I just read in one of those inspirational/motivational e-mails that I get that you shouldn't wallow or exist in self-pity but just allow a certain amount of time to express your negative experiences and then stop it. So I'm using this site today as that vehicle.
I am still experiencing feelings of powerlessness and doubt but at the same time, I am getting "signs" in insignificant ways that seemingly God is doing to tell me to press on and to not give up. I am spiritually mature enough to know that he is setting me up for a blessing. I am still scared sh*tless and afraid that the cab company will read into my ADHD as something out of sorts, or whatever their imaginations can come up with. It's my third day and I've yet to come close to the lease owed on the car, which is due Monday. The truth is, they will have to ask for the keys of the cab in order for me to stop trying because I am not going to quit. Instead, what I don't understand about the map, I'm going to march into thier office and ask instead of avoiding certain addresses and shuddering in my cab out of frustration. Sometimes the ADHD can be comical, if you look at it that way.
I need to appreciate the opportunity given me and give it my all because last year, due to being unfairly fired and my drug use, I was sleeping in a van with my dog at a mechanic shop. When I think about that, I push myself and that goes into overdrive, producing a lot of anxiety. I'm learning to breathe to relax and trying to give myself a break and be slow if I need to be. Riverside is such a hard town to taxi in but in time I know I can do it. I plan to put in hopefully 12 hours or so and make as much as possible. Thank you all for your support and continue to pray that I do well today.