Does your son maybe suffer depression too? I know it's hereditary (I have bipolar) and depression or bipolar kids can, and often does, mask as ADHD. If so, the meds won't help him because they aren't the right meds. If you're interested here's a link for juvenile bipolar. I recommend an eval from a NeuroPsych or a Psychiatrist (in our case we saw both--and we still had trouble getting a correct diagnosis). Any of these problems could likely cause homework problems. A NeuroPsych can also test (and WILL test) for underlying LD's that may be causing his trouble in school, in spite of a high IQ. Something's going on, probably more than just ADHD. It rarely just stands by itself. At the very least, it is usually accompanied by LD problems. At the worst it can be co-morbid with mood disorders or high functioning autism. Most professioinals aren't trained to test for "beyond ADHD" but finding all the keys are important. Take care.
OlderMom38792.4215509259
Hello everyone. I am a mom to a beautiful 8 year old boy. He was diagnosed 2 years ago and has been medicated since then.
Things have been a bit rough lately. I am severely lacking in coping skills right now. My patience and tolerance levels are zero! I know that so much is not my child's fault but I still become frustrated. I just don't really know what more to do for my son. He resists my attempts to help and homework has become a nightmare for us! A task that should take him 10 minutes can go on for hours! We both end up frazzled. As a result he hates homework.
His teacher phoned me a couple of days ago and said that he has pretty much wasted the last 8 weeks at school and that he just isn't progressing well. His work is almost always incomplete and his marks are low. This really worries me as he is a very intelligent child and has an above average IQ. I will be having his medication (methylphenidate) needs re-assessed soon as the teacher said that he may as well be taking sweets. I have seen this for myself anyway.
I am also feeling extremely pressured in that my husband really battles to accept the ADHD and says I blame everything the child does on ADHD. He seems to think positive reinforcement or praise for efforts and not just good work is a way of condoning negative behaviour and that the child will see it that way. I have all but stood on my head to ask him to look at it in a different light. My husband feels that ADHD is no excuse for the child not doing something and that he should "just do it". Tired laugh! We all know that isn't possible.
I am rambling on here as I am feeling tired, anxious and very worried! I am in remission from Major Depressive Disorder and am fearful of slipping again.
I did not mean to let this post get so long. Thank you for letting me talk.
Hey Amylee, my advice would to really make sure your son knows the work, and that it isn't a learning problem. I also think the teacher should have called you a long time ago if he was slipping in class like that. It is possible his medicine isn't working causing him to be unable to focus. My son is 12 with adhd, and has been on meds. since he was 5, he's on an iep because of his learning problems. Good luck!I think all of us ADHD parents feel exactly like you do once in a while. Take a few minutes to feel sorry for yourself (we're all entitled to!) and then get to work. Schedule an appt. to re-evaluate the meds. If the dose or med isn't proper it can make the symptoms of adhd worse. Get that in control.
Then schedule an appt for yourself (and husband if he will go) to a qualified therapist who is well versed in adhd issues. Just one appt. with me and my husband helped tremendously. Just to have someone who understands and has an outside perspective can be very helpful to you psychologically.
Just remember, the actions you take will help you feel like you are managing this issue, that its not managing you. Then take a deep breath and remember the struggles your son has. Give him a huge hug and tell him you love him. He probably doesn't get that from anyone else!!
Thank you to everyone for your kind comments, understanding and support. I think first and foremost I need to get his meds evaluated. I am going to start him on play therapy even though I cannot afford it. I need to do everything I possibly can for this child before it is too late. He has many emotional difficulties and I often fear it might be too late already. But I need to try!
Oh, the hours on homework that only takes 10 minutes. Last year was HELL. Turns out, last years focus was on writing (reports, essays etc ) is something he hates. BORING and when it is BORING.. forget it. It aint getting done.
Your son may be gifted and he is bored out of his mind. His medication may need an extra dose at home to just get him through. AN IEP (individual education Plan) is the BEST thing in the world. You get with the school and get his education requirements altered a bit. For instance.. instead of 30 addition problems... he only does 15. If he can't focus in class, during independent work, he gets to use a cd player with headphones. My son does that. Written in his plan. They can never tell him NO.
Have you asked your son what might help. Our kids do have ideas and sometimes they might be off the wall, but it might work. For awhile, Todd did his homework in the bathroom. He said there were no distractions, toys or little brother to bother him. Sometimes, now, he does his homework in front of the tv. A litte done during commercials. I balked at that.. but it works.
Good luck.
Hi Taffy
From time to tome I allow my son to do his colouring in work that he does not finish in class in front of the TV. Just so that we don't have to fight. As you say it works. Well, sort of. He tends to watch more than colour!
I asked him just yesterday what might help. He said not doing homework at all would help. I guess I will have to give more time to think about this one!
I love the suggestion about an IEP. Unfortunately, the curriculum (and schools) from where I am from does not allow for this sort of thing. I would have to place him in a special school which isn't an option. I am fortunate in that his teacher does understand and has taken measures such as placing him in the front of the classroom. He has to sit alone as he fights with anyone sitting next to him. I agree that he is bored. Sadly his school work is not showing his high intelligence though.
I am intrigued about the cd player with headphones. I would love him to try that although it may not work for him as even the radio distracts him.
Thanks for your input.
AmyLee38793.1426273148
Amy, I don't know where you live, but in the public school system of the U.S. the school is required by LAW to make ANY AND ALL accomadations for a child with a disability. AND ADD/ADHD is legally considered a disability.
Keep moving forward Amy.. it gets better as they get older.
I'm surprised that my kids aren't late for school because it's so hectic in the morning starting tonight I'm going to have them get there clothes ready for the next day after they get out of school. so it's easier and get boxes to set by the door to have their school things hopefully that would work huh I don't even have time to eat breakfast in the morning. so props to you TillyAm I forgiven for laughing about this? Tilly - your post was truly understanding.
Thank you!!!
AmyLee -- on the husband issue, I thought I'd share an experience from this morning. DH had a late starting workday, so he was here to take DS to school in the morning. He usually misses this most entertaining part of the day. About the time that DS was under the couch looking for marbles, with his socks on his hands 2 minutes before it was time to leave (having failed for 20 minutes to put on clothes and brush his teeth) DH looked at me and said "Is it always like this?"