Please Help - adopted son w/ADHD | ADHD Information

There is a book called When Love Is Not enough.  You should take a look and then check out Dr Frederici's book about adopting.
Good luck there is hope for these kids!
Boni
It's sad but not really surprising that he's having these kinds of problems. Even if he didn't have ADHD I'd bet you'd still be dealing with the same issues.

It also would explain why his behavoir seems to be getting worse with age. In most cases all the anger and bad feelings that kids have from being in an abusive situation gets repressed so they are able to deal with it. It's a survival skill. Once they get in a situation where they are safe they slowly start to let their guard down. That's when all the feelings they've been ignoring to protect themselves start to surface.

I'd definately look into getting him some help. Like OlderMom said there is more going on then just ADHD or puberty.
I have adopted six kids, two who are still legally ours but were too dangerous to stay in our home. Your son came to you older. A lot of extra things come into play due to his situation. First of all, did his birthmother use drugs or drink when she was pregnant? That could cause brain damage, such as fetal alcohol syndrome or effects. Does the birthfamily have known psychiatric problems, such as bipolar disorder? If so, bipolar is very hereditary and mimics ADHD--comes out as rage and extreme ADHD-like behavior when older (not to mention ODD). Does this child have attachment issues? RAD is possibly a part of this--common in older adopted kids. We had adopted an 11 year old who was so abusive to our younger kids that CPS made him leave permanantly, and I have to say we were relieved. This kid progressed to killing animals and terrorizing our little kids in secret. Not saying your chld will ever get to that level,b ut foster kids tend to have their own issues and imo it's unlikely that ADHD is the whole picture with this child. Kids adopted from foster care have a much higher rate of psychiatric disroders and some can not feel the love you have for them (or don't want it) because it's out of their comfort zone. The 11 year old we adopted is in that category. I would take that child to a Psychiatrist and a NeuroPsych to have all sorts of testing done, from Early Onset Bipolar to ADHD to possible alochol effects. We had to do this with the son we adopted from foster care and we got some great answers and he's doing really well now at age twelve. He came at two. Diagnosed with ADHD when we got him, he really has PDD-NOS and is now a really calm, mellow kid (we adopted six kids in all, but two could not stay with us due to the 11 year old's abuse of them). Long story. At any rate, with his history, I'd want everything checked out. Something could be emerging that is genetic or that was always there but seems worse now that he ages. Another thing that could be hidden is if he was ever sexually abused. We found out that our 11 year old had been, but he has only vague flashes of it. However, he started acting out on other kids (we didn't find out until he left). Most kids in foster care (I was told over 90%--yikes--have suffered sexual abuse). If so, that would certainly play a part in both his behavior now and how he may act as he ages. If you are wondering if that is normal boy behavior, I can only talk about my three boys, ages 28, 27 and 12 and tell you that they were actually easier than my daughter and did not behave that way as they hit puberty. I do think something is going on. What it is you'll have to see professionals to find out and I doubt simple therapists will be able to tell you the answers. Take care! OlderMom38803.4886342593Sorry you're having the troubles.  My son is 15, ADHD, arguementative and sounds similar to your son.  I have found it helpful to write down consequences for behaviors I want to get rid of.  For example, Bad attitude- half an hour in your room.  I don't argue with him, because you can't win, and it escalates his behavior.  He will hear your reason but continues with argueing anyways.  I walk away, or say you are allowed to have your opinion.  I also use when thens,  When youre room is clean then you can play your video games.  I use time outs for brief periods-now 15 minutes.  I take priveledges away for major things like calls from school re: behavior or not getting homework done.  You need short but immediate consequences, with minimal dialogue, or reaction to his behavior.  If he's treating people badly, a short time out is helpful in letting him know he is being inappropriate.  I suggest reading 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Phalen, just for his philosophy regarding no talking, no emotion.  Its a little late to start the actual program itself.  The only other thing I suggest is trying to keep your relationship strong with him, where you can have fun together.   Also let him know ahead of time what will happen when he engages in specific behaviors, you don't like.  It helps these kids to know what you will do when he acts a certain way.  Unfortunately, fly by the seat of your pants parenting, doesn't work with these kids.    You really have a whole bunch of issues, other than just ADHD, so you'll need the patience of a saint.   Good luck.

Hello.

About 3 years ago our family adopted a little boy with ADHD (on meds).  He was adopted from a residential facility and had been in placement for several years after being removed from his biological family due to physical abuse.

When he was first introduced to us he was still living at the group home and he was doing great. He was following directions, using his manners, being kind and helpful to others, etc. Since he has moved in here he has completely crashed and burned. He is 11 now and he can't complete the simplest of tasks. Every morning (mornings are especially difficult) it is a war zone at our house.  He is extremely rude when speaking to anyone and yet expects everyone in the house to cater to him.  He is completely oblivious to anyone else's feelings and he takes for granted all the things everyone does for him. He doesn't take care of things, he has a huge problem with maintaining any level of cleanliness, and he has developed poor eating habits and embraced laziness. He is also struggling at school and has no friends. For the most part we dicipline by taking away video games, tv, etc but it hasn't worked. I am not even sure that he recognizes he has done anything wrong.  He argues about everything - he will even argue about the fact that he's arguing! We explain things using logic and reasoning and he says he understands, but then he repeats the behavior.  He has also never expressed genuine remorse. He does not apologize without being promted. There used to be moments in between these behavioral issues when we got glimpses of the little boy that warmed our hearts, but for the past few months there has been no sign of the fun loving child we once knew. He doesn't even smile anymore. Of course we still give him lots of hugs,remind him constantly that we love him, and we make it a point to praise him when he does even the smallest thing right, but entire family is exhausted, frustrated, and at a loss for an effective solution.  We are working with him now on a stricter schedule to make his day even more structured, but I was hoping someone out there would have some tried and true ideas. Part of what concerns me is that I don't know how much of this problem is ADHD and how much is the behavior of an 11 year old boy who seems to be hitting puberty early (we never had a boy before-only girls). We would really like to get our family back together and hope someone out there can relate.

Sorry to be so long winded, I am just really hoping for a nudge in the right direction.  Thanks so much for any advice you can give!

Your son sounds like my cousin. My cousin acts like a little devil sometimes and other times he's that cute addorable kid I've always loved. I've come to the conclustion or theory, that he does it all for attention. Both his parents work and have a different approach to parenting so acting out and getting punished gets himself attention. I don't know if that seems like how your son is but also, maybe it's got something to do with him being adopted and his past. All that may be influencing him even if he doesn't actually realize it.