Frustrated with insolence | ADHD Information

Oh my! I really thought mine were the only ones. Of my 4 kids I have 2 that are sassy like this. A 10yr ds and a 17yr dd. Really most of the time it's not what they say as it is HOW they say it. Trying to make them understand the difference in their tone of voice is like talking to the wall. I don't know if they're trying to be more insolent or if they really can't see the difference. Hi, I was just wondering if your son watches TV and how much? When I actually pay attention to kid TV, like Nickelodeon etc, I am pretty dismayed at how the kids speak to their parents and how the parents are portrayed. My children are only allowed TV on the weekends. Still, I do get some of the backtalk. Some of it I write off to relieving stress on a safe target (mom), others I just flat out won't tolerate. I usually send him to his room or announce that I am pondering what kind of consequences to impose. Honestly, I look at it as preventative. How am I going to handle a teenager with all their stuff if I can't control his behavior now? I suggest consequences and keep on giving them until he gets that life is not a happy place when you disrespect anyone, and mom is one of them! Life isn't kind to these kids, and it's worse when they have bad manners to boot. How many times have you met a rude child and wondered what planet their parents are on? I keep that in mind when I watch my own child. Just remember you're a hard working mom and nobody gets to talk to you that way!

Thanks to everyone for your comments and suggestions. I have thought about soap but I know that he would never keep it in his mouth no matter what I did. It would just become a physical battle. And yes, I am nervous of soap being toxic. Maybe I could try English Mustard.

IMac - my husband is aware of it and takes action immediately if it happens in front of him. Doesn't help - the child forgets and does it within minutes anyway, or just waits for my husband to leave.

I have sat my son down and tried to talk calmly and maturely about this but he zones me out. His eyes even glaze over. I can just 'hear' him thinking yeah yeah yeah whatever! I think I end up yelling sometimes because he simply doesn't listen to me and I need to be heard.

The whole thing drives me nuts!

My daughter had the same problem with her son disrespecting her. She finally took his PS2 away from him until he could show her respect.....it worked. As most of you know not all types of discipline work with these kids. My daughter tried everything and finally started taking privileges away...so far it is working...who knows what will happen when adolescences starts...he will be 12 in May When my Grandson gets to cheeky with me I tell him I won't listen to him when he talks to me like that...and if it continues he may go to his room and think about how to talk to people.

When my brother was five he started using some foul language he heard big boys use. My Mother told him it was language fit for the trash and he could just go use it on the trash cans...she did not forbid him not to use it...but could only swear at the trash cans because that is where language like that belongs. After about 10 minutes into cursing at the cans he came back into the house and said it wasn't any fun...and he never cursed again until he was a teen

[QUOTE=AmyLee]His eyes even glaze over.[/QUOTE] AmyLee does he cross his arms when his eye glaze over? My oldest son used to do that...he would cross his arms then zone out and ignore us...we finally learned that it was the crossing of the arms that did it...so when we had discussions with him, he was not allowed to cross his arms...and the eyes stayed clear

Irish Spring cured my son's fondness for 4-letter words in pre-school.
The first time I was told that he said a certain word, I told him that was
now a dirty word, and I would wash his mouth out if he said it again. F***,
Sh**, and bi*** each took about three washings; maybe four weeks total.
That is the best result I have ever gotten from any consequence ever, and
I have never heard a single bad word ever again. .IMac38945.88.IMac38945.8802430556.IMac38945.8806712963AmyLee, I don't use a bar of soap. I put a tiny dab of liquid soap on my fingertip.[QUOTE=AmyLee]

RESPONSE: Soap 'never' did a THING for moi.

IMac - my husband is aware of it and takes action immediately if it happens in front of him. Doesn't help - the child forgets and does it within minutes anyway, or just waits for my husband to leave.

RESPONSE: My son is 7 (almost 8) and we have this problem..know what I've done? IGNORE HIM!!! IF he wants to talk with that 'tone' (i know what you mean) then ignore him during dinner...and let him KNOW that until he can talk to you with respect then don't bother...he's old enough to talk that way then he's old enough to STOP talking that way....it's disrespectful to you and that is NOT tolerated in our house......ohhhhhh and yes we are very strict on SENTENCES.

The whole thing drives me nuts!

RESPONSE: I've learned to let the 'little' things just pass me by...this is hard to do because after all he is 'just a kid' and I think all kids go through this stage at this age or even sooner now. Try to let him know that IF he wants to speak to you that way then you will not respond to it...sounds a LOT like my son...does really well with Daddy around and as soon as he leaves...BAM it's like a entirely different child at times...WEIRD I tell ya...but it's true. Even has a like "kiss my a**" look on his face as well...dunno if it gets easier...but I gotta tell ya after a few nights at the dinner table with NO...ziltz...NONE conversation with my son and me he realized that I didn't like it......BUT also realized that I wasn't just going to sit there and listen..I choose to IGNORE it.

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Have you ever heard of a book called 1-2-3 Magic? I suggest you pick it up, it has some helpful strategies for discipline issues. My daughter is now 13, but I still use some of the suggestions in the book. Just an idea....I don't claim to have all of the answers, and I don't have any boys, but some people might find the book helpful....I did. There are some things in there that I would never do, though....YMMV! Just like any other book, you have to pick and choose what works for you.

I tell my son that he isn't to ask anything of me until he can treat me respectfully. I explain that I do things for him, such as fixing a sanwdwich because I love him and want to be nice. I also explain that as long as he is rude and bossy and demanding, whatever, I don't feel like doing nice things for him and I won't and I don't have to.

We are still working on it but he is much more respectful now since he realized that I am not his servant, an inferior being or a gutless wonder who will just take it.

I also use soap, and it works. I selected one thing--using certain words. Then when that was resolved I went on to the next thing--tone of voice.

This may not be the most popular suggestion, but I finally took my mother's advice and got out the bar of soap. 5 minutes on a stool in the kitchen with soap in his mouth got me some immediate respect, though it definitely wasn't my first choice of techniques. It was a real wakeup call for my son who did not respond to any other consequences for mouthing off to me.

You might also look for an external motivator to improve his attitude. My DS does karate in a school which requires good conduct for advancement as well as knowledge. This means that in order to test for his next belt, he must earn A's and B's on his report card (black stripe), work hard in class to be recognized by his insturctor (gold stripe) and be obedient, helpful and *respectful* at home and school (brown stripe). This kind of external reward for good behavior at home and emphasis on using ma'am and sir in class as well as at home by his sensi has really helped DS pay more attention to his manners.

graciepoints38796.3090740741

My son (8 years old) is so cheeky. He has no respect when he talks to me and backchats or is sarcastic in his replies. His tone of voice leaves much to be desired. I do not command this lack of respect as I am firm with him and he knows the boundaries! I don't quite know how to handle it anymore. I know yelling isn't going to work (been there!). Telling him firmly that his behaviour is unacceptable simply brings more "lip".

He is angry today (have no idea why, nor does he), and that just makes the cheekiness worse.

I don't know what to do!

wish i could help - my son and i have the same problem - oh the mouth! He spends a lot of time in his room when I am done with being spoken to in the way he does it. Soemtimes I dont think he even knows it comes out the way it does. I know that isnt any help - just wanted you to know you are not alone! Good luck - and if you find an answer let me know