Frustration | ADHD Information

Hey,

These days, you are a true blessing to the planet. There are so many rude and self absorbed people around already so please don't change and be like that. You do have to look out for yourself though that people don't walk all over you either. Love others, as long as you don't forget to take care of yourself too. Dee lostmyshoe38799.6608101852I say be selfish.

Especially if your one of those people that are trying to fit in with the "normals".

Normals are selfish, most people are selfish. You need to be selfish too.

That doesn't mean you can't be generous and giving when you want to be but you need to make selfish the norm instead of giving. When giving is the norm people will walk all over you.

Trust me people who are overly giving or understanding are not seen as compasionate or looked at favorably by others. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Too much compassion makes it seem meaningless. It makes it seem like someone isn't doing things to help others because they are "good" people or very caring. They are doing things for others because they are desperate for acceptance and too weak to stand up for themselves.

I'm not saying never help others. But be discriminate about when you offer help. Consider if your help is really needed or are they just being whiney, lazy or taking advantage because you always say yes.

You shouldn't ever have to apologise for having ADHD and your coping strategies should be in place to help you function better. They should definately not be there to hide the true you or make it impossible for you to accept yourself. It concerning to hear you are not more accepting of yourself out of fear of annoying others.

I mean really who doesn't annoy others. Your telling me out of all the people you know family and friends only ADHDers are annoying. I don't know a single person who isn't annoying. Don't make your "bad" qualities worse then everyones around you because they aren't worse or better they are just different.
I did this thing....It is very weird.

I'm sure it will help...Me!

Thanks, Reisa. I think I do need to say, "yes" to myself more with understanding, etc. Or, maybe at least I might try to start more of a balance in that direction. Sometimes I realize that I would never be as insensitive, hurtful and limiting to others as I am to myself at times.

Thanks, David. More acceptance is probably a good thing. However, in my life, if I lived my natural addhood style - in addition to being very compassionate, I would also probably be unemployed, homeless really annoying regarding some things, etc. So, although I'd like to be more accepting of myself, I have had to create coping mechanisms to survive, etc.

I think probably I'll start to move in a more self-interested direction where I'll give myself the kind of advice that I would someone else in my situation .. It's an interesting thought - how would you treat yourself / what suggestions would you give yourself if you were your own dearest frend?

Perhaps it doesn't have to be "selfish," instead I'll just be taking on a new best friend, and treat her great - only it will be myself. And, hopefully, I can do that and also still be nice to other people ...

It's okay to let you be you.

Enough people are trying to change you as it is.

Enjoy your ADHDerhood, few others seem to.

I've learned to live and love it.

It makes me, me.

Think about the times someone has said "selfish" or "self-serving." What they really mean is "you didn't give me what I want/need." Who exactly is being selfish?

I was afraid of making other people mad by saying "no." Then I realized that I was really saying "yes" to myself. I found out that some people I thought were friends weren't. But I also found greater trust for the friends who can handle the truth.

I don't need anyone else's approval to give myself the same compassion that I have for other people.

It is so much more difficult for me to keep my symptoms under control when I am stressed/frustrated. I can usually do pretty well but sometimes it is just so hard. I need to get even better at controlling the symptoms at these times, and perhaps lessening my level of frustration.

In my day to day life, when other people get frustrated or stressed, I'm the person who is there being understanding, etc - if nothing else, just about everyone I know considers me compassionate towards others (I guess that is a trait of many with our affliction) - for me, also maybe too compassionate toward others at times - but when it's me who is frustrated ...

It makes me feel like I should spend less time being understanding of others and more time focusing in on how to take care of me. I really think this would improve things, and for some reason I have to decide to give myself permission to do that.

What I wonder is whether I will still feel like me after I start being more self-serving. Will I really be glad to do that?

Hi Dog,

You just reminded me of this self help thing I used to do many years ago. It sounds totally kooky but I swear if you try it you'll surprise yourself. At least I always did.

It's working with your inner child. Somehow it seems easier to imagine a little child that needs loving and care rather than our big "grown up" selves (I'd like to emphasize those quotes). Here's the therapy:

Get out a notebook and use the hand you do not normally write with to be your "inner child" or Little dog ;) and your regular writing hand will be you. Write a question with your normal writing hand then answer with little dog and you may be surprised what you hear in your mind.

I promise I'm not some whacked out weirdo it's just something that worked for me and helped me focus on what I needed. I need to give it a whirl again since I too have let myself be there for everyone else.

AND my mom always told me that if you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. So I'm thinking, once we get to a point of caring for ourselves as much as others we will be like the end all top of the tops kind of friend, an even better version of ourselves! I bet we'll even attract more friends that are not just takers.

Don't think I'm weird! I'm too new to get that rep yet! Hahaha.

Best wishes!!!

Oh yay! I'm so glad you tried it. Weird, isn't it? I truly hope it helps. [QUOTE=SparkyLu]

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It took me several days to actually do this. However, I have done it now and you are right, I was very surprised by what came out. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't tried it. Thanks.