uneducated people and child ADHD/BP
I need help how do you handle people that don't understand ADHD/BP? I have heard all kinds of things and I am very out spoken especially when it comes to my boys. Mostly when someone that has never delt with BP/ADHD. Which my 8 year old has. What would be a clever response when someone says I wouldn't do meds. or How do you deal with a child like that ? Like he has some horrible contagous disease. Or people staring.
Hunter is doing much better with meds, but he still has his moments. I can deal with him better now, but people don't understand he doesn't do things to be mean before meds it was being very impulsive. I hear alot of "if that were my child I would......" How do they know if they have never been through it with a child I am very angry and I have probably said things to people that I shouldn't have said, but it hit me wrong and IF I don't defend Hunter who will???????
can anyone help??
When they say if that was my child.... Say I thank GOD he is my child. And if they say how do you deal with a child like that? Ask them how their parents dealt with them being so rude and impolite to the trials and tribulations of others? Most the time when you answer a question with a question people don't normally know what to say besides I'm sorry. Every child has moments, just like every adult does, too. And you can also ask how they can expect him to be perfect at 8 when they haven't seemed to even manage to learn common politeness!I would probably ask the person if they knew the suicide rate for unmedicated individuals dx with BP. Then I would just say that it isn't a choice, it is a necessity like insulin for a diabetic. If that isn't enough, I would I would go with CMJsmom, "Thank GOD he is my child."
I don't have a snappy comeback, but I can offer a couple of choices: You can ignore the stares and gratuitous comments, or you can say something like, "He has a neurological brain disorder that causes him to have something like a behavioral seizure. It's called bipolar disorder."
Tyhank you all so much. I swear it is hard when the person they are talking about is your baby (he isn't a baby but he will always be my baby). I get so angry and lose my temper when someone talks about him like he is an animal not a human being. I just want to go off on them, but that isn't the right way to handle the situation, but I swear if I could there have been times I would have. I have cried threw things and got soooo frustratied.
I coach his base ball team and he made all stars last year and I was told by that coach(which acted like a drill sarg) that Hunter had a behaverial problem. I thought I would kill him. I explained that Hunter had some problems (we didn't know at the time that it was BP. ) This coming from a man that chewed his 8 year old out in front of everyone for a small mistake. I can't wait for bb season to start which is in about 3 weeks so i can talk to this man and let him know how stupid he made himself look.
Thanks again so very much I will use these comments.
Concerned Mom,
I have been where you have my nieghbors used to say if I were you I'd bet the living F out of him and i would go inside with Micheal because they didn't understand but know they do and they see what I go though but needless to say we don't have nieghbors come over we don't even have family members over because I can't deal with what they say about my baby boy and it's my fault that he is the way he is because when I was pregnant with him I was depressed all the time because my husband was away for 7 months.
One of my favorites (that someone on this board actually suggested) was "you can't spank the ADHD [fill in your disorder of choice here] out of them!"
[QUOTE=IMac][QUOTE=SmallMom] "He has a neurological brain disorder that causes him to have something like a behavioral seizure. It's called bipolar disorder."
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I like this response the best because it is factual and an opportunity to educate someone.
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I was going to comment on this as well. TY Smallmom and Imac. I think it is our responsibility to educate people with these issues. The more of us that do, the less assumptions we're going to get from people that don't know any better. What a perfect opportunity to explain to a stranger on a bus or in a baseball team. Spread the word. Why not? It will release some anxiety your child is sure to feel when these people are degrading him. If you react negatively then it will make your child feel as if his condition is 'bad' .. it shouldn't be. It is what it is. If you teach the ignorance in an objective manner, he'll be happier for it in the end. Good luck and try not to take it personally.
[QUOTE=concerened mom]One Mother at a baseball game threatened to spank my son for something he had done. My comment to her was If you spank him or even say anything to him i promise you will never make that mistake again with him or anyone elses child again. [/QUOTE]
Next time, tell them your child has BP and he has come a long way with his progress which should be commended for. Also, acknowledge there is plenty of room for improvement, which in time, you have faith that he will. Best of all, say it with a smile!
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I'd look at my son and say "Some people arent nice, and its best to ignore them." Just loud enough for the person to overhear.thank you all very muchThank you all again I liked that one too I passed it on to my hubby he agrees He gets very angry when someone says something like that. I am very defensive when someone says things , because I understand he can't help what he does. One Mother at a baseball game threatened to spank my son for something he had done. My comment to her was If you spank him or even say anything to him i promise you will never make that mistake again with him or anyone elses child again. She thought I ment she I would get the authorities involved. I told her they would be but not over what she done to him but what i would do to her. I hate to be that mean but NOONE is going to spank my child. I have had to in the past it is not something I like to do I usually end up crying for and hour after, but he is mine and noone will hurt him verbally or physically, I guess that is when the overdrive in a mom kicks in especially when I know what is wrong with him.I would look them dead in the eye and say.That comment was most helpful, maybe you should be on Dr.Phil.
Thanks again. I agree about being caring then turn. That is a condition of BP/ADHD that we are dealing with, but if Hunter knows someone is sick or hurt he is the most careing little guy ever but as soon as they are well at times they pay double for the niceness he gave while they were down. The amazing thing is we have a house cat and she is as temperamental as Hunter is but they get along GREAT I can't pick her up but he can and also he treats her like a baby all the time. There are stray cats that come around once in a while he will just take them in worried to death they are hungary or cold and i always let him feed them whenever he wants because that is a way for him to feel good about himself. If he had his way we would keep every stray that came around. It's amazing the love he has for them if they are kittens he will carry them around with him for days until they leave. That blows my mind I think though at times cats can't talk so they can't judge him like some people do.Im a bit of a smart alack...and very sarcastic. I look them dead in the eye and say "she's my daughter...my parents had thier chance at screwing me up...you have the right to screw your kids up...and its my right to screw her up any way I see fit." They either respond with complete shock and horror...which shuts them right up...or they start laughing. Either way..I walk away chuckling under my breath cause they usually dont have any response back to that.
I'd just politely inform them that as his mother, you are entitled to provide him with whatever treatments you feel are necessary to give him a healthy, enjoyable life. I might add that you're also very glad that you have taught him personal boundaries and the value of respecting other's choices in life so that he will not grow up to judge others based upon an exterior viewpoint.
See what kind of counter argument they can come up with after that. Should be pretty amusing to see them try to grasp for one unsuccessfully. (Therein lies the key, I believe, view their input for what it's worth and let yourself laugh at their judgemental attitudes and uninformed viewpoints. To do any less gives them more credit than is deserved, in my opinion!)
Oh I know there are days that Micheal is the sweetest most kindest little boy there is and then there are days that I say in my mind who are you. Because he was not like this when he was one years old. I started seeing a change in him when he was 2 years old. I told his doctor and they said oh he's to young to get dx'd when he was 3 the school did it and at 4 and then at 5 because we were seeing things at home my grandma told me when I was pregnant with my youngest you better hope it's not a boy because micheal is going to be jealous and your going to be sorry Well I love both my boys and my daughter and we are going to be just fine if I can deal with their father with the ups and downs why can't I do it with our children to right?
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