Too Sensitive / ADHD? / what to do? | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=bepatient][QUOTE=Countrygirl]I can totally relate,
BP. I can get upset over the slightest thing and take
it very personal. Even when I know I am being irrational, it takes some
time to see reality. I haven't watched the news since I was a teen
because it is so upsetting. The wierd thing is if
there is really a tragedy in my family, I have no emotional at all. Do
you do that?
Don't know if it is an ADHD thing or an
insecurity thing, but whatever it is, it sucks. Sorry
you feel hurt. [/QUOTE]
Thanks for your understanding and support Countrygirl. It does really help to know that someone else can relate.
My best friend can't watch the news either and hasn't for years. She feels things hard and deep. She also has OCD. I have OCD "traits", so maybe thats part of it.
I think I know what you mean about not feeling some things that are tragic in my own family. I remember one time when I was a kid my dog got hit by a car and killed. Some how my sister and I found out about it while we were at school. She was in tears and I wasn't. She said to me, "don't you even care?" I did care but it just took time, I guess, for it to sink in. I did cry later at home, by myself.
Is that kinda what you mean CG?
Exactly what I mean. Wonder what OCD has to do with it. I have traits too and my daughter is OCD/ADD. I'm glad you figured out the root of the problem. Have fun this weekend
Men suck... Not happy to hear that but I guess it's always better to know. Was it "displaced anger" because of the baby thing?
slimacik,
I should have said displaced frustration rather than displaced anger because I think he's more frustrated than angry..
He tried to speak of the money issue only very briefly then knew that it wasn't going to fly. I got him to admit it by way of using a third person example. Everything was so obvious to me once I got off the emotional roller coaster.
It was so unlike him...he apologized for hurting my feelings and sent me a airline flight itinerary later on that night (Monday) along with expressing how badly he wanted me to come and stay with him this coming weekend!
Guess I'll go 
We didn't talk about the baby issue even though we both no thats what all this was about. It's to sensitive an issue to talk about over the telephone I think. I'll talk with him about it when I see him.
bepatient38792.0461342593Reisa, does that just come naturally now, or do you have to keep reminding yourself?
It always sounds good in theory but I never seem to really believe it myself. I'd be just putting on yet another act and pretending that I wasn't bothered by others anymore, if that makes any sense.
I used to be really oversensitive too. Then I realized:
a) I was really self centered, people just aren't paying as much attention to me as I think.
b) If other people spend time and energy hinting around and playing games-- I say, "knock yourself out." Eventually they get exausted and resort to being upfront. Like they should have been in the first place.
[QUOTE=Peita Pan]Reisa, does that just come naturally now, or do you have to keep reminding yourself?
It always sounds good in theory but I never seem to really believe it myself. I'd be just putting on yet another act and pretending that I wasn't bothered by others anymore, if that makes any sense.
[/QUOTE]
I did have to sit down regularly and remind myself that I was wasting my energy. Then I guess I finally "got it" because I got really mad. Why should I try so hard for the benefit of somebody who lives to spread negativity everywhere?! I finally got that as a gut feeling.
"... NO! He** no! I refuse to play whatever game is going on here. (Bleep, edit, censored...) I have things that actually matter that I could be worrying about instead." And I promply found something that actually mattered to worry about instead.
It isn't automatic, but it only takes me about 10-20 seconds to let it go, rather than 2-3 days/weeks/decades.
bepatient- as to emotional lability, i only know of it as it gets listed as a symptom of adhd, esp. adult adhd.
when i first read of it, i said "hey! that's me!"
i see it as an emotional impulsivity. not just being sensitive, but being reactive in an impulsive way. maybe it feeds our need for stimulation? maybe we gravitate towards thoughts and feelings that give us a jolt?
you and countrygirl alluded to that unnamable bad feeling- that feeling of impending disaster, as i sometimes label it. that's classic adhd.
i'm learning to recognise it as a warning sign, that i really need to pause, take a deep breath, and get rational for a moment. though i usually don't. 
i think the being sensitive part is less a problem than the process of the reaction. it's like i pick up on that feeling and run downfield with it like it means winning the super bowl or ending the season in defeat.
instead of a possibility, the feeling becomes the only thing.
[QUOTE=Reisa]b) If other people spend time and energy hinting around and playing games-- I say, "knock yourself out." Eventually they get exausted and resort to being upfront. Like they should have been in the first place.[/QUOTE]
Amen sister! 
Well guess what. I was phucking right!! And i will "toot-toot" my friggin horn right here, right now (only to you guys)! He admitted that the saving of money and postponing our time together was "displaced anger". I KNEW something was wrong. I'm also sensitive to picking up instantly on STUPID games!
Totally agree with Glen on the not the center of the universe theory. Works like a charm for me.
Also I have learned many times from experience that when we worry about what the "intent" of the others is, it is really just our own projection, "what would I mean if I said that?". Usually I find the other people's "intend" - if there is one- tends to be soooo diametrically different from mine (we're all different) that there's no use for me to try to figure it out anyway because I never will. (okay, maybe not never - BTW is exaggeration by any chance a symptom of ADD?).
I did not realize the confrontation avoidance belongs to the ADD bag - I am so bad at this. Does anyone have an advice on how to be more straight? I need to confront a sort of boyfriend this week and tell him that it's over and I worry that I will continue this just to avoid having to tell him.... Any advice would be appreciated
i also have problems with confrontation, i always worry about offending people and not saying what i mean in order to spare someone's feelings, even if they have to hear it. i'm glad that it's not just me!I've been working on this for a long time and I'm not getting very far
[QUOTE=Countrygirl]I can totally relate, BP. I can get upset over the slightest thing and take it very personal. Even when I know I am being irrational, it takes some time to see reality. I haven't watched the news since I was a teen because it is so upsetting. The wierd thing is if there is really a tragedy in my family, I have no emotional at all. Do you do that?
Don't know if it is an ADHD thing or an insecurity thing, but whatever it is, it sucks. Sorry you feel hurt. [/QUOTE]
Thanks for your understanding and support Countrygirl. It does really help to know that someone else can relate.
My best friend can't watch the news either and hasn't for years. She feels things hard and deep. She also has OCD. I have OCD "traits", so maybe thats part of it.
I think I know what you mean about not feeling some things that are tragic in my own family. I remember one time when I was a kid my dog got hit by a car and killed. Some how my sister and I found out about it while we were at school. She was in tears and I wasn't. She said to me, "don't you even care?" I did care but it just took time, I guess, for it to sink in. I did cry later at home, by myself.
Is that kinda what you mean CG?
[QUOTE=seeker63]
i think the term for this phenomenon is 'emotional liability'. all feelings tend to go from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye. we think fast, react fast. pair the two, and you get to what you're feeling in the blink of an eye. [/QUOTE]
seeker,
I know I've heard "emotional liability" on a number of occasions as related to ADHD. I think there's something written about it in the book "Driven To Distraction". I lent it out a while back so I can't refer to it now. I searched the internet but can't find anything that explains in detain what it is and didn't find anything on how relates to ADHD.
So if you or anyone has any links to info. on "emotional liability", please pass it on!
[QUOTE=slimacik]2. If someone says something that I could potentially misconstrue as hurtful; unless they state so; I assume they had other reasons for doing that/saying that; such as saving the 0 and not trying to postpone time with me. [/QUOTE]
I've been able to go over this today without the emotion, just trying to analyze it.
I know that the money doesn't mean anything. So, I had to keep looking. My bf know how much I miss him and he expresses the same to me. I do feel secure that he loves me...Each day that goes on without him is painful in a way that I can't explain. (It's a long story that some of you know about.) Probably due to our 15 year separation.
Anyway, this is what I think. Please tell me what you think (anybody):
I think that he is hurt by something I said during a recent conversation we had about trying to have a baby. I told him that if he didn't want one that I would probably be okay with it.
Well, I said that because he asked me, again, "are you sure you want a baby?"
I know that he wants one and I know that he wants me to want one. Well, I have to be honest. I wish I could say that I would love to have another child, right now at my age. If I do, it will be primarily for him. I have 3 children, he doesn't have any. I wanted children 15 to 20 years ago with him when he wasn't ready.
So I think rather that expressing to me his hurt, he did something in return (something that looks subtle) that would hurt me like not seeming to care if our time together gets postponed, knowing full well that another week apart would be hellish for me.
A hurt for a hurt I think? Does this sound logical?
[QUOTE=bepatient]...I suddenly had a very uncomfortable feeling come over me that I couldn't identify right at that moment. ...[/QUOTE]
Well first of all, I can definitely relate to the "being too sensitive" part. I can remember from way back in the day in elementary my dad constantly telling me "you need to grow a thicker skin" etc, because people were always hurting my feelings. My feelings are very easily hurt.
But what really stuck out to me about your story is the part quoted above. I totally always am like that. I do the exact same thing, in that I have a bad feeling come over me about a situation, at that moment of the situation, and can't really identify what the reason is for me feeling they way I do. It takes me going home or having a moment to myself to stop, rethink over, and realize exactly what it is that I have a problem with.
I think that's why many AD/HDers are not good in confrontations, and why things fly right over our heads. Whatever this phenomenon is called, it's the reason why we can't say anything smart and snazzy at the moment, and the reason why 20 mins after an argument, we finally come up with what it is we should have said at that moment.
HOW ABOUT BUYING THE TICKET ENOUGH IN ADVANCE AND KEEP EMAILS BACK AND FORTH SO NO MISTAKES HAPPEN.
It's so very common! I too have suffered from being overly sensitive to other's comments/actions - while being seen as insensitive by others.
Mostly it comes from our inability to read other people's intentions. We tend to read the wrong signal when others are talking - and even on the phone we pick up on the wrong emphasis on words - ending up with a totally different intent. It's worse when you have Asperger's as well - then you end up taking seriously everything being said and missing the jokes and cynicism involved. I have AS and ADHD and before therapy I was always crying in my milk over what I felt was being done to me.
Now I have the tools that allow me to filter out what is being intended from what I "feel" is being said. I can now take the whole sentence, slow it down, and work through my first knee-jerk reaction and get to the real meat of the conversation.
The most important thing I've learned in the last year is this: YOU are not THE most important person in the universe! For the most part people honestly don't care much about what you say or do - they take it in stride. It's you who is taking everything so seriously so it's important to tone down your importance in your own mind.
We tend to take everything being said and done as "what does this mean in context to ME?". That's so wrong but very ADHD. We need to keep ourselves in the place we really are at and not where our ADDled mind says we are!
When someone says "so what" after we've poured out our heart - remember that it's what we often do as well. We must remember that we are one of many - not the center of the universe.
That does help for me. Perhaps others can learn from that.
I used to take everything to heart too much. If someone said something to me as a child that there was something wrong with me (such as disturbing others in class etc) I would sometimes even cry feeling so sorry that I was that way.
What has given me a different perspective is that I try to keep in mind one thing:
1. If only care what the very closest loved ones think of me; I've decided long ago if I lived to please other people I would soon end up in mental ward and decided it was not worth it. At the end of my days I'll be happy if I had lived my life the way I wanted it rather than others.
2. I realized and always assume that the whole world does not revolve around me. If someone says something that I could potentially misconstrue as hurtful; unless they state so; I assume they had other reasons for doing that/saying that; such as saving the 0 and not trying to postpone time with me. If I see people whispering I automatically assume unless I hear my name that they talk about someone/something else.
3. If someone I don't consider closest loved one says something stupid/hurtful I will assume that they know jack#$% about me anyway so whatever they would have to say is not based on reality and even if it was, I do not care about what they think. I always take the high road. (and come up with cool revenge scenarios in my head. This usually satisfies me enough and never goes as far as to actually start considering to play them out).
4. The people who really do know me know I am a very nice, sweet and giving person. Enough with self-marketing though.
Anyway this is what works for me and keeps me sane. It took some time to come from the very sensitive attitude to this one but trust me it's worth it.
bepatient-
i'll bet you're pacing like brian, your avatar!
yeah, that type of hurt over basically insignificant slights hits me too.
it has gotten out of hand, and damaged my relationships, both romantic and otherwise.
it seems, in my case at least, to be impatience, insecurity, poor social skills, and a highly reactive personality. add to that my tendency to hyperfocus on what i want ( or think i need), and WHAM! i'm in a turbulent funk. desparately needing to rectify the matter before all my adHd catapults me into orbit.
be patient, bepatient. take a deep breath. it's all o.k.
don't be like me- don't let the adhd undermine the good thing you've got going.
i think the term for this phenomenon is 'emotional lability'. all feelings tend to go from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye. we think fast, react fast. pair the two, and you get to what you're feeling in the blink of an eye.
seeker6338788.8330439815Is anybody else tooo sensitive? I'm wondering if it's related to ADHD or if it's something else
I get so tweaked sooo easily. Okay, here's my example:
Today I called my bf b/c I remember next weekend ( the weekend of March 18th and 19) we had talked about me going over to C.A. to stay the week end with him.
I thought of it today and because I realized that it's coming up fast and I don't have my ticket and I still need to ask my sister if my girls can stay with her for the weekend.
My bf only slightly remembered our conversation about it and then asked me if we should do it this coming weekend or the following weekend. When I asked why, he said that if we wait an additional week we could get a cheaper flight, saving around .00 to 0.00.
I suddenly had a very uncomfortable feeling come over me that I couldn't identify right at that moment. Well luckily our phone connection was bad and he was headed to a meeting so he has to call me back later this afternoon.
I pondered my distress, my sudden almost sadness, down mood. It took me some time but I finally realized that I feel very hurt because it seems to me that my bf cares more about the additional money than to see me a week sooner. I mean he did say that this weekend was okay, but that it's up to me.
The last time I saw him was last week on Wednesday. Only for around 8 hours.
If I wait until the weekend of the 24th then that will be 2 and 1/2 weeks since we saw each other. Going this coming weekend will be the usual 8 to 10 days in between visits.
Why do I feel sooooooooo incredibly hurt? What's wrong with me? I feel so sad but the thing is I know, or I think I know, that I'm over reacting but I don't know how not to feel so hurt.
Now, I also don't even feel like I want to see him this weekend OR next weekend. Right now I don't know when I'll want to see him but at the same time I miss him soooo terribly!
I guess it hurts that it doesn't seem that he misses me as much as I miss him.
Am I just horribly immature? Are any other ADHDers out there this sensitive?
(sorry so long 
)
Don't know if it is an ADHD thing or an insecurity thing, but whatever it is, it sucks. Sorry you feel hurt.