Hi Folks,
I am new to this forum and am seeking direction. I have an 11 year old son, who is manageable at home, but very disruptive at school. Within the past five years he has had a lot to deal with -- move from one state to another, separation and divorce of his dad and me three years ago -- he lived with his father (for six months) under very stressful conditions (dad lived with his sister, who blamed me for the breakup as well as, spoke bad things about me in the presence of my son--dad never said anything to his sister even though my son spoke to him on several occasions as to what his aunt was saying). Eventually my son came to live with me -- dad realized the situation was not healthy, (he sees his dad almost every week-end). The first year of living with me he was involved in a program at school for "children of divorced parents" and was doing great until he moved to the middle school, since then there has been a decline in his behavior at school. Prior to our divorce my son was very close to both his dad and me. When he's with his dad he clamors to be with me, vice versa. Over the years his dad and i have been able to maintain a cordial relationship, this however, fuels my son's thoughts that there's hope of us getting back together.
His behavior in school has escalated from bullying (he's big for his age) to verbal threats. I've had repeated meetings with his guidance counselor last year and for the new school year I've met with his principal over 5 times. At my last meeting it was suggested that i seek another school, boarding school or his next infraction will result in his expulsion.
Since the end of December he's been seeing a therapist once a week, however, this is not helping, as he's in the principal's office almost each day for some complaint or the other. Psycho and psychiatric evaluations have been scheduled for March, however, it seems before this can happen he will be expelled. Right now he's on out-of-school suspension for telling a young lady who complained on him "people who snitch, sometimes they get shot". This is considered a threat by the school and the result is a 3 day suspension. He is a very smart and intelligent young man, but becomes very defiant, whether it's his dad, his teachers or myself. He gets very angry at school frequently, would openly defy his teachers, however, when he realizes what he's done he is very repenant. When asked why he's done something, his answer is "I truly don't know". He professes he wants to change, and will for a day or two and revert to the same old behvior.
I've called Kid's Peace and an alternate school in my area (I live in PA) and as well as other programs, each place has informed me that he's too young, programs they have are geared to 13 and up. It seems that until he gets expelled it "appears" nothing can be done.
I'm not too comfortable with the option of him returning to reside with his dad, as he still lives with his sister and that is not a healthy situation for my son.
I know i've rambled on here, but my question is are there any assistance for children who are behaving the way my son is, and how do I go about getting any assistance?
Zunsyne,
Have you tried calling the office of your psychiatric and asking everyday if they have any cancellations? Every office, ususally will get tired of you calling and get you in, especially if you tell them you are having so much trouble out of him. If you think he has a behavior problem go to the principal and request him to be tested at school for behavior problems, tell him it is affecting his grades, by law he has to act on this and get him tested. In the mean time you maybe be able to get him in to the psychiatric. Good luck and keep us posted
It sounds like he might have oppositional defiant disorder along with his add. My son went through alot of defiant behavior. He may also be bullying so he can be cool and fit in with the other kids. Some kids do bully so the other boys think he's cool. Thats what I've heard anyways. He has been through alot of changes and really may have reason to be angry. I always made sure my son knew ahead of time what would happen if I got a call from school regarding negative behavior. He knew he'd be grounded for 2 days. It worked over the long term. I also didn't show him I was angry, just let the consequences speak for themselves. He could figure out that he did the wrong thing without me giving him a lecture. Its helped our relationship over the years as well.