Hi ,
My name is Sandi and I have a 9 year old daughter named Carla. I did not have Carla until I was 37. My child has psychological problems of some sort. I have had a couple of meetings with the team at her schoolteacher, psychologist,socialworker, and nurse) and I came away with the feeling that nobody wanted to say the word (ADHD) but they were giving me hints or something. My mother is an educator and knows everyone in the school district. She is so alarmed at my daughters behavior. Even though I have concerns I believe that we should not be alarmist. I have read some of the research on ADHD and I wonder if that was not what was wrong with me as a child as well. I am going to have to take the bull by the horns and get her diagnosed I know. I am just so perplexed and dissappointed. In who I am not sure. Myself, my MOm, her Dad. I just need to know what is the best route for me to take in order to get my baby in a positive position. I have my daughter on the weekends she stays with my Mom on the weekend and sometimes I wonder if I have done the right thing. My Mother lives right by her school and me I live a gypsy like existence sue to economics. I move from roommate to roommate trying to find myself somewhere that I can get some peace. I believe I have that handled now. I have plans next year to have her back with me. I hate to transfer her school in the middle of the year she has such massive socialization issues. The story is so long. I usually have a hard time asking for help but I am now breaking down like a shotgun and asking you people who I do not know from Adam to give me some help. Help me to understand this pain that my da ughter, my Mom and I are going thru. Tell me how to help make it all better. Thank you Sandi
And as that blessed day has come, and they won't care where we come from. Hey Hey we're moving on up!!! Lord have mercy we are moving on up. Keep on pushing cause We're a Winner." Curtis Mayfield
First step, get your daughter tested as soon as possible. I waited to get my 13 yr old daughter tested and that was a HUGE mistake. We went through a really wild year last year....she was out of control (and she'll tell you that herself). Her grades were straight "E"s, truancy problems, disrepect for authority (at home and at school), there were threats to run away, there were suicide threats (and a couple of attempts). At the end of October she was diagnoised ADHD and in the beginning of November we started her on 60mg of Strattera. I feel like I've got my girl back! Her grades are B's & C's, it's evened out the mood swings and basically "calmed the storm", that what I called her episodes "storms". I also would recommend that you DO NOT switch your daughter's school mid-year. One thing I've learned about an ADHD child is that change is very difficult. The mantra is "structure, structure, structure". It's a good thing that you are meeting with her school team, you will all need to work together! Get over being disappointed (it's a waste of time), "grab the bull by the horns" and do what is necessary for your child!Thank you so much. The first paragraph that I read when I began my research into ADHD was it comes from bad parenting. I have always felt I have good parenting skills and I relate well to everyone elses children. My daughter is dedicated to me because we have always been a team but it seems as though she is torn all the time between the right and the wrong reaction. She is very very intelligent but her grades do not reflect this . She has massive organizational problems. Her homework is always missing or done sloppily. It is beyond me. I was a problem child so I can empathize well with her. I thank you for your input. I am at my wits end, I just want my girl back and in top form. I want to help her to meet her goals before it all becomes too much for her to handle. Please anyone else who has input please feel free to share it. I have a need for support at this time. Usually I am the one giving it to everyone else and with my friends I am afraid I have gotten so far into the rut of being helper that no one can relate when I have problems. I guess it is that co-dependency thing going on. SandiWitzend:
It's not your fault if your daughter had ADHD, I'm telling you that and I sometimes have to remind myself too. You have no control over that. What you DO have control over however is giving your daughter a sense of stability and consistency. Consistency for ADHD is EXTREMELY important, I've learned this by experience, books and doctors. You need to take your life into your own hands for your beautiful daughter. I hope you can find a place to call home for good and not move your daughter from home to home and school to school. Changing schools for the kids is harder than non adhd kids. Can you live with your mom? Then, you can start a new routine with consistency, stability and be able to minimize alot of things making it somewhat easier to deal with things. I understand you probably had issues as a child and maybe into adulthood. It's important to focus more on Carla for now, maybe if you have any time left, you could get some counceling yourself perhaps at your church cause it's not expensive as so many of these phycologists are. I hope I don't sound like I'm telling you what to do or making you feel bad. You sound like you need someone to say it to you like it is, you're lost. You are also a wonderful mother who despite your own issues, acknowledge your daughters' urgency and I can see you are desperate to help her. You are a great mom, maybe my advice will strike a cord with you and you can help yourself and Carla. Best of luck to you and your family. Don't give up. Perhaps God is presenting you with this challenge to help you also. He never gives us more than we can handle.