Help for the spouses & partners board | ADHD Information

I'm thinking along the same lines as kibbles and DavidOrnado. I think it's deffinately more helpful to both if you are not at total opposite ends of the spectrum, or then again to close to each other on the spectrum. Two ADHDers could be very good or very bad. Depending also on their personality types.

I'll give an example. I have ADHD (inattentive, not hyper) I for the life of me can't remeber what I'm suppose to do tomorrow, but I can bring up every wrong ever done to be from about the age of 5, including the dates. I have a tendency to be very sensative and quick to get my feelings hurt of find wrongs done to me when no wrong doing was intended. For me to be with someone who has ADHD (like my brother, inattentive and HYPER) who is very impulsive and doesn't think before they do or say, it would be constant caos and fighting. I would be getting upset over every little thing he did or said to me and it would appear to me that he didn't give a crap. And he would be miserable because I would seem to be too high maintenance. Two ADHDers that thought the same way wouldn't seem to be a problem.

I have to lean more towards kibbles idea that an ADHDer with a person who has ADHD tendencies is a good match. My hubby has those tendencies but doesn't have ADHD to the point that it interferes with his life. However, even being with someone who has those tendencies can be a hurdle to someone with ADHD. The bills has been the biggest part of our problem. I totally forget to pay them or worse yet forget where I put them. He gets upset about that, but then also he forgets sometimes too. When the ADHDer forgets and the backup person forgets that can lead to nights of eating dinner by candle light. (take out of course because there was no electricity to cook with) Or frantic runs to the utility dept. to pay the water bill before closing etc.

Being with someone who has those tendencies I think has helped our relationship. He knows that I am oversensative to some things and that I take things a bit literally most times. I will blow up and rant at the drop of a hat and he knows that I need to do that and then calm down and then we can talk reasonably. It also helps that he is kind of an alpha male type and likes to take charge of things. I have kind of just surrendered and let him take care of me so to speak. It's complicated to explain. If you have read the book Surrendered Wife it will explain it. It has taken alot off my shoulders to not try to do everything and take care of everything which so many of us women today are lead to believe. It's hard enough to be a wife and mother today, without having ADHD. Add that to the mix and you are lucky to survive.

1) How does your SO get your attention once they pass into the familiar background of our ADD brain? It's very hard with three children to do this. We set time aside to talk. He is a big time list person. He makes to do lists, and the shocker is that he gets them done. LOL. He will actually just call and say we need to sit down and have and "executive meeting" is what he calls it. He and I being the executives of the house. And we will sit down and have coffee and he runs it like a meeting with and agenda and everything. We make a plan on how to attack the problems at hand, weather they be personal or financial, or family.

2) How do you and your SO communicate without everything getting scrambled and unhappy? Fortunately we have never had a problem in this area. Both of us are very affective communicators. Actually, I take that back. At first we did have a problem, but it wasn't a problem until it became a problem. Get it? Didn't think so. LOL. I was the type of person that didn't voice my grievances until I had so many stacked up that I blew up and then all of them came pouring out and it turned into a huge knock down drag out fight. We went to counseling after about two years of marraige and the problem wasn't him (as I had thought) it was me. Because I didn't communicate. I was under the impression that fighting was not good. And that if I voiced that I was upset about something or didn't agree, then I was causing an argument. Spending my childhood doing everything to avoid confrontation, and fly under the radar, had caused this way of thinking. Once I learned that it was ok to disagree, and that sometimes arguing was actually healthy, things were great. If you tackle problems,no matter how big or small, as they arise rather than letting them add up, you have a much better chance of solving those problems. If you wait, then things tend to get scrambled because one of you is brining up things that the other might not even remember doing.

3) How much understanding and acceptance can an ADDer expect from someone who isn't wired that way? This is kind of tricky I think. I personally feel that you should expect to be accepted for who you are. The good, the bad, and everything in between. However, I don't feel that a person with ADHD should expect special treatment, or be allowed to get away with things simply because they have ADHD. With children it's different, but as adults with ADHD we are still adults and are responsible for our own behavior. We are accountable for our actions. We have ADHD, we are not ignorant. Which means that if you cannot understand what your spouse is saying then you are responsible to ask him/her to clarify or take the time to try and figure it out. If you are sensative (like me) and prone to blow up (like me) you are responsible for recognizing that about yourself and doing your best to deal with it. By dealing with it I mean try and look at things differently so that you don't get so hurt. Analyze things a bit before you go off the deep end. And if you do go off then apologize and suggest that the two of you give it another try to talk. Yes the spouse of a person with ADHD needs to understand the disorder so that it may help them understand why you do things the way you do etc. But they do not need to give you special treatment or understanding because of ADHD. These are my opinions of course, not gospel.

4) How does an ADDer change behaviors without getting nagged into the next galaxy? I think this kind of goes under the above in that you need to take responsibility for your actions, or lack there of. Make yourself lists, charts, calendars, etc. Have your spouse help make those lists and charts. White boards are great. We have them all over the house. He writes things that need to get done, I write things that need to get done, and we tackle them together. Cross them off as they get done. If you help in making the lists then he/she is not nagging you. It's more like you are both nagging yourselves as a couple. I think gentlle reminders are great, and don't really constitute as nagging. Calling to remind someone of something and also to say hey I love you, is not really nagging in my book. It's all in the approach.

I also think that the first step is to understand that every individual is unique and that everyone's relationships are unique. Your relationship is not going to be like someone elses. And this is especially true with ADHD relatinshps. And once we stop trying to compare ourselves to "normal" "healthy" "happy" relationships then we can see our own relationships as wonderful and happy.

Hello sassee;

Nice to meet you and thank you for the hello. I have enjoyed both my time here and the people. I am also always glad to hear hello.

I am admittedly happy right now. Seems I have discovered the positive side of ADD in Glen.~winks~

Lori

Back to serious, what started me thinking, do you take meds for your ADHD?

And do they pass through your mother's milk?

Some of my meds say don't take if I'm breast feeding, or plan to get pregnant.

That's a deep question, and a much debated one.

Some medications are a little more dangerous than other ones. Most psychisians err on the side of caution in printing not to take certain meds during breastfeeding, even though they are not really sure if that medication is safe or not, cause no testing has been done. But in reality, for most drugs (though not all) only a tiny bit of the medication is excreted into the milk.

But there are certain ones that are safer to take than others. Such as, it is a bit more safer to take Ritalin during breastfeeding than taking Adderall.

And it also depends on how old the child is and how much he/she is nursing. You have to find a doctor that is willing to work with you. All too often, doctors will tell you to wean for a medication when you really don't have to, or either when they can prescribe a different medication that does the same thing and is safer for the breastfeeding pair.

Right now, I don't take anything. But I may be taking something soon.

sonya_h38769.5251851852 [QUOTE=sonya_h]
__________________
full time breastfeeding ad/hd mama[/QUOTE]
Is ADHD passed on through breast milk?

No, I don't think so.

I vaguely remember reading an article stating that breastfeeding may possible (I SAID MAY POSSIBLY, PEOPLE.) prevent AD/HD, or maybe keep it from occurring as severely, but I'm not sure about that.

But I don't think scientists know for sure about that, though, and are probably still doing studies.

Way cool!

A new ADHD treatment.

I'm gonna go breastfeed!

Oh, one question.

How do I get the milk into my breasts?

Do I use whole milk, or 2%?

Can I use chocolate milk?

I guess that was 3 questions.

Sorry!

[QUOTE=Reisa]

Maybe I should just stay out of the spouses and parteners board. It depresses me.

[/QUOTE]

I feel on the verge of separation and have for months now.

I don't understand how someone can lack curiosity about nearly everything and watch television for 3-4 hours a day.

I feel like I'm already gone. One more step into isolation.

Perhaps I'll be able to bleed good fiction or poetry from the pain.

Well, I don't really know how much this will help but here we go...........

We found out my husband has ADD this past summer. There were a lot of signs pointing in the ADD direction. Silly me thought the medication would be the magic fix. How dumb was I? I am learning as an non-ADD person some of the things that make our lives run a little smoother. I learned most ADD people are not morning people (most of the time I am), so there are little things I do in the morning for him to help get his day off on the right foot. Making his breakfast and packing his lunch seem like easy tasks to me, but for him in the morning almost impossible without a melt down occuring. By my doing those few little things for him in the morning, his day starts off on a good foot. I have found in the past if his day starts off on a bad foot it would continue that way (before this far into treatment). He rebounds better now. I try to keep an eye out for things that are red flags as I would say. Things that are obsticals for him that he can't overcome or work with. Those are the things I try to help him with, until he can work thru it by himself.

I am not saying these little things are the magic fix because they are not. These little things help keep our home a little less stressed and chaotic. There are other things I do and he does that would take forever to write out. The bottom line is for us anyway, he is doing much better that he was 8 months ago. He wants to do even better. He has written out a list of goals! One by one he will find a way. I will help all I can, but he must do most of the work. I am there to assist.

Does that help at all?

[QUOTE=Reisa]

Maybe I should just stay out of the spouses and parteners board. It depresses me.

I guess people with successful relationships don't come around much. There have to be some people out there with some tips on how to make it work. Now... how to get them to share?

1) How does your SO get your attention once they pass into the familiar background of our ADD brain?

2) How do you and your SO communicate without everything getting scrambled and unhappy?

3) How much understanding and acceptance can an ADDer expect from someone who isn't wired that way?

4) How does an ADDer change behaviors without getting nagged into the next galaxy?

Spit it out! I wanna know!

[/QUOTE]

I would like to chime in.

I agree with David. Ad/hders tend to get along well with each other. My husband has AD/hd, as well as I do.

We have been through evictions together, car repossessions, and utter chaos. I would have left him a long time ago if I didn't understand what ADD was like from the inside. He probably would have left me too.

An ad/hder needs understanding. TOTAL understanding. A few open minded non-ad/hders do provide total understanding, but such ones are hard to find.

If you marry another AD/HDer, you set yourself up for some rough times. That's a reall bad con. But at least you have some one there who TOTALLY understands you.

(That is, only if both of you know about ad/hd, know you yourself have it, and understand what it involves.)

So do I!! C'mon let's hear it!

Maybe I should just stay out of the spouses and parteners board. It depresses me.

I guess people with successful relationships don't come around much. There have to be some people out there with some tips on how to make it work. Now... how to get them to share?

1) How does your SO get your attention once they pass into the familiar background of our ADD brain?

2) How do you and your SO communicate without everything getting scrambled and unhappy?

3) How much understanding and acceptance can an ADDer expect from someone who isn't wired that way?

4) How does an ADDer change behaviors without getting nagged into the next galaxy?

Spit it out! I wanna know!

ADHders should marry ADHDers.

Then, as we're so kicked back, when the other ADHDerates, it won't bother us.

We'll just hold it in stock for exchange when we go off the ADHder end.

Im not sure if this is what youre looking for but I will try to explain what my wife has gone through. Lets see.... She fell in love with this guy (me) who had it all together. Financially secure, single, relatively handsome, in shape, organized and ready to settle down. Did I ever have her fooled. I felt like I was working overtime just to keep up a perception. It was a farse but I wasnt. I was crazy about her and despite my percieved shortcomings I was able to show her that I was falling in love with her. How did I do this? Impulsivity mostly. Eveytime I thought of her I did something special.

Slowly but surely my ADD came to the surface. (how long can you possibly hide it!) Not having been diagnosed yet I felt like a fake and wanted nothing more than to be normal. I didnt lie but I avoided the truth. Shes very intuitive and caught on quickly. Previously, in other relationships I would have given up and moved on in humility. Instead I continued to do the special out of the way impulsive things. (She had really hard water so I'd stack 10 gallons of water on her doorstep and leave)

Where am I going with this?.... Oh yeah, Impulsivity. It has allowed me to keep the girl. My wife diagnosed me actuallyas much as I did. She understands. She accepts. She gets frustrated. Having said that getting my attention isnt exactly the easiest thing. Short of shooting flares at me, she sometimes just walks away and regroups.

We communicate very differently. I can easily express myself verbally it just doesnt always come out like I plan it. Like someone stole the filter between my mouth and brain. Its usually meant well but comes out in a jumbled order. (much like this post) My wife is different. I have to interpret body language and facial expressions. <---- many of which I miss or misinterpret. Here lies our biggest problem. Consequently she has made strides to be more verbal and I am trying to take my meds and listen more and watch more.

I expect quite a bit from her as far as understanding. Your SO has to be cognizant that you have a disorder that makes you different and even with meds will never think or act like everyone else. We see things differently. Doesnt mean we are wrong. Doesnt mean we are right. Just different!

I cant answer the last question. I am trying to do this myself and as of 90 seconds ago it wasnt working out so well for me. I try. I really do. I think I do. I tell myself I am. Huh? Maybe Im not trying. Yeah, Im trying. Let me know what you find out about this one.

Whew! Done. Sorry its so long. Take care!

I wonder if DavidOrnado doesnt truley have a point there.

I am married to a man who is not ADD , BUT has ADD tendencies.

When I told him Im ADD, he wonders why its a disorder. There was certainly nothing wrong with me. ( It didnt bother him that the house was a mess, or that I would start a sentence, get destracted and walk away... LOL)

But if treatment makes me happy, OK.

Its funny, he can be distractable, miss turns when driving, be late to work, etc.. but it doesnt impact his life.. I think my kids are the same way... my DD is hyper and irritable a lot ( umm well, she IS a teenager!), has some tendencies that way... my son loses, forgets things.. but still makes great grades and is very active, happy, and social.. he has some tendencies also... but none enough to be called a disorder.

I really wish that I could have had these "tendencies" instead of the full blown disorder! but it is those tendencies that make my marriage work: We laugh a lot, we are silly, and we remind each other of schedules, etc... I don't get nagged to change.. I nag myself the most.. cause Hubby actually enjoys my ADDledness...

He must be wierd

Sherry

Nah, not weird. Sounds like you found your soulmate

I emailed my gf about maybe posting here a short paragraph about dealing with me as she is not ADHD. I'll see when she wakes up and sees it if she can. Hopefully she has the time she's a busy girl.

I can say that as a person dealing with working through my ADHD that once you get your head on straight it's not that bad. If you are straight with the non-ADHD SO and don't emphasize the negative they typically work around the small troubles and accentuate the positives that are there!

If she replies I'll get it here for all to see. I think she'll have something good to add as she's trained in early childhood education and deals with issues far bigger than any of us here have. I'll keep you all posted!

[QUOTE=Reisa]

1) How does your SO get your attention once they pass into the familiar background of our ADD brain? By p*ssing me off. Ok sorry I couldn't help it. I know you want serious answers. Actually, he has been writing me notes and this has helped tremendously. Things don't sink in with me when I hear them, but when I SEE them I have no problem, and this is true for me with everything - directions, learning new things, etc etc. Once I figured this out and made him more clearly aware of it, he has been working with me on this and it has helped a lot.

2) How do you and your SO communicate without everything getting scrambled and unhappy? This is a little more tricky and in our case it's a work in progress. We do better if we talk about a problem briefly and then cut off the conversation before it escalates (which is very hard for me to do, but it does work). If we leave each other alone and give each other time to think, we end up working out compromises for the most part. I think this is what we struggle with the most, and not just because of ADD - we both very much dislike asking for help or expressing our vulnerabilities - but oddly we understand this about one another too, so it seems to work itself out but it doesn't come easy.

3) How much understanding and acceptance can an ADDer expect from someone who isn't wired that way? Honestly, I don't expect any understanding whatsoever. I don't understand what it's like to be him either - I think that's impossible. Acceptance I do have from him and I think that is the more important thing - I don't care if he understands it or not as long as he supports me in trying to deal with it and doesn't want to change me into another person.

4) How does an ADDer change behaviors without getting nagged into the next galaxy? An ADDer changes behaviors when they're good and ready to and not because they are being nagged or not nagged or anything else. They can nag all they want to but it's just wasted energy and causes more arguments and tension (in my opinion). He used to nag me, but one time it struck me as so funny and I laughed and asked him if he thought his nagging and complaining were working and if he thought I wouldn't forget next time because of it. I think we laugh about it more now which has helped a lot.

A successful marriage is such a subjective thing, though. I consider my marriage successful but it certainly hasn't been easy or smooth or ideal. Some people wouldn't want what I have at all and others would think it's great. There were times when I wanted to leave him but now I'm so glad I didn't - our relationship has evolved and gotten better over the years. But you know, Reisa I don't know any couple out there who has an ideal relationship, even without ADD involved.

[/QUOTE]

I don't think I have any expectations of what a successful relationship would be like. I am just really really hoping that my next jump into the relationship thing does not result in another nagfest. It helps to see how other people mange to work it out. Thanks yall!

Hello All;

I am glad you all are having fun with my response. Imagine my surprise to load up and see the word Dominatrix. Now i wonder how much you all know about me since my knowledge of you is far more limitted. I think I'll place a call soon and find out.~laughs~ In all it is all good.

Repairman ;

Being a Dominatrix is only a part of Who I am just as Glen's disorder is a pazrt of who he is. It is however something he contends with when dealing with me. Let's just say once I make up my mind it is almost impossible to change it. ~chuckles~

Oh and off the cuff the place to go would be Atlanta Georgia. I would however not suggest this route in any way until you have balance. It is hard enough without trying to do it when more confused.

Reisa;

I believe Glen missed one important thing. If they are willing to overlook the little mistakes or miscommunications without throwing it back at you later you are on the right track.

I find of half the people that would tell me they do not sweat the small stuff will wait and then pounce later. while this works well in making them feel better the one who received the pounce is stressed, feeling bad and right in the middle of high drama whether or not they see it. If you see this pattern remove them. it simply makes life better.

Well that's my two cents for now.

Lori

Thanks yall, I feel a lot more hopeful now!

[QUOTE=GlenW]

I'm still learning what it means to have a really grownup relationship where there isn't the drama and messed up emotional trauma that I was beginning to think was the "normal" way of dealing with others. It's so nice to have a relationship with someone whos head is firmly attached and heart is open to me. Very nice.

[/QUOTE]

So how do you recognize this person when you find them? How and when do you realize that they are different than the drama/trauma people?

Thanks repairman!

You shouldn't have to find a dominatrix (as I've pointed out ad nauseum that's not my bag it's just a facet of her personal life), but do find an empowered woman! Find one that is in touch with her own self and is comfortable in her skin. Find someone who is as comfortable on her own as with you. She wants you to be part of something special not a completion of herself. That's the key.

I find now that I feel safe and comfortable even when she leaves back to her life. I know that she is looking forward to that time we have whenever we get it as much as I do.

I'm sure that there are a few unspoiled peaches in the great Georgian peachbasket LOL. Just don't settle for less than I have.

Reisa - you'll have to trust and depend on your BS detector. All with ADHD have one we just never trust it. How many times have you screwed up and said later "I KNEW that was a scam!! Why didn't I trust my first thought on it?!?"?. I have said it over and over when "friends" rip me off, when someone plays me for a fool in high school/work/whatever... you know what I mean.

The best way (minus BS detector) is to approach it as filtering OUT the bad ones not necessarily closing in on the good one right away. Here's some hints that on a first date your potential is a screwed up loser:

1) you hear "I was abused by my ______" or "I abused my_____". Run - don't walk.

2) They won't give you a home phone number. Or they don't have one - only a cel phone/pager.

3) The are "in the middle of a divorce". That's code for "I'm screwing around on him/her and don't want you to know"

4) They tell you they are married and want to fool around. They fool around on their present mate - what makes you think they'll stop for you?

5) They bring a stack of watchtower booklets to the dinner for you to look over afterwards.

6) They want to tell you about how wonderful L.Ron Hubbard was and about the wonders of Scientology

7) They still live with their parents (that applies to 25+ - but still not great after 21). That typically means lack of self-sufficiency unless they can show that they are in transition. But be careful.

8) They immediately begin to critique your clothing - wondering if you'd just change a little "something". Control freaks are terrible.

9) They get more than 1 phone call at the table and they aren't a doctor/firefighter or something that actually requires that. Think drug dealer or married guy/girl. Cel phone stays off unless you are important.

10) If you ask a question and they evade it. They should at least be able to say "I'm uncomfortable with you asking that" but if they hide simple stuff like employment or married status again run don't walk.

Just watch for that feeling in your gut that says things are wrong. We all get them but this time listen. It's not bad to even take a notebook with you and when they leave the area to go to bathroom or something make notes. Just watch listen and learn. The less you talk the more you know - and besides I've found that if you say nothing you actually seem fascinating to them. Go figure.

Hello Reisa ;

Before I get to answering your question let me give you a bit of background on myself. I do not have ADD or ADHD. I am many things included in them a Child and Youth Care Counsillor who has managed to cross tain in Rehabilitations (working with children with disabilities. I am a career woman, single parent and seeing Glen from here. Now that said on to the questions.

1) How does your SO get your attention once they pass into the familiar background of our ADD brain?

This one tends to be easy for us. Since we live in different cities we tend to cherish the time we do have together. Since we genuinely want to be together we just are. This does not mean we must always be talking but rather just co-exist. I try not to let work interupt until my last day when I will finally deal with e-mail etc. He will take his time in the mornings generally when I sleep but not always and answer the forums here. If I am up he will share what he wishes, ask when he wants a different prespective (ours aren't always the same) or sometimes I will sit, read and discuss what I find interesting. If one or the other needs space or misses something then so be it, we tend not to stress about it. These little things keep us connected even though we are not doing the same thing so we are not over familiar.

2) How do you and your SO communicate without everything getting scrambled and unhappy?

Glen and I simply talk it out. If something he says sounds wrong or I fail to understand I simply ask. He does the same. An emotional or stressed woman can come out just as scrambled believe me. By asking for clarifications rather then making assumptions however we fail to have to guess what is really meant and just sort through until we find what was meant. This is not to say we will never get hurt because something comes out wrong as we would be less then human if that was true. it does mean however forgiveness comes easy. We also tend to laugh a lot. it takes off the pressure. Sometimes what he says comes out backwards and sometimes I trip all over my tongue (lucky for me he speaks and understands jibberish). In the end we figure it out, get it out and move on. Life is too short to worry over most of it. They just simply miscommunications. it happens to us all.

The other thing I am clear to do as he has asked it of me to help him fit in what you would see as the normal world ( we are not all that normal) is call bullsh*t on him and I do. Perfect example. He likes to tell me he will get organized quickly. We both know he wont. In the end does it matter. Not at all but will adress that more later.

3) How much understanding and acceptance can an ADDer expect from someone who isn't wired that way?

We all have a rite to understanding and accepteance. he has ADHD it's true. you know what though. I am far from perfect. I have quirksand imperfections the same as everyone else. He accepts them even a few that he fails to understand. I in turn accept his; those related to his disorder and those that are not. it is a fair exchange. It seems to me that how much you receive is going to work like the rest of life. It will dependent on how much you are in turn willing to give others.

4) How does an ADDer change behaviors without getting nagged into the next galaxy?

The first step to changing behaviors is a true to desire to change them. The second is to truly try your best. if you are doing all that then nagging becomes unnecessary. This is true of those with or without disorders. Most important remember it takes time and you will slip up, then forgive yourself for slipping up. Go back and try again. Last don't be scared to let others help. It gets rid of their desire to nag. Also it is important not to get wrapped up in issues that are not important in the grand scheme of things. Sounds easy and it's far from it.

I can show you it in practice however and perhaps it will make it a bit easier to understand. As I am sure you all know Glen just moved. I reminded him each night he had to get packing. He stalled. I reminded him it would effect him and not me and he acknowledge this. he moves and I come to visit. You guessed it, creative chaos. ~laughs~ He went to work and I sat and looked around shaking my head. Now I should point out I tend to need far more order and structure (to the point it drives him nuts sometimes I am sure). Before he left for work we agreed I would take over the kitchen. He agreed knowing my organizational skills are better. it didn't stop there. The more I looked around the more it drove me crazy. I decided atthis point I had two options. 1) get on him for it (he said he would try and have most done) or 2) Do something about it. I chose to do something about it. he came home and everything but the computer parts were done. The computer parts were tucked in a room we agreed on for him to deal with later as he is far more knowledgeable in this area. he was happy as the place was done. I was happy as the chaos made sense to me now and no nagging was necessary.

As an update he has been working hard to get through the computer parts. I genuinely appreciate his efforts. It may be slow going but the fact he tries IS what is important. The fact it is not complete is NOT important in the grand scheme of what we call life. By not losing sight of that it fails to become an issue.

To now try and short form this for you since it seems I got long winded. Glen may have ADHD but that is only a part of the person he is. It does not define him. There are many positives of him having it as well. It is up to us whether we choose to see the positives or the imperfections. For us it was no contest we choose the positives. Others will need choose for themselves.

Hope this was in some way helpful. If i can be of help in the future please do not hesitate to ask. In return I ask you be patient with the time it may take me to respond. As a classic over achiever who works two jobs my time does get limitted and I may not get back to you immediately.

Lori,

Glen is so lucky to have found such a caring, patient and intellegent woman such as yourself. Thanks for taking the time to share with us. You are an inspiration. You truly are a gem .

Where can I find such a caring Dominatrix? in Columbus , GA?Glen!!! try to take care of her as well as she seems to be taking care of you!! If you're both happy, is there a problem? I think not! Be happy while you can, life is tooooo short!!! I just had a co- worker who was a friend of mine pass away last night' and the only thing I could imagine him saying is ' life goes on' and so it does!!

Let's face it , no one cares after a hundred years , so it's up to us to care for loved ones NOW! Find your love and let it bloom. Whether you continue to see each other or not, at least have fun with it!!! May your futures be blessed with peace and happiness!!

bp - I agree wholeheartedly!!

She's a gem and makes my life so much better.

You know what Reisa, I think you have to set your limits in the beginning, too....as in you won't deal with any nagging, period, and if it comes up, put a stop to it right away. People try to be so nice in the beginning of a relationship and they don't want to make waves, but I think if I were starting over I would be more clear in my mind what my limits are and make those waves right away if I needed to.

I think the other things I would do are remember (1) that I can be happy on my own, (2) ask myself "is this person adding to my life, making me feel tingly and excited and have little cartoony stars floating around my eyes when I look at him ?" I would want to strike that balance love-struck giddiness and not being blinded to their personality and losing myself.....not too much to ask right? He would also have to be someone along the lines of Lloyd Dobler holding up a radio over his head outside my window and playing "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel combined with Russell Crowe in Gladiator or I don't think I would even bother.....(sigh). Geez I'm feeling feisty yet unusually sentimental and romantic....and very talkative with my posts today. It must be the fish oil and Adderall!

BTW nice to meet you Glen's Lady Love (Lori). You two sound disgustingly mature and happy together. Just kidding, it's sounds very nice and I'm happy for you both. I think I'm going to go yell on my husband now for not being more like Gladiator Lloyd Dobler.