How much social interaction do you need? | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=rayray812]when are you people going to get it,,
get off your cans and live life..
not im so happy locking myself in my room and having pancakes slipped under the door.
[/QUOTE]
Troll alert!
when are you people going to get it,,
get off your cans and live life..
not im so happy locking myself in my room and having pancakes slipped under the door.
I like both. My problem is so many are fake it makes me ill. I want friendships with others that are real and upfront. I have noticed lots take and give nothing back. I would rather be alone rather than go thru people like that. RNReisa - I'm so happy you may be getting out there to have some real happiness! Dating is awesome I'm finding - and you will too I bet.
I also have the tendency to limit my social gatherings and conversations. They often seem so clumsy and phony that I try to avoid when I can. My sweet Lori that I am dating at present says no none of that and is encouraging me to stretch out a bit. I am to a point but still feel clumsy at it.
Just find dates that are much like you - have similar interests. I used a dating service and it worked wonderfully for this. I was able to put down in searching what I both did and didn't want. For example you can chose whether the person is a drinker, smoker or admitted drug user or not. That's a great starter and I chose someone who smokes (as I do), abhors drugs and drinks socially or not at all. I also chose those who are more apt to like small gatherings or one-on-one over the big parties or constant partying. You can filter to very small details.
I met a few - and many are just like me (but not ADHD seemingly LOL). They prefer TV or home games over the dance floor. They like walking as 2 over in a big crowded mall. You just have to scan over them all and make a short list.
Lori is more social than me but that's ok too. We both were very honest with each other with how we deal with life and what we wanted. I was super honest (nearly brutal actually), telling about my ADHD, my not drinking at all and my work on my life. She admired that and being a councillor of kids with things like my ADHD she understood much about me. Others I have dated didn't know about ADHD but I explained it and they were all ok. I still am getting contacted by ladies who are like me so I know there are other fish so if Lori tells me to hit the road I know I won't crumble. Neither would you girl.
Try. Reach out. It's so worth it! Believe it or not - there are people out there who aren't coming out of rehab, have no record, don't drink, love one-on-one - and *gasp* love sex!! Wow that was a big shock to me! LOL!!!
I wanted to find out if there were "normal" people. Wow are there lots!! I wanted someone who was never abused, never miscarried kids and became obsessed, didn't have miles of baggage. Found lots - even a few that liked me with the baggage I'm working on. Wow.
[QUOTE=sachetm][QUOTE=rayray812]
when are you people going to get it,,
get off your cans and live life..
not im so happy locking myself in my room and having pancakes slipped under the door.
[/QUOTE]
Troll alert![/QUOTE]
rayray, are you a bad little troll?
I think I'm more introverted than most. I need some time alone to regenerate at times. In the U.S., this is sometimes considered a flaw - but, I don't really think that it is one.
However, even though I am an "i", I do really like some people. I like interacting with them also.
I used to be very idealistic. Sometimes, I'd meet people and, in my mind, expect them to be ideal. My fantasy would not be met and I'd be drastically disappointed. Also, I'd interact with people without considering their needs as much, and then get rejected. It happened enough for me to withdraw beyond what I would naturally do as an esteemed introvert.
Now, I am seeking more time in real relationships. (I'm not into the social scene and really just don't even enjoy it. However, I would like to get out more and experience real people whom I relate to a bit more.)
Yesterday, for example, I met a friend for a couple of hours and we were just laughing and enjoying each other doing nothing special. We were talking about past experiences and future experiences. I liked being in his space. It felt great to hug hello and to hug goodbye. Right now, I'm seeking more of this type of thing in my life.
The social interaction thing with me lies in how much energy I have. I love to be social, but when you cant focus on something and your mentally drained then its hard. Thats when you know you need some kind of meds.I'm signed on to three dateing sites on the net but I don't use the pay-alternativ. I think what they offer for free is as much silly function as I need and can handle :-)
/Kaks
After any kind of social interaction I get so tired and full of anxiety, I don't leave home for a week. :( <he smiles a smug yet philosphical smile>
Seriously though, very happy it helped. :-)
But I like sitting on my can! "Living life" implies that people enjoy spending time with other people. What is enjoyable about it? Is it fear of being alone? Why do you prefer company instead having pancakes slipped under the door? (if you do) I am having a severe case of "I don't get it."
staying holed up will shatter yourt life, socially, & career wise..
i dont know what kind of careers you guys have but i have to be "out there"
selling jobs etc, in my town i cant go to supermarket w/ running into somebody i know and socially owe a few minutes, if not out of friendship but repect..
i was becoming such a f**king nutcase i would go food shopping a town over. so i know about "holing" up
life will spin buy u, forget about your services, merits,
& if u are in a "holed" up phase you are not thinking clearly....
So, you don't actually like getting out there? You do it because it is good for you? That sounds a lot like those gross chewable vitamins.
And that attitude isn't exactly fair to whoever I may meet. "Hi, just here cause I am having a vitamin deficiency." "I like you ok, but I really would rather have athletes foot than have to try and meet your expectations."
There has to be some reason people seek connections, surely everyone doesn't run around with a lukewarm attitude about each other. Maybe I am damaged or something.
all of my social interaction comes from the talkative waiting room for the psychiatrist. Maaaaaan. In there every week...gonna have a lot of friends!!! 
Although Rayray as usual needs to take a few.. thousand.. deep breaths and relax a little - I believe he is showing deep concern as I do for the potential path that hiding from people brings. I saw it with my whole family and it was the key to my changes. I still fear "out there" and must fight all the time to not hide.
It's a short trip from "enjoying being alone" to "cannot leave my home". My 2 sisters are frozen at home now - only leaving to buy food and work. Both - it boggled my mind as it was never seen by me prior to this year. My mother now is making a lot of connections as I teach her about ADHD.
Although comfort is essential to have a good life - growth is essential as well. I am finally GETTING that!!! While I sit at home alone or with my GF the world keeps turning and I keep shrinking. Mentally, socially and consciously. I finally get it!! I have a choice - stay the way I am or try to step out there every now and then and take a peek.
I'm not saying go and buy a daytimer and try to fill every minute. Just get out there and take in the sights. Besides - they don't have pancake delivery anywhere do they? LOL!! I may use it if they do - every now and then.
Rayray - chamomile tea - 2 cups - NOW!!
having pancakes slipped under the door would be pretty awesome a lot of days...but you need to get off your can and see the outside world occassionally, just not too much, because then you get mad at the world and go back to the can and the pancakes and won't come out againOk, so, Glen...
I signed up for a dating service today. Ouch, my bank account hurts. I have my pics and video taken on Thursday. Now about that pesky profile...
Say "beautifully flawed. Look for perfection elsewhere."I am actually pretty social in one to one conversation. It is the part after that that I have a hard time with... the whatsis... oh ya... relationships. *grin*
Pics and video done, I am supposed to be up and running tomorrow.
Good luck Reisa !I think I'd call myself "terribly flawed, poor, flighty, intelligent, spontaneous and artistic"
Good luck Reisa! I've been doing some internet dating and it's been pretty good so far. One thing that has worked for me is that instead of writing back and forth and wasting my time (I have to write up to 60 emails a day for work so the last thing I want to do at home is to write more), after determining whether the person might be a fit I prefer to set up a date and meet in person. I don't even exchange phone numbers (in case they turn psycho and keep calling) or take theirs if they really want to talk. That way when you meet you see who this person is rather than writing, getting your hopes up for weeks and then being really disappointed and you have potentially only wasted 1-2 hours.
On a separate topic, I am an extrovert so I get energy from people. I guess on a very low level, that is why I seek iteraction with people. And really because it's fun. I could talk to people for living. I also really want to find the right person for me, get married, settle down and have kids.
I've had one of my best friends for a roommate for the past year and it has been great! I realized that i don't ever need to leave house for fun anymore. We end up talking till wee hours in the night. We have so much fun! I'm afraid though that she's going to find a job somewhere else and leave soon... which will be a major disaster for me to get used to being alone again. Luckily I have a ton of friends so I'll have to hang out more with them.
As for being introverted, it's perfectly normal and no one should feel bad for it. Just like we all can't be the same, there's nothing wrong with getting your energy from being alone.
Well I am all set up with the dating service. It is really kind of nice. They have a search engine and a fairly lengthy profile plus pics and a video clip. They don't even let you see your own video and whatever you put in the profile stays there. The idea is that you are who you are and you can't change it.
They just started up in my city, so the number of people isn't where I would like it, but it does seem to be growing pretty fast. And this past weekend, I had a really fun date with an employed guy who shares my interests. And I passed on two other offers from people who sounded ok in print, but their videos gave me the creeps.
So far so good. This introvert isn't the only employed, halfway positive single in the area who doesn't like bars!
[QUOTE=The Resistance!]
It makes me think, for a moment or two, that it IS the world and not me that is dark, broken and insane.
Howzat?
[/QUOTE]
Yay! Absolutely fabulous answer! The answer to the question I have been obsessing about for two days. Cyber kiss for joo! 
& if u are in a "holed" up phase you are not thinking clearly....
[/QUOTE]
I am not really "holed up" I am just very, well, closed. I know I SHOULD want to interact with people, but I don't. How do I make myself want something when I don't? What is it that you want when you interact with people? What makes you stop and say, "How's it going?" A feeling of obligation or fear of consequences? Isn't there a positive motivation for these things? What is it and how do I get some?
Is it a fear of what other people will think of you?'Holing up' I mean.
I am going through a phase of just trying to be quiet. I am polite, but I am shutting the heck up. Try it sometime, it is enlightening. I am finding most people have little to say, I've always done the talking. Little to say to ME at least.
Well, corkscrew them. I interest them very little and the feeling is certainly returned.
[QUOTE=Reisa]
So, you don't actually like getting out there? You do it because it is good for you? That sounds a lot like those gross chewable vitamins.
And that attitude isn't exactly fair to whoever I may meet. "Hi, just here cause I am having a vitamin deficiency." "I like you ok, but I really would rather have athletes foot than have to try and meet your expectations."
There has to be some reason people seek connections, surely everyone doesn't run around with a lukewarm attitude about each other. Maybe I am damaged or something.
[/QUOTE]
Actually, I am trying to get someone to talk about what makes them get into relationships with other people. I get out, do fun things, occasionally visit with a friend or two. But I have no motivation to 'expand' my horizons. Why do you "get out there"? (Other than "its good for you.")
I find little of interest in most people, and as mentioned above, they return my feelings it seems.But when I meet someone of real interest, someone attempting good/great things, someone doing something crazy, someone thinking something unique, someone who reads some of the books I do, someone else who agrees even a little that our "culture" is centered on cash, television and what others think of you, that it trades ease for beauty.........well, that is a kick in the pants.
It makes me think, for a moment or two, that it IS the world and not me that is dark, broken and insane.
Howzat?
When I'm alone in my castle, I tend to feel free and in control, but lonely. I need LOTS of private time every day, or I am bound to implode. This was a problem in both my marriages, as you can imagine.
I do feel much better when I'm alone than when I'm with others because I'm not so critical of myself for not being as quick-witted as others. (Not that I believe others to be more intelligent than I am. In fact, I see myself as far more aware and wise than others).
However, when I have no choice but to be with other people (as in work, or social situations), I am often a chatterbox. I feel better in groups of 3 (including myself), or 4. I hate being one-on-one (too much on the spot), and I certainly dislike huge crowds (feel too ignored by everyone).
I am my true self around my family. However, I don't have much family around anymore. They've all moved away.
Lastly, for some unusual reason I can't quite figure out, I feel far more comfortable with men than women.
[QUOTE=Reisa]I have been thinking about going back out into the dating scene recently. Thinking about it is about as far as I get. I just don't care at all. I don't seem to need the same social interactions that other people seem to need. I don't chat in the hallway at work. I rarely join in any group activities. The friendships I have are fairly transitory.
It isn't that I don't care about people, it is just that I don't have the urge to stay in touch or seek out new friendships. It is pretty rare that I even feel lonely. Is this part of my ADHD or something else?
[/QUOTE]
Do I need to be social? I’m usually quite happy by myself, or prefer the company of my cat(s) above and beyond any people I meet these days. And when I do ‘socialize’ with friends, I’m don’t spend much time with them. I used to be teased (in a kind way) by friends because I would come to visit and disappear almost as fast as I appeared. LOL Yet now I realize most people I visit are just as ‘glad’ to have me cut it short, because my high energy, fast talking, and especially the difficulty I have communicating verbally, is something they can only tolerate for a short time. So it works out just fine between us. : )
I also don't like crowds. Although I do like meeting new people, like while grocery shopping. However, in these short-term chance meetings I can be clever, funny, and enjoyable, before they can get to know me and end up not liking me. :( It's just a different sort of relationship where nothing is expected of or from you. kwim?
I truly believe I am an 'extroverted recluse' who prefers to see or meet people on my terms.
I prefer to go camping alone, see a movie alone, even dine out alone. And as much as I hate making chit-chat for the sake of just hearing myself talk, I will run at the mouth when I'm around other people I know. Urrrrgh! Drives myself and other absolutely crazy!
Oh, and Reisa, I personally do believe it is something ADHD, something I don't mind at all, actually (social interactions, that is).
GypsyWomyn38773.6153125
Reisa - I've been thinking about your question very much the last day. Why do you "get out there"? (Other than "its good for you.")
All I can say is I was becoming ok with being just with me and going out to work and buy things - then it hit me when my last uncle died. I saw his life - alone with nothing but beer and TV for company and it struck me deeply. I could see a parallel life for me from that and it wasn't what I truly wanted for myself.
That got me moving on my ADHD - and my anti-social life. I don't want just wife and home anymore. Sometimes I slip back into myself but I talk about it in therapy and that helps me cement myself back into the life I want.
Besides there are positives. I laugh so much as I actually watch the human condition in action. People can be very funny sometimes. Perhaps you need a combination of meds that work perfectly and good therapy to really appreciate it I am not sure.
Until you see the reasons to be social - it won't happen so don't worry. Don't feel you have to force a phony action to make others happy. Although sometimes doing what others like gets more of what you like I am finding. Can't hurt!
yeah reisa, i know just what you mean.
i often wish i were more sociable, but as often, a little goes a long way.
when having to interact with other people, it's usually a short time, and then i'm full. even with my close friends, i need a time-out sometimes after a short period.
resistance, you have a point. i love a good dog. they are sensitive to your moods, and will just chill when you do. i miss my last dog. she was the best!
I reccommend dogs as therapy.Dogs ain't nothing but themselves and they are understandable and right.
My friends always get really worried when I lock myself away in my room for weeks, but I'm really just content there, and/or I need to get away from them, no matter how much I love them. I thought I was just weird, or antisocial or a loner or something for doing this, but maybe just a little ADHD? I think I like that diagnosis better
I like being around people to a certain extent, but I need time alone to re-energize. People drain me, and I particularly hate parties and crowds. I work as a hairstylist in a busy salon...that's enough social interation for me. As for friendships...I have few, and I much prefer one-on-one time in a quiet atmosphere.energy. energy to find love. my brain does somersaults, opening the
door only to turn around again. and so the loop continues. the outside
world eats me up. anxiety, fear, the garble of words. i know its all
coming. i'm so ready for it. boom. i could wander outside some more,
but then i'd feel as though i'd never find my way. i could speak a
thousand words, but i'd never know what to say. its warm inside. but
maybe the warmest safest places are furthest away from warmest safest
faces. the energy divides, to love.I am so a people person, I have a need for constant approval and you just dont get that if you're always on your own. Besides Im THE chatterbox, again it's a lot more interesting when someone talks back, well usually
I do like some time on my own but not too long or I get bored.
I have been thinking about going back out into the dating scene recently. Thinking about it is about as far as I get. I just don't care at all. I don't seem to need the same social interactions that other people seem to need. I don't chat in the hallway at work. I rarely join in any group activities. The friendships I have are fairly transitory.
It isn't that I don't care about people, it is just that I don't have the urge to stay in touch or seek out new friendships. It is pretty rare that I even feel lonely. Is this part of my ADHD or something else?
I am in the sixth month of a job and the more I get to know my coworkers the more I like to work alone. A few have even asked me if I am OK, that I seem down lately. I like a lot of them, but they seem so light, so thin to me the more I get to know them. I have less and less to say to them. I look at work as an evil but neccessary part of my day that must be endured now, not as a social occaision.I don't like this. I don't feel superior or better than these people. But what do I say to them? "Watch that there teevee show last night?" or "This work sucks and it is hard" in endless variations?
I've lived most of my life isolated and alone so I am used to it but I often wish it wasn't so. I think the problem is within me far more than out there somewhere, and it has to be the adhd, depression and whatever other insanity is harbored within myself.