failure to deliver | ADHD Information

this is what i hate most about my ADD.

more than anything else if i could find a way CBT or whatever to get over this! i have just done it again but thinking about it --- the old incidents are still as painful. i was just thinking about three other examples:

i have some footage of a small short i shot (for free) for a friend and i STILL haven't edited it. why? because she is so lovely to me but she is not pretty at all and particularly on film and i can't make it as lovely as i want it to be for her --- so i don't do it at all and consequently avoid her...

a friend's father died about seven or so months ago. i got on so well with him, i admired him so much. could i write a note of condolence or anything to my friend??? no, i couldn't find the words to say exactly what i wanted to say - to express correctly and so i ended up not writing at all. not at all! how horrible and awful is that.

equally i went for a weekend at a friend's house in the country and it was such a particularly lovely weekend - his mother was so kind and generous and everything was so great that instead of writing a usual thank-you note i wanted to find a really pretty card and make it a special note... could i find the card? could i write anything? only because i cared MORE about this --- again i end up not writing at all and seem to care less.

i HATE this aspect of me.

i hate being a broken reed (as someone once put it, not referring to me but his work colleagues, that there were those who would promise to do something and it would get done and those "broken reeds" who would promise with every breath of wind and always fail to deliver.

i hate being such a failure to deliver. over and over again. if i could change that one aspect i wouldn't care about being ADD ----

it is so wrong not to fulfil what one has promised. to renege on ones duty.

these are things i would like to change about my ADD:
self-discipline (lack of)
perfectionism (leading to...)
failure to deliver/broken reed-ness
sloth

there - can CBT fix those? could it? i think i am really going to look into this - because continuing being such a continual irresponsible, unreliable let-down is just NOT tenable.

it is simply not. i have to find a way to combat these problems - one way or another!

grant me the courage to change the things i can...

i must be able to change these. it must be possible --- i need a CBT psychiatrist, i think. can they do this?

at least i have the 'stopping adhd' book coming soon. maybe that will help part-way???

chjones38803.5701736111

CBT helps you find out the whys and hows. Regular therapy goes into your childhood and looks for events that caused trauma and the like. CBT gets proactive and says "look what you do" then "how can you do it differently?". It deals a lot with role play and working out what really is behind the actions you do.

Do try CBT. I can't think of any way you won't get a lot out of it. It actually gets things done - which I really can't say about sitting down and going over the kid who stole your bike when you were 8.

especially when i had great childhood so can't even blame that (dammit)!!!!!!

CBT has to be the way to go for me - i have to start making a start to change things...

Good for you!

I like it because it avoids the blame game. No "wah poor me - I wost my widdle dolly when I was widdle and now I do bad things!". Just looking at what you do now and how to do it better. Or at least differently.

Don't stop trying to find the way out. I don't - neither should you.

I still feel sometimes like throwing in the towel and crying uncle but how could I? Not a good example to all the people here who see me as one of the success stories. I'm only human - but a thinking one thankfully lol.

Go for it chjones!!!

cj,

I'm sorry you are so down. You know, my life was like this, too! Really. I never even sent my wedding thankyous for months!!!

The other day my son received a present from his aunt and I had him write a thank you. I still need to send it, but at least I got this far.

And thank yous at school - I actually write them. I have never done that before.

So, the crawling can help you. And I still feel like my old self as far as creativity is concerned.

So, go for it and I hope it works for you!!! I will be rooting for you!

Anni

whats cbt?CBT is Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Cognitive is from the latin Cogito - to think. It helps change the way we think and behave so we can better live amongst the common people (as well as just with ourselves). I get it - and highly endorse it from the right therapist. Very good for us with ADHD.

Hello cjones;

By all means try CBT . It may just help you in the long term. Fopr the short term here is a few tips that may help you along the way and make it just a bit easier to focus on the important and not on everything being just perfect.

* ask the friend who is waiting for you to edit to come over. Tell her you simply can not get it to look as you wish and so need her input. Chances are she will be glad to sit with you and work on it andso it will bemelded to her satisfaction which is truly the end you seek.

* ask a friend to sit and help you to write the condolence letter. Explain your feelings get muddled and are stopping you from expressing what you truly wish. A true friend will not mind helping and your friend will appreciate the gesture even if it is late. Then send it as soon as it is completed before you have time to rethink what you have said. Do not worry the first draft is always the most genuine even if it is a little rough around the edges.

* Go to the card sshop and buy the first thank you card that catches your eye. Write a short thank you note expressing you had a wonderful time and appreciate the invitation and send it right away.

As many here know I do not have ADHD. What many do not know and Gelen can attest to is I am a hardcore perfectionist especially when it comes to my work. The hardest lessons I ever learned was that everything will NOT always be perfect no matter how hard I try, to try and NOT be so hard on myself when it isn't, and like it or not we all need a little help sometimes. They were tough lessons especially the last as I tend to be very independent. These are some of the tricks I myself use to keep myself from getting in my own way.

Best of Luck

[QUOTE=GlenW]

Good for you!

[/QUOTE]

I agree that CBT can be very productive for people. However, I think other types of therapy also certainly have their place for many people - not just as a poor me, blaming tool.

Many people do have real childhood issues to deal with - not that they lost their little dolly. People in that circumstance (which is a sizable part of the general population so I'm guessing also a sizable part of the add population) often do benefit from processing what happened to them as a child - with their adult eyes and with a counselor (in addition to CBT).

[QUOTE=annidagostini]

cj,

And thank yous at school - I actually write them. I have never done that before.

So, the crawling can help you. And I still feel like my old self as far as creativity is concerned.

So, go for it and I hope it works for you!!! I will be rooting for you!

Anni

[/QUOTE]

guess what!?

i came across the initial "stopping ADHD" book i ordered! i went to a friend's house, one whom i had stayed with initially for a few days on returning from LA and was looking in her bookshelves (something i always do) and suddenly there was the BOOK!

and she said "oh yeah, you left that here ages ago!"

so who woulda thunk it! i got the new one coming from Amazon but i guess i could stop the order already (but i might keep it - as i tend to lose things probably better to have two).

talking about the SNTR reflex --- i went to supper the other day with a girl i DO NOT LIKE and if i had realised (because i went out with a friend i like but who is friends with this girl) for even two seconds that we were going to be meeting up with her i would have squirgled out of it. so we end up at her house and we are sitting around trying to have fun when suddenly she looks at me (there are maybe 9/10 other people there) and says "would you mind taking your boot off my expensive leather chair???"

i was SO EMBARRASSED --- normally i always take off my shoes in and around my house so i do tend to bring up my leg without thinking but this time i still had my shoes on and she is so nasty and materialistic and horrible and everything bleurgh --- luckily somebody came to my rescue and made a bad joke and sort of turned it a bit back on her for being so petit-bourgeouis... thankfully - but ack! such a nasty girl she is --- she could have said it nicely or as a joke or anything but no! she said it as if i had just slapped her in the face (and i felt like slapping her in the face afterward that's for sure!) rather than it obviously being undeliberate on my part. and i am normally completely apologetic if i do do something like that unconciously but i was so mortified - i couldn't say anything at all! talk about being slow-witted. still at least the crawling exercises will fix that - right????

chjones38805.5731481481cj, you can always keep the second copy of the book to lend to friends or family members to read. Or anyone who may benefit from understanding you more.

Or perhaps leave it lying around, and if someone asks if they could borrow it, you won't worry if it isn't returned.

yup - i def won't cancel the order. two books in the hand is better than one in the hmmmm.... yeah, whatever. gonna keep the book.