I wouldn't stress trying to respond to the teacher's email. There's 3 months left in the school year. I would just respond with a polite email, agreeing with her, and telling her that you will discuss it with his psychiatrist to get some strategies. Ask her to forward any ideas that she might have. Next thing you know there will be 3 weeks left in the school year...
I think you handled it appropriately eg. not punishing twice, but talking to him about it. It is just human nature to try and justify or explain our behaviour when we are 'in trouble'. Taking more responsibility for our 'screw ups' is a process and not an event. He is only in grade 3. By reinforcing that 'you are in control of your behaviour and the choices you make about how to behave', the hope is that he will continue to take more responsibility for himself as he gets older. This is true for all kids not just ADD kids. When my son who is 11 and ADHD has ever tried to use the ADD as an excuse for poor behaviour, I just turn it around and say it is not an excuse it is a reason he has to try harder than other kids to make good choices and control himself. And on a lighter note, I laughed out loud at the "I believe I can fly" part...thats actually funny and in the grand scheme of things not a big deal at all!!! Take Care.Having been a substitute teacher, I can tell you that kids like to act up for substitutes. Substitute = Free Time. Yippee! Add to that the fact that your son is only in the third grade AND has ADHD, and you get the behavor you described. It's a bit over the top and impulsive, but it is not highly inappropriate or unexpected for a kid his age with ADHD, who also sounds like he enjoys being the class clown?
What to do? I would be understanding that this normally kind and humorous teacher had had enough yesterday. She probably was having a difficult time getting her class settled, after their being with the sub, and your son was standing out as the most difficult child to get under control. I would respond to her letter with a "thank you for telling me this, and we will address this at home" kind of response, then let it go.
As far as taking responsibility for his actions, most third graders need to learn how to do this. JMHO.
I'm hoping to elicit some feedback from you all on this one. I don't often ask for advise - but I am totally lost on this one.
First know that I like and respect my ADHD son's 3rd Grade teacher. She has extended herself to my son and our family this year beyond any teacher prior to this. She handles the day to day challenges of a classroom full of 8-9 year olds (including my "angel") with tremendous humor and compassion.
Yesterday my son rec'd a discipline notice for his misbehavior in Gym class. There was a substitute teacher in Gym, and she was having difficulty with the entire class acting crazy (btw...we live in Michigan & the kids have all sorts of pent-up energy from being indoors due to the weather).
The teacher emailed me to let me know that my son had trouble with controlling himself & "making good choices"...that during gym class when the sub was trying to calm the class down (son says she was repremanding the whole class), he decided to clap his hands to make a commotion and cause his classmates to laugh at him. He also behaved poorly after returning from lunch to class - instead of sitting down and starting to work, he ran around the room singing "I believe I can fly!".
The teacher had spoken with my son before and after these misbehaviors. My son was able to acknowledge what was expected of him...how he didn't meet those expectations...and accept the consequences for his actions. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS APPROACH!
However, the teacher's email goes on to inform me that she'd like to see my son take more responsibility for his actions instead of always trying to explain away and/or excuse what he does. We would like to see that at home as well. Trouble is...HOW? I don't know how to respond to her statement. I plan to pose the question to his Psychiatrist next week during an appointment. In the meantime, I was hoping some of you might have some words of wisdom.
How would you respond to such a message from your child's teacher? While she is not exactly asking us to do something about it...I'm sure her intent is to notify us that we need to do something different at home. Disciplining at home for similar offenses at home happens constantly. However, I generally don't believe in punishing him a 2nd time at home for something that was handled in school. Otherwise the kid would be in a constant state of being punished! Also, he lost recess and had a good talking to by the teacher because of his misbehavior yesterday. Considering that no one was hurt, and that this was a relatively minor offense (considering what he is capable of!) I think that is enough...although both my husband and I discussed with our son the importance of being respectful to the adults in school and following the school rules.
thoughts?
mrsquack, read the smithsbaby thread. It's about a system of positive reinforcement using marbles. Ogram started it and it's commonly known around here as the marble thread. I bumped it for you.His misbehaviors are usually around lunchtime - but yesterday the gym class incedent happened at 9:00am directly following a period of vigorous exercize. My son has trouble 'switching gears', so I'm sure he had trouble settling down on command. Honestly, I think if a teacher really wanted to play my son to keep his behavior on-track, he/she would allow him a chance to make everyone laugh in a structured/planned way. But...they don't ask me anymore.
barb...he IS adorable! He may frustrate the living daylights out of me, but he always manages to make me laugh! Its just his way. I don't want to see his sense of humor diminished by some foolish teacher (or anyone). Its his sense of humor that will help get him through tough times. I hear all the time from teachers what a nice boy he is...respectful, kind. Its just that he's also loud, speaks out of turn, and likes to be the center of attention.
I read the marble thread and I think I'll give it a try. I've done that sort of thing for years...only without the marbles. Maybe giving him something like a marble that he can see and touch will have a greater impact. Often, if he loses a dollar of his allowance for not doing something he's asked to do...well, I don't think it has the punishment impact it should because its a dollar he doesn't have in his hot little hand right that moment.
Thanks!
[QUOTE=mrsquack]barb...he IS adorable! He may frustrate the living daylights out of me, but he always manages to make me laugh! Its just his way. I don't want to see his sense of humor diminished by some foolish teacher (or anyone). Its his sense of humor that will help get him through tough times. I hear all the time from teachers what a nice boy he is...respectful, kind. Its just that he's also loud, speaks out of turn, and likes to be the center of attention.
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My boy was the same in 3rd grade, and he still has his wonderful sense of humor now at the age of twelve. There's not a day that passes when he doesn't make me laugh at least once. Like you, I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything.
How far apart timewise are his misbehaviors and his recess? Its possible that the teacher may have to find a way to seperate him from his audience immediately so that he connects the two. ADHDers tend to not think of consequences and have a poor sense of the future. The two combined may require immediate feedback.
Frankly, since I'm not a teacher and never have to worry about having the class clown on my watch, I think he sounds absolutely adorable. I believe I can fly! I love it!
thanks, everyone.
Yes, my son had an IEP. We've also had a recent FBA - and generated a Positive Behavior Intervention Plan from our findings. Basically, the function of this type of behavior for him is to get the attention of his peers. Yes, he likes to be the class clown. He likes to make people laught...in general. Usually we don't mind that, as we appreciate his wonderful sense of humor! However, in school...there are rules that must be followed, yada, yada, yada...
I plan to email a reply to basically acknowledge her message, and to diffuse the situation by telling her that:
we've spoken to our son about this behavior and that it isn't acceptable
and, that we will ask the Psychiatrist what he thinks would be a sensible approach to improving our son's sense of taking responsibility for his actions.
thanks again for your advice.
Patty
We had similiar issues with my son. He needed to take responsibiltty for his actions, follow the rules...and on. Behavior charts, consequences, talking....nothing helped until we addressed the adhd. We had to treat my son. Just telling him he had to do better, be better or else never worked. All the plans in the world would not have worked without an intervention of some sort- treatment. Our course of treatment was homeopathy with a classicly trained homeopathy. The behavior issues are no longer an issue, at all. I will keep reading this thread an hope to hear of your successes however they are reached. You found a great place to look for what will help your son and advise on how to handle this particular situation. If you have any q's of how homeopathy worked for us or any other alternatives (there several and lots of info about them) check out the alts bd. Good luck!!!