Clique-ee or Outsider? | ADHD Information

Pretty much the same story here, taritac.  I don't understand what the "clique" rules are, and on the rare occasion that I learn about one -- I am unwilling to do what it takes to fit in.  I have always had one or two close friends, well liked but invisible. 

The older I get, the less I care about what other think, and the more I am able to just be myself.  One advantage to my "unclique" is that I can socialize with any type of person and have interesting conversations with anyone who isn't a moron.  I am alone most of the time, but  I can't say I feel lonely very much.  Extended interactions stress me out, and I can't focus well enough to speak in a group.

NOTE: In the first option, I should have used "Outsider," not "Outcast," which is too loaded, I think.

Hi all!
I don't know why I'm so into polls these days. I think I just like the quick tally to see who else is just as screwed up as me!

Related to the many "relationship"-type threads, I have been wondering about the success of other ADDers in forming friendships. In school and today, I have never really been an outcast, but I have never been in the center of a group. If I'm ever in a group, I'm usually close to one person in the group and a hanger-on to everyone else. I've been well-known, but never popular. People usually like me, but don't have any overwhelming need to spend lots of time with me. I've always had a few close friends (almost always women, and almost always CARETAKERS of me), but never an extended group of "hangout" buddies. In fact, most of my close friends spend more time with their other friends. I am the "friend freelancer"-- I have friends from lots of different backgrounds, but no clique. In fact, when my friends meet, they often like each other so much they have, on occassion, started hanging out without me! Consequently, I don't feel like an outcast, but I am alone and lonely much of the time.

Where do you fall in the spectrum of outcast to "it girl/guy"?
taritac38777.9410763889I voted the "sun" option.

Man, how times do change.
Awww.  I take it you've joined the club of the less popular? We can start our own  unpopularity clique! The clique of the friendless  and disenfranchised! Will you revolve around me just once to make me feel better?

Pleeeeeeaaaaaasssseeee!

I had a group of 4 other friends, but we weren't a clique, we just were friends.

however two of the group were involved with other cliques, one was a brainiac and hung out with the chess club, the other wanted to be in the popular clique so bad she would do anything to be like them.  I on the other walk to the beat of my own drum most of the time and still do.

and guess what both dds are the same way, walk to the beat of their own drum.

Funny you should ask this.  I have always had a few close friends and then was very friendly with so many others from jocks to geeks to whatever.  I will say that even so, I have always felt like an outsider.  I don't do well with cliques,  and I don't know why.  I've even been with a group of women and suggested activities to have them take off in another direction where I can't even participate and I am left feeling left out.  It can be very lonely.  I am a nice person with a good heart.  Any suggestions?

I had created a title for myself in high school - "Zorba - king of the geeks!". LOL!! Just remembered that little gem.  I liked to create names for people like that - including me.  I had a very small tight group of people that looked to me as the pinnacle of uncoolness (how tragically sad looking back).  And to be honest I was - my mother dressed me and it was painfully obvious.

Looking back I'm not sad about it though.  I wouldn't have wanted to be in any clique that would have had me as a member.  Sorry groucho.

Elementary school I was pretty much friendless - can remember 2 friends that I alienated over time.  That was the worst time for my ADHD and I wouldn't have hung around with me either.  Self involved and totally engrossed in me-ness so nobody could have come very close without being bothered by it all.

Now I have a few lady friends but really no male friends.  Well, one at work but it's mostly just that I helped him with some ebay sales so I think it's a friendship of convenience.  I'm ok with it right now - I am too wrapped up with playing with the whole love thing and working my tush off and that's ok!

i don't think it is a very ADD characteristic to be 'cliquey'.  a friend of mine who went to the school down the road from me... she somehow got into a kinda group of trendy, slightly bullying kids because initially she liked a couple of the girls (they were funny and fast and quick) but she didn't like it.  because as a group - they spent a lot of time being a bit nasty, superior, slightly bullying in that 'we are cooler than you and we're gonna show it' and they were the same, as it goes, with each other - she was always worried they were gonna turn on her too.  i don't know - it is a weird thing to want to be in a clique.  an insecurity i would say.

what would drive someone to want to be in an exclusive group.  why would anyone want to be so self-limiting to say that they will only associate with a certain collection of superficial criteria....  it's totally stupid.  if you don't like someone - fine!  you're not obliged to like every asshole in the world and it's probably impossible to like everyone but i absolutely don't understand cliques.

i have no time for people who accord themselves some sort of spurious status by being a member of something that gives themselves the power to exclude others - and i have a horror of large masses of people like the Nazi party where you join and follow and deny your individual responsibility toward people.  and i cannot bear to see people 'ganging-up' on others using the sheer weight of numbers - and not tolerating any dissent (despite the fact that there have been elements of that on this board too - on both sides!!).  to make it political - that whole attitude of you're either with us or against us..... rather than, let's look at what you're saying and see why you think that, whether it has any merit.  urghhh!  

in my ever so unhumble opinion.

aha - the soapbox again.  yawn.