tough week at school | ADHD Information

  My son, Jake, who is six, has ADHD. Right now, I think he needs his medicine changed. I called and rescheduled his appointment with the pdoc for next Wednesday up from another month because he has been so aggressive and disruptive at school. He has been in the principal's office twice each week for the past 2 weeks. Plus, he has been very defiant and sassy with me, and aggressive with his brother at home, which makes for long afternoons. He calms down a little when my DH arrives home but still will laugh in his face and be defiant to him as well. My DH and I are at our wits end to what to do with him.

We have taken away his toys, priveledges to family functions, and have continually praised him with positive reinforcement til we are blue in the face and hugged him more than ever. The school is doing the same with their positive reinforcements. It is like we've all failed the system.  

Any suggestions? Please help.  I don't know what to do, and I feel like such a failure as a mom.

Also, I do have Bipolar Disorder. So, I too, struggle at times. I tell him that I understand he has an illness, and something that he cannot control at times, but he must not use it as an excuss for his actions. He has to be accountable for them. He is learning that, and doesn't like it... but is growing to understand the difference. Parenting is very difficult at times.

Coffeegirl

Welcome!  I'm sorry you're struggling so hard.  You're not a failure as a mom -- you have a child with a disorder who is challenging to handle.

I am not a doctor and will not attempt to diagnose your son.  BUT bipolar disorder is hereditary and can be mistaken for ADHD.  Furthermore, stimulants that treat ADHD can make kids with bipolar disorder worse.  Has the pdoc ever considered a diagnosis of bipolar disorder for your son?  BTW, I am the mother of two children with working diagnoses of bipolar disorder.

 

We have been doing the same thing with a reward box, using the same items i.e.-from the Dollar Store. That plan was implemented by our counselor. I think it is too hard of a goal for our son to meet. You are right, instant gratification for each day is what he needs. It also makes me aware of all of the goals we set for  him, they are all a week in advance- the weekend movie, date night with dad, family fun night.... so no wonder he doesn't care.

Thank you for the suggestion. I will apply it next week. No school tomorrow. Thank you.

Have you tried doing a rewards chart?
For example:  Every day he comes home from school with a good report he gets a "star" and after 3 stars he gets a treat or item of his choosing.
This worked for my son but as he got older he needed more of an "instant" reward so we made a "reward bag" with little items from the dollar store.  If he had a good day at school and completed his work he got to pick something from the reward bag that night.  He loved this and looked forward to it every day.
He didn't have any behaviorl issues but he did have problems getting his school work completed and turned in.
Another idea for you, and what also worked for us, is MONEY.
My son loves to save money and count it a few times a day.
When we had problems with getting him to do his homework without a huge argument, we started offering quarters.  It worked like a charm.
He decided to save for our family vacation in Nov.  He has all sorts of big
ideas on what he is going to buy.
He is 9 so this might be alittle ahead for your son but it is "instant gratification".
It was something he could get excited about and motivated for.  That was what he needed.
I had better luck with rewards when my son picked them out. We actually went shopping at the toy store. They remained in the package, and on display (quite motivating) until earned. If that's not blatant bribery though, I don't know what is!

Who cares about bribery if it works. Ive been bribing Amelia to do things since she was born

She has to feel like she's in control, hates being told what to do or how to do it. What she wants in time spent on her rather than material rewards. So when she behaves properly we go to the park or just for walks together. Of course this works as she's only four, so it probably wont be this easy forever!!

Hope things get better for you, maybe he needs some alone time with you? A special time for just the two of you?