New here - Teen with ADD | ADHD Information
Thanks for the welcome!!
Dawn, I understand your "constant battle". My son was on 36 mg of concerta as well but he was not sleeping at night at all. I had no idea either until a routine visit with the Psychiatrist who manages his meds. He asked Justin how he was sleeping and justin told him he didn't fall asleep until 2 or 3 am. He was horrible to get up in the mornings and getting ready for school was war. Now that he's on Ritalin LA he falls asleep almost immediately (I check in on him now before I go to bed) and gets up by his alarm clock and mornings are MUCH better! He still has an attitude most of the time though.
Justin does his homework in study hall. He just won't do projects or study for tests or take school seriously. He doesn't make the connection that NOW is when he prepares for college and his future. I sure hope he even makes it to college! I do talk and email his teachers regularly. Although they appreciate my staying on top of him and he has a good relationship with his teachers - for the first time ever! - I think they feel he needs to take ownership and responsibility more for his school work etc.....I know though that if I leave it all up to him he'll get nothing done and fail.
My main issue with him is his attitude, disrespect, not taking responsibility and thinking NOTHING is his fault. He gets very defensive when I so much as ask him why he didn't wash his dishes! And somehow him forgetting to bring his personal cd player out somewhere is MY fault. Any suggestions on how to handle that would be much appreciated!!!
I am new to this sight.I have a 12 year old son with adhd.Life is one constant battle.He is currently taking 36mg of concerta,but he is still very violent towards myself and siblings.I could use some advice if anyone out there can help.Hes very intelligent but doesnt put any effort in at school,homework is a constant battle.I feel as though hes taken complete control over the house,as his brother and sister have had to have locks on there doors so they can escape him.Life hasnt been normal for so long.If anyone has any suggestions they would be most gratefully welcome.Mom at the end of her tether
We are having problems with our 14 year old son concerning his homework, also. He has not been diagnosed with ADD as of yet, but we are getting him evaluated later this month. Although he is very bright, he is in danger of having to repeat several of his classes next year. He has problems remembering to bring things home, take them to school, letting us know if he needs supplies, and even turning homework in when he has completed it (I really can't understand this one)! I, too, end up communicating with the teachers through e-mails almost daily. At his school, the teachers will often make themselves available immediately after school to work with students 1-1, or at times there are study groups. We have been utilizing these. I usually tell him of mornings that he needs to go to meet with a teacher after school, or attend a study group. I tell him that he can call me when he is finished, and I will pick him up. I then notify the teacher that he will be meeting with her later. This has been the only method that I have had any success with. He usually will not do the homework at home, or if we try to make him, he will complain that he does not understand what he is supposed to do. He seems to only be able to complete it when the teachers are standing over him and he can't get away!Thank you God!!! Someone else has my same concerns!!! My daughter's teachers also feel I should step back and let her do it for herself. They feel that maybe her falling will be the only thing that wakes her up!!! However, I fear the failing grades that it may take before that happens. I just can't make myself turn loose of it yet!!! I email them regularly, sometimes I think I know more about what goes on at school than she does!!!!
*Cracks fingers*
Alrighty... lets try and nip this in the bud so he doesnt turn out like me.. :P Im not a parent with adhd child, im actually a 20 year old with add, so i can view these things from both a child with add and an "adult" perspective. Your son sounds remarkably like me when i was that age, except i was diagnosed with add at the age of 18, so i was into my first year of uni before i knew i had it. it was a big "that explains alot" for me and my parents.
It seems like your sons attitude towards his homework and schooling is alot like mine. The problem is i didnt see homework as an on-going thing. If i didnt do it, who cared? it was just one time. I'd get told off, maybe have to pick up trash at lunch time for the teacher, but who cares? Its over and done with. The bad thing about this attitude (okay.. the WORST part) is that it carries over to exams. Neglect study for the exam, put up with some stress for an hour or two, and the exam was over. Once i was out of the exam room, it was all gone and forgotten.
You need to impress on your son the severity of not doing homework/study, and get him to understand that its not going to be over once the initial confrontation happens. Instead of a "whats done is done" attitute, you need to help him understand that it carries on. Also, trying to learn anything in a class full of students is absolutely impossible. I suggest getting a one-on-one tutor for him at your house. As soon as i got a tutor, i went from getting harrassed by the teacher to top of the class in a month or so. Its the little things that stopped me learning. once someone sat me down and showed me things, it all "clicked" and the whole concept fell into place.
I dont want to tell you whats best for your son, its just he seems alot like me, and i hope my mistakes can help some kids iron out the kinks and work to their full potential. So, in essence, he needs one-on-one learning, and also needs to realise that not doing homework has major, on-going consequences. I learned this too late. I was lucky enough to scrape enough points to get into uni, but i learned my "learning style" too late to help myself. Good luck with your son, and good luck to him. He can be whatever he wants to be, he just needs to be shown the way.
Jimbo - THANK YOU! I really appreciate your perspective! And I think a tutor is exactly what he needs. Never thought of that really...... I know he will next year as we just filled out his course selection and he has a tough year ahead....which is another thing - he got his packet for course selection for 10th grade over a week ago and it was due today. Guess when I found it at the bottom of his back pack - Saturday morning. If I had not emptied it he would never have chosen courses for next year and the school would have just put him in whatever they wanted.
I talk to him constantly about how important school is. For the first time he has a "girlfriend". They talk on the phone alot and hang out together and are really good frends. SHe is a straight A student in honors classes. I'm SO hoping she will make an impression on him about school but maybe not. Who knows. She actually doesn't understand as well why he doesn't make good grades - like most ADD kids he is extremely intelligent and has made top scores on standardized testing and entrance exams to private schools. But the private schools wouldn't take him becasuse of his conduct and daily grades.
You hit the nail on the head Jimbo about the consequences. If he has to suffer through my getting upset, grounding him, etc....he will and it doesn't bother him. he actually told me Sunday that talking to him and grounding him doesnt' do any good because it won't make anything change. I had no clue how to respond to that - well, I grounded him....but he just doesn't care.
I'll keep on him, of course, but like another poster put it - I think I know more about what is going on at school than he does. When I said "HEY why didnt' you do the Inventor's Project in Science!!!! You got a ZERO!" He said "what project? I had a project to do??" UGH!!!!!!!!!
I'm just not sure how to "stay on her". I feel as a mom with a 12 year old daughter that I need to try real hard to preserve our relationship and when she says things like, "ya'll don't think I do anything right" and that we "don't get on to her little sister like we do her" (mind you, her little sister who is 9 comes in a does homework first thing every day! She doesn't like it being over her head, she wants to go play!) I don't want to be on her all of the time! Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up when she has these pitty parties and says "we don't think she does anything right and that we are on her all of the time" and say "Go figure!" I know I can't do that but that is what I am thinking on the inside. It makes me feel like a very bad MOM!
Lynn, I feel that when kids (esp my son) does the "poor me" act that it is just trying to get the attention off the main issue which is usually their behavior, not doing as told, etc. I know Justin will come up with anything to get the subject of conversation off what he did wrong.
I tell him that it's too bad he feels that way. I say I love him and only want what is best for him. I also remind him that he knew of the consequence before he did or didn't do whatever it was so he has no one to blame but himself. I try not to let him pull me into an argument and I explain it has nothing at all to do with not "being on his side" or "thinking he can't do anything right" etc. I've found that if I clearly lay out I want X done and if X is not done Y will happen to you and he hears me or even repeats back to me what I said (which I usually have to make him do so there is no "You never said that" business) then he doesn't argue or gripe when it comes down on his head.
Like currently we have this going on.....he has a 57 in PHysical Science right now. 9 weeks ends Friday and he has the exam. Study guides were passed out Monday and she gave out all the answers today. The guide is pretty much the exam - she usually makes it pretty easy for them. She just emailed me and said that Justin never pulled out his study guide and has not written down the first answer. WELL, he knows that if he has an F on his report card his hair gets cut. He's wanting to grow it out longer and I don't mind it too much for now - I've learned to pick my battles - but believe me, he knows it WILL get cut and he's not liking that ---but obviously not enough to do better in Science so all i'm doing is reminding him to do his work and study. If/when he brings home the F there can't be any arguing because HE KNEW what would happen. It just works better that way.....yes he will put up a fight but oh well it's gonna happen if I have to put him in a straightjacket!!
That is my problem, I would be up at the school and before the test on Friday I would make her study with me. Just to avoid the "F". I know that is not doing her much good,(thank goodness we don't have that problem right now) but I would cause a major fight in order to make her complete the study guide and study for the test.I have learned to lay back a little. Sometimes with certain teachers, I have found that the more you inquire, the more negative that they look for. It seems to go a lot smoother if I do lay low unless warranted. I have quit asking if there has been improvement because most of the time I feel that she would have to become someone that she is not for them to notice. That is certainly the way with our teachers this year. They all like my daughter and she does have good grades, however, it takes alot of work on my part as well.
I am trusting my own perceptions of improvement as far as the amount of homework she brings home(her school does not make a habit of assigning homework, just what you didn't complete in class so I can tell from that if she is focusing and using her time wisely), her grades, her attitude and whether or not I have heard from them. They know I am involved and I have determined that if it is bad enough, they will contact me. Thanks Jamie for your advice on the meds.My son Ricardo stays awake until 2,3 am and i also find it difficult waking him up in the mornings and theres lots of arguments.I will definetly be asking about different meds with his pediatrition.As like yourself Ricardo constantly blames me for things he forgets,he even blames me when he gets into trouble.Ricardo has started to recieve help at school with a counsellor,she is also coming out to my home to help myself.She visited for the first time today and suggested we make a time balloon,this involved me writing down what i wanted Ricardo to continue doing,what i wanted Ricardo to stop doing and what i wanted Ricardo to start doing.Tomorrow she is going to visit Ricardo and ask him to make one,maybe then i can see what i am doing that upsets Ricardo and we can start to make some improvement in our relationship.Life i think is going to get a lot tougher,but im not ready to throw the towel in yet,i will just keep battling dawn
Well, having a girlfriend who is dedicated to study is a fantastic thing to have. My girlfriend is who got me through my first couple of years at uni. She was studying for her tertiary entrance exams, and so she had to study. Since we couldnt "go out and play", i had nothing to do when she was studying, which actually forced me to study. The only time i would end up doing major study was when she was with me, so she changed her timetable to spend time with me and help me study. She is so understanding and supportive, and that is important to an add person.
Puckbunny, you also need to impress on your child how a tiny bit of study will go a long way. I have learned the entire course material on the night before an exam, and done well in the exam. Like i said, the whole course seemed a mystery until my uni friends sat me down and showed me, until it all clicked. These little things include formulae i may have missed during the year, or in the case of computing the way to set things out to make a program run properly. I couldnt understand any calculus until a friend showed me key formulae which carried on across the course. This was like the "key" which opened up my understanding to the rest ofthe course.
On that note, memorising formulae is the hardest part for me. Like was mentioned, i did absolutely fantastic on my testing to enter academic extension programs/schools, and i got into every school i applied for on an acedemic basis. This was because their courses were all about problem solving and abstract thinking, as opposed to applied theory. If i had to apply formulae in the tests, i would have failed straight out. The best way for me to remember the formulae is to highlight the theory in my book when studying, and write it out in my own words. This helps concrete it in my brain, but also writing it out in my own words means i have to stop, mull over it and make sure i understand it before moving on. Its time consuming, but it works. I have re-written entire books on electrical theory. I have found it is the only way i learn. Maybe you could suggest this to your kids (assuming they are a little older and are actually studying for exams, not just finishing homework)
PB you took the words out of my mouth on the studying for a test in 3 days!
I just had a conversation with my son on the phone about why he didn't do his study guide in class - like his teacher said in her email today - he said Sarah, the girl he says he studies with, writes faster than he does so she wrote down all the answers and they just study together right before the test. I told him that is not going to cut it! he says he always does that - yeah well that is why he is failing his tests or barely scraping by with a D on each one! I couldn't believe it! He truly doesn't think that studying now for a 9 week exam on Friday will do him any good. WHERE do they get their thinking! I know, they don't think most of the time. And so he could care less right now about the test on Friday.
I reminded him of the hair cut if he has an F on his report card. Of course although he's known about that one for the last 9 weeks he's complaining now that it's all "not his fault" and that he'll put up a fight if I make him get it cut too short.
So where can I get that straightjacket??? 
[QUOTE=Jimbo]
... im actually a 20 year old with add,...It seems like your sons attitude towards his homework and schooling is alot like mine. The problem is i didnt see homework as an on-going thing. If i didnt do it, who cared? You need to impress on your son the severity of not doing homework/study, and get him to understand that its not going to be over once the initial confrontation happens. .[/QUOTE]
Jimbo:
I really appreciate insights from someone who has "been there, done that". We've always jokingly referred to our son who is almost 13 as "Immediacy Boy", because of his inability to connect actions/events over time. If he wants something, it almost kills him to have to wait. Rather than put the energy and effort into doing whatever it takes to reach a goal eventually, he'd rather put 1000% effort into whining/complaining/convincing/manipulating to get it RIGHT NOW. Patience is a virtue. Along those same lines, I think what you said is really relevant, in that thinking that not doing a particular piece of homework won't matter, cuz when it's done it's gone and has no connection to anything later. Wrong. It comes into play with studying too - he's convinced there's no point in studying now for a test in 3 days, cuz that's in 3 days. No consideration is given that something might come up that will take his time away from studying the night before (ie other homework).
Is it common that some ADD kids have some kind of space-time-continuum disability too?
[QUOTE=Jimbo] Its the little things that stopped me learning. once someone sat me down and showed me things, it all "clicked" and the whole concept fell into place.[/QUOTE]
Can you give some examples of what the "little things" are that stopped you from learning, so that we can see if they apply to our kids? Many thanks,
PB
I am new here as well, and this is going to be so helpful. It helps to know that there are others going thru what I am and to be able to share and learn.
Judy
I'm new to this board. This was the first one that came up when I searched for ADD support boards so I'm here! Like many of you I suppose - I stay stressed and upset over my son's behavior, attitude, lack of concern about school, etc.....I just needed desperately to find a place i can come to vent and get advice where others know what I'm going through. I feel like I'm at my wits end every day!
I'm a single mom of 14 year old son, Justin, who was diagnosed with ADD at 5. You all know and I'm sure have been through the same struggles as me so I won't go into a lot of it now I guess. He has been kicked out of 5 different schools since Kindergarten and is now in 9th grade. We moved to a new area to "start over" sort of after my divorce and he actually for the first time EVER loves school. Only problem is he thinks he's there to make friends and stare out the window. No discipline problems, yet thank goodness. But I can't get him to be serious about schoolwork and grades or even to think past the next 10 minutes.
He is currently on 20mg Ritalin LA and 5mg of Ritalin and although it started off working great I'm not so sure now. He may need a higher dose because he can't seem to focus, finish work, bring anything home he's supposed to or remember to do anything he's supposed to!
Well I could write a book but won't for now. I just wanted to introduce myself.
welcome jamie!
My Non adhd child seldom has hw. Here if they finish at home they don't have to take it home. Remember middle/ HS are also social time also. They care more about friends then school. Email concerns to the teachers that is how I do this. My son is 15, and on adderall xr 30 mg. plus 10mg. It works quite well. My son is definitely an underachiever. He likes high school much better than P.S. probably because of the changes in students and teachers. Its a much better environment so far. I got a call from his teacher today, about not handing in homework on time etc. Its no longer about behavior, although they can still tell he doesn't focus as well at times. Since the call he knows he's grounded from video games and computer for the weekend. His marks are just passing, and he's content with this. I've done everything to ensure he is capable of doing well, but he has never done much to try for better marks. He doesn't care. All I can do is consequence briefly, when they call me, and provide a homework time-he gets 1 hour in his room to do homework. I don't check if he's doing it. I've been there done that, he's on his own to succeed or not. He knows if he needs a tutor to ask, but he doesn't need one. I know how frustrating it is when they can do so much better, with a little effort. Good Luck[QUOTE=Jimbo]
This was because their courses were all about problem solving and abstract thinking, as opposed to applied theory. If i had to apply formulae in the tests, i would have failed straight out. [/QUOTE]
Jimbo- sounds like you think and learn in the exact same way as my son. He has the hardest time with formulas. He doesn't like being told there is only ONE way to do something or solve a problem. He struggled in Pre-algebra first of the year until he finally learned the formulas.