My bf wants to break up | ADHD Information
Monkey -
If the bf is so concerned with how his mom and friends get socialized with maybe he should get them all their own playmates.
When you are in a relationship the important person in any case is that person. Others take a back seat. Now if you were rude or mean to them that may be a good cause but shyness isn't.
He's had time to know you. He obviously still liked you after seeing the shyness so why he's worried is beyond me.
Most likely he's looking for an easy out and mommy makes that possible.
Do what makes you happy from now on. Don't wait for happiness from another it will be a looooong wait. You deserve better and believe me there is much happiness out there for you.
Glen scores a touchdown. he thinks tht i am too quiet around his friends and mom, i mean i barely hung out with his mom, and when i see i just dont know what to say, Im always very quiet at first when I meet people but as time goes by i open up, does this happen to any one here?? He says tht his friends and mom are very important and if i dont talk to them I am being rude. Why wont they make a conversation with me instead? its weird I dont knwo wht to think, I told him its a lame excuse to try to break up. He thinks I should make friends, I have a couple but I just dont see the point in it right now, it takes away from me trying to get my sh*t together. I feel really sad.I totally hear you! Meeting my first boyfriends parents who were rich, and very snobby, I was terrified! We ate at a very posh restaurant and I barely uttered a word.
My advice: get into the habit of asking questions. It takes the heat off you and lets them open up about themselves. Get your boyfriend to give you an insight to them and their hobbies. If you don't know the first thing about golf/sewing etc, don't be afriad to say so, but say that you're interested to know more.
Let them know that you care about your son and want to get to know them. And good luck! Besides if your boyfriend still wants to break up with you after that, you deserve better. Onward and upward my friend, until you find someone worthy, you are better on your own.
I think the dornado has jackster stymied
We adhders are outgoing, we could careless who is around.
your just shy and introverted. Nothing wrong with that.
You don't want to do the wrong thing. Your doing normal date stuff.
Maybe his mom makes you uncomfortable. And you clam up because you feel her gaze upon you.
So the problem then is his mom, not you.
don't beat yourself because your adhd. Sometimes your in the right. I happen to think this time, you are. Adhd does not cause all things to change. Sometimes you have normal reactions. I think this is one of them. as you get older and care less about what people think, you'll open up.
Good luck.
I am pretty outgoing around one person I don't know, or around two people I know well. Two people I don't know, or more than two people ever -- I get overwhelmed, distracted and nervous.
He did realize you were like that when he met you, right? Either it is a bogus reason for breaking up, or else he wants you to be someone you are not. Either way, you deserve better and you can now get on with finding it.
I had a guy tell me he was gay in order to break up, except the next week some other woman had moved in with him. Talk about bogus! Men are wierd.
Don't beat yourself up, sounds like it is his problem. It does feel sucky, but it isn't your fault he is a jerk.
Reisa
I think ADDers have the potential to be on both extremes of the "sociability" spectrum. Either we're social butterflies and the life of the party or we're wallflowers. I've found that I am very reserved when I am not in my comfort zone, meaning a room full of people I know or am friends with. If I don't know people, I find it almost impossible to feel comfortable-- so uncomfortable that I have a hard time talking to people.If it's a situation like meeting the boyfriend's family, I force myself to TRY REALLY HARD to make a connection. It is important to do this because these are the people closest to him. So if you have the opportunity in the future, try to do it. At least try to connect with one or two people-- maybe a sibling or cousin who is close to your age. It will get easier as time goes on because you will be increasing your comfort zone. With every family event, you will know at least 2 people you are comfortable talking to. They will involve others in your conversation, so you'll meet more people, and so on.
But this is kind of a strange thing to break up with someone about. Maybe he's just using it as an excuse?
Anyway, it sounds like you are working on other aspects of your life. Maybe this break up will give you the room to do that. Keep us posted.
[QUOTE=Zillah]Whoa... if I had a dime for all these things that I'm learning aren't "normal" behavior! I too remain quiet until I'm confident of my surroundings, once I'm confident...lOOk out. [/QUOTE]
Normal? what's that?
Magnetic North
Whoa... if I had a dime for all these things that I'm learning aren't "normal" behavior! I too remain quiet until I'm confident of my surroundings, once I'm confident...lOOk out. Well monkey311 I hope that I have been of some help if you need someone to talk to just let me know pm or message here JacksterAnd your point?Well, I found I'm a doer, not much of a talker.
So I get along with doers, doing it.
Those that are just talking a/b it, well, they're kinda boring.
I guess the main reason is they can't keep up with my thinking, I think.
They get pissed off that I'm all over the page, so either I have several convos at once, or I find an ADHDer to keep up with.
Everyone else I have to dumb down for...
Oh, and there's fewer topics I wanna focus on in my old age.
The rest, I've been there, done that, and not interested.
Don't let your being quiet slow you down theres nothing wrong with being a little reserved around other people especially parents becouse they can become very judgemental very quickly. As for the friends part just be yourself and the right people will come your way.Well hello my name is Jack I empathise with you becouse I have been ADHD for 5 years know and even before the meds I was very quiet around other people until I got to know them. The reason is I and maybe your self are very Intuitive about other people so we use the power of observations to prevent drama. Am I on the right path here?
It's actually quite different for people like us becouse people with ADHD not neccesary ADD are like hunters in a way so we observe everything and before jumping into something we like to know who what and where we are going
YES, THATS THE WAY I FEEL, IT ALWAYS COMES ACROSS AS ME BEING TOO SHY, QUIET, OR PEOPLE THINKING I DONT LIKE THEM.