No, for harrassing parents who are here seeking real advice. Leave us alone.
Ghost, please excuse josh. He has no kids and I don't think he's a good source of advice on how to handle them. He may have ADD, but that doesn't necessarily give him any kind of special insight to the problem. Take him with a grain of salt. He's harmless.
I have had my son Anthony on ADHD medication for a about 2 years(30mg Adderall) and he has shown alot of improvement in everything but 1 issue. The lying.He is 11 years old.
For some reason he lies about everything! even when he doesnt need to lie, he lies to me and his stepmom. My Wife and I are almost at a loss at how to deal with thisissue with him. We have grounded him, taken toys away, tried positive reinforcement when he doesnt lie, we are just at a loss now.We've got to the point where groundings seem to make him see there are consequences to his actions. So my question is this, what has worked for you other parents on this subject? A long grounding for bad lying offeneses(4 or 5 days of no tv and video games, reading books instead of toys) or maybe a short grounding for all the lying incidents he does(1 day at most).
If he is grounded we always try to find constructive things for him to do so he isnt always stuck(helping with chores around the house or helping me with backyard work which he actually seems to enjoy, go figure!) reading a book or sitting in his room. We have his first counseling session in a couple of weeks so hopefully the psychologist can give some direction as well.
So if anyone here has some good advice for us it would be immensley appreciated!!!
I wonder if your son enjoys the reaction he receives from others when lying. Could he be looking for the attention, even if it's negative? Maybe by simplifying your response, he may find it's no longer enjoyable. "You lied, video games are done for the day - end of story". No long drawn out discussions. Just a thought.Here is a short article about children's lying and why they do it. I thought it was interesting. I would NOT worry that your child has Conduct Disorder. I wouldn't worry about that part of the article.
www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=153
This might sound totally crazy but have you tried lying to him? Tell him ya’ll are going to go do something he really likes to do. Let him build his hopes up all day long. Then when he is ready to go, just look at him like it means nothing at all to you and tell him we are not going to do that, I was just lying to you. You have to let him build his hopes up and then crush them. You have to be dead serious when you say it. Let him get upset let him think about how upset he is for at least 30 min. Then go sit down and have a talk with him. Ask him how he felt when he found out you lied to him, let him admit his emotions, then let him know that is exactly how he makes you feel every time he lies to you. Ask him do you like making us feel this way, did you like feeling this way. Let him know that God feels that way every time we lie and he knows when we lie every single time. Then you tell him you love him and you hope he learned his lesson and tell him if he promises not to lie anymore tomorrow you will go and do that one special thing that he so wanted to do and give him your word. Then sit down and pray with him and make him pray and ask forgiveness from God and for him to ask God to help him not to lie. The next day is very important that you make that day is a very special day more special then he ever imagined a reward for him not lying anymore a celebration to his new life free of lies. He will remember this and will be filled with extreme guild when he lies. But what ever you do, do not cancel the special day for anything or you just took a thousand steps backwards! We adders respond well to emotions. You have to let him think and plan in his mind what he is going to do for that day build anticipation hopes and dreams. Then you have to crush them with everything you have and you will have to let him get very upset and he will need time to think about how you just made him feel. This won’t be easy for either of you, but you have to give him time to think about all those emotions, plan it say I will sit and talk with him in 30min to 1hr don’t make it to long though. I would take this method as a last resort. Good luck!
Ignore the small stuff and stick to 1 predictable consequence all the time. Don't ask him questions that may cause him to lie Like: Who did it? Why? Where's your homework? etc. The best advice I have is to not react if he does lie, just set the consequence of loss of Video games/ computer/ and one day grounding, for more serious offenses. Loss of video games for 1 night for minor offences. Nothing works over the short term with kids, and alot of his lieing is to avoid you getting him in trouble, and thinking badly of him. I find sticking to a consequence for long term decreases mostly all negative behaviors. My ADHD son, at 15 is pretty good. I've learned not to over react to anything, just set the consequence and let it speak for itself. He's learned alot over the years without me saying anything accept telling what happens when.... I always write consequences down on the fridge so its predictable for him, and we don't forget. Some things with ADHD are long term problems but over time they decrease. Good Luck, I just thought I'd share what worked for us, and I hope you find something that works for you.Josh, reported!
Although I know what you are saying above about the lying stuff, nothing really sinks in with this kid. I am the step mom and we have tried lots of creative things with him. One of our last things was we made a chart of Christmas presents and told him every time he lied or did something like that he was losing a present for Christmas. Mind you, I set out several extra presents on the chart well beyond what we really would have given him. The chart was up for about 6 weeks before Christmas and the kid got all the way down to 2 presents left. I even made him write the reason why he lost each present to reflect on. I told him if he lost all of his presents, he would only be getting the chart and the reasons in his stocking for Christmas. Finally, he started to get better the last couple of weeks before Christmas and I even felt bad and let him earn one present back, but after the holidays he went straight back to where he started. Now his real mom and I have told him he is not going to Disneyworld in June of this year if he doesn't stop his bad behavior....
Our next step is counseling, but I am so concerned this will lead to bigger things I am beside myself. I have seen several postings in this forum where kids are stealing money from their parents and more. That could easily become him if we don't find a way to nip this in the bud. What we are doing right now is just taking video games, tv and friends away for the weekends until he straightens up. Maybe if he is bored out of his mind every weekend for a while, something might sink in....we just don't know.
Sentences...writing a POSITIVE sentence...NEVER a negative one. Believe me ... after he sits there and writes 100 times: I am a good person and I should not lie. He'll get the idea. It works most of the time for us...ours is only 7 though. (he can't stand to write either). But the way I see it; we're not spanking him, taking anything away because once done with sentences he can play, we're not physically hurting him...but he'll get tired as heck of writing. May not like to write; but he'll have a beautiful handwriting because the sentences have to be legible. Just a thought. Oh and yes of course he's going to tell you he's not going to do them...well let him know when he's finished let YOU know.Another Idea why don't you make him read war and peace that is enough punishment to make him contimplate weather or not he will ever lie again.
Sound better Susie B
Thanks for the advice from everyone here. I really appreciate it and am glad we found this group!!!!Susie, susie, susie just because I don't have kids dosn't mean I don't know how fusterating it can be, or how to deal with them. Most of my newphews will listen to me more then they will listen to their mother.