....and so does daddy, and your very sensitive friend who's a girl. That makes three people who are very close to you who would like to see you go off of your dexies for a while. Has this ever happened to you? Did you wonder if they were all wrong and you're the one who's right, and that just because your newly found genious had brought with it some new personality traits that involved occasional bitterness or lack of patience for stupidity, didn't mean you should dumb yourself down a shade for these morons' sake?
I think they had a point now, or rather that the irritability they perceived was just a surface problem of a zombie-like state of mind where too much meds was not treating my ADD, and scores of other side-effects were being ignored just to get my 'fix'. So now I'm going lower but really weary of what that will be like. Has anyone else ever lowered their dose because of any side-effects? How did that go?
McPerson38772.7495023148[QUOTE=Claireness]
i decided to stop taking the medication on the basis of being 100% "au-naturale", because i actualy think adhd is a bit of a croc of sh*t.
[/QUOTE]
I thought ADD was a croc of sh*t as well for the first five years of my diagnosis, but now in retrospect of my life's experiences and its patternistic blunders, and especially looking at the rest of my family, I've started to think it isn't. I think there is a finite difference between having an ADD brain and having a brain of inferior intelligence, because there are a lot of the latter that don't have ADD, and a VAST (possibly the majority?) amount of the former that are highly intelligent....like people who become doctors and lawyers and don't get diagnosed until they're 30-something.
My father's side of the family contains 5 uncles who are all shining examples of ADD...one of them in particular has a family that sounds perhaps a little like yours, in that throwing fruit at one's parents in an act of violent rage wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary for them. They all have serious psychotic/depressive issues and I think it's a result of not learning about, accepting, and embracing, that fact they are all hopeless ADDers who will never do anything right. Instead of ever feeling OK about that fact, they are stuck in an endless cycle of making sarcastic/condescending/insulting/yet loving jokes about each other's never-ending mistakes.
This could be the most important advice anyone is giving you about anything right now Claireness; I think you should take your diagnosis seriously. You've been positively identified as having the ADD brain, and the best thing you could do for yourself is read the advice psychologists put forth for ADDers. Here's some of the ones I find most important (somewhat quoted word for word from the the book "Driven to Distraction" {very good book written by two psychologist friends who were each diagnosed with ADD in their 30's}). I find these kinds of pointers good advice to any young ADDer, so that they aim their lives in the right direction and not the wrong one:
*Know that it is OK to be doing two things at once. Take a shower and do your best thinking, or jog and plan a business meeting. Notice how you work best; with the TV on, listening to music, etc- let yourself work under whatever conditions are best for you.
*Do what you're good at. Again, if it seems easy, that is OK. There is no rule that says you can only do what you're bad at.
*Accept the fear of things going too well. Accept edginess when things are too easy, when there's no conflict. Don't gum things up just to make them more stimulating.
*Keep a notepad or PDA at hand at all times. You never know when a good idea will hit you, or when you'll want to remember something else.
*Listen to feedback from trusted others. Adults with ADD are notoriously poor self-observers. (And then he says, "they use a lot of what appears to be denial"....that jerk!!)
Anyways those are a few career-based ones, the book has an array of other kinds of advice and some analyses of other people's ADD lives. The book's advice is certainly great advice for anyone at all, but for an ADDer realising these things for themselves turns their worlds upside down. You should see the best ADD specialist there is in your area to determine for sure that you have ADD and not some 'anxiety-state' I think they call it, but if ADD is truly what you have, I rigourously recommend keeping this diagnosis near to your heart for the rest of your life. I should have the last two years (instead of just enjoying the drugs, lol). To me paying attention to ADD is quasi-religious, but with more important and helpful rules for yourself. ESPECIALLY, like I say, if you (and your family?) have the ADD-brain....
Anyways I too could write forever and have to get to the beer store before 9, LoL. later! :-P
-McPerson-
McPerson38777.785462963
McPerson - just because you now feel more confident and sure of yourself never gives you the right to lord over other people this newfound gift. One of the reason most people choose to work on their ADHD is to be more socially accepted by others. We often tend to be "out of phase" with the world and wish to be able to sync better in focus, memory and attention. That's one of the main reasons I'm sure for all.
Confidence doesn't mean you are a genius. If you're a genius - then you should be able to realize that the interactions with loved ones are far more valuable than accolades or awards. Love is far more valuable than the most rare gem or gold.
Maybe a good therapist could teach you ways to deal with your new impatience and bitterness? Ways to take a deep breath, rethink any comments you may have at hand and smile a bit more. I know it works for me.
There are many times I deal with people I feel very much smarter than. That doesn't make me better - just smarter. Most of my best friends are less intelligent yet have insights into things I may never understand. And I'd trade a dozen IQ points before I'd let anyone go.
hey.
i've been taking dexamphetamine (approx 6/day) for about a year; (i was only "diagnosed" with adhd last yr- i'm 22/f). For the most part, my sense was that i was efficient & driven while on the tablets, and i felt able to prioritise, thus my life opened up before my eyes- cos i was able to break it down so objectively..i guess i felt powerful, mainly. -in control.
i came to see the drug as being the missing link in me, so that as long as i was dosed-up, i was complete and highly skilled and effective.
but it really hit me about a week ago that i might be prioritising the wrong things. it hit me when i was sitting on the train, after a day at work where i'd been less than relaxed friendliness with never a very lubricated mouth- is work more important than people?????
on the dex..conversation wasnt so much important, as getting to the POINT of what we're actually trying to say, like i was itching for the finish line. i never cried anymore, wouldnt spill a tear even though id feel the emotion inside, it was like i'd dried up while perfection had become more important to me. other "symptoms" my mum noted (my family's way of loving me is to show me hate) were my swift cutting remarks, my outbursts (she looked at me like "she didnt know me"). i noted guilt. guilt-RIDDEN, with no outlet like a good old scream, bugger the consequences.
anyway bla bla bla. i decided to stop taking the medication on the basis of being 100% "au-naturale", because i actualy think adhd is a bit of a croc of sh*t.
so about a week ago i stopped and changes are: i'm laughing innapropriately. it's interesting cos on one level i'm more outgoing, more outrageous and willing to put myself on the line; on another level i'm thinking more about peoples feeling so i'm not as cold- like if theres an outburst, its heartfelt- probably stupid and less calculated, so its not really helping, but ON ANOTHER LEVEL i dont really give a sh*t......i'm also meandering more, i feel like i've been jumping on a trampoline and now i'm jumping on the ground. its foggier and i take longer to get to the point. DAMN!!
anyway the thing that makes it worth it that i keep reminding myself, is the not needing water and lip balm every 5 minutes. oh yeh and less brutality for mum. except i threw an orange at her last night. poor lady- i actually pegged it and damn i'm a good shot- square in the shin. poor poor thing. i apologised. it was a crime of passion, atleast i can blame "adhd" now. by the way she's fine.
cya. sorry about the long post. i hate message boards cos i cant limit posts and its really dumb!!