question for the ADHD guys | ADHD Information

Lack of libido,

I have to agree with Glen when he said that even a hair rubbing the wrong way can cause a person to become distracted. It is really annoying! I will tell you that a lack of variety can really stunt a sexual relationship. I would liken it to a movie that you have seen a hundred times - it's not funny anymore. I will admit that the bordem has been a real problem with sustaining an erection.

 

to the orig topic post .

its approach plain and simple.

 no hints , no he should just know , 

if you want it  , you got to take more time to be accessable.

i mean     take the lead and dont give an option .

men are typically more     aroused in the morning.

 

i first spouse would be only receptive  physically in the bed, someytimes after i fell asleep  believe it or not.  but  want no part of it in the morning.

so there are a bunch of little issues that crop up. like when and where.

like he feels more secure with you as a partner than lover and hasa different need for his libido than yours.

take timew to be completly understanding  and patient all the while  in his face about it . not like harping and nagging for it but more like always indication i need this . i need this right now.  i but if doesnt happen  dont let his esteem feel guilty , jusy keep being availble , ready , and in the leading role.

 

perhaps just a chat about saying you want to be the one who says when its time.

and possibly make it a routine  , adhds    fit into routines well  so it could be something he can look forward to and count on happening .

Hi I'm new to this website and foum. I'm a 28 year old male with ADHD and OCD. I'm looking for help and support, AdieThe more people put Adder's under pressure to perform sexually ,the worse it gets. Why ? Because it causes additional anxiety and that's poison for our libido.
Anxiety is a BIG distraction. It is hard (in the wrong way) for us to relax.

just because im having sex doesnt mean  my mind still isnt racing on a million other things.

if pressure or implied kidding happens my self esteem gets worried and puts a HUGE AMOUT OF PRESSURE ON MY SELF TO PERFORM WELL.

 

I'd really like to help on this matter but I can't I'm how you say, unqualified to say, never having done it.

[QUOTE=worldisround]of course we know you are all studs all the time...... [/QUOTE]

I'd like to think so but I have relationship issues. I never was an angry person on the outside, but just recently I've broken through the shell built up. It's freaking me out too. The UK health authorities will only step in when a person is hurt, it's so stupid.

of course we know you are all studs all the time...... [QUOTE=Chiller w/ OCD]Hi I'm new to this website and foum. I'm a 28 year old male with ADHD and OCD. I'm looking for h

elp and support, Adie[/QUOTE]


Hey man 23 m here,, whats on your mind?
I love sex!  It's one of the few things that settles me down and relaxes me.  I don't know enough to make a judgement, but I kinda don't think not wanting sex is an ADHD thing.

I have noticed that since I have been getting treatment during the past three months, physical intimacy with my wife has declined. It's not due to lack of desire on my part, but more due my trying to cope with the person I am becoming. My day-to-day life is changing. No longer do I want to watch TV for 3-4 hours an evening every night of the week -- I still enjoy watching TV, but also enjoy being more active and productive in the evenings.

It is tough for my wife because I am changing but she is not. The life we had been leading is becoming different and we are both trying to adjust to where it is going. We communicate well so I know that we will fully adjust at some point.

I am putting a tremendous amount of energy into understanding the person I am becoming, and it does mean that I have to temporarily put aside other aspects of my life and wellbeing. I wish it were easier at times, but it is what it is.

 

Theres definately some underlying issues here and maybe communication and some counseling will be able to help both of you out .Ive been married for 14 years and we still get to it a few times a week. Me and my wife have good communication .We talk for hours on end and make communicating a top priority. and on some few occasions in the past we have had counseling on issues and it has helped us work through our problems .

Its just a difference in people. I have add. on drugs, off them, day, night, whenever, whatever, i'm rearing to go. My friend on the other hand only wants it once a week. I can go a few times a day. I wouldnt say its the add, but definitely try talking it out with him, as its most probably underlying issues.

Well, it sounds like it may be a difference in libidos.  Sometimes as it's said "a cigar is just a cigar".  That's one possibility.  Everyone has a different drive and that can suck I know.  Another possibility is that if he's on medication that it lowers his drive a great deal.  That's been known to happen with adderall, ritalin and stratterra.  Also antidepressants can totally wipe out a libido so you may want to check what he's on and whether that may have something to do with it.

Have you talked with him about your lack of satisfaction in the amount of sex?  That sometimes helps as many times one partner will sit and worry over it while the other (especially with ADHD) will have absolutely no clue.  I in my worst days with ADHD couldn't see anything of that kind unless it was spelled out for me.

Also, remember that with ADHD it can be tough to concentrate on something like sex.  Many times it's easier to avoid it altogether.  I can tell you that when intimate it can be very frustrating when you can't stay focused as something as simple as a hair rubbing on your back can keep you from enjoying it.  Some men find that the lack of focus causes premature ejaculation while others like me find that it can take a long time to orgasm unless the circumstances are just right.

Do talk to him.  Consider therapy if it's very worrying for you.  But don't sit and worry about it - that can be a recipe for disaster.

Hey guys,

              this question is for you, those of you with ADD anyway. What is it with my guy? He has ADD and has never really been interested in sex. I know that there is nothing wrong with his performance because when we do get intimate, he does a fine job. Its just that I cant get him to go it more than once a month. Even in the begining of our relationship, 5 yrs ago, we only had sex once every four days. Now its rare. Can you guys shed alittle light on whats going on here?

[QUOTE=raven_usher3]

Hey guys,

              this question is for you, those of you with ADD anyway. What is it with my guy? He has ADD and has never really been interested in sex. I know that there is nothing wrong with his performance because when we do get intimate, he does a fine job. Its just that I cant get him to go it more than once a month. Even in the begining of our relationship, 5 yrs ago, we only had sex once every four days. Now its rare. Can you guys shed alittle light on whats going on here?

[/QUOTE]
An observation, does he initiate intimacy or do you, are you both comfortable  verbalizing on your desires, feelings, variety of positon etc..Communication, Communication and more communication is the secret.. Is your man in the middle of a depression situation.

I for one have no interest in any kind of a relationship where their is a lack of sexual openness.. While we are all individuals with differing strenghts of sexual drive at different stages of our lives...from the points you make in your post... I would venture that there are unresolved issues  at work here that are causing the greatly reduced sexual urge in your man.. Something is inhibiting him...?

could be lots of things.

more than likely it's intimacy issues. he might like the sex, but find the closeness overwhelming. i have been like that. esp. when experiencing high levels of stress.

also, it's a touchy subject, but sometimes ppl. w/herpes breakout from sex, then need time to heal. but as i reread your post, you would probably know after 5 yrs.

frankly, when there's a woman in my bed, it might be once a month i don't want some.

ryan,

           you brought up a good point. My guy is not good at communicating, especially when it comes to sex. He acts as if its going to kill him to talk about it. In this respect he is pretty childish. But my god, he's 34 years old. Ive heard that this can be common where ADHD is concerned. It goes with the territory in other words. He's been on meds for almost a month and I dont see a real change in him. Could it be possible that he needs a higher dose?  Ill stick with this and give it some more time.

That's funny... I have the opposite problem.  I get relaxed through sex, and go for hours :)

I've been married for 31 years and I've never heard of such a thing.  What in the hell is sex?.... Butt seriously though..

I like it ok fine, but if I even have the slightest inclination that it is expected of me, and my non-complience will raise anger or hurt feelin gs I get like..uh.. HELP!  I've fallen and I can't get it up!!!  It becomes difficult to summon the spirit of WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!! LETS DO IT, with the actual point of penitration occuring before I get the 'WOOOOHOOOO' part out when it becomes orchestrated in this manner.  I know I ain't a kid any longer, but I am ounce for ounce every bit as excited about sex at 51 as I was at 21, perhaps more so.

I am this way regaurding all aspects of human relations.  When it moves from "hey baby"..with some swell foreplay to;  "I'm waiting", uh... well, like BB King said, the thrill is gone.  And this is just from me having an idea that I must perform, or else.  If I were to happen onto a post she left somewhere and I saw it in writing, I may never be able to 'pitch my tent' with her again.  If thats not it, uh... he may just not be attracted to you because; A- your too ugly, or B- he's too gay.

[QUOTE=Sammo]

men like it in the morning

women at night

is he exhausted after work and then drained after relaxing .

if hes not exercising at all it could be an issue too.

[/QUOTE]

That's because WE want to go to sleep afterwards.

We just don't want YOU to go to sleep afterwards...





hey raven i have adhd and you know there are sometimes like glen say when there are just different drives. I mean when me and my girlfriend are around eachother it is intoxicating but you know it could be stress or he could just have so much stuff on his mind. Believe it or not when i have to many things on my mind there is just no way that i want to do anything i just want to sit there and watch a comedy movie and get back to reality. maybe that is all that it will take some thing that will get his mind off of the things that are bothering him. even if it is just talking for the night and not becoming intimate. Is he on medication? If so, what? I'm on adderall XR, and I know that I tend to have the occasional 'system malfunction' on the days that I take it. Sex is good.  I like it.  Talking about sex can be very difficult though....  I have an mirror relationship to yours, but after nearly 20 years together, I can talk about it with my wife.    Try patience and persistence--if this is going to be your relationship. Oh, yeah... I got distracted and meant to agree that meds could certainly be a contributing factor.  Some kill desire and some impede performance to a quite embarrassing degree and some men would rather eschew sex than risk coming up short in the sheets.  And no I won't append a blushing or laughing emoticon-- because it is not really funny/ except when it happens to someone on TV. oh raven-don't play naive. You know all these guys on this forum are studs that can go 24/7 .

What  else are they going to say ?

Why not ask their girlfriends and spouses,better chance of getting the truth, i think
worldisround39122.5493518518World, world, world.  Go in the corner and think about why it's bad what you said!  Tsk tsk.... And bah too lol.

Seriously - all good points.  Meds can kill the sex urge (don't get totally discouraged raven I felt a total drop in libido about 3 months in and it came back fine about 30 days later) but then so can a disorder like ADHD.  Some get addicted to the adrenaline of sex while some cannot even function at all.  Only the guy knows for sure.

I'll be blunt and honest (I've talked to my gf about this and she says fine to share).  There are many times when I simply am too tired, stressed or distracted even with meds to meet my gf's libido.  She wishes I would initiate more often (at all sometimes she tells me!) and asks for it directly (that's the communication part).  Even when I know I cannot perform or complete intimately with her we find other avenues to meet her needs.  Even when I'm honestly not interested (sleep sounds so much better when on a rough shift!) I'll do whatever I can.  That's part of having an adult relationship.

Talk about it!!! A closed topic as important as intimacy means that a very big part of what makes a couple is damaged and that usually leads to dysfunction or worse.

As it's said there's more than one way to skin a cat.  If you both want it to work you can find a way that's satisfactory for both.


Glen i was only kidding and the man was like that before the meds.

But you are right there can be many causes.

She needs to "ask him" directly and he needs to be honest in his answer.
If I'm really stressed, or have had Adderall, I really don't want sex, and have trouble getting it up. But at least on Adderall, once it's up, it stays up.

I prefer the woman to initiate, because it turns me on more, but girls have stuck in their heads that the guy has to be the one to start it. IMO the man and woman should take turns initiating.

My sex drive has its ups and downs and I'm still trying to figure it out. Diet IMO makes a difference, and when I eat more, I'm hornier.

men like it in the morning

women at night

is he exhausted after work and then drained after relaxing .

if hes not exercising at all it could be an issue too.

Wow I share many of the same symptoms as well.

I am only 19, so you would think that I should be a hormone crazed teen wanting sex at any chance. As much as I wish it were so, it isnt.

I found that when I was really depressed, I had no sex drive. I did not want to talk about it, I did not want to participate in it, I didnt want any part of it. I could barely get up in the morning (and I didnt many times, usually the afternoon) let alone have sex. It started to really hurt my relationship with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. When we first started dating, things were great, yet later into the relationship when depression and anxiety overcame me, I just couldn't do the whole sex thing.

I finally gathered up enough courage to make an appointment with a psychologist and psychiatrist. They put me on Effexor XR and then Adderall XR/IR. I thought that because I was on an antidepressant as well as a stimulant that my sex drive would not return, but I was wrong.

I wouldnt say that it has returned to "normal," but at the same time its enough to where I can initiate sometimes and whatnot. I would also agree with the last post, diet can make a huge difference. Eating a good amount of fruits and vegetables during the day, while staying away from greasy, fatty foods can improve your sex drive...at least thats what I have found.

As far as meds go, different people react differently to every med out there. So while I might not have negative effects from the Effexor and Adderall, others may. Best thing to do is talk to the doctor about it.

He could also look into the drug called Yohimibine. Supposedly it can help with libido, but I think there are a lot of side effects associated with it, so proceed carefully there.


Hi raven , although I am not wearing boxer shorts nor have a beer and a remote in my hands ,I must butt in and ask this: Does your BF have a very high IQ ?



I am not implying anything here ,I am curious about something I read and I am looking for confirmation,possibly explanation.
Hey, I am 57 and still as far as i am conserned! Sex Rocks my boat anytime..now, tomorrow, next week.. once my partner shares her needs with me and gives back.. i am a happy ADHDer.

Is he on any antidepressants? When I was on Lexapro it just killed my sex drive. If he is, I’d make sure he went on Wilburton. That doesn’t seem to affect sex drive.

shelly

you have started a thread that will go on forever or until it is "administered".

my take is if you want it go and get it baby.

dont be the one wanting and left waiting.

if you need any ideas i am sure we can come up with plenty for you>

lol

Is he getting enough sleep? Try some intimate clothing... And for heavens sake, talk to him about it. He may feel worthless and it may not be you... CLEAR a day for just the two of you.

HE also may be hiding some health issues... like not feeling clean, ie. maybe he has some rash and is not sure what to do about it. and is scared you might find him repulsive...



but the big one is,, who initiates sex.. if it is him, start making it you. maybe he is needing you to initiate and lead the way for awhile.

Be very friendly in approaching sex subjects.. it could end badly if not handled properly.   And he may just be complacent in your relationship, and he could be, loosing interest.. so many questions.... so many answers...
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