effort, therapy, introspection, and lots of hard work, i have not been able to establish and maintain good relationships, jobs, habits, or track record.

so, i try to fly, but i'm getting tired of crashing and burning.

i don't really expect any sympathy, except from maybe those living the same struggle.

as to the 'farmer gene'- i don't think it makes people desirous to do the boring things, just less averse to it.

as to the idea that books promote the idea add'ers should be coddled- i don't see that either. what comes across to me, is that i don't have to continue hating myself for impulses and behaviours that are more or less hard-wired into my brain, as expressed in the dog's second paragraph. 

I would say easily bored.

 

Yes, Glen - I agree.  I think I've been spending some time sort of mourning some things. 

However, there's also something else to my thread. 

While trying to spare too many boring details - I was talking to someone in a placement office of a college.  I asked her about the salary of a supervising mentor in a profession.  She acted like I had just tried to kill her pet - and then exclaimed that people in the field don't do it for the money - it's purely becuase they want to - etc, etc. 

Finally, after she was pressed, she told me that the supervising mentors make the amount a professor teaching a one credit hour class makes.  The supervising mentor position takes about 2 to 3 hours per week tops - less time than teaching a 1 hour class after prep, etc.

My point is that I'm so sick of the bullsh*t people spew.  Of course, we hope that people enjoy their jobs - but I doubt anyone would be doing the job without payment.

This career services person was so caught up in the purely altruistic myth that she become angry before she would just provide the facts - which is part of her job, incidentally.  From here, I started thinking about all of the things that people say that they know are not true to keep up their own myths - that have the effect of hurting people.

I think that when I was diagnosed with add, I received very little advice in books or from specialists that was truthful.  I wish that people had been honest about what to expect after diagnosis and how I could help myself, instead of either making me feel like a victim or painting a rosey world of farmers and hunters, etc. 

I feel that a lot of my pain, depression, etc would have been lessened sooner if I had started from a more realistic place sooner. 

I think I know why people pretend - it's because - as many of us know - when you tell the truth in a straightforward way - in a world that doesn't want to hear the truth - you will be kicked in the head - no one wants to know.  In the world at large, I've pretty well accepted that.

However, I would hope that in an anonymous forum dedicated to helping people with add; if I were the newly diagnosed, that someone would just tell the truth.  Likewise, if someone has truth that could help me at this stage of the game, I'd hope they'd tell me.  That's why I posted.

 

TheDog - don't get me wrong! I'm glad you posted that's why we're here right?

I just berated your attitude (everyones lately ugh) and tell you to get over yourself!!

Believe me - you won't get BS from me I can't tolerate it as it was the worst ADHD trait I had and it must never touch my space again.  Not gonna either.

BS is such a waste of energy and I had a reasonable BS detector before treatment (though I never trusted it fully) I have the world's finest tuned BS detector now!! I can smell it from half a mile easy.

There are many of us who though kind will not settle for lies.  You must wade through the manure but we're here.  The ones that may at first make you say "why I never"! may just in fact be us.

People suck.  But I find the good ones so don't worry eventually you can too.  And - ask me anything I won't turn you wrong.  No lies and I expect all here and in my life to call bulls*it if I stray.  Ok?

This thread is showing some people with a bad case of what I call the "Woulda Shoulda Couldas".  I used to as well but frankly it's wasted time for you guys.  You have to learn to point your compass forward not backward.

What use is wishing that things were different?? They will be what they will be - the past is gone and there's not one thing anyone can do to change it.

What you are is an adding of every single thing you have been through during your life.  Noone can say that changing anything would have given you a better life. Perhaps even it may have made things worse!

Be happy you are educating yourself and that you can make better decisions now.  If you don't look forward you are bound to bump into something ahead and then you'll have one more thing you'll regret.  Don't waste your time friends - believe me time is the one thing you have little of in life and you need to make the most of every single second.

I agree, Dog.

The majority of info out there does tend to play to a "victim" mentality.  ADHD carries so many self esteem issues, it is a relief to be able to say, "This is not me, it is my disorder."  However, if we stop there and don't do anything to take charge of our symptoms we risk ending up becoming plain pathetic. 

I personally do not want to add "pathetic" to the long list of undesirable problems that come with ADHD.  In the workplace, I am expected to do my job.  If I have problems related to my symptoms, it is my responsibility to compensate and do my job anyway.  No one does a perfect job all the time, and anyone can ask for advice on improving their weak points.  ADHD does not entitle me to do a poor job or avoid boring tasks, it only cushions my self esteem and helps me ask for appropriate advice when I suck at something. 

Employers respond better to someone who takes responsiblity for their own problems.  I do not ask for accommodations.  What I say is, "I know that being late is a problem, it has always been a problem for me.   I understand that it is a basic, minimum requirement of employment, and I am doing the best I can.  I have ADHD, and being on time is one of the things I struggle with.  It is as frustrating for me as it is for you.  I can do a great job, yet it doesn't matter because I can't get here on time.  This is what I am doing to try and fix it.  One of my co-workers has agreed to call me in the morning to help me get here on time." (or whatever)

My boss actually DIDN'T write me up after we had this conversation.

Reisa

 

TheDog, I totally get where you are coming from. It is hard realizing that no one gives a crap whether you are having a hard time. It's a competitive world and anything that gives someone else a leg up, they will use to their advantage.

It is a really hard lesson that this is such a cold, cruel world.

Oh, the truth straight up.  In my universe, the truth is:

ADD sucks. 

Meds and books and therapy help, but it still sucks.

Life is hard for EVERYBODY, ADD or not.  It doesn't make us particularly special or entitled to a break.  Diagnosis is just our identifiable pile of crap, as opposed to other people's unidentified piles of crap that they deal with in life.

Most mental health professionals will coddle you in order to keep your business.   I finally found a shrink that calls BS when he sees it.  I really don't like it, but I wouldn't want to see anyone else.

Sitting in the middle of the road whining about my life it won't help, and will probably get me run over by a large truck.

The best I can do is all I can expect, sometimes it is good enough for other people, sometimes it isn't.  I have learned that it has to be good enough for me, regardless.

Nobody overcomes a disability.  They succeed in spite of it, struggling every single day.  Sometimes I fight with spunk, sometimes I fight because the only other choice is to sit in the road and whine about my life.

Reisa

sunshine - it's always a choice of letting ADHD run the ship or you running the ADHD.  Takes work I admit but it's doable.

And now children can get help and good help too!  I guess if there is a do-over I'd have wished for that would be it.  To help the 9 year old me and not be wondering why I hurt everyone.  But that's long gone and not happening in this universe.  Nope.

Nope...no re-living the past, Thank God!.....

Once around in this hell world is enough.

Mean and ruthless folks appear to live fruitful lives... sweet, innocent and wonderful people die tragically, etc.

ADD/ADHD or not...this isn't an entirely enjoyable place...it's a learning ground.

You can choose here....choose wisely.  Next stop has no turning points.