Stealing | ADHD Information

Stealing

Hi Jenninj2,

My son has ADHD and is now 20 years old and we struggled with him stealing for years. We just couldn't get throught to him. He wanted what he wanted and that was that. We didn't stop there though, we kept persisting and even though it took literally years he did eventually stop.

By the age of about 14 we bagan to back off from telling him "don't do that" and started to say "what ever you decide son we'll still love you what ever consequences you have to go through" and at that age it began to have an effect. But still it took persistance on our part to not punish him further for things he was punished for say at school. Sometimes our silence spoke louder.

He really hated to be told what he should or should not do and would buck it at every opportunity. He still does so we had to learn ways to get the message across without to much do's and don'ts. It's extremely challenging and fustrating but persistance pays off.

Hang in there.

I have a wonderful 8 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with ADHD since she was 5. She has recently been caught stealing various things from friends and teachers at school and then giving them as gifts to other people. I know her heart is in the right place but I can't seem to make her understand that stealing is a bad thing! I say recently being caught because various items have disappeared for quite a while but it never occured to us that she had been stealing. Any advise on how to stop this behavior. I have taken away certain privledges that she likes to do, I have had lengthy discussions with her, but she was caught two times this past week at stealing at school. HELP!!!

Thank you!!

Well said shamelle. I'd like to add a quick reminder about phases. We all go through them even now, they change constantly but are always with us in one form or another. With children it is more extreme. Plus it is easier for us to see from the outside (the kid's phases), but often also easy to forget (that's what they are, phases). Phases come and phases go. Some will be good and some will not. Nothing stays the same. Nothing.

Jenninj2, I can understand what you feeling. I have a 7 yr. old son who has ADHD and was diagnosed when he was 5. Yesterday we got the dreaded phone call from school for him to be picked up because towards the end of the day he was caught having stolen a classmates Yu-Gi-Oh figurine. At first he didn't admit that he did it, but then he pulled it out of his bookbag and then started running wildly around the classroom shouting that he didn't do it, he was pushing his way through the kids and trying to flee from the room. I feel that it is time for our family to get the correct counseling we need to work out our son's problems and to learn how to deal with them. Are you and your family getting counseling? We are lucky enough to have the principal help us to get the proper counseling for our son. I know that whenever we get a call from the school about our son's behavior I feel like the worst parent in the world. I know that most of the things he does is because of the ADHD, but it is frustrating as you may know that they tend to forget that certain behaviors are unacceptable. Have you ever had your daughter say to you when you asked her why she did what she did, 'I forgot that I shouldn't have done that'. My son is like this. My husband and I have looked at most of our son's 'bad' behaviors as cries fro attention. We keep reminding him that he is going about the wrong way to get the kind of attention he deserves. We have tried to teach him about good attention and bad attention. He still tries to vie for the bad attention. We do so much with him during the evenings and on the weekends. My husband will take him out in the garage to do woodworking with him, I will sit and we will read a book or two together. His sister (10 yrs old) will play video games with him. We remind him that this is the good attention and if he likes it he should be going about trying to get it, not acting socially unacceptably and getting the bad attention. I love it when he behaves and it makes me wonder how that same child can go around and do the bad things he does. My son is in the process of being kicked off the bus because he spit on the floor of the bus and then smeared it with his shoe. When asked why he did it, his response was that he had a bad taste in his mouth.
You are not alone with the stealing that your child is doing. It is hard to get the point across to them that it will not be tolerated. We are having our son sit down and write a letter of apology to the boy he stole from and to the teacher. Just before the holidays my son hit a girl on the bus because she made a face at him. He wrote a letter of apology to her and now they are friends. It seems to help and we also make him write 25 or more times that he will not do that behavior again. He has not been in trouble for some of the behaviors that he did the writing and letters of apology for. It seems to work for us. So maybe you could try that.

From the research i've done on ADHD, i learned that impulse control is a huge problem. ADHD sufferers are unable to consciously monitor their own behavior, which leads to impulsivity.

i would suggest talking with your pediatrician about this issue, and if your child is not in counseling, now is the time to start.

Good luck to you.....

Can someone explain to me... correlation between stealing and ADHD...I am at a loss.... it seems to me that ADHD... is being blamed for every bad behavior.

Yup agree with above - Teach them what the consequences of their behaviour is - and trust they will eventually figure it out! It is the best thing we can teach them.

Did some research and came up with this...

Oppositional-Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder

These two disorders are the other disruptive behavior disorders described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition (DSM-IV). It is clear that there is a large overlap between ADHD and these disruptive behavior disorders. The symptoms may include refusing to comply with commands from adults such as parents, teachers, and coaches; doing the opposite of what is expected; disrupting the play of others; being verbally or physically aggressive; being destructive, such as breaking objects that do not belong to the child; lying; stealing; being truant; and committing other forms of delinquent behavior as the child gets older. Oppositional-noncompliant behavior occurs early in the course of ADHD if it is going to occur at all. It may be a forerunner of a later diagnosis of conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder as the child matures into adolescence and adult life. The presence of aggression and conduct symptomatology and of oppositional- noncompliant behavior is a predictor of negative outcome, primarily the development of antisocial spectrum disorders in later adult life among children with ADHD.

http://www.netacc.net/~gradda/sp99como.html




	Stealing Hi Jenninj2, My son has ADHD and is now 20 years old and we struggled with him stealing for years. We just couldn't get throught to him. He wanted what he wanted and that was that. We didn't stop there though, we kept persisting and even though it took literally years he did eventually stop. By the age of about 14 we bagan to back off from telling him "don't do that" and started to say "what ever you decide son we'll still love you what ever consequences you have to go through" and at that age it began to have an effect. But still it took persistance on our part to not punish him further for things he was punished for say at school. Sometimes our silence spoke louder. He really hated to be told what he should or should not do and would buck it at every opportunity. He still does so we had to learn ways to get the message across without to much do's and don'ts. It's extremely challenging and fustrating but persistance pays off. Hang in there. I have a wonderful 8 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with ADHD since she was 5. She has recently been caught stealing various things from friends and teachers at school and then giving them as gifts to other people. I know her heart is in the right place but I can't seem to make her understand that stealing is a bad thing! I say recently being caught because various items have disappeared for quite a while but it never occured to us that she had been stealing. Any advise on how to stop this behavior. I have taken away certain privledges that she likes to do, I have had lengthy discussions with her, but she was caught two times this past week at stealing at school. HELP!!! Thank you!! Well said shamelle. I'd like to add a quick reminder about phases. We all go through them even now, they change constantly but are always with us in one form or another. With children it is more extreme. Plus it is easier for us to see from the outside (the kid's phases), but often also easy to forget (that's what they are, phases). Phases come and phases go. Some will be good and some will not. Nothing stays the same. Nothing. Jenninj2, I can understand what you feeling. I have a 7 yr. old son who has ADHD and was diagnosed when he was 5. Yesterday we got the dreaded phone call from school for him to be picked up because towards the end of the day he was caught having stolen a classmates Yu-Gi-Oh figurine. At first he didn't admit that he did it, but then he pulled it out of his bookbag and then started running wildly around the classroom shouting that he didn't do it, he was pushing his way through the kids and trying to flee from the room. I feel that it is time for our family to get the correct counseling we need to work out our son's problems and to learn how to deal with them. Are you and your family getting counseling? We are lucky enough to have the principal help us to get the proper counseling for our son. I know that whenever we get a call from the school about our son's behavior I feel like the worst parent in the world. I know that most of the things he does is because of the ADHD, but it is frustrating as you may know that they tend to forget that certain behaviors are unacceptable. Have you ever had your daughter say to you when you asked her why she did what she did, 'I forgot that I shouldn't have done that'. My son is like this. My husband and I have looked at most of our son's 'bad' behaviors as cries fro attention. We keep reminding him that he is going about the wrong way to get the kind of attention he deserves. We have tried to teach him about good attention and bad attention. He still tries to vie for the bad attention. We do so much with him during the evenings and on the weekends. My husband will take him out in the garage to do woodworking with him, I will sit and we will read a book or two together. His sister (10 yrs old) will play video games with him. We remind him that this is the good attention and if he likes it he should be going about trying to get it, not acting socially unacceptably and getting the bad attention. I love it when he behaves and it makes me wonder how that same child can go around and do the bad things he does. My son is in the process of being kicked off the bus because he spit on the floor of the bus and then smeared it with his shoe. When asked why he did it, his response was that he had a bad taste in his mouth. You are not alone with the stealing that your child is doing. It is hard to get the point across to them that it will not be tolerated. We are having our son sit down and write a letter of apology to the boy he stole from and to the teacher. Just before the holidays my son hit a girl on the bus because she made a face at him. He wrote a letter of apology to her and now they are friends. It seems to help and we also make him write 25 or more times that he will not do that behavior again. He has not been in trouble for some of the behaviors that he did the writing and letters of apology for. It seems to work for us. So maybe you could try that. From the research i've done on ADHD, i learned that impulse control is a huge problem. ADHD sufferers are unable to consciously monitor their own behavior, which leads to impulsivity. i would suggest talking with your pediatrician about this issue, and if your child is not in counseling, now is the time to start. Good luck to you..... Can someone explain to me... correlation between stealing and ADHD...I am at a loss.... it seems to me that ADHD... is being blamed for every bad behavior. Yup agree with above - Teach them what the consequences of their behaviour is - and trust they will eventually figure it out! It is the best thing we can teach them. Did some research and came up with this... Oppositional-Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder These two disorders are the other disruptive behavior disorders described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition (DSM-IV). It is clear that there is a large overlap between ADHD and these disruptive behavior disorders. The symptoms may include refusing to comply with commands from adults such as parents, teachers, and coaches; doing the opposite of what is expected; disrupting the play of others; being verbally or physically aggressive; being destructive, such as breaking objects that do not belong to the child; lying; stealing; being truant; and committing other forms of delinquent behavior as the child gets older. Oppositional-noncompliant behavior occurs early in the course of ADHD if it is going to occur at all. It may be a forerunner of a later diagnosis of conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder as the child matures into adolescence and adult life. The presence of aggression and conduct symptomatology and of oppositional- noncompliant behavior is a predictor of negative outcome, primarily the development of antisocial spectrum disorders in later adult life among children with ADHD. http://www.netacc.net/~gradda/sp99como.html	Enter Your Email below to claim your Free Book