Oops she did it again | ADHD Information

Thanks to all on this board who have helped me to see that when my daughter lost her wallet yet AGAIN this week (with MY credit card in it), that she really isn't doing it on purpose. Has anyone figured out how to stop this viscious cycle? She does it with wallets, purses (including ID, debit and credit cards), and cell phones.

I find it easier to let these little slip ups go, because theyactually cause her more distress than me. But when it's an "emotional" slip, like the email she sent me, asking if it was ok for her dad to claim her as a dependent on his taxes, even though he contributes very little to her (she's in college). It feels like she has "forgotten" or doesn't see how much we do for her (we provide the majority of her financial support and all of her emotional support). I try not to take it personally, but it does hurt. Any advice on how to stop taking this so personally?

 

I'd be calling the Dad and telling him to not use your child as a go-between. This put your daughter in an awkward position so please don't blame her.  I'd be ticked at the Dad!

Losing stuff:  Nothing I take out of my purse leaves my hand unless it is to go back in the purse.  (or backpack in college)  I have never owned a cell phone, never worn contact lenses and it looks like I live in my car.  Not exactly clever coping tips - but I haven't actually had to replace anything in over a year now.

The taxes thing... she probably has no clue what she asked you.  I know I didn't until I was out of college and had to file my own.  I also had only a small clue what my parents did for me when I was in college.  College kids are still kids - they don't suddenly grow up when they leave home.    It was only later when I reached the part of the story where life gets hard that I realized what I had taken for granted. 

Don't take it personally.  (I know, easy to say hard to do.)  It really isn't personal.  Young adulthood is really distracting, and then throw in the ADHD - well - she might notice if someone standing next to her caught on fire.  Then again maybe not.

That being said, ADHD is not an excuse for treating people insensitively.  IMO, I would let the tax thing go, but talk to her about any other behavior that upsets you.  Be sure you have reasonable and specific suggestions for behavior you would like instead. 

If all else fails, you could light yourself on fire.